Epic Fail?Yikes, did we imply Sarah Palin was acting like a “normal ‘Merikun” in eastern Washington State for Thanksgiving? Sorry about that! Palin was just being a Prima Donna nutcase, like always.

First, enjoy this local-news video report about Sarah’s visit to the “Tri-Cities,” and notice how Miss Regular Folks thinks it’s “too much work” to prepare turkey for Thanksgiving. Can’t somebody do this shit for her? No? Then fuck it, and FUCK THANKSGIVING:

And now, Sarah’s latest quitter stunt: She won’t even run an easy 5K thing for charity, because finishing is not a mavericky thing to do.

The Tri-City Herald reports:

Palin had announced on Twitter that she would be running the 5k race organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross.

She didn’t finish the race, opting to leave the course early to avoid more crowds at the end. About 40 minutes into the run, word started trickling out to people gathered at the finish line that she was gone.

Again with the outside-the-box maverick behavior. Winning stuff, or finishing things? Not for Sarah Palin! [Tri-City Herald via Wonkette operative “SloppyCronkite”]

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  1. About 40 minutes into the run, word started trickling out to people gathered at the finish line that she was gone.
    If they’d gathered at the finish line to see Sister Sarah finish something, the news she’d blown them off probably wasn’t the only thing trickling out of those people.

  2. Gee, I would be disappointed in Sarah Palin if I had unrealistic expectations of her. Oh wait — no I wouldn’t. I’d make up some idiotic excuse and then blame the mainstream media for politicizing her noble behavior. And just once — for the troops — could you stop making things up?

  3. And so her fans were not able to collect her precious and triumphant drops of sweat, the end.

    Seriously, the amount of makeup she was wearing at the beginning of the race, she must have been scared to be photographed at the end of it.

  4. Sarah quit a “5K?” That’s like a … marathon , right?

    Join us now, we’re on a marathon
    We’re always dancing when the music plays

    Join us now, we’re on a marathon
    Dancing, dancing through the nights and days

    We must dance because the Fifties zing
    The Fifties zing because the Sixties swing
    And the Seventies flash and the Eighties bang
    And the Nineties whimper and the Century hangs

    Robots working in the cotton fields
    Vacations on Venus just a tourist deal
    Fornication on tape instant happiness
    So we keep on dancing, dancing, we can’t rest

    Marathon, marathon
    Mara, mara, marathon
    Marathon, marathon
    Mara, mara, marathon

  5. She was going to finish until she was told the runners didn’t get to keep the pledged proceeds. This is Sarah’s monetizing season and America will not ruin it for her, dang it!

  6. We from Washington refer to it as the Dry Shitties. As a bonus: one of the three cities is named Pasco, which – if I remember from a semester of ancient Greek – means “despair”.

  7. I had to make a turkey and all the trimmings,AND deal with wacky family AND this bitch thought it was “too much work”?
    Now I know could govern Alaska. Bitch

  8. This reminds me, Sarah almost got me a black eye yesterday at the family gathering, when, in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I innocently mentioned her “God wouldn’t have made animals out of meat if he didn’t want us to eat them” comment. My brother glared at me with STFU in his eyes and told me to stop “insulting her,” but all the libruls were giggling.

  9. Truly, Caribou Barbie is just a cupid stunt.

    I’m guessing her Book Tour is going to be aborted the same way.

    This is what happens when you hire Dr. Nick Riviera as your political consultant.

  10. FTFA: “It’s exciting. There’s just something about her, the way that she can articulate exactly the way we feel about the country.”

    I fucking concur, and America okjdapo9eufepfjl;jdmsdf0-94iu9tuhjklcncsaknlmPAWId90 u3939ur309jhsdklfn fiehfoefkjoljfsdlfdkfhdfsozifjd9ur0384[-i[ikr]od][dlsdfojndfihkihfi, so suck it elitists!

  11. Useless trivia: One of the local high schools’ mascot is the ‘Bombers.’…like nuclear bombs, complete with mushroom cloud. In honor of Hanford.

  12. Too bad she didn’t finish. Or even win the thing. I would have been satisfied by any amount of coverage if she had said “Rejoice, we conquer!,” and then dropped dead.

  13. [re=467256]Kathryn.[/re]: That’s right…she also stopped at KFC for food bowls and Double Takes with extra cheese then watched Black Friday 24 hr Wifeswap marathon on TCN which makes her an Everyday Common Sense Reagan Murkan. You go girl! You’re what we need in the White House!

  14. And we wonder why the Real Amuricans land-locked, there, in the middle, also, hate the left coast?

    Look at the fucking tabs of the dry Shitties Herald:

    NEWS CRIME(littering?) OPINION(gay) LIFESTYLE(sounds very gay) A/E(what porno term is that?) WINE(111!!11!!111)

    Wine on the front page. Yes , there are vineyards in the dry west but c’mon Fucking WINE as a tab on the paper’s website.

    Its like seeing the LORD NEWS JESUS SPORTS GOD tabs on a Kansas paper’s homepage, I guess.

  15. So wait a minute Bible Spice wasn’t with her fambly in Wasilla on Thanksgiving, the outrage! She should have been feeding Trig turkey puree from a Turkey she shot and killed herself, then plucked and dressed and threw in the oven with a deer, and a couple of moose, and taters lots of taters! Bible Spice is not a real murkin woman!

  16. When Grandma signed up for the 5K, she thought it was a 5K-Y.

    It was officially called the “Turkey Trot.” That makes me feel good inside.

  17. [re=467212]dijetlo[/re]: didn’t Dorothy Parker say

    “If Sarah Palin blew off a whole crowd of devotees, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised”

  18. Palin is totally in need of the kind of life-lesson shit that only a second education–an emotional education–can fix. David Brooks needs to get Professor Springsteen on this shit right fucking now.

  19. I’m a flaming liberal and I fucking brined, smoked, broiled, baked, made stock out of, and ate the liver of my god damned turkey. I must be an über fake american, I guess.

