happy alcoholidays

John Kerry’s Drunk Daughter Busted In Hollywood

John Kerry doesn't want you masturbating to this.Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.”

Why? Because John Kerry’s adult daughter Alexandra Kerry — who, several years ago, once wore a see-thru dress so you could look at her boobs, in Europe — got stopped by the LA cops for some traffic violation at a quarter to one this morning.

Because she is a Democrat, Alexandra was out past midnight, and because she’s a crafty liberal, she reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06, and you need .08 for DUI! (But not really, as you can still be prosecuted for driving drunkenly even if you’ve had like two margaritas all night. But still, LA doesn’t bother prosecuting if you’re under .08, unless you drove through a Farmer’s Market or something, or if you’re poor or Mexican or whatever.) [TMZ]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • grendel

    Kerry should have brought her with him on the campaign trail to firm up support… if you know what I mean.

  • user-of-owls

    Who’s got a big red cherry nose nip?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Heh on the alt text.

    I was about to ask “Why the Long face?” but then I looked up at her face as I was staring at the pic and realized she’s not got the Lurch head of John.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Hello hello there.

  • Oldskool

    She should keep that dress nearby for emergencies like traffic stops.

  • Click

    As if we can’t all see through her alibi.

  • JMP

    .06? Lightweight.

  • Extemporanus

    At least her headlights were on.

  • Zadig

    Redstate calls for John Kerry’s resignation in 5…

  • SmutBoffin

    Wonkett is the #1 source for hott pixx of failed presidential candidate’s daughter’s racks.

  • Sharkey

    Which one of her beamers was she driving?

  • magic titty

    If they need witnesses, for stuff, I’m sure I’ll be able to pick her nipples out of a lineup.

  • magic titty

    magic titty, indeed.

  • Voyou Charmant

    I would. Drunkenly, also.

  • Servo

    Arresting Officer: Our new sobriety test includes jumping jacks. Begin.

  • MARCdMan

    [re=462684]magic titty[/re]: You are perfect for the job.

  • Scooter

    Nice to see Alexandra in the news again.

    I need a nap now.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=462678]SmutBoffin[/re]: No, unfortunately Wonkette is #2. First place goes to:

    hottpixxoffailedpresidentialcandidate’sdaughter’sracks.com

    Make sure you nominate it for a Weblog award in the “Best Hott Pixx of Failed Presidential Candidate’s Daughter’s Racks Blog” category.

  • btwbfdimho

    Alexandra: Officer, I have nothing to hide.

  • user-of-owls

    Alright, enough is enough. We’ve never tried this before, but can we all go on strike until that feckin’ blog whore is massacred?

    It’s easy, all you have to do is this:

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=462696]rabblerouser42[/re]: There you go again, you overflowing bucket of bukkake-moppings.

  • user-of-owls

    STRIKE!

  • skippy

    Anti-Semitic tirade dash-cam transcript, por favor?

  • magic titty

    So Ken……..there is this….how do I say….rabble rouser hanging around here…early 40’s or thereabouts………well, he/she is being weird & pushy, and generally giving everyone the bummer……so I dunno…..was just thinking if you could….you know…..

  • chascates

    Until some drunk runs over Joe Lieberman I’m not interested.

    Doesn’t even have to be a drunk come to think of it.

  • Ken Layne

    Yes yes, done & done, banhammered, etc.

  • eclecticbrotha

    I see pubies.

  • Al Keiderman

    .06?

    She could drive me over to Chapaquiddick and I’d promise not to back-seat-drive.

  • AggieDemocrat

    [re=462678]SmutBoffin[/re]: Can we get a boob-off between Ms. Kerry and Ms. McCain?

  • Prommie

    Nice little nipples. Ummm, nipples. Who was the commenter here with the avatar of a naked woman with m&ms all on her? I want that avatar back.

  • Click

    [re=462748]eclecticbrotha[/re]: Little spritz of compressed air will blow those right off your keyboard.

  • WIDTAP

    What, Ken? No Peek-a-boo Blingee?

  • chaste everywhere

    The next best-seller in seer-yuss lit-rah-chure: The Failed Preisdential Candidate’s Daughter’s Rack. (Joining, let’s see, The President’s Daughter, The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, The Detective’s Daughter, The General’s Daughter, The Painter’s Daughter, The Doctor’s Daughter, The Doctor’s Wife, The Butcher’s Wife, The Butcher’s Boy, Songs for the Butcher’s Daughter, The Executioner’s Daughter, The Executioner’s Song, The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Zookeeper’s Wife, The Astronaut’s Wife, The Baker’s Wife, The Baker’s Neighbor, Ahab’s Wife, The Undertaker’s Wife, The Funeral Director’s Son, The Magician’s Assistant, The Doctor’s Dilemma, The Lawyer’s Tale, The Soldier’s Tale, The Soldier’s Load, The Printer’s Devil, and The Courtship of Eddie’s Father. At least.

  • captqitn

    [re=462778]Prommie[/re]: Will Bea Arthur nipples tide you over?

  • Mr Blifil

    I never get to go to parties where the women wear stuff like this. I know the picture is years old, and she’s got access to the Heinz fortune, but I just want to reiterate that I never get to go to parties where the women wear stuff like this.

  • snideinplainsight

    (Sigh…Thomasin Franken…sigh) I’m sorry, what?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    My wifey’s got me too spoiled I guess. My first thought after “Nice!” was “Aren’t those things a bit young and a bit small to hangin’ that low?” I shall raise a toast tonight to my wife’s superior 45-year-old rack tonight.

  • Paul Tardy

    .08 is easy as long as you have cruise control.

  • snideinplainsight

    (Hey Tips@ – two words – Lugar’s wife. Get on it!)

  • Brendan M.

    …because she’s a crafty liberal, she reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06, and you need .08 for DUI!

    I did that once! I ended up blowing a .078, though, and boy was that dick cop pissed.

  • taylormattd

    Holy shit, Ken’s alive.

  • Humpback

    [re=462812]Mr Blifil[/re]: The funny thing is, in real life you can’t see through the dress. It is the flash of the camera that makes those black dresses see-thru. Celebrities get taught to wear underwear for the red carpet. Guess no one told Alex.

  • I_P

    Alt text FTW.

    /fap. fap. fap. fap.
    //also.

  • bitchincamaro

    I prefer these little Milk Duds to the ones the size of Mrs. Fields Cookies. That’s just me.

  • Aurelio

    “She reportedly refused the copper’s field DUI test. So by the time she got to the station, she was only .06.”

    This girl’s brains are bigger than her tits.

  • thefrontpage

    Please run more pictures of Alexandra Kerry’s breasts!

    That was the highlight of the day!

  • rocktonsammy

    It’s L.A., profiling prick cops.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    “John Kerry doesn’t want you masturbating to this.”

    Ummm, sorry John…we’re still cool, though, right?

  • ladymacbeth

    [re=462883]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: you sir, made my day.

    cheers to 45 year old tits.

  • zhubajie

    Meghan McCain should get a dress like that. Sarah Palin, too.

  • Boondock Saint

    I loves me some NIPPLES!