Wonkette
How does Fox News trim the work force during a terrible recession without mentioning layoffs at all? Just put out an “internal memo” announcing a sudden & comical “zero tolerance” for the constant fuckups and intentional lies that make Fox News so funny. (The memo went out Friday, so it didn’t mention today’s hilarious idiocy.) Expect about 45% of the Fox News staff to be jobless by New Year’s. [TPM]
Well, shit. I was kind of hoping I could get a job with Fox, so that my lack of attention to detail and piddling “facts” wouldn’t be considered a drawback.
I’m guessing this applies to the support staff and not the on air talent otherwise Faux Newz will have no more employees ever.
Two hundred seventy-six percent of FOX viewers approve of keeping incompetent and/or malicious perpetrators of FOX fuckups employed at FOX.
This email is only because Palinites got mad that they used the wrong book cover. Not the other stuff.
If they stop using the (D) to describe scandal-ridden Republicans, I will be very disappointed. I so look forward to it.
SERIOUS QUESTION YOU GUYS: Has anyone heard from Jim lately?
Extemporanus: Since when is one NOT expected to kick gingers?
So let me get this straight — If Rupert calls up the editorial desk on the phone from Sydney, or Capri, or wherever he’s hiding these days, and says, “I want you to announce that Sarah Palin is already president and that the troops are marching on the white house to drive out the “interloper”", Does the fox news desk fire Rupert Murdoch?
Someone at FOX crunched the numbers and realized that if they have to post retractions and corrections, they wouldn’t have any time for actual programming.
Well, in their defense, it’s easy to mistake Sanford for a Democrat. His secret affair was with a full grown woman.
From Fox “News” Management: As of today all fabricated stories that do not begin with “Some say…” or end with “?” (e.g Mark Foley (Democrat?)) will constitute grounds for immediate dismissal. Stay fair and balanced. Love ya, Rupert.
AJW: This email is only because Palinites got mad that they used the wrong book cover.
Actual and factual.
The use of the wrong title and description in a FOX.com article about the book probably didn’t help, either.
“We may then build up again slowly as deadlines and workloads allow so that we can be sure we can quality check everything before it makes air, and we never having to explain, retract, qualify or apologize again.”
off to a good start, already.
This Practice Must Cease Forthwith!
60% of the problem is the constant fuckups, 73% is the intentional lies, and 63% of the problem is just the general climate of dumb.
Kwality, FNC’s middle name.
Come here a minute: February is “Don’t Kick a Ginger OR Be a Racist Month”.
Extemporanus: Sorry for being so slant-eyed. I blame the tucking fags.
S.Luggo: Ironically, it’s former NAACP chairman Kweisi Mfume’s middle name as well.
Those weren’t fuckups, that was fan fiction.
It is more important to get it right, than it is to get it on. From Marvin Gaye’s lips to G-d’s ear. Also, “given the large amount of elements and editorial we run through our broadcasts” That silly subject-verb agreement thing keeps tripping them up, also. Ultra maroons.
Its a feature, not a bug, damnit!
From the memo “It is more important to get it right, than it is to get it on.”
There’s the problem right there! Nothing is more important than getting it on. Nothing.
Extemporanus: THAT’S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE!!!!
O/T, but as a gesture of respect to, and support for, Wonkette’s advertisers, I would totally do Nessa Feddis, hard.
Wait, with rules like this, what is Fox going to do for the news? It is going to be test screens 4/5 of the day from now on?
if it’s zero tolerance for constant fuckups and intentional lies, then it’s time to shut down because there’s nothing else left.
Does that count for things like using film clips from the Million Man March to depict a teabagger bash in downtown Cupcake Falls?
Extemporanus: I missed that. I’m sure for them it’s as bad as insulting the Bible.
shortsshortsshorts: Shit! Is it February already?
Obama’s “War on Christmas” was apparently waged under a scorched month policy.
Come here a minute: el donaldo: From the memo: I encourage everyone to invest themselves one hundred and ten percent in this effort.
They really, really do have serious math issues, don’t they?
This one’s still my favorite all time Fox fuckup. The dude is making fun of himself for asking an intern to bring him video of the Lincoln Douglas debate. To help explain to slow viewers why there’s no video, we’re helpfully offered Old-Timey Pichures of Lincoln and FREDRICK FUCKING DOUGLAS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kjw2Qccc1hE
WadISay: That’s not the Hayden-Harnett model is it? Because I am getting rather alarmed at her skin-covered skeleton.
Zero tolerance=Don’t get caught.
Extemporanus: If you’re a brunette and you’re named Aaron Mischkin, you should expect to be kicked.
This sounds like hard work.
Why not just have the news staff present each piece as a hypothetical with a preceding statement like, “I weep for this country, if this turns out to be true,” or “Would it scare you to death *if*,” or “The Framers would never have believed that this could happen in *their* America”?
