Here is your bit of “DC gossip” for the day: a Jell-o dessert recipe, for the holiday of Thanksgiving! It is Mamie Eisenhower’s famed Red Scare Thanksgiving Jell-o Dessert and it is best served chilled, to family members you hate. (There is Mamie right there with “friend” Lenora Hickock, feeding each other Jell-O and giggling knowingly.) This vile thing is exactly what the Eisenhowers used to force-feed the Soviets, and it is delicious.
- One (1) packet of sugar-free raspberry Jello
- One (1) small-ish amount of water
- One (1) handful of ice cubes
- One (1) cup of Sprite Zero
- One (1) packet of Cherry-Pomegranate Crystal Light
- Fill a small-ish sauce pan thing with water. Ideally it should amount to around a cup or so, but sometimes even the best chefs have a difficult time finding where overreaching family members moved the measuring cups, so just whatever feels like a cup, that’s probably a cup.
- Pour out the sugar-free raspberry Jello into a bowl. Make sure the bowl is big enough to hold at least two or so cups of liquid. This last point is crucial.
- Stare at the water until it boils. Do not worry: it will boil, despite the epigram suggesting otherwise.
- Pour the boiling water on top of the Jello in the bowl and stir it a few times so all the Jello particles whiz around in an even fashion and none are stuck to the bottom.
- Pour like a half-cup of cold Sprite Zero into the mixture too.
- So now grab a handful of ice cubes and place them in here too, as this will hasten the Jello along on its journey from liquid Jello to Jello Jello.
- Add a dash, or more than a dash—no judgment!—of Cherry-Pomegranate Crystal Light. There are now several different flavors floating about, which is several minus one more than you would have in cases of unmodified sugar-free raspberry Jello.
- Place in freezer. You heard me.
- Check on the Jello by sticking your finger in it every 10 to 15 minutes.
- When it resembles an ice-skating rink covered in blood (a hockey rink?), it is Time.
This is all it took, plus Ronald Reagan.