Wonkette
- Happy Thanksgiving? Not for the Indians, who are anti-celebrating the Mumbai terrorist attacks of one year ago. [BBC]
- Most people try to sneak out of White House state dinners, but these two weirdos snuck in. [Reliable Source/NYT]
- The U.S. economy should recover in, oh, maybe five years? Maybe more? Who cares, because by then we’ll all have been eaten by those cannibals from The Road. [Associated Press]
- Oh yeah and we are all DOOMED because the U.S. dollar plunged in value (again) while you were sleeping, and now it’s worth about half a bite of spit-out California Roll. [Bloomberg]
- Let’s all hope the Space Shuttle lands safely tomorrow morning, because Jesus Christ, how much more can anybody really take? [Gannett]
- If you didn’t go anywhere for Thanksgiving, it’s either because a) you’re broke, like everybody else, or b) you just hate your awful family. [MSNBC]
- Important informational website WikiLeaks published half-a-million text messages from September 11, 2001. From the banal to the heartbreaking, the whole massive bummer information trove is enough to make you skip dinner today and just go sit in the yard, crying. [Guardian/WikiLeaks]
- But, still, happy thanksgiving! Really!
Will this wikidump prove to the teabaggers that a terrorist event occurred during George Bush’s term?
Well, if Mahogany Jones said the party crashers had a good time, who are we to question? They got on TV, and that’s what’s really important, isn’t it?
This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for carbon monoxide.
I guess the “polo playing socialites from Northern Virginia” didn’t know that lying to the Secret Service is a felony. I hope the Secret Service is completely humorless about this. Is there a polo league at Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison?
Lefty Lucy:
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful to be cooking dinner for my elderly parents. Love you, Mom and Dad.
If God didn’t like cannibalism, he wouldn’t have made people full of meat.
I’m NOT thankful that Governor-Elect Chris Christie wants to prevent outgoing Governor Corzine from giving more money to foodbanks in New Jersey. Because it’s the season to be stingy and let people go hungry, and that money could be better spent on cushy, inflated state contracts for Christie’s fat-cat friends.
Terry: Funny: this Thanksgiving I’m fighting with my father over care arrangements for my very elderly grandparents, while he’s fighting a cold war with his stepsister over the inheritance (remember, they’re not dead yet).
So I’m thankful to be eating a quiet, peaceful meal and a slice of freezer pie with my wife, who might even fuck me out of pity today, 3000 miles away from my toxic, shit-eating gene pool.
Happy Thanksgiving, Yanks!
Give thanks for the fact that you all have a holiday today, whilst most of the rest of us are enduring another day at work in the economic Hindenburg that your President Bush created for the entire bloody world… mission accomplished, indeed! Now pass the hormone- & MSG-laden GMO turkey this way, please…
ForTheTurnstiles: Wow. I was just bringing the snark, but that *really* sucks. Sorry.
ForTheTurnstiles: Pity-fucks are better when the stripper is crying… oh, wait… that only goes for strippers, not wives… but you get the picture, amirite?..
Bearbloke: U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Lefty Lucy: Kafka begins to make sense to you when the line between snarking on the shitty bits of life and the reality of your own shitty life becomes invisible.
How’s your Thanksgiving going, Josef K?
Bearbloke: Never pity-fucked a stripper, but given the trajectory of this marriage, I think I may give it a try by New Years. Is it considered polite to offer cocaine first, or is it okay just to promise the coke for after the fucking?
Aflac Shrugged: Ur doin it rong. For Bearbloke, it’s A-U-S! A-U-S! A-U-S!
Since they’re below the equator, their alphabet runs counter-clockwise.
Maybe we should sacrifice a bunch of animals or humans. A thanksgiving bloodletting with real mincemeat. It’s sure to solve .. something. I suggest we sacrifice Lou Dobbs to Quetzalcoatl as a cure for dyslexia. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas .. the traditional way of keeping warm for winter by gaining weight.
Those don’t look like cellphone text messages (not too many people in the USA were even using text messaging in 2001) - but rather pager messages.
It could have been a hobbyist - not some spy agency - that collected them, btw, it is no great technological challenge. Although it is probably illegel (ECPA).
Happy thanksgiving, BTW!
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!
I am thankful for teh smart, funny, cynical Wonkette and its commenters.
Have a good day, everyone.
My father-in-law has Alzheimer’s and thinks everything I cook for him is the best damned thing he’s ever eaten. My oatmeal, smooth and buttery and flavored with vanilla and cinnamon, just about breaks his heart, it is so good.
The Alabama sky is blue. The air is sweetly scented with tea olive blossoms, and the autumnal woods smell like baking bread. There’s a brined, free-range turkey in the oven, and I have beets, sweet potatoes, and winter squash fresh from my garden.
Then, on the other hand, 25,000 people in the world will starve to death today. I’ll send nice checks to Oxfam and the World Food Programme. My cancer is sulking off in a little corner somewhere, so I will be very grateful to be who I am and where I am.
