Wonkette
Former Bush White House counsel and Mexican attorney general Alberto Gonzales is balls-deep into his professorial duties for the semester at Texas Tech, where he teaches a “political science class on the Executive Branch” as an “easy A” for the football team. Here is what he is telling the students, as he puts it in an interview with the Texas Tech newspaper: “Dream big but be patient… You never know when the next George W. Bush is going to come along and give you a once in a lifetime opportunity like he gave me, but you have to be patient.” Jesus. Does Bush list him as a dependent on his tax returns or something? [Daily Toreador via Think Progress]
If he ever goes to the Hague he’ll have lots of time to test his powers of patience.
Does Bush list him as a dependent on his tax returns or something?
I don’t recall remembering.
Is there a ghey sechs option were Fredo bends over for Dubya?
“Well hello Mr. President, excuse me I seem to have dropped the bill of rights in this trashcan. Can you help me find it?”
Step 1: Dream big.
Step 2: Family of Presidents comes along and gives you job.
Step 3: I don’t recall.
Step 4: Tenure!
Someone needs to give Alberto some thesaurus lessons. The phrase, “You never know when the next George W. Bush is going to come along” will not induce patience, but its antonym, panic.
BUSH: If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal.
GONZALES: I can call you Betty, and Betty when you call me, you can call me Al.
BUSH: You call me Betty, and I’ll have your beaner ass deported so fast it’ll make yer sombrero spin.
Comprende Al? Or do I need to press “Number Dos” for Spanglish?
It also helps if you can learn to laugh at the same fart joke 365 days in a row and still sound sincere.
Yeah, you never know when you’ll be promoted WAY over your actual qualifications, simply because some executive needs a loyalist toady. Cheer up, students facing unemployment. You too can be a toady!
The next George W Bush has already come along, Gonzo, it’s from Wasilla, it is a lipsticked hockey mom and WE DO NOT WANT.
Seriously, this is a great distallation of the GOP message to minorities: “Want what the White Man got, but be very, very patient. Maybe, bye and bye, the White Man give you just a little.” And who be whiter than W?
Are Al “Speedy” Gonzales and Booby Knight now a couple? They seem to deserve one another… Is Texas Tech pioneering some kind of Elephants Graveyard for faded disciplinarians?
“Does Bush list him as a dependent on his tax returns or something?”
Uh, yes. If not for Bush, Fredo would be a junior partner is a very minor law firm in a third tier Texas town.
Pendejo de mierda
lawrenceofthedesert: I think they’re trying to compensate for all the libs over at UT Austin, the only school in the world to actually offer “Activist Anthropology” as a PhD program.
“Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren’t they, and a little chance? We can’t have all Brandeises, Frankfurters and Cardozos.” Roman Hruska
Fitting, except Gonzo would have to work to be mediocre
Bush lists ‘Berto as a co-dependent.
When the next George W. Bush comes along I’m moving to Argentina. Or someplace.
Its the “Lucky Jim” path to success; wait for someone to magically appear in your life who will elevate you to un-merited success! Yay USA!
Advocatus_Diaboli: Remember that time we couldn’t remember remembering? ‘Member?
Is is usual or traditional in Texas to call someone “Judge” if that person has never been a judge?
I suppose it’s better to be a brown nose than a brown shirt.
If I had to take that course I wouldn’t even bother to study for the exam.
Every answer would be a variation of “I don’t recall” or “I don’t remember” or “Why have forsaken me W?”
Mad Brahms: I thought you were joking. I’d never heard of “Activist Anthropology” until today. Implies an “agenda” in scientific research, as opposed to discovering “truth.” That can’t be good, can it?
the problem child: Scratch that: he was on the Texas Supreme Court. I think that may make his later conduct even more reprehensible.
“In addition to serving on the Tech faculty, Gonzales is in the process of writing a book that will discuss some of the more controversial issues surrounding his time in office in state and national government positions”
Such a surprise!