It seems to do a good enough job of whitewashing arrant bullshit on the “opinion” side of the house, anyway.
I’m confused. If 45% of the staff is fired by New Years, then how will Fox News get along with only 145% of their staff left?
Humpback: Ken, would you please feed that poor girl! She is thinner by the day!
That’s what happens when you hire Fox News viewers to do your fact-checking.
Come here a minute: el donaldo: mumblyjoe: Here, for your mean amusement, but for realz, is the last sentence of the “no more mistakes” memo:
This experience should make us stronger editorially, and I encourage everyone to invest themselves one hundred and ten percent in this effort.
You can’t make this stuff up.
Mistakes were made.
http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/images/item/friends-20090817-joke_sestak2.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_y-Kto3MxSdc/Re3Qh7hLtlI/AAAAAAAAABY/8hSbETw80lM/s400/fox+news+misreports.jpg
satan: If I were a smart member of the FOX Newsroom show team [sic], I’d find a way to get that entire memorandum “on air.” This would, of course - according to the memorandum itself - result in immediate disciplinary action against its own author. Afterwards, I could continue making careless and intentional mistakes like before without further fear of being interrupted.
magic titty: For The Win!1!1!!11!
At FNC, mistakes continue to have a habit of being made.
http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/images/item/beltwayboys-chafee-d-1.jpg
And damn those mistakes for screwing up FNC’s production people:
http://lindseymastis.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/FoxNewsPostAd-800.jpg
(Makes the Nuremberg Rallies look like a church bake sale)
Humpback: This morning she had her head down and turned, apparently wondering why her right breast had vanished.
That memo is serious as a substitute teacher. “I mean it! This time, I really mean it! Really!”
WadISay: You owe me a Coke.
satan: Is that not classic? “and we never having to…”
I think Fox has been taken over by the Chinese government, which from now on will translate all news from Mandarin to English using most hopeful and best word changer people who having to be working long time just like on firecracker label paper cover outside.
Boojum:
“I think Fox has been taken over by the Chinese government…”
Maybe cause of Wendi? Sorry; racist.
Does that mean TPM and mediamatters can officially be FNC’s quality assurance team? They have years of test data.
And silly me thought Fox wanted to continue on their path of being the Herman Goring Information source for America. It would be good if the all the Fox on air “talent” would don a uniform ala Glenn Beck on the cover his “book” Maybe the off air producers, directors and interns could get nice matching brown shirts.
JoeMac: Or gray pajamas, since Beck said yesterday that we should be “like the Chinese.” Of course, he was criticizing someone in the Obama administration for jokingly quoting Mao earlier. But now Glenn suddenly wants to murder 35 million of his own people and have a cultural revolution? He’s certainly come a long way since raping and murdering a young girl in 1990.
So if they work for /worked for FOX is it ok to kick them even if they are not ginger?
Despite the memo, I believe that Faux News will still keep using the same amount of fact bleach, if not more.
Tundra Grifter: Had a sub in high school who was plagued with a lisp. When we were bad, she would yell, “You have wost yow pwivwiges!” Have FOX propogandists wost their pwivwiges?
WTF is with SC’s flag, anyway? Palm tree and a crescent moon? Looks kinda Muslin-y to me.
Did they fire the Fox Pie Graph Department too?
x111e7thst: Only if one does so gingerly.
When it comes to crotch punching, however, all gloves are off. (Except those recommended by Planned Parenthood and the CDC, that is.)
SayItWithWookies: Why hasn’t he denied that? I’d deny it, if it were me.
What are the odds the memo is more manufactured outrage. There probably was no meeting. No doubt next week they’ll have the usual suspects on the air gushing over how accurate they’ve become.
45 percent is not a conservative estimate.
Jim89048: Sorry, I had no idea when I linked to this two year-old story earlier this thread, that you had done the same thing earlier this morning, and what’s more, your story was current.(?!)
Feel free to gingerly kick me at your leisure. You too, Riley.
(In my defense, the story to which I linked did feature a photo of an injured, downcast, basketball headed, Jim.)
Aflac Shrugged:
As a CYA move, every Fox News story should incorporate the word hypothetically or hypothetical in multiplicity.
Because zero percent of Fox’s viewers would know what either word means, no harm, no foul. E.g.,
“Hypothetical author of Going Rogue, Sarah Palin, noted the hypothetical attempt by the Fort Hood hypothetical Arab jihadi terrorist, hypothetically Nancy Pelosi, to create an STD outbreak among the citizens of Wasilla. Fox News hypothetical political analyst Michele Bachmann hypothetically commented, “Hypothetically, this terrible contagion of hypothetically locked loins could come about only with the hypothetically socialist Public Option as promoted by Barrack Obama, who was hypothetically born in Islamo East Africastan, or that Asian place, Hawaii.”
