Wonkette
Fear not, patient wingnuts! SARAH PALIN knows what it feels like to wait and wait and wait and wait for a celebrity JOHN HANCOCK. She knows what it’s like to practically die from hypothermia and disappointment. Yes, she has suffered just as you have: During the carefree ’90s — pre-9/11 Alaska, when Alaskans still felt safe — Sarah Palin stood in the freezing Anchorage cold for seven hours in hopes of procuring an autographed bottle of IVANA TRUMP PERFUME. And that was the fateful day Sarah realized not even Ivana’s magical flower-scented elixirs could mask the putrid odor of moose semen ….
SQUANTO’S BOUNTEOUS GOSSIP HARVEST: Poor SEN. CLAIRE McCASKILL (D-MO) has been so busy being a United States Senator that she’s hardly had any time to write stupid shit on her Twitter machine …. ACORN was given access to the world’s largest mailing list, OPRAHSERV, which it used to trick sheeple into disclosing their bank account numbers and Yahoo passwords …. KENDRICK MEEK (D-FL) wants to hear all of your crazy stories about Bonnaroo and overdraft fees …. Vermin familiar with human plague RUDY GIULIANI are skeptical of Rudy’s supposed bid for 9/11 SENATOR in 2010 ….
Shameless turkey sympathizer BARACK OBAMA pardoned two convicted TURKEYS held at Guantanamo, and then invited them to come to DC and share a hotel suite with Indian prime minister MANMOHAN SINGH. Yes. Former detainees on American soil! What’s next, Barack? You gonna turn BAGRAM into a petting zoo? Another Obamanation.
Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com
In defense of moose semen … oh, never mind.
Hey, is true that Sarah can queef the Star-Spangled Banner?
it
riley has suspiciously precise knowledge regarding the aroma of moose semen. how did this come about?
slappypaddy: Please never use the phrase “come about” along with “moose semen”, Our young Riley is an impressionable lad.
We now return to our regularly scheduled “Sarah Palin: Groundbreaking Feminist”
When Sarah becomes president to save us from the devil I hope she remembers in her inauguration speech to thank teh Wonkett for pumping up her buzz. Will we then get to pick which of the Palin klan gives us inauguration evening blow jobs?
Paul Bedard called Giuliani “the 9/11 governor.” Which just goes to show how handily Rudy can win an election when he doesn’t have to go through a primary.
shadowMark: I vote Todd. He’s not really my type, but I bet his would be the most entertaining reaction to the old “Ha! I just came in your nose!” gag.
Palin’s even lamer than I thought. I bet she douses herself with Celine Dion crap too, and buys Jessica Simpson handbags. BTW, I bet Lady Noonington is going to have a douzy of a Thanksgiving-themed column this week. Please bring Jim Newell out of retirement/hangover so he can do his thing with it.
You are so going to Siberia, Riley. That’s so Caribou Barbie can keep an eye on you from her house.
SayItWithWookies: Isn’t Bedard also the author of the Hollywood Outsider column in The Onion?
Funny. Those turkeys didn’t look Muslin…
I assumed that her scent was more like moose duck butter but I will defer to those with more in-depth knowledge.
Do we want pardoned turkeys on American soil?
I thought that that was going to be some sort of lame, backassed apology to her fans who had camped out for weeks in hurricane conditions and still didn’t get an autograph on their stupid book, but no, it wasn’t even that.
shadowMark: I hear (insert name of incorrect Palin daughter/son) knows her/his way around a dick.
EdgarAllanPoo[/re]: They will reside at the “Happiest Place on Earth”. The punishment for being a turkey is listening to “It’s A Small World” over and over.
The turkeys may have been pardoned, but they’ll be detained until the War on Turkeys is over.
Arab terrorists invade WH state dinner. Use white woman to fool guards. Daniel Craig to become new head of Secret Service. More:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5j6d6qfdty31MdqSKzV9j0w-9HhswD9C79M700
Notice that it’s a white turkey that got the pardon…was hoping that the new improved White House might pardon a black bird or two…somethings never change, I guess.
I started reading that Paul Hodes puppy story and felt my eyes start to moisten, so I immediately closed that film izle film izle page. I’m going back to that story about Virginia Foxx being a racist bitch, ’cause I want a five-minute hate, not a five-minute cr
I started reading that Paul Hodes puppy story and felt my eyes start to moisten, so I immediately closed that film izle film izle page. I’m going back to that story about Virginia Foxx being a racist bitch, ’cause I want a five-minute hate, not a five-minute cr