  20. [re=467222]drrty martini[/re]: My grandparents used to live in Kennewick, one of the Tri-Cities. Because the airport is in Pasco, I made the mistake of telling a friend that I was in Pasco; my grandmother, most upset, corrected me, noting that Pasco is where “all the messicans live.” Plus, the place got as hot as the fifth circle of hell, as the brand on back of my sister’s upper leg–courtesy of the blazing hot seat belt buckle of my grandparents’ U.S.S. Buick Electra–can attest.

    The Tri-Cities: almost as shitty as Wasilla.

  21. [re=467225]imissopus[/re]: Hell, the only reason her book ever got finished was because someone else wrote it for her. Otherwise that would have slipped to the bottom of her “Things To Do” list as well.

  22. Did anyone actually see her leave the race? My guess is if she wasn’t tethered to a pace car or another runner, she’s probably stumbling around Montana somewhere whining and pissing and moaning.

  23. I’m gonna start doing this. She’s got the right idea.

    Gonna tell my boss I got about halfway done with the latest document and well, I didn’t finish it FOR THE GOOD OF OUR ORGANIZATION.

    When I went over to my Mormon aunt and uncle’s house, I should have stopped eating halfway through and said I was leaving, due to the lack of alcohol.

    What a great idea!

  24. Does she really have to explain why she had to quit the race? You just don’t get it, do you? Also, she never finished reading her own book past the second chapter. Anyway she probably just fell down again.

  25. I’m sorry, I ususally laugh about this stuff and don’t think it’s serious. But to start and then dip a 5k is just insulting. If you didn’t want to run this short-ass race, you should have never started it. What a fucking flake, and that’s coming from someone that is struck by flakiness every once in awhile.

    BTW, the race is for the Red Cross. I guess since it’s not directly “for the troops” she’s not for finishing it.

    The Waddoupses weren’t running or walking in the annual charity race. But Palin, in town to visit relatives for the Thanksgiving holiday, had pre-registered to join 3,000 others on the course, and her notoriety attracted a mass of onlookers in Columbia Park.

    “Sorry, we’re stalking Sarah Palin, I’m afraid,” said Gary Waddoups.

    “In a big way,” his wife added.

    Game over, folks. Game-fucking-over.

  26. [re=467235]memzilla[/re]: What’s the difference between a chorus line and a string of jugglers? A string of jugglers is a cunning array of stunts.

  27. Wait a sec. Last year, she claimed that she was the person in the family who made the turkey every year. Why is it so much harder this year? Because it would require her to actually go home? Just another ‘odd lie’ of Palin’s, I guess.

  28. [re=467305]Tundra Grifter[/re]:

    Q: How many vaginas does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Four. One to unscrew the old bulb. One to screw in the new bulb. One to watch and get excited by all the screwing. And Jennifer Aniston to eat a pint of Dove ice cream and write a Dear Diary entry about how much she misses Brad Pitt.

  29. It takes her more than 40 minutes to run 5k? I have bad knees and shitty stamina, but even I can do better than a 13-minute mile average. Walking.

  30. From Sarah’s Runner’s World article:

    “No matter how rotten I feel before or during a run, it’s always worth it to me afterwards.”

    “I appreciated the fact that in running I needed guts more than anything. I could do fine just being really determined. I was thankful that I didn’t need a whole lot of skills to run.”

    Yikes. That second quote says a lot more about her non-athletic endeavors than it does about her running.

  31. I wish that, as a graduate of Hanford High School, named after the Unites States’ most contaminated nuclear site, I could say that it was the radiation that got to her but I think years of aerosol hairspray got to her first. Seriously folks, this has to be the most exciting thing to happen to the Tri-Cities since they took down the “No blacks after dark” sign on the bridge between Kennewick and Pasco.

  32. I do hope those good people at the finish line weren’t holding copies of sister Sarah’s book, hoping to get it autographed because she’d stiffed them after they’d camped out for 3 weeks in front of the Bumfuck Barnes and Nobles.
    That would be a bit much.

  33. Snowbilly has been working through the various stages of celebrity and folks are starting to get tired of her. She really only has a couple of options left:

    1. Make a sex tape, preferably with Levi
    2. Go into rehab and make a grand apology.

    Barring that, there is of course the third option:

    3. Be found dead on the bathroom floor in her hotel room, a la Elvis.

  34. Do not Pasco. Do not collect $200,000 in appearance fees.

    Caribou just freaked when she found out about the Columbian River. Plus everyone in Tri-Cities speaks Mexican also too you betcha I’ll bring ’em back to you.

  35. To keep things in perspective though, fellow liberals, I feel obliged to remind you all of that time that Barry bowled a 39.

    These people, they are not like us.

  36. [re=467312]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: And yet she’s featured in a running magazine. Hahaha…we love our liars in this country.

    OT, but … Obama actually fulfills a campaign promise by pushing lobbyists off the federal advisory boards, yet I get more CNN breaking “news” about the WH party crashers. *sigh* Yeah yeah, I know. I’m preaching to the fucking choir.

  37. [re=467340]Servo[/re]: Fairy tales might explain Sarah Palin. If _you_ thought of yourself as Sleeping Beauty and one day you woke up and looked around and found yourself in Wasilla, Alaska, with Prince Todd grunting over a beer can, daughter Bristol always pregnant, daughter Willow making up herself to look like Bristol, daughter Piper giving you the finger every time you turn around, son Track sent off into the Army rather than go to jail for slashing school bus tires and son Trig sequestering himself with the complete works of Shakespeare day and night, _you_ might turn Republican, too, and set yourself the life-goal of acquiring global power just to someday press the button that will rain down nuclear fire onto the drek planet that did that to you. Revenge of the Disney disconnect. I’m just saying.

  38. As much as I view Sarah as the gift that keeps on giving, there’s also a part of me that absolutely cannot WAIT for her to get her comeuppance, when the zombie undead who worship her realize that she’s just like the annoying piece of trailer park trash they already live next door to that annoys the everloving shit out of them on a daily basis. I can’t believe the zombie undead have a limitless amount of stardust sprinkled on them. One of these days they’re gonna wake up and it’s not Sarahhhhhhhhh they see, but Brendaaaaaaaaaa, the BITCH next door!

