it's beginning to look a lot like the war on xmas

Wonkette Gift Guide Preview: Obama Dildo!

Famous blue dildo.Unlike our amoral right-wing friends, here at Wonkette we don’t start the War on Xmas until after Thanksgiving (Cyber-Sex Thursday). But here’s a special preview of the kind of trash you can expect to find in our annual War on Xmas Gift Guide: Oh hey, it’s an Obama Dildo, so you can, uh, practice your love.

This “long-anticipated dildo” is, in fact, 7-1/2 inches long. Is this a prediction, somehow? Will Obama be forced from office just before his second term ends, because of some kind of dildo scandal?

More importantly, this Recession/Depression is now officially terrible, as the Obama Dildo has been marked down five bucks to $30. Order a bunch for your homophobic wingnut uncles today, and then … well, they will figure out the rest. [Alternative Tentacles via Wonkette Operative “Andrew L.”]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • Dashboard_Buddha

    That is wrong on so many levels.

  • dum librul

    It’s more fitting than I wish it were. No puns intended.

  • Car Ramrod

    /yawn

    Call me when the Palin Fleshlight is out.

  • WarAndG

    This may be confusing for those who might already own the Blue Man Group 3 dildo set also known as the “shocker.”

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    Now, maybe if they made one in the likeness of Rush Limbaugh. Two big advantages: He’s already a dick, and it would be the perfect size for middle aged Mormon women.

  • freakishlystrong

    “long-anticipated dildo”? By whom? Fucking Michelle Malkin? FTW.

  • the problem child

    I’d hit that.

  • JMP

    Who is this even supposed to be for – people who like and are attracted to Obama, or those who hate him and want to say “ha ha, see he’s a dildo”.

    [re=466362]freakishlystrong[/re]: Ugh, now I can’t get that hideous image out of my head. And yes, like with Palin the stupid, not to mention the self-hating racism, cancels out any physical attractiveness.

  • yargisbargis

    [re=466362]freakishlystrong[/re]: It’s for those tea-baggers in the months when it’s too cold to do your teabagging outside.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Yawn. Let me know when they create the “Honest Abe dildo.” The ridge on that top hat would snag all the right places.

  • freakishlystrong

    I hotly anticipate the Wonkett gift guide.

  • Humpback

    Whew! I don’t care what this thread is about. I’m just happy to have escaped from that last thread’s pity party.

    Oh, now I see. Presidential dildos. How refreshing.

  • Paul Tardy

    In all fairness he tried, but we failed him, support for the war never fell to 0.0%. Anyway at least he pulled out of Iraq like he promised.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The Obama Dildo: It doesn’t pull out, either.

  • slappypaddy

    what, no french tickler?

  • dum librul

    It really looks like Easter Island’s version of Obama.

  • Humpback

    [re=466365]JMP[/re]: Now that I look closer, I see he has a lapel flag pin. So I guess it’s pro-Obama.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=466375]dum librul[/re]: LOL

  • Chickensmack

    from the Reviews section of the page:

    “I can stimulate the economy and myself!”

    “If we’re gonna get screwed by the government, at least we can enjoy it!” — Loni Love, “Chelsea Lately” TV show

    but the best part is that this fake dick is made in the U S A!

  • tbogg

    Does it come in black?

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    Looks like one of those Easter Island statues.

  • teebob2000

    Well, fuck me! Ouch — figure of speech!!!

  • CrunchyKnee

    As long as it is “Democratic BLUE!” I can deal.

  • Alaska Girl

    [re=466361]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: No, no, the Limbaugh model is, appropriately, a butt plug.

  • JMP

    [re=466370]Humpback[/re]: “I’m just happy to have escaped from that last thread’s pity party.”

    See, that’s what happens when you go three and a half hours – that’s THREE AND A HALF HOURS, ALAN – without a post while most people are at work. People get all ranty & serious ‘n stuff.

  • bbqboy

    I sincerely hope this isn’t a precursor to the John Boehner boner.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Nicer that the Sarah Palin one, which has fangs.

  • Servo

    [re=466380]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]:
    Or a piece from a chess set.

  • taylormattd

    [re=466379]tbogg[/re]: That would be totally RACIST.

  • depraved indifference engine
  • bitchincamaro

    Great. Something for the blue dog dems on my list.

  • Sharkey

    Lovingly hand carved from the finest blue plastic tree trucks.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, Obama’s penis looks just like him?

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=466415]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Interestingly enough, yes. Michelle calls it “Little Barry”.

  • Norbert

    Attach a pair of Red Trucknutz and you’ve got an allegorical sculpture of the country.

  • eclecticbrotha

    Only 7 1/2 inches? They seem to be selling Obama short.

    On the real, this is the perfect gift for all those tea bagging females who harbor Mandingo fantasies. Now they can literally shove a black man’s head in every orifice. Also.

  • blather.rinse.repeat

    “Who is this even supposed to be for?”

    For the hard-to-shop-for Log Cabin Repubs and Republican Senators. Or is that redundant?

  • magic titty

    [re=466372]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The Obama Dildo: also made in Kenya.

  • ella

    Mom always said once I’ve had a blue dildo I’ll never go back.

  • QuestionEvil

    Big change is cumming….

  • Click

    SEVEN AND A HALF INCHES is hardly what I’d call a great stimulus package.

  • Click

    [re=466430]Norbert[/re]: Where’s the white cunts?

  • Cheney Guevara

    [re=466496]Click[/re]:

    Despite Paul Krugman’s protestations to the contrary, more important than how MUCH stimulus we provide is how that stimulus is used.

  • JMP

    [re=466522]Cheney Guevara[/re]: That’s just something folks who know the stimulus is too small claim to make themselves feel better about the inadequacy.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=466359]Car Ramrod[/re]: A quick check of her schedule shows that the Sarah Palin Fleshlight will be back out on December 3, at Sam’s Club in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

    She apparently needed some time to recharge.

  • Click

    [re=466537]JMP[/re]: Also, having a fat wallet makes a dick appear bigger.

  • Extemporanus

    Those looking for more pious plyers of personal pink parts are strongly encouraged to visit Divine Interventions.

    I think it’s safe for work, if only because I can’t imagine anyone’s boss walking by, seeing a bright blue rubber baby Jesus, and immediately thinking “Buttplug?! You’re fired!”

  • Mr Blifil

    The Hope Dildo?

  • joeybrill

    [re=466450]blather.rinse.repeat[/re]: For them, it’s merely a hotdog tossed down the hallway.

  • Barrelhse

    [re=466361]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: And small cattle.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=466359]Car Ramrod[/re]: Which Plain Fleshlight? The Arse-to-Mouth model or Silly Cunt model?

  • Click

    You know my gay buddy got one of those things and he re-gifted it to me.
    It turned out to be a really shitty present.

  • maylee1985

    Here is a site where you can comparison shop for the Obama Dildo. I’m not sure I would be able to get off using it, but for some of you hardcore obama fans out there maybe? :)