David Vitter Now Pooping In Ladies’ Underwear

  revenge of diaperman

That'll be $500, Senator Vitter.Louisiana sex creep David “Diaperman” Vitter is known for one thing, and one thing only: Hiring hookers and then making those hookers put adult diapers on him, so he can poop in the diapers, for sex kicks. He has been caught employing prostitutes at least twice, in New Orleans and in Washington DC — his number found in the client phone records of the since-suicided “DC Madam,” in the latter case. He is a gross scumbag and a human joke, and guess where serious Congressional Journalistic Institution Roll Call found him fondling ladies’ lingerie and looking “a bit lost,” because he was about to spurt/poop?

(We are sorry about the imagery in this post, already. Sorry!)

Here, the official gossip from Roll Call:

Just hours before casting his health care vote, the sex-scandal-scarred Louisiana Republican looked “a bit lost” amid the ladies’ unmentionables, our spy said. Our witty, bargain-seeking HOH tipster mused on a few reasons that the Senator might be there.

“Is he looking for some ‘extra support’ for tonight’s big health care floor vote or is he up to his old habits?” the spy wondered.

Look, even a criminal douche like David Diaperman Vitter must occasionally feel a vague “emotion” in some ways similar to our human sense of shame, and maybe he just can’t get off these days by having a hooker dress him up like an infant so he can shit in a Depends. Maybe this dingleberry thinks his pathetic attempts to act like Mr. Conservative Firebrand will be more “real” if he could somehow stop his crippling addiction to poo play.

And maybe this is why he now wants to defecate and jack off in ladies thongs … oh god this is too gross, sorry again. All finished here, with this David Vitter post. Happy, er, thanksgiving or whatever, the end. [Roll Call]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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72 comments

  1. Gregoire

    “Is he looking for some ‘extra support’ for tonight’s big health care floor vote or is he up to his old habits?”

    Answer: Depends!

  2. SayItWithWookies

    I, for one, find it refreshing that Senator Vitter doesn’t treat himself any differently than he treats his constituents. He can shit all over the people of Louisiana with a clear conscience.

  3. TastyCakes

    He’s dreaming if he thinks a thong could ever accommodate his leavings after 3 helpings of momma’s gumbo.

  4. V572625694

    Shame died some years ago–you’d have to give Bill Clinton credit for the throat shot, with all his blowjobs and tobacco play. Or maybe Kevin Starr. Now former congresscritter and current jailbird Randy “Duke” Cunningham could claim with a straight face that a defense contractor bought his home district house at twice the market value because the Navy wanted to use it for aircraft tracking. Ensign’s parents, fer chrissake, buy off his lover’s husband with “gifts” that strain the definition of charity but fit quite neatly under the term “bribe.”

  5. Johnny Zhivago

    It’s probably appropriate that the state where New Orleans is located would be represented by a diaper pervert and a pork whore.

  6. bureaucrap

    Perhaps he was going to use the panties to illustrate a point during floor debate: “Health Care will be making a Panty Raid on the US Treasury!” Cicero couldn’t have said it better.

  7. Decker

    [re=465943]DP[/re]: C’mon. I’m sure McCain and Byrd have filled their diapers many times. Maybe even on the Senate floor!

  8. Monsieur Grumpe

    Vitter in a Victoria’s Secret?
    I would have thought him more of an Ann Taylor kind of a guy.

  9. rottenart

    Are there people who buy unmentionables from a place called Filene’s Basement? Besides the aforementioned Sen. Shitter, I mean. I think that takes ironic store names just too damn far.

  10. chaste everywhere

    [re=465945]shadowMark[/re]: And yet, ’twas a Republican his bad self who popped the ultimate rhetorical question!

  11. chascates

    If I have to think about this I’ll imagine Sarah Palin wiping his ass and handing it to Michele Bachmann, who is smacking her lips.

  12. the problem child

    A thong would hardly do for poo-play. Perhaps he was looking for the granny panties. I’m sure Filene’s has those in his size, with or without the bulk of an additional *ahem* layer.

  13. hillarys_left_nut

    IIRC, quite convenient (as in, adjacent) to the Mayflower Hotel, though I’m not a local….

  14. MARCdMan

    And he’s going to be reelected with probably 70% of the vote because the best the democrats can find to run against him is a former porn star. What a fucked up country.