  39. [re=467337]El Pinche[/re]: On that OT:

    My feeling (preaching to the choir) on this always boils down to campaign finance reform. Had there been substantial public finance legislation in the days before Obama endeavored to change the health care system, those bills would look a lot different and so would the entire outlook for any real change in this country. Without it, the pols will always play the whore and the pimp simultaneously. The prospect of campaing reform is as likely as Sarah Palin finishing a measly 5k run.

  40. [re=467345]shadowMark[/re]:
    If you want to go the Disney route, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is more befitting of Sarah’s story. Her army of mops obediently dump the endless buckets of her necessary lies and conceit, until she is awash and powerless to stop it.

  41. [re=467346]MortSinclair[/re]: Which would be more likely to happen if politics were a fact-based system instead of a faith-based one. For Sarah to get her comeuppance, she’d have to believe it happened, and her followers would have to believe it happened. And if you know anything about the power of denial in the human species, you know how low the odds are. Really, anyone who still thinks she’s a viable candidate after the Katie Couric interview will not be swayed by further evidence.

  42. [re=467337]El Pinche[/re]: Who knew that you could get so much mileage from being ugly and wearing a sari to a party you weren’t invited to? I wish I had thought of this.

  43. [re=467323]Bruno[/re]: Her water broke during the run so she had to high-tail it back to Wasilla to spawn another Trig for one of her knocked up kids Wow, I hadn’t thought about that. It has been more than a year since the last one.

  44. [re=467222]drrty martini[/re]: Ha! So, so fitting. My last swing through the Tri-Cities was only memorable for the nasty looks I got from people at the gas station.

    Well, well wonketteers… I have something to share with you. I’m moving out of Seattle to a nice, sleepy wooded area. House, dogs, beach, all that good stuff. And it’s right on MORAN Road. No kidding.

  45. [re=467359]Click[/re]: I’m over on Bainbridge Island. I’ll still be bartending and commuting on the Ferry. I can’t afford Belltown anymore. My liver is also thanking me. What Washington hood do you haunt again?

  46. [re=467350]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “And if you know anything about the power of denial in the human species….”
    I have to disagree with you there, this has nothing whatsoever to do with denial. You must actually KNOW something before you can deny its existence. You have given Sarah and The Sycophants WAY too much credit. Their’s is actually a case of ignorance – which doesn’t mean stupidity, but rather the inability to recognize the existence of something. Did you know that when the early explorers arrived in ships off the coast of South America (or wherever the hell it was)the natives did not even NOTICE the boats? They had absolutely nothing in their past to compare such things to – therefore their brains did not register their existence – until it was too late. They literally could not perceive what was right in front of their eyes. In contrast, that optical blind spot you have,which is due to a lack of receptor cells on the retina – your brain actually makes up what it “thinks should be there” so you never notice a hole in your visual field. Your brain is constantly fucking with you – don’t ever forget that.

  47. [re=467360]Formerly Known as KevoTron[/re]: Oh – NICE! I’m up towards Stanwood, but I lived over on Orcas way back when. Ferries are the best, I really miss that.

  48. [re=467361]Click[/re]: Further ramblings….
    The reason the religious folks are so set in their ways is also due to ignorance. They have never actually recognized ‘God’ and ‘Jesus’ and ‘Mohammed,’ etc., as IDEAS, so, instead, they accept them as realities. It’s fucked up, people. But we all need something to hold onto – for the secular folks it’s usually the intellect – which also lacks any foundation in the real world, but at least it seems a more mature alternative.

  49. [re=467227]Skwerl Nutz[/re]: Why shouldn’t you be able to “govern” Alaska? Its population is less than a mid-size city in real America, boatloads of oil revenue and Federal pork arrive every year, and the main job is giving the cash back to the “citizens” through the Permanent Fund or whatever the hell they call it. Who’d quit that job?

  50. She’s got the vision America aspires to – sort of saying you’ll do something and then dropping it when you lose interest. Like going after the Taliban, or catching bin Laden, rebuilding New Orleans, manned missions to the moon. Reading Going Rogue.

    Mission Fucking Accomplished.

  51. [re=467324]Bruno[/re]: Alas no, Elvis died while constipated, sitting in the john, of a heart attack. Too many mayo-banana-peanut-butter sandwhiches…..

  52. [re=467364]V572625694[/re]: Why shouldn’t you be able to “govern” Alaska? Its population is less than a mid-size city in real America, boatloads of oil revenue and Federal pork arrive every year, and the main job is giving the cash back to the “citizens” through the Permanent Fund or whatever the hell they call it. Who’d quit that job?

    The governor of Louisiana (or California, for that matter) would KILL to get the same kind of slice of the oil revenues like Alaska does. Louisiana gets the pollution from the oil production, and the feds get the $$. Meanwhile, my wingnut relatives from Alaska bitch that the feds send any money to the “losers” in New Oreleans. After all, they should be self-sufficient like Alaskans! (Without the benefit of a yearly “permanent fund check”, of course).

    Alaska appears to be the land of the Republitard Whiny-Assed Titty Babies. Sarah is a great spokesbimbo for their cause.

  53. [re=467367]Sparky McGruff[/re]: “Land of the Republitard Whiny-Assed Titty Babies” originally won out as the state’s slogan, however, they couldn’t get it to fit on a license plate. Of course, being Alaskans (pronounced ALEXXONS), I suspect they didn’t really try all that hard.

  54. [re=467357]Formerly Known as KevoTron[/re]: Good for you! I left Seattle two years ago, because I couldn’t stand the mayor any longer. Now that he’s gone, maybe I can consider moving back.

