PRANKS IN OUR TIME  1:13 pm November 25, 2009

by Ken Layne

Greatest book EVER.BECAUSE NEWSPAPER EDITORS ARE DUMB & LAZY: Your editor Juli Weiner once faked out an entire prosperous town with the simplest of pranks, all because of one little public-urination dual arrest. [The Awl]

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Hola wonkerados.

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AnnieGetYourFun November 25, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Oh, mean! I wish I had thought of that.

Extemporanus November 25, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Weird! I’m sucking on a weinersickle right now!

Terry November 25, 2009 at 1:25 pm

You should have married him just so you could hyphenate you name and be Mrs Weiner-Sickles.
That either brings to mind a frozen meat based treat or the Oscar Meyer Mobile gone two wheeled.

MattW November 25, 2009 at 1:26 pm

If this means Wonkette gets partial custody of Mary HK Choi, I’m all for it.

SayItWithWookies November 25, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Dana Perino could use a weinersicle — it stops teh stoopid from coming out.

Lionel Hutz Esq. November 25, 2009 at 1:29 pm

I read all of that, and not even an illustration of a golden shower? What has become of the Wonkette I know and love?

JMP November 25, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Weiner-Sickle; heh.

The recent “intern” title should have been a give away, but I hadn’t suspected before that our Editor Juli was so very, very young.

SmutBoffin November 25, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Hey, I’ve got that REsearch book! Good shit.

AnnieGetYourFun November 25, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=466470]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I am going to keep posting this until someone comments on just how awesome it is. Because if that child isn’t a dead ringer for Perinos’s intellect, I don’t know what is.

OK, last time, I swear. No ban me!

slappypaddy November 25, 2009 at 1:34 pm

newspaper editors aren’t “dumb & lazy.” you need to get your facts straight on that, missy. newspapers editors are “unimaginative & cowed,” which only makes them appear to be “dumb & lazy.”

magic titty November 25, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Juli’s from Philadelphia? FAIL.

Extemporanus November 25, 2009 at 1:38 pm

Also, good call on the name change, Dan. When it comes to your burgeoning porn career, “Justin Long” is way better.

The idiosyncratically-spelled “Weiner” ain’t too bad of a choice, either, but only if you pronounce “Juli” like “July”. There’s nothing more patriotic than deep throating a wiener on the 4th of July, except maybe pie.

god.was.stingy November 25, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Hey! That Research: Pranks book is fantastic. I loved the interview with the guy who would use a megaphone and weird acoustics to tell old people the bus stop was closed for the day.

Sharkey November 25, 2009 at 1:40 pm

’cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner-Sickle,
there would soon be nothing left of me.

Extemporanus November 25, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=466467]Terry[/re]: Could a Harley-Davidson weinercycle still be called a “hog” if it’s mostly just lips and assholes?

SayItWithWookies November 25, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=466481]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Only problem is, it looks too much like a boy to be Dana. I imagine her as a child with her semi-translucent skin and that facial expression that resembles that of a baby from Kansas listening to an astrophysics lecture in Swahili, idly swatting at ideas as though they were a cobweb in front of her face. It might be difficult finding an actual picture of that, though.

JMP November 25, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=466484]magic titty[/re]: Ambler is a rich, until recently Republican suburb; we actual Philadelphians don’t consider it to be part of the real city.

bitchincamaro November 25, 2009 at 1:51 pm

College pranks. So cute. But no flying paper plates with freshman fecal matter attached? No toilet-papered dorm rooms set alight by fireworks? No arrests for mooning out your roommate’s window causing a near fatal crash of passing drivers, followed by arrests and social probation for the rest of the fucking semester? Heenngh!? We need to talk, Juli.

Extemporanus November 25, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=466481]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I had that set, and it was indeed awesome.

Of the two, I preferred the pussy pop, though the cock pop did come in handy when I went through my “stick everything in my butt—like popsicles and E.T. finger lights and Stretch Armstrong—just, well, because” phase.

Now, the packaging design gives me the biggest hard-on of them all.