Why oh why oh why can’t we go back to the way things used to be? Red hunting, bowling parties, 25¢ gallons of gas, air raid drills and little league games where it didn’t matter how you played the game just as long as you got a turn at bat? How sad the world is…thank you Wonkette, and a Happy Thanksgiving to all…
MISTAHCOUGHDROP in PARIS / http://storefrontwindows.blogspot.com/
If there is a god in heaven, the party crashers will be killed.
Yay pilgrims!
Bring on the Dysfunctional Family Olympics! Hope everybody’s got their liquor ready!
BlueStateLibtard: I was thinking more like cushy, inflated chicken dinners for Christie’s fat stomach.
Congratulations, New Jersey! You’re now stuck with Governor Fat Bastard for at least the next four years, assuming he doesn’t pull a typical New Jersey political stunt and get caught sleeping with an Israeli man, fail to wear a seatbelt and almost die in a SUV rollover accident, be indicted for corruption after 3 weeks in office, steering state grants to a hospital that gives kickbacks, or any one of a number of other highly amusing hijinx.
Happy Libtard Thanksgiving, everyone. May the bonds of eternal friendship which were forged between the Red Man and the White Man at that first Thanksgiving carry on forever? Wait, wut?
My people, some of them have run away to the hills and have no blankets, no food. No one knows where they are, perhaps freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children and see how many of them I can find. Maybe I can find them among the dead. Hear me, my chiefs. My heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever. - Chief Joseph
We did not ask you white men to come here. The Great Spirit gave us this country as a home. You had yours. We did not interfere with you. The Great Spirit gave us plenty of land to live on, and buffalo, deer, antelope and other game. But you have come here, you are taking my land from me, you are killing off our game, so it is hard for us to live. Now, you tell us to work for a living, but the Great Spirit did not make us to work, but to live by hunting. You white men can work if you want to. We do not interfere with you, and again you say why do you not become civilized? We do not want your civilization! We would live as our fathers did, and their fathers before them. - Crazy Horse
Fear not about the dollar, I lived in fear that POTUS Obama would sign the land mine treaty, making it impossible to mine the US Mexican boarder (and once completed the US Canada boarder because I am not a racist). But POTUS Obama has not signed the land mine treaty as I feared. I congratulate Potus Obama.
America needs land mines. And Sea mines, coal mines, gold mines, data mines. Why are there no Air Mines, and Space mines and Cyberspace mines, empty space mines, every kind of mine.
Salahi deserves to become the captain of the Guantanamo Bay Polo Association.
That dog is fucking asshole.
Paul Tardy: But he has promised to sign the land mime treaty. For once, he’s thinking outside the glass box.
SINCE BOWBAMA HAS TAKIN OVER , THE WHITE HOUSE IS AN OPEN CRACK HOUSE FOR MEDIUHHH ELITITISTS, DOMESTICAL TURRISTS, AND HIP HOPPERS (EXCEPT HI CALIBER, HE’S AIGHT). HAPPY THANKSGIVING LIBTARDS , ENJOY YOUR FANCY ALMOND BASTED TURKEYS ,SOY BASED STUFFING, AND HOOTY TOOTY WHITE WINES OR WHATEVER.
Dear Wikileaks,
WTF with all the leaks about September 11, 2001? What happened that day? Other than that big sale at Saks?
Love,
Dana
My fondest thanksgiving dinner memory is the time my grandfather made some caustic remark (in fact, it was:”Your wife is your worst enemy.”) at the table. My grandmother opened her mouth and yelled, “Shut up!” at him. Her false teeth flew out of her mouth right into the big serving dish of mashed potatoes in the center of the table.
I don’t expect anything that fun to happen today, at my brother-in-law’s house. But, tomorrow is the first day of The War On Christmas. Just thinking about that gives me hope.
I am thankful for a quiet day home alone, after a hard week wherein I bitch-slapped my nasssty Dean back into his place and acquired a tiny piece of foreclosed upon property back in the hills where I can retire. Oh, and my family is all on the other side of the continent (yes, the one we took from the Indians), and I beat the rush by getting suitably snockered last night.
I’m thankful Ken’s back and working on Thanksgiving Day. How’re the blisters coming along?
Terry: Regrettably, there probably is a polo league in whatever Club Fed we hope these folks are sent to, but probably won’t be because they’re cute — well, she is, anyway, and nothing bad ever happens to trophy wives. He should go to Marion or Florence or whatever Supermax is most punitive.
As Blanche DuBois said, I live on California Rolls spit from the mouth of strangers.
President Beeblebrox: Man, that Crazy Horse was some kinda anti-immigration conservative, wasn’t he? “Waa waa waaa, all you damn immigrants have stolen our
jobsland. Go back where ya came from!”Worse than Dobbs, or Tancredo.