“Palin later added, ’Dang. STD already donst spread in Wasilla. It’s all them hippie free-love, EPA-protected forest lynx and our poor men folks tempted in the cold winters and lonely nights. ‘Ceptin my manly, cut-away chaps wearin’ Todd, o‘course.’ [Co-written with Lynn Stewart]“
Extemporanus: Yeah, well I suck too. When I see a book with tits on the cover, I expect it to be about Meg. when I see Mark Sanford at the top of a blog post, I expect it to be about Argentina, or maybe South Carolina. It’s Monday, not that that matters to an unemployed bum such as myself.
Come here a minute: Good Morning Wonketteers! I’m glad to see that the Yanks amongst you have abandoned your delusional, inconsequential ‘Thanksgiving Day’ tawdriness of gluttony and turkey-worship, to join the civilised world in a hearty and fulfilling embrace of Kick A Ginger Day! Down here at the arse-end of the world, we also received the Revelation just about one year ago, but we initially participated only with Canadian immigrants, as we were informed that the Holiday is a cherished part of their cultural heritage…
Jim89048: You suck.
…and we never having to explain, retract, qualify or apologize again.
Wanna bet?
So, with a zero tolerance on bullshit, will Faux viewers have nothing but Shepard staring back at them all day?
Off topic, but I was really disappointed in Levi Johnston’s booty. Just sayin’.
Bearbloke: Your HTML sucks, too, Also.
Scandalabra: But he still gives good head, right?
Extemporanus: Jim89048:
Expressions of guilt on Wonkette? You both sound like Irish Catholics. If so, ten Our Fathers and root for the Saints next week.
In nomani patrus, i filia, i spiritus sancti, amen.
S.Luggo: They just don’t want to get banned for ginger bashing out of context.
If this were truly a post-racial world, I could say darkie.
[haz a sad]
I found the ‘D’ on my typewriter, then got my mullet trimmed but the Fox guy turned me down for reporter because I had a Michael Jackson glove and a Mark Foley with an ‘R’ t-shirt on.
the problem child: There’s a context?
the problem child: Off-topic maybe, but still in season!
So now do they have to spell Steve Doocy’s name correctly?
trondant: Do I ever [commits sepuku].
There’s a 193 percent chance this stern and vituperative edict will FAIL several hours ago.
Jim89048:
Back on topic: The FNC memo should have started with a mandatory change of “Fair and Balanced” to “Murdoch’s Apparatchik” or “We Warp, You Stupid Dickwad Pawns. You Read, You Vote Against Your Owns Interests. You Make Rupert Smile.” A bit longish, but still could work.
They are going to fire Sean Hannity?
Good news: the War on Brains is nearly over.
Bad news: The idiots are winning.
And there is nothing that we can do.
Hey, it’s okay if you watch FoxNews, just to keep an eye on the fuckers. But listen—and I mean this seriously—if anyone out there is part of a Nielsen family, you have a moral obligation to not watch FoxNews ever. If you do, their recording equipment has no way to detect if you’re watching ironically, which means that all the product boycotts mean nothing, and their furshlugginer ratings go up.
AnnieGetYourFun: Only reason I can think of is that it would open a huge can of worms that he just doesn’t want touched. As hard as it is for him to keep quiet about it, maybe he’s decided to just shut up and take the hit rather than get people thinking that, for instance, the one body is just the beginning of a long, gruesome trail.
I’d like to emphasize that that’s just speculation, though. Even though I can’t imagine a more reasonable explanation where all the pieces fit together better than that one. It’s kinda clear as day once you think about it — in a purely hypothetical way.
S.Luggo: I make it a point to avoid pedophiles with chronic gingervitus.
the problem child: I was just attempting to be stronger editorially, and to invest myself one hundred and ten percent in this effort.
Scandalabra: Perhaps the dark chocolate dollops of his manager, Tank Jones, would be more to your liking.
I for one pledge 110 percent effort to believing that FOX will actually not make any more colossal fuck ups, and if they do, I will blame myself. Like George Michael, it was my lack of faith.
If everyone at Fox gives 110 percent, how many thousands of percent is that? The resulting pie chart will literally warp space. You know how many factual errors they have then? Negative percent, that’s how!
You sure nailed this one, Ken.
Rupert didn’t get where he is by paying generous severance packages. ALWAYS FIRE for cause.
Oldskool: Boss BlunderRush says his opinions have been proven to be 99.97% (or some such silly number) accurate. By the company he hired to determine the number!
AJW: No, no, no! You have it 148% wrong: it’s not that they’ll *stop* putting (D) next to the name of every politician who gets scandal on him; they just won’t do it by *mistake* any more.
And this news comes on the day that I begin a move to a home on Moran Avenue. No kidding.
Formerly Known as KevoTron: KevoTron! Long time no see. Moran.