FAP FAP FAP  1:38 pm November 30, 2009

Chelsea Clinton’s Getting Married To the Investment Banker Son of a Federal Prisoner!

by Ken Layne

'goodbye to the ugly steeple fear, good times for ever after ...'Love is in the air! Famous first daughter Chelsea Clinton is getting married to some guy she’s shacked up with, in Manhattan. He’s a Wall Street hotshot, and everybody loves those guys. And his dad is a convicted felon who recently got out of FEDERAL PRISON. The Clintons: Still making everybody else look better. [Chicago Sun-Times]

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snideinplainsight November 30, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Talk about your elf miscegenation!

Pilate November 30, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Yeah but you didn’t mention he’s a SUPERDELEGATE.

coolcatdaddy November 30, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Isn’t it hard to find anyone on Wall Street that hasn’t been to prison at some point?

Way Cool Larry November 30, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Goldman Sachs, no less!!!

And could they have gotten a dorkier picture of her in the article???

chascates November 30, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Jenna Bush married an investment banker as well. This is a disturbing trend.

Darkness November 30, 2009 at 1:45 pm

As long as the bankers in question aren’t laundering money for the Nazis. . .still better than the Bush family.

lawrenceofthedesert November 30, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Hopes are now dashed that she would marry Alonzo and become Chelsea Mourning.

BeWoot November 30, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=467976]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Snap!

the problem child November 30, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Nun of the above?

proudgrampa November 30, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Right about now, I wish I could marry an investment banker.

Mr Blifil November 30, 2009 at 1:53 pm

The Sun-Times story on Chelsea also links to a story about a guy who collapsed to death in a Chicago “adult theatre.” Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

the problem child November 30, 2009 at 1:54 pm

On the plus side, by saying yes to this banker, her google hits for the 40 goats and 20 cows Kenyan guy will eventually slide off the front page.

shadowMark November 30, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=467972]chascates[/re]: Meghan is still single. And she says her new book will be “…more Hunter Thompson “Fear & Loathing on Campaign Trail” than Going Rogue.”

I guessing Meghan will wait for her second or third marriage before she gets to an investment banker.

Min November 30, 2009 at 1:59 pm

At least the banker’s willing to make an honest woman of her. Which may be a first for the Clintons.

shadowMark November 30, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=467991]proudgrampa[/re]: With my luck I’d switch teams and get an investment banker from Dubai.

Extemporanus November 30, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Boniva or not, Sally Fields is not aging well.

Mad Brahms November 30, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=468010]Min[/re]: Haha, honest banker. You crack me up.

Do we have WND coverage yet? I am salivating over the thought of cross-generational Clinton rage.

Terry November 30, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Good for her. I hope this guy absolutely adores Chelsea and they have a long and happy life together. She spent her adolescent years in the media fishbowl and ended up an intelligent and accomplished woman. No photos of her drunk on a sidewalk in front of a bar, either.

jetjaguar November 30, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Nun Thought-bubble: “I’ve made some bad choices in life.”

Prommie November 30, 2009 at 2:09 pm

I don’t want to go to Chelsea.

thesheriffisnear November 30, 2009 at 2:09 pm

I can’t understand what Marge Redmond has to do with this story.

dum librul November 30, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Will Janet Reno be giving her away at the wedding?

thesheriffisnear November 30, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[re=468015]Extemporanus[/re]: Your mean spirited Sally Field reference renders my Marge Redmond referece somewhat moot. Damn your eyes.

Gorillionaire November 30, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Is there a porn star lookalike for Chelsea? I need to know very very soon.

thesheriffisnear November 30, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Reference, Reference, REFERENCE!!!

gjdodger November 30, 2009 at 2:17 pm

No, yes. Is this Deadspin?

bitchincamaro November 30, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=468041]dum librul[/re]: No, but here’s to hoping she’ll be seated next to Walnuts at the reception.

ivenson November 30, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=468005]shadowMark[/re]: Hunter Thompson, eh? So that’s not junk in her trunk, it’s a suitcase of pharmaceuticals.

Manos: Hands of Fate November 30, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Didn’t the Bush kids at least make some effort — in between doing shots on U St of course — to do something that at least sounds like they were trying to give something back to the world, like keeping kids from getting AIDS or whats all.

