Wonkette
We haven’t been hearing much from everyone’s favorite wacky Iowan coot, Senator Chuck Grassley, ever since the Senate Finance Committee passed its health care bill without any help or input whatsoever from the “chief Republican negotiator,” who was busy bottoming out. So today your sentimental editor went to the YouTube and searched “grassley” in the off-chance he’d been up to anything recently. First result, boom. [YouTube]
If the plot don’t fit you must acquit.
If the cornpants don’t fit, you must acquit.
If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit!
Please Jim, I’m begging here. Describe him as, “Elected ruminant Chuck Grassley.” I freely and fully relinquish my copyrights, trademarks and/or braggin’ rights to said tag. My life would be complete if you did that.
http://wonkette.com/411231/exciting-updates-from-the-senate-finance-committee-markup#comment-416977
OJ’s in jail today.
ManchuCandidate: NixonNow: Extemporanus: I see what you did here.
How does Grassley know how O.J. gets off?
NixonNow: Probably on a technicality, like: he did it.
If he gets acquitted just let him out the front door of the NY courthouse - problem solved.
“I’m a farmer, not a lawyer.”
We know Chuck, everyone fucking knows, because it shows… it really, painfully shows.
The truly shocking thing is that even if KSM is convicted, he still gets to keep his NFL pension.
Everybody send grass to Grassley’s office. That will learn him.
Nobody gets off like the Juice.
“If I Did It” is going to sell like hotcakes, if by “hotcakes”, you mean these here pants, after I shit them in protest of Grassley.
Click: Nicole Simpson and Johnny Cochran took that secret to the grave with them.
PickneyPinchback: Or, at the very least, feed him.
Maybe they should make some sort of compromise and have the trial in Texas. They’re not big on finding people innocent, especially if they’re a minority.
I’m a farmer not a lawyer??? Oh go fuck yourself Grassley of the People.
Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MULMbqQ9LJ8
Also.
“I’m a farmer, not a lawyer; I just thought I needed to point that out…that I’m a farmer, not a lawyer.”
I can hear the Iowan farmers slapping their foreheads in disgust all the way up here in Chicago.
I think we all know how Grassley “gets off.”
eclecticbrotha: For about 40% of them, yes. The remainder make a similar noise by pounding their chests before extending their right arm in a salute.
Are we sure Grassley wasn’t talking about this KLM getting off?
Because if he was, he might need to go have a seat over there.
Republicans: Striving for that delicate balance between liar-liar pants on fire and wetting their pants in fear.
Oh, please, please [waving hand from back of queue where okies always get stuck) let us have the trial! We’d kill anyone who showed up in dark skin, no problemo. Besides, we need the distraction because we have old people dying in their homes because there’s no money to bring them wheeled food, or something.
For myself, of course, I don’t need the distraction. I vote for Democrats so as far as I’m concerned, this is just getting the government getting off these old farts backs. It’s what they voted for.
Back to SKM or whatever they call him: Cochran liked rhymes, as three of you pointed out in succession, so might this mean the court will get to hear readings from Rumi? Because that would be cool.
Hello.
I’m User-Of-Owls and I’m asking for your help. For far too long, Wonkett insiders have ignored the people and refused to call Chuck Grassley an ‘elected ruminant.’ It’s time we stood up and took our satirical politically-oriented one-time panda porn web country back! Please join me in telling those out of touch Wonkett power players that enough is enough. ‘Elected ruminant’ or recall!
I’m User-Of-Owls and I approve this message.
So his problem is with juries. Hey, I’ve been on juries and I agree with him 100%.
“Dammit Jim - I’m an elected ruminant, not a lawyer!!”
A trial, without a predetermined trial. How terrifying.
It’s called the Constitution, Chuck. Look into it.
Aflac Shrugged: …predetermined outcome, you idiot.
Erected luminent?
Click: Judas Peckerwood: Thank you for your support! Please use the enclosed envelope to return your contribution of $50, $100 or whatever the going rate for a Cleveland Steamer for Jim is.
user-of-owls: You can try and try to get Grassley called “elected ruminant.” Lord knows I certainly did, with respect to getting McCain called “Panamanian strongman Juan McCain.” And you see how that turned out.
