HAPPY ALCOHOLIDAYS  2:06 pm November 19, 2009

John Kerry’s Drunk Daughter Busted In Hollywood

by Ken Layne

John Kerry doesn't want you masturbating to this.Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.”

Why? Because John Kerry’s adult daughter Alexandra Kerry — who, several years ago, once wore a see-thru dress so you could look at her boobs, in Europe — got stopped by the LA cops for some traffic violation at a quarter to one this morning.

Because she is a Democrat, Alexandra was out past midnight, and because she’s a crafty liberal, she reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06, and you need .08 for DUI! (But not really, as you can still be prosecuted for driving drunkenly even if you’ve had like two margaritas all night. But still, LA doesn’t bother prosecuting if you’re under .08, unless you drove through a Farmer’s Market or something, or if you’re poor or Mexican or whatever.) [TMZ]

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Hola wonkerados.

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grendel November 19, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Kerry should have brought her with him on the campaign trail to firm up support… if you know what I mean.

user-of-owls November 19, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Who’s got a big red cherry nose nip?

ManchuCandidate November 19, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Heh on the alt text.

I was about to ask “Why the Long face?” but then I looked up at her face as I was staring at the pic and realized she’s not got the Lurch head of John.

Monsieur Grumpe November 19, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Hello hello there.

Oldskool November 19, 2009 at 2:12 pm

She should keep that dress nearby for emergencies like traffic stops.

Click November 19, 2009 at 2:13 pm

As if we can’t all see through her alibi.

JMP November 19, 2009 at 2:13 pm

.06? Lightweight.

Extemporanus November 19, 2009 at 2:14 pm

At least her headlights were on.

Zadig November 19, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Redstate calls for John Kerry’s resignation in 5…

SmutBoffin November 19, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Wonkett is the #1 source for hott pixx of failed presidential candidate’s daughter’s racks.

Sharkey November 19, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Which one of her beamers was she driving?

magic titty November 19, 2009 at 2:23 pm

If they need witnesses, for stuff, I’m sure I’ll be able to pick her nipples out of a lineup.

magic titty November 19, 2009 at 2:24 pm

magic titty, indeed.

Voyou Charmant November 19, 2009 at 2:25 pm

I would. Drunkenly, also.

Servo November 19, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Arresting Officer: Our new sobriety test includes jumping jacks. Begin.

MARCdMan November 19, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=462684]magic titty[/re]: You are perfect for the job.

Scooter November 19, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Nice to see Alexandra in the news again.

I need a nap now.

user-of-owls November 19, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=462678]SmutBoffin[/re]: No, unfortunately Wonkette is #2. First place goes to:


Make sure you nominate it for a Weblog award in the “Best Hott Pixx of Failed Presidential Candidate’s Daughter’s Racks Blog” category.

btwbfdimho November 19, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Alexandra: Officer, I have nothing to hide.

user-of-owls November 19, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Alright, enough is enough. We’ve never tried this before, but can we all go on strike until that feckin’ blog whore is massacred?

It’s easy, all you have to do is this:

SmutBoffin November 19, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=462696]rabblerouser42[/re]: There you go again, you overflowing bucket of bukkake-moppings.

user-of-owls November 19, 2009 at 2:35 pm


skippy November 19, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Anti-Semitic tirade dash-cam transcript, por favor?

magic titty November 19, 2009 at 2:35 pm

So Ken……..there is this….how do I say….rabble rouser hanging around here…early 40′s or thereabouts………well, he/she is being weird & pushy, and generally giving everyone the bummer……so I dunno…..was just thinking if you could….you know…..

chascates November 19, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Until some drunk runs over Joe Lieberman I’m not interested.

Doesn’t even have to be a drunk come to think of it.

Ken Layne November 19, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Yes yes, done & done, banhammered, etc.

eclecticbrotha November 19, 2009 at 2:42 pm

I see pubies.

Al Keiderman November 19, 2009 at 2:44 pm


She could drive me over to Chapaquiddick and I’d promise not to back-seat-drive.

