Wonkette
We’re trying to ignore Meghan McCain for a while but come on, this is hot news! Her book will be more Hunter S. Thompson than Sarah Palin, okay. Does that line sound familiar? Because it’s exactly what James Joyce Twittered as he was finishing up Ulysses in the late 1910s. [Meghan McCain's Twitter]
Does that mean she shoots herself after fostering a friendship with Pat Buchanan?
Oh goodie.
So she’s handing out tabs of black acid to anyone who can touch their nose with their tongue, or has she dosed David Broder?
Here’s a proposed title of the book by Mecant McKeg:
“Fat, Drunk, Stupid and Republican Is No Way To Go Through Life”
This is bat country!
Meghan McCain will be to literature what “Dog the Bounty Hunter” is to television.
“Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming: The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.”
I heard Meghan’s book is going to be a compilation of all her tweets with the spaces and punctuation taken out. It will be in “CURLZ” font, too.
Hunter S Thompson? Right.
Meg. Quit saying stupid things. Put down the Twitter.
Pineal glands! Of course, this explains everything!
Sweet–I look forward to tales of her dad being all hopped up on ibogaine, and of Sarah Palin howling in her soundproof suite, after downing fifty one-a-days and a shot of bourbon for breakfast. Which dead guy will play David Broder in the movie?
Please. She hasn’t read either one, but way to slam the snowbilly for Daddy, Megs.
Actually, Meghan’s interactions with the media do resemble Thompson’s description of the joys of ether intoxication: “It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel…total loss of all basic motor skills: Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue-severance of all connection between the body and the brain. Which is interesting, because the brain continues to function more or less normally…you can actually watch yourself behaving in the terrible way, but you can’t control it.”
Hunter S. Thompson liked tits, I hear, so …
I’d ordinarily be in favor of cutting Ms. McC a little slack. She’s not as evil as Caribou Barbie. But it’s BLASPHEMY for her to invoke Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Given the ref, however, we have to wonder if Walnuts was taking ibogaine when he ran with Bill Kristol’s suggestion for a VP candidate.
el donaldo: This is bat boy country!
WarAndG: I would say “WIN” but that is kind of tired so I will just say: Thank you for that.
V572625694: Meghan McCain’s awkward, uncomfortable and ultimately forgotten account will be to her father what “Dog the Bounty Hunter” was to the Mexican judicial system.
I think she should go on a “Fear and Loathing” road trip complete with what I believe Thompson referred to as “like a mobile police narcotics laboratory”. Orly Taitz can play the role of “my attorney”.
So “lewd amyl popper sex act” will have like fifty hits in her index then.
So edgy! I bet she sells at least a dozen of these ‘books’.
Extemporanus: This is bat balloon boy country!
I can wait to see her boob when it’s done. (augmentation or reduction, btw?)
I remember the McCain campaign. I felt more loathing than fear, but yeah, both apply. Okay, I approve.
James Joyce Twittered about “The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea.”
Why would one link such images to Meggie? She has lovely squeezed-up breasts that enjoy Andy Warhol.
Uh Megs, Barnes & Noble is now giving away Carrie Prejean’s book for free with the purchase of a small decaf–this republican chick book thingy ain’t workin’.
If it’s like F&L that means lots of drugs and guns. You go girl.
pictures of boobies, plz.
So who’s the Chubette’s nominee for “treacherous, gutless old ward heeler who should be put in as goddamn bottle and sent out with the Japanese Current?” I’m guessing it’s Not Daddy, although WALNUTS! would fill the bill as well as most.
When the book is pronounced DOA, it’ll get shot out of a cannon.
Someone needs to suggest to Mac that eating acid will not make you fat.
I hope it has a happy ending.
Wait, so which one’s Fear, and which one’s Loathing?
I too will be more [figure popular with target demographic] than [figure unpopular with target demographic]
mumblyjoe: Behold, the twin boobies of the Apocalypse! Her Mom’s, shriveled Famine and married to Death, are much the lesser by comparison.
How embarassing. I had to look up “Bildungsroman” on-line.
It’ll be just like Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail — if it had been written by a conservative Christian virgin who doesn’t take drugs and gets tipsy off half a flute of champagne and woke up naked in a guy’s room once and thinks that means she’s sexually active and has spent the whole quarter-century of her life as a spoiled princess with a bottomless credit card and has no concept of what ekeing out a living means to the 90% of this country that has to do that.
