THE KKK TICKET WILL BE STRONG IN 2012  10:56 pm November 23, 2009

Dipshit Who Failed At TeeVee Now Maybe Running For … President

by Ken Layne

No Quiero.Orange-headed bulb-nosed Mexican-hating fruitbat Lou Dobbs has really only failed at two things: Being a successful television news anchor, and being a dot-com executive. But the loser is now aiming to fail on a truly epic scale: He wants to run for president!!! Oh please, Lou, run for president. You can Mexican-wrestle Sarah Palin for the nomination … whoops, never mind, at least Sarah Palin is *popular* with the wingnuts. [Politico]

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bitchincamaro November 23, 2009 at 11:04 pm

Correction, Ken. Dobbs’ third fail: not taking that bullet from his Mexi-gardener.

obfuscator November 23, 2009 at 11:05 pm


i’m sure mr. dobbs will bring a fresh perspective to our national debate on immigration reform, international economic issues, and being a jowly old xenophobic asswizard.

dobbs/tancredo for america 2012, motherfuckers!


the problem child November 23, 2009 at 11:14 pm

Go ahead, take that bullet, Dobby! Save Neilist the ammunition later…

shortsshortsshorts November 23, 2009 at 11:15 pm

Only American citizens born in this here America can be President— as we all know about Lou Dobbs— he was born in Mexico. This should be known by all at this point. He just resents his family.

the problem child November 23, 2009 at 11:16 pm

Oh, and no wrestling Sarah Palin for that Messican Crunch Wrap!

Noodle Salad November 23, 2009 at 11:17 pm

Palin/Dobbs: the Dope/Orange answer to Hope/Change.

obfuscator November 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm

[re=465400]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: those shorts aren’t actually short. you lie like nobama.

SayItWithWookies November 23, 2009 at 11:22 pm

Ex-CNNer Lou Dobbs tells WTOP this morning that he feels “liberated and emancipated” since leaving the network…

Holy fuck. If he says he’s been to the mountaintop and seen the promised land — I might not get there with you, etc. etc. — then the man has officially cancelled his subscription to reality. Of course, the article’s about him considering running for president — so he hasn’t been a subscriber for a while.

It would be fun to see him run, though. I’ll bet he puts enough effort into his campaign that he makes Fred Thompson look like a workaholic. Anyway, he can’t campaign during hunting season — he’s gotta stay at home and swat the bullets out of the air.

Aflac Shrugged November 23, 2009 at 11:22 pm

I’d laugh, but in light of this and Dick Cheney floating the idea of running for his first official term as President, I think that’s tempting the gods a little too much.

Larry McAwful November 23, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Oh, hell. Anyone can fail at getting elected president. I failed at it in 2004, the first year I was eligible to run. No one told me about the paperwork you had to file, which is why I ran on an anti-bureaucracy platform. I thought I had a home run issue there, but how many states did I win? None. Not even one single vote in one of those states that still lets you split electoral votes. The whole damn system is rigged, which is why I’m cynical now, and possibly stockpiling ammunition.

shortsshortsshorts November 23, 2009 at 11:29 pm


[re=465404]obfuscator[/re]: My other half, Pants, appreciates your REMARK. But seriously— why is Lou Dobbs such a dirty wall-jumper?

memzilla November 23, 2009 at 11:31 pm

Yeah, like anyone who will alienate 100% of the Hispanic vote in this country has a chance to be Preznit. Way to read the demographic trends there, Dobbstard.

While you’re at it, why not run on the Reverse The Dred Scott Decision platform too?

memzilla November 23, 2009 at 11:32 pm

[re=465408]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: PROPANE SALES??? His father was Hank Hill???

Ye Olde Fap-Smith November 23, 2009 at 11:33 pm

[re=465397]obfuscator[/re]: Shouldn’t he be protecting his property and defending his family from the roving gangs of forest-Messicans shooting up the aluminum sidings of New Jersey mansions? HMMMMMMMMM, Mr.Dobbs?

el donaldo November 23, 2009 at 11:33 pm

Let’s see. No to leprosy. No to the Amero. No to Mexican repatriation of the southwestern U.S.

