happy alcoholidays

John Kerry’s Drunk Daughter Busted In Hollywood

John Kerry doesn't want you masturbating to this.Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.”

Why? Because John Kerry’s adult daughter Alexandra Kerry — who, several years ago, once wore a see-thru dress so you could look at her boobs, in Europe — got stopped by the LA cops for some traffic violation at a quarter to one this morning.

Because she is a Democrat, Alexandra was out past midnight, and because she’s a crafty liberal, she reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06, and you need .08 for DUI! (But not really, as you can still be prosecuted for driving drunkenly even if you’ve had like two margaritas all night. But still, LA doesn’t bother prosecuting if you’re under .08, unless you drove through a Farmer’s Market or something, or if you’re poor or Mexican or whatever.) [TMZ]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. grendel

    Kerry should have brought her with him on the campaign trail to firm up support… if you know what I mean.

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Heh on the alt text.

    I was about to ask “Why the Long face?” but then I looked up at her face as I was staring at the pic and realized she’s not got the Lurch head of John.

  3. user-of-owls

    [re=462678]SmutBoffin[/re]: No, unfortunately Wonkette is #2. First place goes to:


    Make sure you nominate it for a Weblog award in the “Best Hott Pixx of Failed Presidential Candidate’s Daughter’s Racks Blog” category.

  4. user-of-owls

    Alright, enough is enough. We’ve never tried this before, but can we all go on strike until that feckin’ blog whore is massacred?

    It’s easy, all you have to do is this:

  5. magic titty

    So Ken……..there is this….how do I say….rabble rouser hanging around here…early 40′s or thereabouts………well, he/she is being weird & pushy, and generally giving everyone the bummer……so I dunno…..was just thinking if you could….you know…..

  6. chascates

    Until some drunk runs over Joe Lieberman I’m not interested.

    Doesn’t even have to be a drunk come to think of it.

  7. Prommie

    Nice little nipples. Ummm, nipples. Who was the commenter here with the avatar of a naked woman with m&ms all on her? I want that avatar back.

  8. Click

    [re=462748]eclecticbrotha[/re]: Little spritz of compressed air will blow those right off your keyboard.

  9. chaste everywhere

    The next best-seller in seer-yuss lit-rah-chure: The Failed Preisdential Candidate’s Daughter’s Rack. (Joining, let’s see, The President’s Daughter, The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, The Detective’s Daughter, The General’s Daughter, The Painter’s Daughter, The Doctor’s Daughter, The Doctor’s Wife, The Butcher’s Wife, The Butcher’s Boy, Songs for the Butcher’s Daughter, The Executioner’s Daughter, The Executioner’s Song, The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Zookeeper’s Wife, The Astronaut’s Wife, The Baker’s Wife, The Baker’s Neighbor, Ahab’s Wife, The Undertaker’s Wife, The Funeral Director’s Son, The Magician’s Assistant, The Doctor’s Dilemma, The Lawyer’s Tale, The Soldier’s Tale, The Soldier’s Load, The Printer’s Devil, and The Courtship of Eddie’s Father. At least.

  10. Mr Blifil

    I never get to go to parties where the women wear stuff like this. I know the picture is years old, and she’s got access to the Heinz fortune, but I just want to reiterate that I never get to go to parties where the women wear stuff like this.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    My wifey’s got me too spoiled I guess. My first thought after “Nice!” was “Aren’t those things a bit young and a bit small to hangin’ that low?” I shall raise a toast tonight to my wife’s superior 45-year-old rack tonight.

  12. Brendan M.

    …because she’s a crafty liberal, she reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06, and you need .08 for DUI!

    I did that once! I ended up blowing a .078, though, and boy was that dick cop pissed.

  13. Humpback

    [re=462812]Mr Blifil[/re]: The funny thing is, in real life you can’t see through the dress. It is the flash of the camera that makes those black dresses see-thru. Celebrities get taught to wear underwear for the red carpet. Guess no one told Alex.

  14. Aurelio

    “She reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06.”

    This girl’s brains are bigger than her tits.

  15. Dashboard_Buddha

    “John Kerry doesn’t want you masturbating to this.”

    Ummm, sorry John…we’re still cool, though, right?

Comments are closed.