So, to sum up — it’s gonna be waaaaay edgy.
What Fresh Hell is This?: It’s groin-grabbingly good!
Dear Sweet Megan, You are a celebrity who has written a book. Hunter S. Thompson was a literary genius. Just to keep things in perspective.
Love ya, Gurukalehuru
I’d like to suggest “Mine Are Bigger” as an improved title.
Centerfold? Not that she’s all that hot, but clearly we need to spiral all the way down to the depths before we can see the last of her.
The Daily Beast editors had given her $300 in cash, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous blogs. The trunk of the limo looked like a mobile narcissist lab. She had two funbags, a “fat ass”, 75 pounds of Mexican, five sheets of high-powered writing tips, a saltshaker half-full of K-Y, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored vibes, dildoes, strap-ons, ticklers…and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, an iPhone to Twitter, and two dozen enemas.
All this had been rounded up the night before, in a frenzy of high-speed driving all over Los Angeles County—from Rodeo to Wilshire, she picked up everything she could get her hands on. Not that she needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious blog obsession, the tendency is to post it as far as you can.
The only thing that really worried me was the Twitter. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a woman in the depths of a Twitter binge. And I knew she’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon…
PrairiePossum: Yeah, unless Megs is showing her tits I am not going anywhere near it.
Does that mean that Johnny Depp will play her in the movie?
Extemporanus: Needs more glands.
Nobody’s seen twitpics of Meghan reading anything by Hunter S. Thompson. It’s possible that when Meghan says her book will be like Hunter Thompson’s Meghan is thinking of that book about the cute farm girl who raises a pig and the pig becomes friends with a wise talking spider. Meghan’s book might be her interpreting her Dad’s campaign as a young Republican woman’s experience of “Charlotte’s Web” with Levi johnston as Henry Fussy and Sarah Palin as Templeton. I just hope Meghan remembers the book is equally famous for Garth Williams’ illustrations so she should give us lots of illustrations of her breasts growing up and learning about life during her Dad’s campaign.
Meghan, I for one truly look forward to reading your insights and impressions of life on teh campaign trail during your father’s hard-fought yet ultimately ill-fated run for the Presidency of the greatest country in the world.
And by that I mean: Show your tits.
Min: Ceasars Palace is a Bildungsroman.
user-of-owls: Sorry. My mammary ain’t so good.
I can’t wait to read the part where she is on mescaline bender and hanging out with a bunch of bikers.
Meghan McCain = Hunter S Thompson? Nigerian Business Executive = falling off the couch unable to breathe due to hysterical laughter.
SayItWithWookies: Ohhh, Wookies, that made iced tea shoot out of my nose. Wonderbra! Bravo!
She may regret signing on Skolrebel to ghost write. But I guess a girl’s gotta get laid somehow.
Min: Extemporanus: As opposed to a Caesar’s Salad, which is topped with Romano. Which, in turn, should not be confused with a 13-year old girl, which is topped with Roman Polanski.
Will she say Yes to Blazes Boylan? Like so: “put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes”
That’s the gold standard for literary boobs, Meg. Ecriture Feminine on the ol’ Twatter.
The part where she locks herself in the bathroom to get away from Palin: totally Fear and Loathing. Except it happened in Phoenix.
user-of-owls: I almost ordered one of those back in 1990, but then Glenn Beck came along and totally killed my appetite.
user-of-owls: Who, at 5′5″, could be considered a Roamin’ Gnome.
SkoalRebel is Hunter S. Thompson on an ether binge.
Stately, plump Meghan McCain logged onto twitter, bearing a pair of mammalian ludicrosities on which a biography of Andy Warhol lay unfolded.
Extemporanus: Min: If Meg disguises her actual boobies as fictional ones, it would be her roman à cleft.
So is this good for John McCain? I don’t think it’s Bildungsroman we can believe in.
The Song of the Sausage Maker - Remix! But this time on a Yamaha Scooter.
Why do I have the feeling she hasn’t read any book of his front-to-back.
Between this, Newsweek and the Washington Post it’s just too much for one day. Long weekends should be outlawed in DC because the craziness just builds up and explodes on Monday.
If Meghan’s book is anything at all like Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail: 72— I will set myself on fire and jump out my office window.
shadowMark: I would prefer twatpics.