  55. [re=467368]Click[/re]: And speaking of “titty baby”…. back in AK when I was a state-sponsored nanny to a trio of darling little native girls – dumped onto grandma by their barstool mom and trooper dad (who quickly fucked his way into 3 additional children – all with penises so he kept them), that was her favorite way of addressing the girls (ages 4,6 & 8). That – along with “knock it off, or I’ll tear you a new asshole” – was the basic mantra recited daily to the doomed little dark-eyed darlings living in a dumpy little single-wide in a land where the sun never shone in winter. No one wins this motherfucking rat race. I’m gonna head out to the corner store now to see if they’ve got any snark left on their shelves. If not, I guess it’s a greasy chimichanga and a coke. They tell me fat is often used as a means of shielding oneself from the outside world – which doesn’t explain all the fat people who talk with their mouths full.

  56. [re=467349]bitchincamaro[/re]: Tnx. Excellent. Am ashamed that I had an “Angela Merkel who?” moment.

    It was Matt Taibi, right, who pointed out that Those Who Control the Media have decided it’s now OK for their minions to savage Palin like starving dogs on a sausage?

    Not that I’m against that.

  57. 5K charity runs are so hard. I tried to do one in my rascal last year, I gave up after about 5 minutes. Seeing all those people speed-walking made me ill.

  58. she wasn’t even near the finish line of a 5k race … 40 MINS IN??? I can walk backwards faster than that and a child could finish a 5K race in 40 mins. This woman is a scary farce … and a photo-op whore!

    5km = 3.125 miles. Top runners would complete it in 13 – 15 mins. Slow joggers in about 25 – 30 mins. Walking would take about 40 mins.

  59. Unlike $arah, I’ve never started a 5K run so I don’t know the agony of defeat of not finishing one. I did once belong to the Hash House Harriers though, and easily and swiftly traversed equal and longer distances from one bar to another and another, with increased drunkenness! On-on! Also, unlike $arah, I was once elected vice-president of my homeowner’s association when I lived in such a community. I only did it to counteract my republican neighbor who wanted me to keep my BBQ grill off my porch, as her way of affirming republican virtues of not interfering with individual rights. Bitch, also.

  60. [re=467379]wonky is as wonky does[/re]: Just to be fair to sex kitten Sarah, right now I could run 5K. But if someone gave me 7 million dollars to pretend to write a book, three months from now my body probably would be so whacked from the bottomless barrel of Red Bull, strawberry shortcakes and girls like Bristol that I’d probably have trouble running to the corner store for more NoDoz let alone 3 miles. Sarah dropping out of the 5K probably just means she spent the last couple of months being the party girl her children seem to emulate.

  61. [re=467381]bago[/re]: My pop lives within spittin’ distance of the Space Needle, but since he’s about as much fun to visit as a Somali refugee camp I try to steer clear – although I’ll occasionally check in on him via the Queen Anne traffic cam. Long as the driveway isn’t occupied by an ambulance or the coroner’s van, I figure he’s okay.

  62. [re=467372]Click[/re]: “They tell me fat is often used as a means of shielding oneself from the outside world . . . .”

    Isn’t it funny how the “they” who offer that explanation usually are . . . .well . . . FAT?

  63. [re=467277]Barrelhse[/re]: “Actually, Dorothy Parker never used the word “off”.”
    True, she preferred the word “kill.”
    And, hey, don’t worry yourself, Sarah. Sometimes the Runner Stumbles.
    Hopefully you were humble enough to allow someone to help you back to your feet and brush you off. Oh wait, this is America. Brushing off mascara’d narcissitic lunatics isn’t something we ordinarily practice around here. Preferring instead to focus all our collective attention upon them.

  64. [re=467390]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: What can they get upset about? He’s a black athlete and he didn’t stab his beautiful blonde wife. She attacked him. He tried to drive away. Even when she–apparently–took a golf club to his SUV–she damaged his car, his wheels!–he still didn’t fight back but tried to drive away and hit a tree. This incident wrecks the Right’s image of the black man as a stimulus/response mechanism where all the responses are RandomChoice[{punching, stabbing, shooting}].

  65. for some reason la palin always brings to mind titiana’s line: “thou art as fair as thou art beautiful” after she’s been tricked into falling in love with an ass.

    also, i bet titania never made turkey dinner either.

  66. [re=467390]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: WINDERMERE, Fla. (AP)—Tiger Woods and his wife were not available to speak to state troopers for the second straight day, asking that they return Sunday to try to clear up questions about how he crashed his SUV into a neighbor’s tree.
    When was the last time that worked for you? Yeah, didn’t think so. Law dudes get rather insistent when it comes to interviewing me…

  67. [re=467392]ladymacbeth[/re]: I think of her more like Polonius. Totally clueless but always with something to say. Willing to manipulate their child for political purposes. And if Sarah is like Polonius I believe at some point in the future there will have to be a scene where I think Levi will be having an intense conversation with, say, Katie Couric, and Sarah will be hiding behind a drape and Levi will have an ‘accident.’

    Todd: “Where’s Sarah?”

    Levi: “At supper.”

  68. [re=467398]MGBYG[/re]: There are 150 comments and 13,000 views because five or six of us who leave comments come back and look 800 times per hour to see if anyone wants to talk to us.

  69. [re=467400]shadowMark[/re]: The important thing is that Wonketteditors get bonuses of $7.50 per 1000 clicks above a minimum base, so clicky-clicky, sez I.

  70. Eh, I never comment because I’m not as funny as the rest of you. Also, I have a job. That I wish to keep, so I don’t log in from work. It’s fun to see how many Wonketteers are Seattle-adjacent, though.

  71. okay, just to clear something up, I’m a subscriber to Runner’s World and she was never on the cover… she was featured in a one-page “I’m a Runner” feature.


    She started the race and THEN it occurred to her that she might run into some fans at the finish? Way to think ahead, Sarah.

  72. [re=467405]notanaturalblonde[/re]: Damn – I very seldom comment unless I am at work. It’s the only thing that gets me through the day. Well, that and Xanax. And sometimes Adderal, if I can get it, which is not nearly as often as I would like.