I’m no lawyer but I’d just like to point out that if he’s acquitted then some New York prosecutor will call RICO and re-arrest him right in the court room.
Aflac Shrugged: Even some dumb lady waiting in line for 3 hrs for Sarah Palin knows that shit.
I think Jack McCoy can handle this Ron Jeremy wannabe.
Well, I am a lawyer, and I call bullshit. That elected ruminant should just be quietly, chewing its cud, farting methane, and providing free milk to its district. Like elected ruminants were elected to do.
V572625694: What? “Panamanian Strongman” was not the tag? You lie! Or maybe my memory is fuzzy.
Oh, and thank you for your support for the “elected ruminant” campaign.
e.g. “I can have an opinion, but not be accountable for it.”
the problem child: Oh, my nipples are erect with the glee your comment inspired!
KSM is into blondes too?
eclecticbrotha: You may not be a farmer or a lawyer, but can you can be a crappy denist, lawyer and real estate agent all at the same time. But only if you are a BrItheR
Cookie Guggelman: From what I heard O.J. was an early finisher. Sort of a cut and run kind of guy.
You think Ima no serious!?
http://content.usatoday.com/topics/article/O.+J.+Simpson/0f786NjgzI66d/1
If’n owlz iz in usa fukin 2day, bettah see ‘elected ruminant’ brah.
user-of-owls: That may not be blog whoring, but it’s a bit blog slutty.
Chuck Grassley’s pickup has a bumper sticker that reads “Farmers do it with hoes.”
Nobody steals Michael Steele’s juice.
(when memes collide!)
This calls for some of Marc Ambinder’s Iatropic Excitement.
re=462126]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Kayyam -
Awake! for Morning in the Bowl of Night
Has flung the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight:
And Lo! the Hunter of the East has caught
An Elected Ruminant in a Noose of Light.
This is just another one of many Republican aggression displays we’ve seen in the last year. Hooting and screaming and shaking the cage, running around and knocking over their water bowls.
They all asked about you
Down on the farm
The cows asked, the pigs asked
The horses asked, too
All wanna know why to the city
you moved, changed your name to Elected Ruminant
What’s come over you?
Pfft, KSM ain’t going to be acquitted, it’s not like he’s bright enough to say “I don’t recall” 134 times like former Vice Presidents of the United States.
I really dig how people that support fair trials and not raping children in front of the parents as an “interrogation technique” are facists.
Elected ruminant? Here are some more likely Wonkett appellations: beloved ruminant; literal ruminant; forgotten ruminant; elected human — but elected ruminant, I don’t see it.
Click:
She messed around with a bloke called Ruminantey;
She love him, though he was ookey
I will say in the Elected Ruminant’s defense that I think he and Baucus brought up that bill that says America will not buy, sell or manufacture anything bought, sold or manufactured by slaves.
Unless the slaves live in the North Marianas.
Also unless it’s for Baucus’ hair.
I think I can continue this metaphor.
USDOJ is exactly like the corrupt, racist, imcompetent LAPD. Osama Bin Laden is exactly like Kato Kaelin. The 9/11 widows are exactly like Ron Goldman. Janet Napolitano is exactly like Mark Fuhrman. This shit practically writes itself.
Grassley may be out standing in his field (!) but Timothy McVeigh didn’t escape justice. I realize he doesn’t trust Americans but give us a chance here.
I know we were all cumming our pants calling Fred Thompson Droopy McFuckfuck, but is it possible we can reassign? I’ll just put in my ten cents and take my answer off the air.
Decker: plus one for ruminantism!
Did anyone think that guy sitting behind Grass Ass was kind of hot in kind of a “Chance pick up at the Ramada Inn next to the airport way”?
Stoned: Take a chick a chan chance… oh boy, I’m drunk.
AddHomonym: Take a peace, give chick a chance?
He may not be some highfalutin lawyer, BUT he is a fucking LAWMAKER!