AggieDemocrat November 19, 2009 at 2:45 pm

[re=462678]SmutBoffin[/re]: Can we get a boob-off between Ms. Kerry and Ms. McCain?

Prommie November 19, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Nice little nipples. Ummm, nipples. Who was the commenter here with the avatar of a naked woman with m&ms all on her? I want that avatar back.

Click November 19, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=462748]eclecticbrotha[/re]: Little spritz of compressed air will blow those right off your keyboard.

WIDTAP November 19, 2009 at 2:59 pm

What, Ken? No Peek-a-boo Blingee?

chaste everywhere November 19, 2009 at 2:59 pm

The next best-seller in seer-yuss lit-rah-chure: The Failed Preisdential Candidate’s Daughter’s Rack. (Joining, let’s see, The President’s Daughter, The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, The Detective’s Daughter, The General’s Daughter, The Painter’s Daughter, The Doctor’s Daughter, The Doctor’s Wife, The Butcher’s Wife, The Butcher’s Boy, Songs for the Butcher’s Daughter, The Executioner’s Daughter, The Executioner’s Song, The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Zookeeper’s Wife, The Astronaut’s Wife, The Baker’s Wife, The Baker’s Neighbor, Ahab’s Wife, The Undertaker’s Wife, The Funeral Director’s Son, The Magician’s Assistant, The Doctor’s Dilemma, The Lawyer’s Tale, The Soldier’s Tale, The Soldier’s Load, The Printer’s Devil, and The Courtship of Eddie’s Father. At least.

captqitn November 19, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=462778]Prommie[/re]: Will Bea Arthur nipples tide you over?

Mr Blifil November 19, 2009 at 3:06 pm

I never get to go to parties where the women wear stuff like this. I know the picture is years old, and she’s got access to the Heinz fortune, but I just want to reiterate that I never get to go to parties where the women wear stuff like this.

snideinplainsight November 19, 2009 at 3:39 pm

(Sigh…Thomasin Franken…sigh) I’m sorry, what?

Lascauxcaveman November 19, 2009 at 3:43 pm

My wifey’s got me too spoiled I guess. My first thought after “Nice!” was “Aren’t those things a bit young and a bit small to hangin’ that low?” I shall raise a toast tonight to my wife’s superior 45-year-old rack tonight.

Paul Tardy November 19, 2009 at 3:50 pm

.08 is easy as long as you have cruise control.

snideinplainsight November 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

(Hey Tips@ – two words – Lugar’s wife. Get on it!)

Brendan M. November 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

…because she’s a crafty liberal, she reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06, and you need .08 for DUI!

I did that once! I ended up blowing a .078, though, and boy was that dick cop pissed.

taylormattd November 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Holy shit, Ken’s alive.

Humpback November 19, 2009 at 5:16 pm

[re=462812]Mr Blifil[/re]: The funny thing is, in real life you can’t see through the dress. It is the flash of the camera that makes those black dresses see-thru. Celebrities get taught to wear underwear for the red carpet. Guess no one told Alex.

I_P November 19, 2009 at 6:06 pm

Alt text FTW.

/fap. fap. fap. fap.

bitchincamaro November 19, 2009 at 6:09 pm

I prefer these little Milk Duds to the ones the size of Mrs. Fields Cookies. That’s just me.

Aurelio November 19, 2009 at 6:10 pm

“She reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06.”

This girl’s brains are bigger than her tits.

thefrontpage November 19, 2009 at 6:30 pm

Please run more pictures of Alexandra Kerry’s breasts!

That was the highlight of the day!

rocktonsammy November 19, 2009 at 7:14 pm

It’s L.A., profiling prick cops.

Dashboard_Buddha November 19, 2009 at 9:02 pm

“John Kerry doesn’t want you masturbating to this.”

Ummm, sorry John…we’re still cool, though, right?

ladymacbeth November 19, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=462883]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: you sir, made my day.

cheers to 45 year old tits.

zhubajie November 20, 2009 at 7:37 am

Meghan McCain should get a dress like that. Sarah Palin, too.

Boondock Saint November 20, 2009 at 7:43 am

I loves me some NIPPLES!

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