Not only does Chelsea marry a Wall Street scumbag — she’s one herself.

Extemporanus November 30, 2009 at 2:24 pm

[re=468042]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Isn’t Marge the one right behind Sally?

My mom is a dead ringer for Sally Field, and the exact same age. You can imagine the adolescent angst I experienced upon coming to this realization mid-Smokey and the Bandit beat-off session.

chascates November 30, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=468005]shadowMark[/re]: I can see Meghan waving around a pistol, smoking cigarettes through a holder, and downing quarts of tequila with hits of LSD. And then she rips her bodice and . . .

Flanders November 30, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=468024]Terry[/re]: Agreed.

Mr Blifil November 30, 2009 at 2:45 pm

For their wedding gift, new Clinton best bud Richard Mellon Scaife will pay to have Vince Foster’s body exhumed.

shadowMark November 30, 2009 at 2:48 pm

[re=468070]Extemporanus[/re]: It’s 2009. Shia LaBeouf made two movies with Megan Fox but Shia said his mother is the sexiest woman in his world:
If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.

Flanders November 30, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=468065]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Uh no, you are totally wrong. Did you even *read* the article? The two live in New York, he employed by Goldman Sachs, she attending graduate school at Columbia University’s School of Public Health. Besides, what’s with your venom?

thesheriffisnear November 30, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=468070]Extemporanus[/re]: Then why didn’t you pound it to Marlo Thomas in “That Girl” or Elizabeth Montgomery in “Bewitched.” It sounds very Freudian to me.

skutre November 30, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Oh Nooeess!!!11!!

If we’re not careful those Wall Street guys are going to take over the gubmint.

And that is the ugliest old transvestite wall street nun I have ever seen. Chelsea needs to invest in some o’ them new fangled spectacles.

magic titty November 30, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Christ she looks just like them.

Extemporanus November 30, 2009 at 3:25 pm

[re=468119]shadowMark[/re]: That sounds perfectly Norman to me. I mean, seriously, have you seen Megan Fox’s thumbs?

[re=468160]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Freud not. I switched back to my old standby, Laura Petrie, as soon as I noticed the similarity.

Though to this day, every time I hear “Eastbound and Down”, a warm tingly feeling spreads throughout my swimsuit area.

thesheriffisnear November 30, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=468070]Extemporanus[/re]: Laura Petrie, YUM!!! The toe in the faucet episode makes me all excited in my private place.

Judas Peckerwood November 30, 2009 at 3:45 pm

White is NOT Hillary’s color.

thefrontpage November 30, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Within 10 years, this Clinton woman and her psycho husband will be under investigation for questionable finances, questionable campaign donations, possibly embezzlement, possible involvement in sham donations, and fraud, mismanagement and public corruption. Both will be sent to jail. “I told ya’ so!” Bill Clinton will say, as he sits back in his leather chair in the den at his fancy New York estate, counting his money.

Judas Peckerwood November 30, 2009 at 5:36 pm

[re=468322]thefrontpage[/re]: She dumped you, too, eh?

DP November 30, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Why does that one statue have a weird flesh colored face? Is Chelsea posing before one of those elitist Maplethorpe installations?

Alex Trebeks Girl November 30, 2009 at 8:38 pm

i hope that in the new wall street we can bet on things like whether there are chelsea clinton sex tapes

Paul Tardy November 30, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Goldman Sachs eh?

Long Form Def Certificate November 30, 2009 at 9:19 pm

[re=468071]chascates[/re]: Go on.

CanadianBacon November 30, 2009 at 9:42 pm

Can’t wait to hear John McCain’s toast to the bride. And if the new hubby pulls a Tiger Woods (or a Bill Clinton), two words, Vince Foster.

LowerdPeninsula December 1, 2009 at 12:44 am

Apparently, she’s known the guy since high school. To see a stable relationship come out of Washington and then New York (and, out of that family, no less), is a beautiful thing.

But, really, Mr. Mezvinsky: Jewish, investment banker, Goldman Sachs, Manhattan, hots for gentiles? Sir, if I may be so bold, are you trying to play a stereotype to a t?

qaf December 1, 2009 at 3:00 am

[re=468024]Terry[/re]: Hear, hear. She’s an inspiration to all of us (or at least those whose parents might be elected President, which I admit might be a vanishingly small number).

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