This Dick Cheney Guy Is Nuts Right?

  basically yes

BLEHHThe journalism news organization Politico drove to Dick Cheney’s house last night to let the former vice president rant and spit for 90 minutes straight about whatever. The write-up of this interview is, even by Cheney’s standards, among the most vile pieces of propaganda since the Bible. Here’s the quality we’re dealing with: “Cheney was asked if he thinks the Bush administration bears any responsibility for the disintegration of Afghanistan because of the attention and resources that were diverted to Iraq. ‘I basically don’t,’ he replied without elaborating.” Eh, must’ve been too difficult for Mike Allen to ask follow-up questions with Cheney’s cock in his mouth. *Not that there’s anything wrong with that.* [Ben Smith]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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67 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Of course not, Dick thinks that everything that Dick does is perfect. Dick would never lie to Politico and especially not Dick.

    I wonder if one can take away all five of his draft exemptions from ‘Nam and send his fat ugly wrinkled ass to Afghanistan as a human IED detector and sniper target.

  2. WadISay

    I believe in reincarnation, and when Dick Cheney’s withered “heart” finally stops beating, I hope he is reincarnated as Rick Warren’s toilet.

  3. mumblyjoe

    “Without elaborating, hunh? Wow, it’s a good thing for him there wasn’t anyone in the room who could ask him to elaborate.”

    Prettymuchexactly.

  4. queeraselvis v 2.0

    In honor of this post and the previous Rick Warren piece, I hereby declare that today is “Go Crawl Away and Die Somewhere, You Fat Irrelevant Fucks” day.

  5. 4tehlulz

    Dick Cheney is the bestest (vice) president evar, and anyone who says otherwise is a doodyhead and a traitr. Also.

    /Every Politico article

  6. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    That POLITICO (all caps, natch) link took to some place called “The Arena” (shudders).

    I think I may have been raped by Steampunk Tina Turner.

  7. annievt

    You know, I loath Cheney, but right now I’m focused on how Obama’s going to answer that question 2, 4, 6 years from now. The only difference will be that Politico will have follow-up questions. Good luck with the escalation, Mr. President.

  8. freakishlystrong

    Has O’Barry’s speech leaked? I think someone, (I’m looking at you Politico), is giving someone, (I’m looking at you Dick ‘fer brains), a chance to refute and deflect any blame or responsibility before said blame or responsibility is laid rightly and directly at someone’s feet tonight. Party of personal responsibility indeed.

  9. happyrock

    Being surprised with the mental image of Dick Cheney’s dick first thing in the morning is WRONG!

    Can’t we assume he’s impotent (multiple by-pass surgeries, beta blockers, nuclear powered cyborg, etc.) and that his shriveled Dick has long been useful only as a reminder of his failing prostate?

  10. TGY

    New term: ‘Chenequy’- Used to describe conversational exchanges of “nuh-uh” or “I know you are, but what am I?” or the equivalent.

  11. depraved indifference engine

    Why does Politico’s RSS clicky thing say “Grab my ASS”? Is that the new editorial policy over there?

  12. Cicada

    [re=468711]annievt[/re]: Not to get all picky, but I’m thinking Obama won’t be asked about the impact of diverting troops away from Afghanistan towards Iraq (which is the question the Dickster was asked).
    But yeah, Obama’s going to have to answer for his escalation in Afghanistan, for sure.

  13. Aflac Shrugged

    Obama’s foreign policy has been kinda like being invited over the home of a relative you don’t really like for Thanksgiving, and you try to put a brave face on it for the sake of the relatives you do miss. And then, just as you walk in the door, the unloved relative hands you a squalling child who has been slowly filling his diaper over the last eight years – a beautiful baby boy named Afghanistan.

  14. ivenson

    “He obviously has a very robust agenda of change — health care system (THAT’S ONE), cap and trade (NOW YOU CAN KEEP WHAT YOU’VE EARNED, OR GO FOR THE BIG MONEY) , redistribution of wealth (ZOMG, YOU’VE DONE IT!!! DICK CHENEY WANTS TO BE A MILLONAIRE!). I rarely hear him talk about the private sector. (and you’ve won our bonus round!)”

    Good news, Dick. You remembered your key talking points so you get to stay in the party.

  15. norbizness

    Cheney’s pronouncements remind me of the delusional Mooninites’…

    Ignignokt: Yes, we’re excellent spellers. Challenge me.
    Err: Yes, challenge us both.
    Master Shake: Frylock, don’t try to understand them. They’re beyond everything. Isn’t that right Ignignokt?
    Ignignokt: All that we say and do is right.
    Frylock: Looks like you got a real couple of winners there, Shake.