Yep. That’s a winning platform that hits all of the major hot button issues. My greatest fear is that my fingers fall off fumbling through a whole new coinage while trying to read the Spanish-only signs at the toll booths on that new transNorthAmerican highway.

Extemporanus November 23, 2009 at 11:37 pm

Watch in slack-jawed amazement as Lou “Ay Yi Yi!” Dobbs squares off against Sarah “I, I, I!” Palin in an epic cage match battle to the death! Dos enter…but only one shall leave!

And be sure to catch the multi-cultural undercard, featuring Debi “Lee Segura” Dobbs vs. Todd “The Idiotarod” Palin in a no holes-barred bout of pantsless Indian leg wrestling!

shortsshortsshorts November 23, 2009 at 11:40 pm

[re=465412]memzilla[/re]: Yes— if you mean EL HANK LOS HILL-OS, who works at SEGUNDA PROPANE-ELGA CENTRAL.

Extemporanus November 23, 2009 at 11:45 pm


I doubt it—the ticket already has three strikes against it.

Neilist November 23, 2009 at 11:48 pm

[re=465399]the problem child[/re]: “Go ahead, take that bullet, Dobby! Save Neilist the ammunition later…”

“I know what you’re thinkin’, SENIOR Dobbs: Did he fire six shots, or only five? Into your aluminum siding, I mean . . . .”

Beaners are really hard to kill. Particularly the blonde Protestant ones like Don Dobbs. And once you put him down, you’re got to deal with the charging chihuahua . . . .

hoosiermama November 23, 2009 at 11:50 pm

[re=465400]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That explains it. Dobbs is a self-loathing Mexican.

obfuscator November 23, 2009 at 11:53 pm

[re=465417]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: all those messicans sell cocaine can cocaine accessories, i tell you whut.

Aquannissiwamissoo November 23, 2009 at 11:55 pm

Now I don’t have to get my Johnny Rivers 45s converted to CDs by that weird dude at the pawn shop.

Thanks Lou !!!

obfuscator November 23, 2009 at 11:58 pm


shortsshortsshorts November 24, 2009 at 12:02 am

[re=465424]obfuscator[/re]: Day jus’ hop dat wall-ee ober der an’ fuk’ ‘em like that Disney Movee ‘thing, Wallee.

OH GAWD IS LOU DOBBS PROMOTING THE MOVIE WALL-EE? That internationzalin’ sonofabich-AHH. That movie did as bad as Dobbs’ FUTURE GOP NOMINATION, which will see about three crescents of Muslim Jihad and run into the hillz from Russia to ‘laska, where our fair maiden will care his wounds, if only to prove he isn’t a border-jumping Messican faggot.

DO WHAT YOU WANT LOU, you’re still a BORDER JUMPIN’ MESSICAN’ FAGGOT, just like that guy from CNN named Dobbs. Shit— wait, what? Is there a correlation?

Aquannissiwamissoo November 24, 2009 at 12:04 am

Ken is only back from “vaction” because Lou Dobbs bumped him from that primo America Online columnist slot.

South’s gonna do it agin !!!

ivenson November 24, 2009 at 12:06 am

Orange Man-Baby in ’12. Hells yes. HE IS SO HIGH RIGHT NOW.

shortsshortsshorts November 24, 2009 at 12:08 am

[re=465422]hoosiermama[/re]: YES! And the greater point is— if Lou Dobbs hates non-pigmented skinned alter-whites and dark-skins so much, why isn’t he out there firing off a few rounds at the first member of his Mexican family that he loathes? Why is Lou Dobbs such a terrible, terrible foreigner?

zhubajie November 24, 2009 at 12:16 am

Lou vs. Sarah, Luche Libre! Winner gets to be Pres. of Araucania!