Oldskool: if by “front-to-back” you mean while getting drilled from behind, then I think you might be wrong. Because i think she was said to be boning up on some hell’s angels this summer at sturgis…
shortsshortsshorts: Define “anything at all like”
user-of-owls: And if she wore a high-waisted eyelet dress to accentuate her roman a` cleft, it could be considered a holey roman empire.
Lawndarts: Didn’t we already get that update, from Sturgis earlier this year?
user-of-owls: Anything.
Anybody save the number for that wacko book-burning preacher?
Win for Meghan McCain: she’s heard of Hunter S. Thompson.
Meghan McCain FAIL: she’s obviously never read even one of his goddamn books.
….Although if everyone on McCain’s campaign staff was higher than a weather balloon all the time, that would certainly explain their performance. And Sarah Palin.
I loved the come-on on the cover of the latest Entertainment Weekly — “We read Sarah Palin’s book so you don’t have to!” It’s great on so many levels.
But, I digress. HunterS. Thompson??? You have the ball-ettes to compare your lame tiny pushed- together breasted ass to Hunter S. Thompson??? Could you BE a bigger idiot? I don’t think so. I really don’t.
Slipping notes, under the desk
While I was thinking about her dress
I was shy, I turned away, before she caught my eye
I was shakin’ in my shoes whenever she flashed those baby blues
Something had a hold on me when Angel passed close by
Those soft fuzzy sweaters, too magical to touch
To see her in that negligee is really just too much…
Repeat ad nauseum.
Mustang: Jim Newell will defend Meghan McCain’s breasts TO THE DEATH, or so I hear.
Meghan McCain = comic super genius.
Meghan has a father in politics, you understand.
Hey Meg, here’s a bit of what you stepped in: “Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning.”
Now get busy and bring the funny.
I don’t want to sound elitist but I was “thinking” about the timeline of the McCain campaign. Obviously nobody wants to read about the McCain campaign before Palin joined. And Palin didn’t join, I think, until the end of August. So the McCain/Palin campaign is just September and October. Then it crashed at the start of November. That’s just something like 60 days. Is that going to fill a book? What, will there be a whole chapter for each of the twenty-three times Meghan had sex with Levi? And one long chapter for the time Meghan bumped up against Bristol and Bristol looked her in the eyes and whispered “I don’t swing that way” and Meghan whispered “But you’re not moving away” and Bristol whispered “You’re standing on my foot.”
Those eyes! Those god-damned frog eyes!
Did this asshole really just compare anything she could ever accomplish, to HST?
Seriously. Did this really happen?
I think it will be less like F&LOTCT and more like the piece on the Pulitzer divorce. Without sentences, also.
Helefink: I prefer to borrow from Michigan-via-DC punk Tesco Vee & refer to a woman’s prodigious chest endowment as “massive mammarian Mc Gillicuddies”. That’s just me, though. Most (all?) DC punkers would have me killed for such sexism.
magic titty: Meghan is simply the prototype of the new mythological American.
We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the jugs began to take hold.
rocktonsammy: Meghan McCain = (unintentional) comic super genius.
loquaciousmusic: wow. so I was in line at the Boomtown Casino outside of Reno the other day, waiting for my all you can eat lobster buffet (a bargain at just 20 dollars with the player’s club card). and the dude at the piano bar was playing that. It was amazing. I tried taping it with my iphone but all you manage to hear was the very end, a very faint “na na na na na na na, na na na na na na….” and me saying “that was amazing.”
The lobster tasted very much like it had been cooked, frozen, and then cooked again, but what do you expect for 20 bucks?
Long Form Def Certificate: “Mammalian ludicrosities” is William Faulkner (from his novel “Orgy of One”). I had to embed one modernist novel reference within another. I’m sure he *meant* to write “massive mammarian McGillicuddies.”
Well let’s see here… HST vs. Megs… How about Megs will blow her literary career out her ass as spectacularly as Hunters’ ashes were blown out of the cannon? Best comparison between HST and Megs I can come up with. So is she going to title it “Fear and Loafing on the McCain Campaign Trail”?
Crank Tango: For $20, I expect a night of passion with Bristol Palin. Or was that a rhetorical question?
loquaciousmusic: I would pay 200 bucks for a night of passion of the christ with bristol palin. I’d even let her dip my johnston in melted butter…
20 bucks gets you some tittyfucking with mz megs, mccabe, not stapleton.
where is ms click when i need to make a buster bluth joke?