Extemporanus November 25, 2009 at 1:52 pm

[re=466484]magic titty[/re]: [re=466500]JMP[/re]: It’s pronounced “FAILadelphia”.

amy amnesia November 25, 2009 at 1:53 pm

might i be having thanksgiving dinner right down the street from baby juli? my dad’s house is in bluebell, my high school played upper dublin in sporting-type events.
of course, that was 10 years before juli was there.

AnnieGetYourFun November 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=466491]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Swahili, huh? You WOULD chose the current President’s native language to mock Dana!

Honestly, she is so dumb and yet so pretty that I cannot reconcile the two. That is why I believe that she IS that child, and she has had many, many operations to make her what she is today.

shadowMark November 25, 2009 at 2:00 pm

But did Juli ever kidnap Robin and torture him and use the young man’s anguished pleas for help to lure Batman to an abandoned factory on the opposite side of town from the museum where Juli then stole the largest diamond in the world that was on exhibit? I mean, come on, is a prank really a prank if a superhero doesn’t get tortured?

AnnieGetYourFun November 25, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=466503]Extemporanus[/re]: And THERE’S the buttsex that the site has been missing since early this morning.

Accordion-o-rama November 25, 2009 at 2:03 pm

A few years back, National Lampoon put out a book of inadvertently amusing signs and newspaper headlines. There was a section of wedding announcements, featuring photos of fresh faced youth, under banners such as:


magic titty November 25, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=466500]JMP[/re]: Haha. Yes, Ambler is where Temple Univ. banished all the art-kids. Unlike TU’s main campus, they had grass there.

S.Luggo November 25, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Such cut-ups.

In my day we would use winter break to tip over cows, see if we could sell baggies of oregeno to 8th graders, and blow up the local Selective Service office. Now, those were pranks.

[re=466484]magic titty[/re]: Suburban Philadelphia. Double Fail.

magic titty November 25, 2009 at 2:17 pm

[re=466529]magic titty[/re]: Weird I know so much about Temple, considering I went to Cambridge.

letmetellyou November 25, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=466529]magic titty[/re]: And no one was mugged on a regular basis there. Those Tyler kids are so spoiled.

JMP November 25, 2009 at 2:45 pm

[re=466546]magic titty[/re]: While I went to law school there, and know little about it. But we never had reason to mix with the rest of the school.

Flanders November 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=466481]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Wow, a Sky-sicle. Good tie-in, Annie!

vitira November 25, 2009 at 3:58 pm

This is apparently fun to do in your alumni magazine after you “graduate” from “college.” Also fun, exposing your scrotum in holiday pictures you send to your alumni magazine which are published. Not that I was a participant in this, but we had a fun time writing and editing the news article about it. “HEY! Have you seen the BALLS in the alumni magazine?” we said all day? The administration was less than pleased.

Terry November 25, 2009 at 4:48 pm


OMG, that child (can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl) has the crazy eyes of a GOP true believing woman. Katherine Harris, Michelle Bachman, and Dana Perino, they all that that look in their eyes that says their are frickin high as a kite or batshit insane…or both.

Overall, the ad seems to say that the child is sticking Evil Kineval’s tallywacker in his mouth, too.

Terry November 25, 2009 at 4:52 pm


At a major state university, not saying which one, there was a welcome back party in a coed dorm at which the guys got the brilliant idea of disassembling the men’s bathroom on their floor and throwing the parts out the window. The university, in an inspired move, refused to replace the bathroom for the entire semester. The guys had to go to different floors anytime they needed to bathe or relieve themselves. That certainly was a life lesson for them. “You don’t want a bathroom? Well, then, you won’t have one.”

Terry November 25, 2009 at 4:59 pm


From that alumni magazine article: “Pennington borrowed the dress for a day from a vintage store”

Translation, the cheap woman bought the dress at a vintage store, wore it with the tags carefully tucked inside and out of site for the party, then returned the dress the next day.

LowerdPeninsula November 26, 2009 at 1:58 am


Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more, you go and do something like this? You had me at Weiner-Sickles. Oh, and Dan Sickles is the shit. Tambien.

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