Paul Tardy November 24, 2009 at 12:20 am

FWIW after he was canned and shot at he declared that the US should get out of Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany, Okinawa, and 700 other places. So he’s aces with me.

zhubajie November 24, 2009 at 12:23 am

[re=465434]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Because Mrs Dobbs is a better shot?

zhubajie November 24, 2009 at 12:30 am

[re=465437]Paul Tardy[/re]: Why didn’t he say it before, when he was on TV and might have done some good?

El Pinche November 24, 2009 at 12:54 am

I am saddened by the choice of using a non-blingee representation. The vacation/walk has changed you Ken.

user-of-owls November 24, 2009 at 1:21 am

A Dobbs run would be tragic for America’s poor, vulnerable gables, awnings and drain spouts. WHY WON’T ANYONE THINK ABOUT THE GABLES?!
*sob, sob*

user-of-owls November 24, 2009 at 1:24 am

[re=465434]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: If he’s looking for targets, he should call Noonington. She saw a Mexican once.

imissopus November 24, 2009 at 1:29 am

In two short years we could be watching televised debates between Dobbs, Snowbilly, Mittens, Huckabee, the Sith Lord Cheney, and maybe Alan Keyes just for shits and giggles. I am nearly giddy with the comedy potential.

LowerdPeninsula November 24, 2009 at 2:01 am

[re=465400]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Si, señor. Señor Dobbs really last name is Dobbuerto.

SayItWithWookies November 24, 2009 at 2:22 am

[re=465444]El Pinche[/re]: Here — a little Dobbs blingage:

Aquannissiwamissoo November 24, 2009 at 2:27 am

[re=465461]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Don’t Cry for Me, Dobbs&Tina !!!

Judas Peckerwood November 24, 2009 at 2:33 am

“…Lou Dobbs has really only failed at two things: Being a successful television news anchor, and being a dot-com executive.”

I can think of at least one more thing he failed at: being a human being.

Lascauxcaveman November 24, 2009 at 2:59 am

Ay chihuahua. What leads these folks to such delusions of adequacy? Is it just that they think they get to keep all the unspent campaign funds that their faithful send to them during their glorious presidential campaigns; even after the campaign is ‘suspended?’ That’s gotta be it, right? I mean, the guy’s unemployed. He needs some money.

To replace that expensive bulletriddled scratched vinyl siding in Jersey, right?

Aurelio November 24, 2009 at 3:19 am

[re=465463]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: If Lou Dobbs is the face of fascism, we have nothing to fear.

ElRat November 24, 2009 at 4:29 am

[re=465408]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: WTH??!! Address:”rural”? Ay Dios mio! His mom shit him out in a jalapeño patch – that explains everything.

ElRat November 24, 2009 at 4:34 am

Louis Carlos “Balita” Dobbuerto – “Balita” Lou has a nice ring to it.

Come here a minute November 24, 2009 at 6:16 am

I always thought he was a Mexican-hating free-tailed bat.

stanpan November 24, 2009 at 6:50 am

[re=465453]imissopus[/re]: Do you think it’s a coincidence that these dipshits are thinking of running? Who put the idea in their heads? Comedy writers, that’s who. Buncha lazy-ass writers who want the funny to write itself. Jon Stewart’s on vacation every other week. Ken Layne’s been doing “research” on California beaches. Wake up sheeple!

Come here a minute November 24, 2009 at 7:03 am

[re=465412]memzilla[/re]: That boy ain’t right.

hoosiermama November 24, 2009 at 7:07 am

[re=465434]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: A terrible foreigner and a bad example to illegal aliens everywhere. No Ameros from me to fill your campaign coffers — you’re on notice, Dobbsy!

Jumping Jim November 24, 2009 at 7:41 am

[re=465420]Extemporanus[/re]: Clever baseball reference. Lots of Hispanics in baseball by the way. Lou will change that.