Crank Tango: Who needs Buster when you have Tobias?
Extemporanus: For the win. Game over. Thanks all the rest of y’all for playing.
FlownOver: Wow, if HHH was a gutless ward heeler, what on earth could McCain’t be?
Interesting, to me at least, that each of you who quoted the Esteemed Doctor of Journalism did so from “Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas,” rather than the referenced work, “Fear And Loathing On The Campaign Trail.”
Which proves, I suppose, my theory that none of you actually read much other than your own navels.
But I could be wrong. After all, I’m “coming from behind, and starting to feel like a winner.” (A quote from the referenced work, for a change.)
BTW: Where is “Surfer”?
I wonder if sarah palin will write a blurb on the back of megain’s book which will have her cleavage blown up on it
loquaciousmusic: ah well there is the line about his “reproductive organ” looking like a “lobster tail, but without its shell.”
Although Dr Funke is always appropriate.
Neilist: “A commenter on the scent of the Wonkett disaproval is rarely rational. He is more like a beast in heat: a bull elk in the rut, crashing blindly through the timber in a fever for something to fuck. Anything! A cow, a calf, a mare – any flesh and blood beast with a hole in it.”
Neilist: My navel is a good read, true, but you oughta see my buttcrack. It’s really funny down there the way the hair is matted into words.
Neilist: Interestingly enough I have a copy of “Fear and Loathing On the Campaign Trail: 72″ right here in this office. As somebody with an actual copy— I will give you my favorite quote:
“NEILIST IS AN ELITIST LIBERAL WHO HATES AMERICA.”
Hey Megs, what’s with the fugly avatar?
magic titty: Well, she is planning on integrating the armed forces, and approving the Marshall Plan.
Oops, wrong HST. Sorry.
“Dung” indeed.
This is going to be just so awesome, when she tells about how on the campaign bus there was that time everyone turned into giant fucking lizards, and the bus started pooling up with blood.
Well, you gotta admit, she’s already got the Bad Craziness part down pat.
I look forward to the part where she leaves a deer’s heart on Jack Nicholson’s doorstep … or throws a toaster into the tub while Mommy Dearest is bathing in the blood of the innocent, as a ghettoblaster plays “Where The Eagle Soars” full-blast.
“We can’t stop here - this is Skank Country!”
**************HOW MANY TIMES????HEY????????????LIVE MEGHAN ALONE OR i;LL BUST A CAP
I feel the same way about Panic! at the Disco as Meggers does about condylomata acuminata.
thegunner: Yeah, I feel bad. And she’s already black-and-blue from the shotgun.
Or, at least, that explains the bruise on her arm.
Neilist: FALILV just happens to be the more twistedly target rich of the two, and thus more attractive for adaptation. But if you really want a Meghan McCampaign Trail quote, here’s one that’s pretty on the nose:
“Meghan McCain is a nervous blonde blogette who thought that politics was some kind of game played by her dad, like bridge.”
Oh, and the quote you selected—and the comments which accompanied it—prove my theory that you’re an insecure asshole and a lonely loser. Though I believe the following quote of yours attests to that fact quite clearly all on its own, and has done so for far too long:
“gungunsbhuttogunsmulattoblahblahgunskillkillmilkbangbangblahblahgunsgunsblahblahsmallpenisblahblahbangbangbhuttonegromulattomilkgunsgobangbangbangblahblah”
Well said, tough guy. Well. Fucking. Said.
When it’s made into a Terry Gilliam movie, this would be the perfect theme song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN9UT2zF8c8
Meghan McCain and work are not even passingly acquainted.
Cazart! Will we hear about the time McCain shot at sharks from his 50th-floor suite at the Miami Beach Fontainbleau? Or how Megs was offered the position of Governor of American Samoa but all she got was a white sharkskin suit? Or maybe the time Meggie’s drug-crazed friend the Boo-Hoo hopped on board Romney’s special chartered campaign train in Florida with forged press credentials and raised hell…
shadowMark: she’s great,,just the way I like it and will rim it too. also
Bildungsroman? It occurs to me what she is contemplating is more a roman a cleavage. Thanks I’ll be here all week, don’t forget to ask about the two-for-one drink specials.
Flanders: exactly!