  73. [re=467396]shadowMark[/re]: Yeah, but no one wants to fuck Polonius. Plenty of redstaters would be happy to put money in Sarah’s purse for the privilege of packing their peckers in her pomegranate. Ophelia is usually presented as a lot more fuckable than Bristol (but is Hamlet a better catch than Levi? did Levi ever advise Bristol to fuck off and become a nun? Hamlet’s a serial killer (Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern, Polonius, &c; Levi’s only sort of sociopathic, mostly just a halfwit)

    Resentful old men are fans of Ms Palin. Polonius was just a resentful old man.

    Which reminds me: Republicans have long memories but short dicks.

  74. [re=467361]Click[/re]: Yes, ignorance at the heart of it, but so is total make-believe. People believe what they want to believe, period. Go hang out with some “Eckists.” Visit the Ken Wilber crowd. People just believe shit if they get off on it, or if it fills the hole, or if it gives expression to some kinky tendency in their process. Ignorance you can work with but hardened make-believe will get you lynched.

    These fuckers take their brand preference really seriously. They really believe that Jesus > Muhammed, that Chevy > Toyota, &c. Skoal Rebel is a true believer. Belief is brand preference. Debord was right in the end.

  75. We have all been put on notice:

    Sarah Palin Kills Canadan Coemdia With Kindness

    Have you seen this yet? The TV personality from Canada who tried to use Sarah Palin as a comic prop?

    If you read agenda driven liberal blogs like the Huffington Post or Wonkette, you would think that Sarah Palin came off bad. But when you actually watch the clip, she comes off quite kind to someone who seemed unstable at best.

    The clip is below and as you watch it see if it stimulates the same questions and comments it did in me. Questions and comments like:

    Is this what passes for funny in Canada?

    I do hope they get American cable.

    Wow, Sarah Palin is truly being kind.

    This is still not funny, I don’t know if I should feel sorry for this poor excuse for a comedian or the Canadian people.

    That’s it. What was all the fuss about on the liberal blogs?

  76. [re=467412]chascates[/re]: Is this what passes for funny in Canada? I do hope they get American cable.

    We sure do. Is “2½ Men” what passes for funny in Amurka?

    And since when is “naively pandering to an audience you’re too stupid to realise is mocking you” synonymous with “being kind”? Is that a Murkan thing too? I hope the Sarah Palin blog people pity us poor Canadians enough to give me a kind, generous answer.

  77. [re=467410]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: “Yeah, but no one wants to fuck Polonius.”


    Ophelia and Laertes were produced by fission. Like bacteria.

    And Polonius clearly knows nothing of love and romance:

    Come, go with me: I will go seek the king.
    This is the very ecstasy of love,
    Whose violent property fordoes itself
    And leads the will to desperate undertakings
    As oft as any passion under heaven
    That does afflict our natures. I am sorry.
    What, have you given him any hard words of late?

    [Jesus. I know you’re all “Li-BUR-Als” in here. But don’t ANY of you read the classics?

    Oh, no, I remember: “Dead White Man’s Literature.” Gotcha. Go back to your comic books.]

  78. [re=467412]chascates[/re]: According to this article, my Manhattan-ensconced a** qualifies me as being one of the “coastal elites.” ZOMG!!111!! Jeeves, bring the Mercedes around front, stat!

  79. [re=467415]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: And since when is “naively pandering to an audience you’re too stupid to realise is mocking you” synonymous with “being kind”?

    To be honest, answering a question sincerely and not just assuming the person you’re talking to is lying to you does sound to me like “being kind.”

    I believe this is a generational thing. Nowadays the youngs think nothing should be taken at face value. They think imagining duplicity as metaphysics makes them smart or something like cool.

    Remember Juli’s wedding “prank” from during the week? The “prank” part was simply that people did’t assume they were being lied to as a default.

    This is a generational thing.

    There was a time–believe it or not, you youngs!–when in general people made an effort to say what they meant and the lying was confined to exceptional cases.

    Sarah provides so many targets for ridicule I don’t see why anyone wants to riducle her for getting ambushed. Is anyone so fucking smart and so aware so perceptive they can see through every ambush?

    The whole Juli generation is the smartest, sexiest generation ever. But there’s more to life than just not shooting wolves and moose from helicopters.

  80. [re=467418]shadowMark[/re]: I agree with almost everything you write except…

    I believe that, in this case, Mooselini gave the same, unthinking, slap-together-the-talking-points-without-thought answer that she always has, always does, and always will. It had nothing to do with ambuscade.

    We don’t ridicule her for being ambushed and failing to sense it; we don’t ridicule the Canadian for insincerely ambushing her; we ridicule the canned answer that La Palinita gave, which was independent of how the question was asked.

    We must hold politicians to a higher standard than the classic “It’s not how well the bear dances, it’s that the bear dances at all.”

  81. TBH I don’t get what was supposed to be funny about Palin’s answer either. It was what her psycho base wanted to hear and if it alienated Canadian conservatives that’ll just make ’em even happier; these are people who consider Harper to be some kind of commie faggot (in the rare instances they’ve heard of him, that is)

  82. [re=467416]Neilist[/re]: i have to say, no i would not fuck polonius. no matter how he prettifies his platitudes. he’s old and has plum tree something and purges amber.


    me? i would take aaron the moor. or probably iago. but then, i’m in therapy.

  83. [re=467412]chascates[/re]: What is it about conservatives and satire? They either refuse to believe it’s a joke, or they think the joke isn’t funny. I guess if the bit doesn’t include farts or other assorted bits of outrageous potty humor, it just falls flat for these people.

    On the other hand, we libs love it when some genius manages to incorporate farts AND satire into one hilarious combo. I’m thinking specifically of ‘Dumb and Dumber’, and the scene where Lloyd fantasizes he’s the life of the party by lighting his farts with a butane lighter. I guess there’s common ground for us, after all.

  84. [re=467429]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “What is it about conservatives and satire?”

    that’s akin to asking “what is it about tree frogs and small engine repair?”. they just don’t have the capacity to do it.