  15. Jumping Jim

    #6 Republican Purity Test – the ability to wear adult diapers with pride as Ronamd Reagun did in the last few years of life.

    Vitter only needs to pass 9 more.

  16. PrairiePossum

    Somehow the thought of him standing on the Senate floor whining about traditional conservative family values while wearing a fresh pair of lacy pink thong panties seems so appropriate for this hypocrite.

  17. Jukesgrrl

    Filene’s Basement is a discount store on the order of Marshall’s or TJ Maxx. Had he been shopping at Victoria’s Secret I would wonder, but the discount store component leads me to believe he was shopping for that pathetic wife he’s probably still trying to win back (half-heartedly). In my book, a discount store would be reason enough to dump him, regardless of the other stuff.

  18. chascates

    [re=465971]MARCdMan[/re]: The Louisiana folk figure his ‘mistakes’ were with a paid prostitute so it’s not like he was cheating with another woman. Such is the logic.

  19. V572625694

    [re=465949]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Ha ha! Nice to be read. I think of my comments here as my oeuvre or festschrift.

  20. teebob2000

    Pooping in ladies’ underwear — the clothing item? — or Ladies’ Underwear — the section of the store?

  21. V572625694

    [re=465974]Jukesgrrl[/re]: nancymeyer.com is where the elite go to find their La Perla discretely. Plus: nipples!

  22. Bearbloke

    [re=465943]DP[/re]: It’s never too late, mate!

    [re=465957]rottenart[/re]: Filene’s Basement sound like on of those ‘specialty’ stores that carry size 13 Wide Stilettos, for the … ahem… larger “women” who are 71% of their clients… right behind the Gillette disposables and Extra Strength “Made for a Woman, but I like it too” deodorants…

  23. rottenart

    [re=465974]Jukesgrrl[/re]: [re=465981]Bearbloke[/re]: I guess if the purpose is to shit in them, bulk discount would be a plus.

  24. Harvey Birdman

    Jesus Christ, it’s good to have Ken back. There’s only so much bile I can sublimate into snark.

  25. Larry McAwful

    [re=466005]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: I’m a Steelers fan, myself. It’s an old rivalry. That’s just how it is.

  26. rottenart

    [re=466006]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Filine’s Basement: where the effete meet to excrete.

    Fixed it for ya.

  27. Extemporanus

    [re=466006]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Not to be confused with Filene’s Debasement, where the hoi polloi enjoy boy toys.

  28. WideStance

    [H]is number found in the client phone records of the since-suicided “DC Madam” . . .

    Suicide should also be in quotes.

  29. Bearbloke

    Regarding this Vitter story – has anyone yet discovered who these ladies are whose underwear Vitter is shitting into, and how they both fit into the same garment at the same time?

  30. Extemporanus

    [re=466030]rottenart[/re]: Or toe-taps and slow-faps his pole flaps while a bro craps through the door gaps all over his big ol’ dunlap.

  31. rottenart

    [re=466056]Extemporanus[/re]: Holy Moly! If only Mark Foley could slowly roll-y his lonely, bony baloney into his phoney crony, we’d have a list for a tryst betwixt these pricks, Crist and a fist!

  32. Dean Booth

    The Vitter episode: The only time that a woman has ever succeeded in changing a man.*

    *Today’s cryptoquote solution, btw.

  33. iburl

    Only a state as racist, drunken and depraved as Louisiana could allow this shitbag to keep representing them. Bon Ton Roulet, bitches.

  34. artbot2000

    The big unanswered question regarding Senator Poo Poo is, who PAID? Can Vitter PROVE that he paid for diaper service out of his own savings, or did he use public money, in the classic Louisiana style? Stormy Daniels beating this closet Socialist would be a triumph for Free Enterprise and the American Way. There is no free (hot) lunch!

  35. Babs_Johnson

    David Vitter has some vague hint of a sense of shame? Won’t that disqualify him as a Republican?

  36. alkybookworm

    “The honorable gentleman will now produce a brownie in his silks…”

    My ghod, I am so frightened that this fudgeie may actually get another term!

  37. cenghan

    The big unanswered question regarding Senator Poo Poo is, who PAID? Can Vitter PROVE that he paid for film izle diaper service out of his own savings, or did he use public film izle money, in the classic Louisiana style? Stormy Daniels beating this closet Socialist would be a triumph for Free Enterprise and the American Way. There is no free (hot) lunch

Comments are closed.