  16. bobwurst

    “I basically don’t”?!?!?!?!?
    Fine, and Strom Thurmond didn’t think he was a racist, and Larry Craig doesn’t think he’s gay, and Hitler thought he was doing the world a favor by killing 6 million Jews.

    And if reality is going to be defined solely by what people think, Dick Cheney is a santourium covered dingleberry on the asshole of the USA.

  17. rev_matt_y

    Does Cheney believe he’s anything less than the perfect man? Of course he doesn’t. He who makes no wrong decisions, has never made a mistake, who when tasked with finding the perfect VP candidate for W searched high and low only to determine that the best person in the country was in fact Dick Cheney. I think he honestly does believe everything he says though; he’s truly delusional.

  18. user-of-owls

    [re=468703]WadISay[/re]: Better yet, can we wish that Dick is reincarnated as Warren’s bunghole and that Warren is then reincarnated as a flaming Ugandan queen?

  19. Don't Mess with Joe

    Evidently, follow up questions aren’t a part of THE POLITICO’s model of journalism (i.e. not necessary to get a link on Drudge).

  20. annievt

    [re=468720]Cicada[/re]: If you can’t get all picky on the Wonkette boards, where can you?! Good catch!

  21. JMP

    ““I begin to get nervous when I see the commander in chief making decisions apparently for what I would describe as small ‘p’ political reason.”

    Yes, because your administration certainly never did that. That’s why the Iraq war vote was scheduled far away from the midterm elections, and threat level was never manipulated in 2004.

    “But Cheney said he is increasingly persuaded by the notion that Obama “doesn’t believe in American exceptionalism.””

    Well, considering that that’s a bullshit, dangerous notion, that should be a positive.

    Oh, and Dick, Obama is not a liberal, no matter how many times your ilk try to define that as “left of Rush Limbaugh”. I wish he was.

  22. PoetryMan

    The truth is that he DID comment and whatshisface said, “Oh fuck no, we’re not printing that shit!” Anyway, fuck him.

    [re=468710]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: We should all be so lucky.

  23. betterDeadThanRed

    I think we should have universal military service for all cranky old white guys who avoided military service in the past and who are in favor of war now. No make that cranky old people in general who favor foreign wars.

  24. lawrenceofthedesert

    I think it grossly unfair to gays to put the Politico/Cheney relationship in their context. It’s much more like that of Charmin to a recently used rectum.

  25. snideinplainsight

    [re=468710]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Steampunk Tina Turner is my fantasy of the day now.

  26. bored with gravity

    [re=468715]happyrock[/re]: “Can’t we assume he’s impotent (multiple by-pass surgeries, beta blockers, nuclear powered cyborg, etc.) and that his shriveled Dick has long been useful only as a reminder of his failing prostate?”

    Um, yes… the “wars” he got us into are the substitute for his lost penile function.

  27. Gorillionaire

    Apart from whatever Nazi war criminals are still existing in South America, is there anyone in the world that gives two sharts about Dick Cheney’s opinion about anything? His grumpy ass gets interviewed every ten minutes, and if not him, it’s one of his horrible family surrogates.
    Oh, and for all of that taxpayer provided specialized healthcare and round-the-clock personal security, Dick, YOU’RE WELCOME.

  28. betterDeadThanRed

    I predict that in about a year we will secretly start drawing down troops in Afghanistan while negotiating with the Taliban in Paris. The war will end with helicopters evacuating our Afghan supporters and remaining US personnel from the roof of the US embassy in Kabul. Then in twenty years they will have a thriving garment industry exporting low cost clothing to the west.

    Never mind that was a different movie that just had a lot of parallels in the plot.

  29. BlogInSong

    Ok queeraselvis I am backing you 100% on your suggestion for your brilliant comment: “In honor of this post and the previous Rick Warren piece, I hereby declare that today is “Go Crawl Away and Die Somewhere, You Fat Irrelevant Fucks” day.” OMG. That is perfect. This should be a national holiday!!!

  30. melaniekiser

    Am I the only Wonkette reader offended by the equation of the Bible with a vile piece of propaganda?

  31. Mr Blifil

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: Yes. This makes you either a c-word or an n-word, I can’t remember which. DISCLAIMER: I used palliating substitute derogatories, so suck my left testicular nut ye who are offended, because I HAD SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED SPELLING THEM OUT IN THEIR ENTIRETY.

  32. comicbookguy

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: Yes, I believe you are. Stick around for more blasphemous good times! A groin-grabbingly good time! Praise jeebus!

  33. Cicada

    [re=468787]Mr Blifil[/re]: Hey hey, I don’t think there’s any need to be calling someone a Christian. That is the c-word you were referring to, no?