  85. [re=467429]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “the scene where Lloyd fantasizes he’s the life of the party…” Unfortunately, that scene’s edited out of the made-for-teevee version.

  86. [re=467429]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “What is it about conservatives and satire?

    Satire is French, isn’t it? I, for one, love it when I get a wingnut chain mail about how the democrats did this, or Obama did that, and with about 15 seconds on “the google” I can track it back to a conservative “satire” site. Sure, those sites aren’t funny, but they provide lots of outrage to wingnuts around the country who can’t figure out that it’s satire. Printing “SATIRE” at the top of the site apparently does not help one bit.

  87. [re=467431]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: not necessarily, but yeah, somewhat. i was thinking more of traits like self-awareness, empathy and the ability to think critically.

  88. [re=467431]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Conservatives are conservatives because they are easily frightened. This signature trait can lead to fits of mass conservative hysteria which are on display for our amusement every four years. Think about it…
    John Kerry was a North Vietnamese spy.
    Al Gore was a Chinese Communist spy.
    B.H.O. was a Nigerian sleeper cell jihadi.
    According to conservatives, they were all communists.

    As far as them being stupid…well, truth be told, we’re all stupid. They’re just louder about it.

  89. Wow…I can’t believe the comments here. My favorite…was the last one I read. Conservatives are Conservatives because they are easily frightened.

    I have to say the posters here are a perfect example of the uniformed. Talk about being scared easily you guys attack Sarah Palin and you don’t even know ANY of the truth about her. She is just a human being but I know you all have been consumed with your love for Obama your new messiah. Very disturbing to say the least.

    Maybe you should really go back and read actual history of our country and more importantly read about the Progressive Movement that you ALL are so willing to follow. It started out as Eugenics – go ahead and Google it and read the truth about the people that you are blindly supporting.

    Jim Morrison said it best…your all a bunch of fucking slaves and you don’t even know it!

    Take some time and read some facts about the Progressive Party what their real goals are and if you still don’t get it you might have to find the Wizard of Oz because he will be your last chance to get a functioning brain. Reminds me of a line I have heard a few times…Progressives are so open-minded that their brains have literally fallen out.

  90. [re=467438]surfer[/re]:
    “Maybe you should really go back and read actual history of our country…”

    The emancipation of slaves (Abe Lincoln – R)
    Granting non-land-owning whites the right to vote
    Granting white women the right to vote
    Granting non-whites the right to vote
    The Americans With Disabilities Act
    Family Medical Leave, etc.

    You’re right. There’s really nothing that I can come up with that progressives have done for the good of the country.

  91. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: Don’t waste your breath here (basically you’re saying “Get a Brain Morans.”)

    These LibTards just don’t get it. I’ve tried to talk to some Sense into them time after time, but they just don’t understand Common Sense Everyday Sarah. But you don’t have to convince me. I’ve recently taken the GOP Purity Test and passed with flying colors! I’m ready to take Our Country Back!!!

  92. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: Jim Morrison said it best…your all a bunch of fucking slaves and you don’t even know it!

    Indeed, that IS the Right: Jim Morrison -> Ronald Reagan -> Sarah Palin

    Remember when Reagan looked at Gorbachev and said,

    This is the end… The end of laughter and soft lies … The end of nights we tried to die

    I think you are right. Sarah Palin is the continuation of that. The end of laughter and soft lies. She will be the end of nights when we try to die.

    Thank you for being brave and coming in here and pointing that out.

    Jim Morrison -> Ronald Reagan -> Sarah Palin

    I can see it all so clearly now. Motel. Money. Murder. Madness.

    Sarah Palin. Just another lost angel in the city at night.

  93. [re=467442]shadowMark[/re]: i’m reminded of reagan’s penchant for referring to nancy as “mother”…

    oh shit, ronnie reagan IS the lizard king…

    “Mother, I want to… (unintelligible oedipal outburst)!!!!!”

  94. [re=467442]shadowMark[/re]: Of course he went for the obvious icon, Morrison. Ronnie James Dio had some rad Conservative quotes post-Sabbath (e.g. Holy Diver). It’s a bit high brow even for this crowd, but you CAN get there from Dio:

    Ronnie James Dio->Meat Loaf (through Tenacious D)->Ground beef->Ronald Reagan->Sarah Palin

  95. [re=467443]Xav[/re]: If you read the history of our country, you will plainly see it has been the progressives who have fought against “liberty and justice for all.” Conservatives are always looking for ways to make things better. It’s so clear.

  96. [re=467447]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: by “all”, conservatives mean “all those who share our melanin level/socio-economic status/religious affiliation. it’s in the constitutions.

  97. [re=467446]El Pinche[/re]: Being a good Conservative I would have stressed the push (up) Right-thinking women have given to the cause of freedom, lacing-up the foundation Sarah Palin depends on for her support:

    Grace Slick -> Chrissie Hynde -> Nancy Reagan -> Meghan McCain -> Sarah Palin

    What can a man say but: Thank God. No. A real man must at a time like this say it like this: Thank God !

  98. [re=467438]surfer[/re]:
    Follow this one, libtards. I think this is how surfer came up with this.

    Hitler -> Eugenics -> Hitler -> “Socialist Party” -> Socialist = Liberal -> Liberal = Progressive -> Progressive = Pro-Eugenics

    It’s the only way I can tie the words together.

  99. [re=467453]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: The Cato Institute just faxed me this one:

    Freud -> archy and mehitabel -> E. B. White -> Hitler -> Julian Jaynes -> Teh Wonkett

  100. [re=467454]shadowMark[/re]: I just got this one:

    Jesus the Christ -> William Wallace -> Mel Gibson -> Freedom Tea Party -> Glenn Beck -> Sarah Palin

  101. [re=467456]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: The Holy Spirit intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words and the Holy Spirit just whispered this one to me. It’s a little cryptic but it takes my breath away:

    Fillide Melandroni -> Hester Prynne -> Isadora Duncan -> Eva Braun -> Lady Heather -> Juli Weiner -> Sarah Palin

    I’ve got to shut down for the night. I want to dream about that last one.

