Mark Sanford To Be Tried, Executed For 37 Crime-Sins Against South Carolina, Marriage, and America

Twilightheart-throb and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford loved his Argentine Firecracker soul-mate so much that he abandoned his wife, kids and that annoying job (Republican leader of a slave state) just to pile up frequent-flier miles and bang his mistress with romance. But now the mean twerps at the state's "ethics panel" have examined Sanford's behavior and charged him with 37 crimes, hooray! But the state attorney general won't necessarilypursuethis, because come on, does helookblack?

Also he might be impeached tomorrow, or not.The Statereports:

If that committee votes to impeach Sanford, the resolution would go to the full House. If the full House passes the resolution, it would go to the S.C. Senate, which would try Sanford. If convicted, he would be removed from office. House Speaker Bobby Harrell, R-Charleston, has said he does not believe there are sufficient grounds — known now — to remove Sanford.

All clear now, right? [ The State ]