Johnny Zhivago November 24, 2009 at 8:29 am

[re=465437]Paul Tardy[/re]: If he wants the US out of Texas I’m with him 100%!

WarAndG November 24, 2009 at 8:33 am

He’s way qualified, like Sarah he was on a TV news set for awhile. Plus he has opinions about stuff.

Manos: Hands of Fate November 24, 2009 at 8:37 am

I’m sure the DNC would appreciate Mr. Dobbs ability to get Latinos registered and out to the polls in record numbers. Go for it, dude!

The Church of Realism November 24, 2009 at 8:44 am

Poo Blobs should thumb-wrestle his own asshole.

x111e7thst November 24, 2009 at 8:47 am

Lou Dobbs would be wasted on the Presidency. He is a veritable god. The god of short fat orange people who a really stupid and annoying.

DickTaterPeeNoShay November 24, 2009 at 8:49 am

My favorite quote from the Politico article:

“I’m going to be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen..”

Isn’t this Dobb’s most fundamental problem?

Kingbee November 24, 2009 at 8:49 am

[re=465407]Larry McAwful[/re]: I voted for you in Minnesota in 2008. I wrote you in on the ballot and checked all of the boxes, and drew a Smiley Face, also. However, I thought you were running as “Lizard People”, so my bad.

Larry McAwful November 24, 2009 at 9:01 am

[re=465498]Kingbee[/re]: Well, that’s all right. It’s good to know where my base is, and that I’m going to have to register to make sure people understand this.

And I do smile from time to time, so your graven image of me would probably make clear to the vote counters what your intentions were. Keep up the good work; we need informed, engaged citizens like you to be active in the civic sphere.

DangerousLiberal November 24, 2009 at 9:01 am

[re=465469]ElRat[/re]: Rural = Messico

Oh, and no time of birth? Definitely fishy here. This may not be the long form birth certificate. I just know this cat was born to a family of goat herds in Jalisco.

Also: time to call him “Lewie.” Or “Luis”

Larry McAwful November 24, 2009 at 9:32 am

I’m uncomfortable with Dobbs running for president. I mean, has anyone seen his birth certificate yet? And how can we be sure that whatever he produces is genuine, anyway?

gossipgirl November 24, 2009 at 9:33 am

Good lord…Dobbs, Palin, Santorum, Newt, Mittens…this is like an absurdist’s wet dream.

Flanders November 24, 2009 at 10:21 am

Did the original Hayden-Harnett model finally starve to death? I see we have a replacement.

Flanders November 24, 2009 at 10:26 am

Sarah, Lou….these are all distractions. Cheney (as in Dick) is gonna rise up from the depths of his torture chambers and bring darkness to all the land.

Crazybroad November 24, 2009 at 10:33 am

[re=465406]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: “…in light of this and Dick Cheney floating the idea of running for his first official term as President…”

Thank you. I had not heard that. I will now go and stick my head in an oven, weeping for the fate of the friggin’ universe.

Jim89048 November 24, 2009 at 10:59 am

[re=465408]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Looks like his parents are Hank and Peggy Hill, then.

vladster November 24, 2009 at 11:53 am

Ex-CNNer Lou Dobbs tells WTOP this morning that he feels “liberated and emancipated” since leaving the network — and he’s not ruling out the possibility of running for president in 2012.

There you see. Stop all that whining you unemployeds you should feel liberated and emancipated. Start planning your run for the WH now!

bitchincamaro November 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=465407]Larry McAwful[/re]: possibly stockpiling ammunition ~~ it’s because you are a seer, a visionary, and likely, just a good American gun nut.

thesheriffisnear November 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

President of what?

doloras November 24, 2009 at 4:06 pm

If someone called Dobbs runs for President, the Church of the SubGenius will wet themselves with glee.

lochnessmonster November 24, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Are we to assume that he and Bohner have the same skin colorist?

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