  102. I’d like to give a toast to Surfer for livening up this thread tonight. To Reagan, Skoalrebel, Pearl Jam, George Clooney, and of course, Sarah. Cheers.

  103. [re=467457]shadowMark[/re]:
    I know when I’ve been topped.

    And you topped me real good.


    P.S. That’s Jesus the Christ, not Jesus the Gardener, please know.

  104. Ya know, I was going to write a whole refutation of surfer’s argument about the eugenics movement but my arguments just kept going on and on and on. You just can’t argue with conservatives anymore because they are not coming from a reality-based position. Like Bill Maher said, we have one side in Congress that now takes conservative positions (Dems) and another side that just says “I like turtles.” Truly, the Republican Party has become Ralph Wiggum.

    Palin/Wiggum ’12!

  105. [re=467457]shadowMark[/re]: Hahaha..yes, the step from Lady Heath to Juli is indeed breath-taking. Yeah, me too. Good night sweet sweet warbloggers.

  106. I find it rich that the folks who’ve been parroting the ‘Messiah Obama’ meme for the past 2 years are the very same ones who are so over-the-moon for Palin.

  107. [re=467324]Bruno[/re]: I believe it was Mama Cass with the roast beef sandwich. I’ve also heard it was a ham sandwich. I’ve also heard it’s not true.

  108. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: Conservatives are easily frightened, and they love whipping up the masses with fear. Dickhead Cheney had a ball for the last several years with his “terror alerts,” scaring the crop out of people, and then telling them that “only we can save you.” And the ironic thing is that most of the time this guy was holed up in an undisclosed location like a petrified rabbit. Great leaders inspire courage, not fear, and on that score, your Bush/Cheney is just one big FAIL.

  109. Even the Onion couldn’t make the stuff Sarah “the Media Whore of Babble-On” Palin says and does.

    from The Christian Science Monitor, 07/01/09:

    ‘In an interview with Runner’s World Sarah Palin was asked if she could beat the president (Obama)in a race. She replied, “What I lacked in physical strength or skill I made up for in determination and endurance. So if it were a long race that required a lot of endurance, I’d win.”’

  110. [re=467469]CopyDesk[/re]: She would also beat him chess, bridge, ping-pong, weight-lifting, and checkers, because she is a Real American and he isn’t. And God is on her side, also.

  111. “Jim Morrison said it best…your all a bunch of fucking slaves and you don’t even know it!”
    You’re afraid you’ve become a slave but you can’t point the person who’s enslaved you. You’re sloppy use of language has led you to claim, in effect, you are a slave to your own imagined needs, since it’s your yearning for material possessions that compels you to spend your life making others rich.
    and it makes you afraid that you are helpless against the power of your own greed, so you blame me.
    That’s what makes you a conservative.
    Get it?

  112. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: Please, witness to us the Truth of the Sarah. What is there to know about her that we haven’t heard yet? Come now, you say there’s more to the story, stand fire and spit it out.

  113. [re=467423]Click[/re]: I don’t believe a word my dentist says either. The pain in my jaw must be caused by angels or something. Glory! Submitting to God’s will…

  114. [re=467473]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Pain’s a subjective experience, which means you caused it. Nerve cells don’t cause pain, they elicit the signals which travel to your brain, which you then interpret as pain. Fire will sear the flesh right off your fingers if your CNS lacks the capability of transmitting the signals which tell you something’s burning. Nothing hurts unless you are there, so just remember it’s all your fault. Not God or impacted molars.
    Tip: When your hammer accidentally hits your finger instead of a nail – rub or massage your finger, it’ll make it feel better. Why? Because you are ambushing some of those pain signals that were trying to reach your brain.
    [Actually they don’t “try.” As Yoda said, they do or they don’t do, there is no trying]

  115. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: “I have to say the posters here are a perfect example of the uniformed.’

    I have to say that you are a perfect example of the poster who doesn’t pay attention to what he types. Unless you really meant “uniformed.” Then that’s pretty funny…

    I don’ got to show you no stinkin’ uniforms!

  116. [re=467471]dijetlo[/re]: “it’s your yearning for material possessions that compels you to spend your life making others rich.”
    The desire for material goods is a symptom, not a cause.

  117. [re=467471]dijetlo[/re]: Actually, it’s my yearning to sell material possessions to the rich so I can spend my life. Period. I like to eat.

    Hey surfer – need some material possessions? I got ’em, money talks, nobody walks.

  118. Freepers and RedStaters are always pulling that shit “libs don’t like Sarah because they’re AFRAID of her,” which is, of course, incorrect, never realizing they are projecting their own psychology about what drives and motivates them: fear.

    For the edification of surfer and all the other trolls who lurk around here, Sarah doesn’t scare us one bit. She will never be president. She will most likely never even be the republican nominee (although we do wish that could happen.) We all have our various reasons for deriding and mocking her, but fear doesn’t come into it at all. For me, it’s just that she’s such a simpleton with a big ego, and I’ve always hated such persons. But I don’t fear her.

  119. [re=467239]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Yeah…but it looks like only the lazy sperm landed. The rest were out showing off their manly prowess. Or something.

  120. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: “I have to say the posters here are a perfect example of the uniformed.”

    I can’t think of any posters of the uniformed (was Rosie the Riveter in a uniform?), but I always liked the one of the tennis gal scratching her bum. Took a lot of trips to Spencer’s Gifts as a lad just to visit that poster.

  121. [re=467483]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Fear does “come into it”, but it is not the fear sane, intelligent people might have for the welfare of their country. It is Sarah Palin’s own fear. She can be called a quitter or a failure or a loser or a maverick or any other of many things, but pure and simple she is a coward.

    There is no need here for the exhaustive listing of the litany of her cowardly actions, it is all public record. Let those who have eyes look and see; let those who have minds think. This person, this refugee from her own life, indeed will never be president. There is nothing she will not in some manner attempt to flee, except for the one thing she cannot escape — she is a coward at heart and there is nothing she or anyone else can do to change that.