Weird how Gonzo didn’t get an immediate wingnut welfare gig after his awesome “I quit no questions please s’later y’all” speech. You would think that would merit a prime time Fox News show alone.
Yes, you never know when a twit is going to come along and give you the chance to be a bigger douchebag than you already are.
What the hell is happening to higher education in America? Gonzo…Noonan…WTF?!?!?
I read the syllabus. It sounds like torture.
Yet to this day he has no regret for taking the job of Top Bush Lackey from a white guy.
“You never know when the next George W. Bush is going to come along and give you a once in a lifetime opportunity like he gave me, but you have to be patient.”
Note to the middle class youth, the inter arrival time enormous big spenders is long: LBJ(1963)->W(2000) was 47 years or so.
While on the subject of bogus university professors as you may wish to note that you are paying good money to be educated by the likes of Gonzales and Yoo. Do you suppose your future employer might wince at paying your student loans off just to get a malcontent waiting for for 2 bolts of lighting to strike, corrupt government in a rich nation? Perhaps they will look to more humble loan free alternative employee. Just a thought about the U of C 33% tuition increase, cheers.
What delusional asswipe hired Gonzalez to teach a class? Gawd almighty, how stupid.
Does Gonzalez teach his students about illegally firing U.S. Attorneys, about illegally approving illegal torture practices, about covering up law enforcement decisions, about illegal back-room deals, and about evading being arrested on numerous criminal and civil charges for your bungled leadeship?
Really—Gonzalez should be in jail, along with Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, Rove, Cheney, Libby and Bush II. In jail.
proudgrampa: Well, since the 80s, there have been less and less cultural anthropologists who hew to ideas of real objectivity, but the idea of being brazen enough to just go out and say “since we can’t be objective, we may as well just advocate for people overtly” is still met with hostility in a lot of places, and I have mixed feelings about it myself. But in Austin they’re apparently pretty pomo about it.
Also, isn’t there a prof at some other university in Texas who’s a militant animal rights activist actually openly encouraging the extinction of the human race?
thesheriffisnear: Gonzo aspires to be as great as Harrold Carswell
How bad off would a college have to be to hire someone like Gonzales. Is there like an NBA draft every year so the worst colleges race to the bottom?
Mad Brahms: Mayhaps that was Don Beck at North Texas, famed author of Spiral Dynamics, and world-class wingnut, now at Harvard by coincidence or cash.
mookworthjwilson: Was Carswell or Haynsworth teh gay one? I get my mediocrities mixed up sometimes?
From the campus newspaper: “Kyle Crowl, a senior political science major from Conroe, said the class has been useful compared to other classes he has taken.
“Someone who has been in the White House is different between a professor who just says, ‘This is how it works,’” Crowl said.”
Eyup, a Junior in college who still cain’t talk the English real good. Sounds like the right spot for Fredo to teach about something or other, though not law.
thesheriffisnear: Carswell…in a Florida public bathroom…like it should be…
thefrontpage:
Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.
mookworthjwilson: Ah yes, Harrold “Wide Stance” Carswell. I shoulda knowed!
Mad Brahms: I commend Texas Tech for their efforts. In fact, I recommend that all faded disciplinarians seek refuge in the Amarillo-Lubbock Corridor, which seems culturally suited to them. My many jaunts around Texas did not take me to Lubbock (to Austin many a time, however), but it seems splendidly isolated and thus well suited to such endeavors. My own youthful desires for discipline in Texas seemed to center around a combination of Mickey’s Ale, chalupas, cheap weed and a half-dozen Kilgore Rangerettes in full uniform (alas, the discipline available to me at Ft. Hood during that period was not to my taste).
You have to be patient and wait until the right moment to repeatedly forget important facts. God speed.
I have a graduate degree from TTU, a fact I seem to have almost forgotten.
Little Fredo is a case study in shooting for mediocrity, and the proper way to suck a Bush-dick better know as a Bick. Cheney and Rumsfeld never mastered the latter, though, Cheney didn’t have to, because he was the top in that relationship. Cheney was the only one in that circle that was ever able to effectively manipulate that family.