Terry: “polo playing socialites from Northern Virginia” — Fuck these people bloody in a Russian supermax. Their wine fucking tasting fucking helicopter rides (fuck almighty, what shit heads) used to cause cattle stampedes through my front fucking yard. The first time I saw that helicopter come overhead at fifty feet I thought it was on a strafing run.
They are welcome to eat an obnoxiously salted ton of rotten cattle dicks and then pray for a speedy demise.
Damn straight the Indians won’t be celebrating Thanksgiving today or any other last fucking Thurdsday of November, they’ll spend the day kicking themselves in the ass for not slitting the throats of all those stinky, skinny, pale-skinned illegal aliens at Plymouth all these many moons ago and then building a big electrified fence to keep more of ‘em out!!!
Not for the Indians, who are anti-celebrating the Mumbai terrorist attacks of one year ago.
It’s a relief to know that our Indians aren’t the only ones who remember this day with grief and chagrin. I called my Mom and will spend the rest of the day carefree and/or drunk. As the LORD intended.
kapish: AGGHHHH!! Talk about horrible flashbacks. I remember walking into a Zabar’s years back when an old lady cut loose on me with a sudden attack of rabid dementia. She was walking out as I was walking in and as I was holding the door open for her she looked up at me - her rheumy eyes suddenly snapping wide like a pair of crusty shutters. Then, as she opened her huge cavernous maw to let out a blood-curdling scream, her goddamned chompers - which briefly took on the appearance of a jumbled mass of crunchy dominoes - finally broke loose from their last bit of stubborn dentu-grip to hit the pavement at my feet. Like any other New Yorker, I paused for a split second, pointed to the displaced teeth below me and said, “Wow, I’ll bet that’s the closest brush you’ve had with those,” and walked into the store to do my shopping.
Anyhoo, Happy Thanksgiving, all. I gotta run now and grab my shotgun so I can start the Holidays right by blasting the flying fuck out of my new piece-of-shit, punk-ass neighbor who has done nothing but blare his hideous white rap “music” towards my house, and constantly rev the engine of his mufflerless cock replacement, ever since moving into the neighborhood 3 days ago. Some people are just asking for it, and I’m thankful I have plenty of bird-shot so as not to dissapoint. If he manages to survive my double-barreled assault, I’ll probably try asking him nicely.
Terry: Possibly at one of the minimum-security prisons. I believe Sideshow Bob crewed at the one in Springfield.
Ahh…9/11. Who could forget? That was the day Helen made them fix our juice dispenser. 2001-09-11 09:24:35 Arch [0054310] B ALPHA 96: HELEN HIGHSPRING CARE CENTER 904 454 5000 OJ NEEDS RECALIBRATING PURE JUICE COMING OUT NO WATER
Good Morning Wonketteers!
The latest I heard regarding those social-climbing prats Tareq & Michaele Salahi is that they intended to crash the Obama’s Eid al-Adha sacrifice and bbq dinner, but turned up a couple of days early…
And Romeo loved Juliet, and Juliet loved Romeo.
ForTheTurnstiles: Better now. Thanks.
I am thankful for my friends and family and this wonderful day of low altitude helicopter flying, wine-tasting and white rap music, that I got to spend with my beautiful fiance Ivana. Thank you God, for being such a good God and blessing all of us so much. AMEN.
SayItWithWookies: I assume by “LORD” you mean our respective lords of the manor, right? After all, by decade’s end, we will all be living as serfs, having handed back over our society to American-styled feudalism. We won’t even have to worry about mortgages, anymore; there won’t be any.
A Lou Reed reference from my favorite Album of his.
And people say Thanksgiving is dead.
Dustin de Wynde: seconded. merry turkey, all.
Merry happy Thanksgiving fellow losers! And thank you to the powers that be who insured I got to spend my holiday with my vegetarian in-laws in a weekend devoid of luscious ground fowl, replaced with a tragic loaf of tofurkey and gelatin like gravy made of vegetable stock. Also I would like to thank the powers that be for also removing all alcohol from this joyous event. Thanks a freakin’ lot for that.
I’m bummed I was so busy entertaining what is, I have to admit, a pretty entertaining and fun little group of family (we were a small group to start, and the boring old ones have died off except for the young one who married a Jehovah’s Witness so, you know . . .) but too busy to read “my” wonkette, which bums me out because Ken outdid himself on the news round up–esp. the part about the space shuttle and how much we can take.
My little family consisted of the step daughter I raised (poor kid) with my husband and her five year old. She’’s smart, if fucked up, and funny. My gay stepbrother and my lesbian daughter. Finished day ironically by watching high class Indian film, “Water” featuring vegetarians and tragedy. For those times when the Hallmark Channel holiday movie is guaranteed to make you hurl that 10 lbs of food you just took onboard.
Happy holiday weekend, losers.
Downtheroadapiece: That is what the good lord made pills for.
I’ll drink to that
ForTheTurnstiles: Shit.
If I had posted this yesterday, I would have joined the chorus of voices grateful for the wonkette world’s hard-working editors and the wonkeratti.
But I didn’t read “my” wonkette yesterday.