  34. Gorillionaire

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: Well lessee here Mel – Dick Cheney lies to the country and wages an imperialistic war sending our bravest soldiers to their deaths while he and his cronies profit in the billions, and Wonkette makes another goofy jab on their wacky website. YEAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU GOT SO OFFENDED.

  35. imissopus

    But Cheney said the average Afghan citizen “sees talk about exit strategies and how soon we can get out, instead of talk about how we win.

    The average Afghan citizen lives in a hut in an isolated village and would probably be happy if both the Taliban and the Americans would fuck off so he can tend his goats and opium poppies in peace. But whatever, Dick.

  36. CorkPopper

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: Umm…yes, yes you are. I mean, have you read the Bible? Most of it is “I am God, I love the Jews, everyone else should die, plus lots of Jews should die for not following every single nit-picky law out there that I pulled out of my holy ass.” Sure there’s some New Testament lovey dovey Jesus stuff but most of it is seriously vile.

  37. bago

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: Given that it’s a document that exhorts the smashing of infants against rocks, possibly.

  38. SayItWithWookies

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: You’re right — that’s offensive to vile propaganda.
    Oh, and speaking of Dick Cheney — how this man goes and accuses President Obama of giving “aid and comfort” to our enemies by bringing KSM to trial — something Dubya was never able to do, for some reason — with a clear conscience is completely despicable. I can’t wait for the war crimes trial, Dick.

  39. thefrontpage

    Here is some truth, not snark, that you can hear, increasingly, week after week after week, in local and national political, law, government and journalism circles, and a bunch of us will say it straight-out, because it’s true: The Politico is steadily, increasingly, substantially losing ground in terms of credibility, believability and respect, as the publication seems to be nosediving into the ground in terms of quality, journalism, real reporting, fact-checking, reporting real news, and staying away from bottom-feeding gossip, bias and sensationalism.

    All you have to do is look at the thing every week: Its quality is nosediving. Harris and Vandehei, or however it’s spelled, need to do some real soul-searching, and they need to do a complete re-evaluation of this publication in terms of real journalism. As of right now, December, 2009, the Politico is not working, it’s sub-standard journalism, and it’s a general embarrassment to journalism.

  40. trondant

    [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re]: If you want to make literary comparisons, the Knockers McCain/HST thread is a few doors down.

  41. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=468829]CorkPopper[/re]: Yeah. I’ve read large parts of the bible. With my peace-loving Vatican II upbringing, I don’t find it so much vile propaganda as a lot of nonsensical boring blather punctuated by weird anachronistic fever dream fantasies and occasional gore porn.

    Sort of like how I don’t think of “shovel” as “murder weapon,” until somebody gives me a reason to do so. Maybe the conservative brain-poisoning that washed into office with St. Ronald of Reagan will wash away eventually, and we can all go back to thinking of the bible as a lot of nonsensical boring blather punctuated by weird anachronistic fever dream fantasies and occasional gore porn.

  42. norbizness

    “Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon rather than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind; and for my part, I sincerely detest it as I detest all that is cruel.” — Thomas Paine

  43. Wings

    DDDDDDDDDDick! He is such a psychopathic wrinkled up ………..! Someone take him over and drop him naked in Afghanistan.

  44. plowman

    That’s right, if it weren’t for those mean ol’ Bushies, Afghanistan would still be the very model of modern, peaceful, pluralistic civilization it had been for the previous few millennia…

  45. Joshua Norton

    Not only does he look like he just hopped a ride on the last pick-up truck, he’s sitting like he’s about to take a dump.

    I now have to go bang my head against the wall until that thought is gone.

  46. Hooray For Anything

    [re=468720]Cicada[/re]: I’m not sure that’s how it’ll work. In a few months, the Republicans will go around saying that Obama was the one who diverted troops from Afghanistan to Iraq and that it was Obama who let Osama go at Tora Bora and the press will run with it. Expect Chris Mathews to blame Abu Ghraib on Obama’s dithering and preference for grey poupon mustard sometime in the spring.

  47. Nyana45

    Ugh… This is probably a stupid question, but why are the LOSERS of the last election given a platform? Cheney was on the losing team. The policies he endorsed were and are noxious. Why does anyone care what that malevolent creature thinks about anything?

  48. Accordion-o-rama

    Hey guys, [re=468775]melaniekiser[/re] wasn’t defending the Bible, she was noting that she was offended. This trumps any and all rational argument. Time to shut down the thread.

  49. Don't Mess with Joe

    [re=468842]thefrontpage[/re]: Politico has never been about real journalism. Remember a bunch of these guys were poached from the Washington Post or Wall St. Journal- leaving a respectable news organizations for more money. Politico and Cheney collectively can eat a bag of dicks.

Comments are closed.