I knew Mr. Thompson. And you, sir, are no Hunter S. Thompson.
I suspect that I could take her rhetoric down with one order of room service and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Or peach brandy. Or pink hillbilly hair pins that I would use to pin my lawyer Lazlo to her boobies until the ether kicks in.
Extemporanus: Sorry if I touched a nerve there, Extemp. Nice try at a recovery, though. I’d call it “deflection shooting,” but I don’t want to get you excited again.
Oldskool: I’ll wait for the movie. It can’t be any worse than “Where The Buffalo Roam.”
shortsshortsshorts: It’s tough having actually read the book. Unlike most in here.
:::Yawn:::
The hamsters are aroused again. Quick, Jumbo, hand me my ‘03 and the solids!
Meg, honey, just get the Peter Greenaway or David Cronenberg to do the film adaptation and we can call it a draw…
But does she have a Samoan attorney?
“Think more like Walter Sobchak but with bigger titties,…”
Neilist: “BTW: Where is “Surfer”?”
If I had to guess, I would say posting on their other account.
Neilist: “The hamsters are aroused again.”
Are you selling Zhu Zhu pets?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Call me!!
Neilist: Jesus hates you.
Go go go, Meg! NaNoWriMo is almost over! Cross that magic 50k!
Will no one defend James Joyce? Another drunken Irishman, but still. Megs could never attain the literary heights of obscureness of Mr. Joyce.
Maybe she should imitate Casanova’s _Memoires_. Or _My Secret Life_, by “Walter”
I think Meghan’s book will not contain any sentences longer than 140 characters.
When can we load her into a rocket and blow her out into the cold Colorado night?
loquaciousmusic: For $20 you might get 20 minutes with Bristol. Expect no passion,though.
zhubajie: Aw, poor Bristol. Hey, Bristol rhymes with Entwistle–
But was I all right?
Did I take you to the height of ecstasy?
Was I all right?
Did a shadow of emotion cross your face?
Or was it just another trick of the light?
“Deadline to my book is looming”
Of prepositions, my deadline is before I confused I with for.
thefrontpage: comicbookguy: Win.
So many English majors, so little time.
**************
Suds McKenzie: Requires an EPA permit.
‘Stately, plump McCain Meghan came from Twitter, bearing self-absorbtion on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.’
Hunter killed himself when he had nothing more to write.
We can only hope that this is what Megs meant.
Think more “big squishy tits on twitter” than anything actually worth reading.
So the witch doctor was providing Ibogaine to the old man, too? HENNNGHHH?
The hits just keep on a’comin’:
just saw my how childhood home I grew up in was “renovated” and now up for auction, my childhood now looks like a cheap Vegas casino hotel…
What the whole world would be doing if the Third Reich (Contract with America edition, circa 1994) won? HENNNGHHH, Meggers?
Sheissroman
I’m thinking HST.
Meghan is scalded concrete burned out wasteland where the wave finally rolled back.
We are all John Melon-camp becoming Jerry Garcia tonight.
Twelve Monkeys typing furiously on 13 Underwood typewriters with tangled strikes hammering empty futility on shredded Tampons is more HST than Going Rogue.
I could strangle a squid pissing ink randomly into a mold encrusted toilet bowl and it would be more like HST than Going Rogue.
A vomit speckled deteriorating nightmare after viewing SAW XXXIVLL is more like HST than Going Rogue.
Anything the human imagination can fester is more like HST than Going Rogue.
This is the lowest bar ever set in the history of the universe.
More drug addled than congenitally stupid?
Cum Dumpster.
Neilist: You give me a sad. “Angels?” Thompson was the beer boy. “Campaign?” Humphrey, was a twat. (”Vegas” just has better quotes.)
“Beer and Birthers on the McCain Fail”?
Nothing like comparing yourself to one of the most accomplished writers of the last 50yrs.
Didn’t Jeebus write books, too?
This woman is a complete waste of a human being. Except for those tits.
I’m thinking more Green Eggs and Ham than Everybody Poops.
Will there be pictures? Maybe a pop-up centerfold?
Can you believe that that slimy ho has the temerity to cal her scribbles “BLOGETTE?”
Is the WONKETTE legal team on this?
Her momma is rich, you know….
skutre: Yes, but did you read “Going Rogue” before you made that comment? Careful lest your navel become the laughing stock of twitter.
YES! Can we haz ether and giant bats??