  122. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: “Reminds me of a line I have heard a few times…Progressives are so open-minded that their brains have literally fallen out”

    Reminds me of line I have heard a few times…conservatives are bitter morons.

    By your “logic”, the lunatic fringe of the right must be shit-in-their-pants terrified of Obama. After all, they are only going out of their way to bitch about every single thing he does or does not do.

  123. So apparently a few hours ago a couple of cunts strolled into a coffee shop south of Seattle and gunned down 4 police officers in cold blood. That makes five WA state cop executions in a month. Now THAT, not Sarah Fuckface, scares me.

  124. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: “and more importantly read about the Progressive Movement that you ALL are so willing to follow. It started out as Eugenics”

    Do you like dogs? You do? Hitler liked dogs too you fucking Nazi!

    Do you drive a car that was made on an assembly line? You do? Henry Ford perfected the assembly line you miserable Jew-hater!

    But back to Sarah. Your shining star is a quitter. Period.

  125. Why prepare turkey when you already are one? Why finish a 5K when you can just fly away? Why try to govern when you have a brain the size of a walnut? These are the traditional Three Questions of Sarah Palin Thanksgiving.

  126. actually ‘surfer’, La Palin DOES scare me.

    she’s uninformed (or perhaps uniformed? so easy to confuse…), incurious, lazy, self-righteous, impulsive, politicaly irresponsible and has the aggressive instincts of dick cheney without the formative policy experience.

    but because she has a pretty face, smoking hot bod and weird way of speaking, she has a political base that seems to think there are no other requirements for higher office.

    lest it has not been said enough: i do not want my leaders to ‘be like you’.

    and yes, surfer, i mean, exactly you.

  127. [re=467502]El Pinche[/re]: Well, they probably felt it prudent to report the crucial ‘putters and nutters’ stories before moving on to the more mundane massacre of innocent human beings fluff piece.

  128. [re=467438]surfer[/re]: “Progressives are so open-minded that their brains have literally fallen out.”

    Literally? LITERALLY?!? Do you know what LITERALLY means, you piece of Rand befuddled, Paultard trash? Unless I am stepping on my brains as I wander around the kitchen, I would guess that you probably meant figuratively. But who knows. I was passed over by the Holy Reagan Spirit back in the 80’s, so maybe you’re right.

    Personally, surfer, I think that I’ve read few other folks here on Wonkette who would be a more appropriate candidate for the D.P. Gumby Poster of the Year award.

  129. [re=467438]surfer[/re]:
    The only threats to your beloved Queen Tard of the Tundra are her brain and disconnected mouth. She and her mentally-arthritic followers seem to exist for nothing but our entertainment. And I believe every clown is worthy of a least a chuckle.
    I suggest you read some history. Perhaps you’ll stumble upon the many deceptions and contradictions rooted in the version you’ve obviously accepted with blind faith.
    Until the GOP and Conservatives pull that foot out of the 19th century, they’ll be under the constant ridicule of us and the rest of the world.

  130. [re=467503]rottenart[/re]: Forsooth! Dame Peggington doth want the savage Kenyan to forgo the Health-Care for another annum! Apparently his party members pushing a bill through is a sure sign he has lost this round and should limp deep into the forest to dress his wounds with some native poultice and try again another time. Like next year, during election season. She’s either very smart or very stupid. Or very drunk. I’m guessing two out of three.

  131. [re=467506]fishskicanoe[/re]: You have to understand that to those folks who branched off during our most recent cretinaceous period “literally” means “just about.”

  132. [re=467491]Click[/re]: One of my friends posted “So sad, praying for the families, hope they catch the bastards, etc” on her FB and some moran friend (of hers, not mine)replied and BLAMED THE SHOOTINGS ON OBAMA.

    My mind reels.

  133. Surfer! DUDE! Stick around, buddy! With you as the Target of Opportunity for a Wonkie Lyb-er-Al Shower Gang Rape, I’ll be able to get away with virtually ANYTHING!

    Speaking of which: No word yet on the really important facts of the Washington police shootings, e.g., type of weapon and ammunition, shot grouping, etc.

    [Waiting for Anguished Wails from Suddenly Enthusiastic Liberal Supporters of All Law Enforcement in 3 . . . 2 . . . ]

  134. [re=467542]Neilist[/re]: I’m sure that your shotgun is probably stuck halfway up your ass in what is likely one of many Sunday masturbatory events, but shove it up a little harder on my behalf, will you?

  135. [re=467542]Neilist[/re]: The scum perp is probably on his way to thank Huckabee at one of his book signings.

    It is ironic how everyone here is so eager to trash others…it is the Chicago way. Now we sit in a country where 85% of the general public are angry with the government. About 50% claim they are VERY ANGRY. Hope and change sure has worked.

    This is exactly what happens when people enter a voting booth that have no idea what they are voting for. It is a disgrace. Voting in 2008 should be reclassified as a weapon of mass destruction.

    We keep on this path and we will see forced conflict in this country and all of you voting with your heads up your arse are going to have to come to grips with the consequences of your foolish and reckless behavior.

    Remember the GOP caused Obama, they are 100% to blame for Obama even existing today. Remember the next wave of politicians are going to swing back even harder and so on and so forth and for what good? So our country can be destroyed from within.

    You need to truly understand what and who you are voting for and it absolutely makes NO SENSE whatsoever to vote for people that support a small fraction of our country it is a recipe for disaster.

    The Progessives use ALL of you and the only payback you will receive is enslavement. Wake up, get some common sense and work to make this country better – stop insulting others, stop embracing the Chicago mob-style politics.

    Are you any better off than a year ago? Do you actually believe anything that you are being told? Do you actually believe we are in a recovery? Do you actually believe there can be a recovery without jobs? Have you read about the Great Depression?

    Wake up, read everything especially the US Constitution and try to understand really what our country is supposed to be. It isn’t what we are seeing right now.

  136. [re=467648]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yeah, except for the random idle threats and the accusations of anti-semitism for folks that point out McCain is a screw-up.

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