(too pissed at this tool to dink with tags…so image “lawmaker!” in 72point Bold)
what a gibbering ninny shithead.
user-of-owls: Fuck, you had say “panda porn.” Now I’ve got a Butterstick jones.
Elected ruminant, fine.
Shit. Panda dreams tonight.
Stoned: Those congressional taintsters would never stay at a La Quinta….because they’re Racist!
Bill Kristol wanted KSM just convicted and quickly executed. Cheney (father or daughter) could do both but would set a bad example.
Grassley’s a congressman - not a farmer.
chascates: but what if ksm and oj are in cahoots? have you seen oj jump over people in an airport? THERE’S NO WAY WE COULD CATCH HIM.
obfuscator: And come to think of it if KSM sways women the way OJ did we’d need an all-male jury.
chascates: i’m so glad iowa repeatedly elected a guy who is apparently terrified of the justice system he’s sworn to uphold.
o.j. had a the ability to break tackles AND the breakaway speed to free himself to kidnap mike bloomberg’s daughter during 4th period english. america is doom’d.
user-of-owls: Gretchen, stop trying to make “Elected Ruminant” happen. It’s not going to happen.
Also! Like, no one even knows what a “ruminant” is! And sure, you can look it up, but then you find out it’s just a fucking cow and you’re like, goddamit, I just learned another word for cow. I don’t need another word for cow. I have “cow.” And then you feel stupid. And that’s why that’s not a meme.
I swear, every time I see KSM I read it KLO. Must be the similar body shape. And mustache.
assistant/atlas: That was rather ungulate-full.
Q: Why did the carnivore off the road?
A: Because there wasn’t enough ruminant.
Thank you, thank you, I’ll be steer all week! Please try the veal, and don’t forget to tip your ungulate!
Extemporanus: Also, “ungulate”.
Ungulate, ungulate, ungulate!
Chuck has a point. In NYC the chance of a son/daughter of Abraham or a Mic ex-cop/fireman/EMS worker ending up on the jury is only 8 in 5.
The rest of the jury, assuming any places remain, could contain pro-islamo papist Hispanics, Serbs, Croats, Ukes, Poles, Ruskies, Italians or Republican, white Anglo-Saxons (annoyed at having their vacation in the Hamptons interrupted.)
Mad Brahms: Extemporanus: When Memez Collide 2: Electric Moogaloo!
“Yo user-of-owls, I’m really happy for you. I’ma Let you finish, but ‘Ungulate-full Little Bitch’ is one of the best Chuck Grassley names of all time!
Moo moo, baby, motherfuckin’ cow on the tracks, can’t catch me, I’m on fire…”
Say what you will, nobody could pull off that sweet cut back to the inside like Khalid Sheik Mohammed. He was also good at cutting the heads off journalists.
What exactly is Grassley supposed to raise or grow on this “farm” of his? Or, is he a “farmer” in the same way that David Letterman is a “rancher”?
Old man Grassly had a farm …. ee-eye, ee-eye oh
Everbody now!!
Maybe he’s affected by the stuff that was sprayed from the crop-dusting planes while down on the farm?
maybe he’s affected by the stuff the spray from the crop-dusting planes?
user-of-owls: This thread is now officially a cowflop.
Does anyone else think Grassley looks like some sort of reptilian-based alien life form? I think he likes cow country so much because he get to sneak out at night and kill, mutilate and drain the poor cows of all their blood.
Is a wookie a ruminant? Just askin’.
When did anyone see him do any farm work?
Extemporanus: I love the way Shakira ungulates.
I thought Michael Steele was the only cow? Are all republicans cows now? THIS CONGRESS IS TOO CONFUSING! IT’S LIKE LOST!
Farmer eh? I know a “farmer” , he owns a mansion. It’s his second home. In Telluride. I bill him for travel, time on site and he always gives me a bottle of wine and 2 cnotes as a gratuity.
assistant/atlas: Fuck you - and fetch me a toaster strudel.
Okay…how old are these people? They are acting and talking like a bunch of scared 8 year-olds!