John Culberson Would Like To Ask Hillary Clinton For Something

  official correspondence

Texas Rep. John Culberson is a jackass, and yesterday he wrote a letter to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. He requested help with something, internationally. So what was his pressing concern for the nation’s top diplomat?

Dear Secretary Clinton:

I urge you to use all diplomatic tools at your disposal to press the United Kingdom to remove Michael Savage from the list of individuals banned from the United Kingdom, and to ask the British government to grant him a travel visa as soon as possible. Dr. Savage’s rare plant speciments have been archived at Kew Gardens since 1969. They are a world-class collection of rare medicinal plant specimens from Fiji and Tonga. Dr. Savage needs to visit London for his scientific research, but he is unable to do so because of the Home Secretary’s travel ban. I strongly urge you to press the British government to lift these restrictions on him immediately.

Hillary Clinton: Oh, yeah, I’ll get right on top of that, soon as I finish trying to prevent Pakistan from crumbling, or North Korea from dealing nuclear warheads, or whatever else… actually, you know what? Scratch that. Maybe I can put off those things for a while. MAYBE THEY’RE NOT AS IMPORTANT. MAYBE, RIGHT NOW, I SHOULD USE “ALL DIPLOMATIC TOOLS AT MY DISPOSAL” TO GET A VIOLENT RADIO HOST REMOVED FROM A TRAVEL BAN LIST SO HE CAN GO PICK UP HIS ARCHIVED MARIJUANA PLANTS FROM 40 YEARS AGO. MAYBE I WILL “PRESS THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT” ABOUT THIS ISSUE, JOHN CULBERSON.

House Leader battles Britain’s Savage ban [WND]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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83 comments

  1. el donaldo

    Yes, dear Secretary, please disregard the vile racism so he can work on his crackpot medical theories. You won’t be promoting hatred; instead you’ll be advancing idiocy. Thanks.

  2. El Pinche

    Texas Rep. John Culberson , another useful Republican worried about the urgent issues this country is facing. We need more fine Americans and Hockey Moms to run this country…………………………………………………………………………INTO THE FUCKING GROUND!

  3. user-of-owls

    Culberson’s interest in the matter is understandable, given that he seems to have been born in London’s East End. He is, as you can see from his letterhead, a member of the Subcommittee on ‘Omeland Security.

  4. OzoneTom

    Wasn’t it in the Victorian conservatory at Kew Gardens where the kindly old guard was killed by the triffids?

    I’m just saying.

  5. the problem child

    Ha, ha!

    “Michael Savage is a loyal American, and he is passionate about protecting America, which is why I enjoy listening to him,” Culberson writes.

    “Rep” Culberson just admitted to being a follower of a violent radio host and will be banned from international travel immediately.

  6. evan7257

    Culberson is my congressman. I do not like him. The district stretches from the Houston exurbs where the crazy Palin lover teabag trucknutz whatevers live aka real America, into the actual city. He can win with the real america alone, and seems to enjoy fucking over and insulting everyone else in the district.
    As you can see by his actions above.

  7. WarAndG

    Listened to the bile Doctors’s show once and the only “speciment” offered was my urine on the paper speaker of my transistor radio. ( I go through a lot of radios.)

  8. chascates

    [re=461820]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It’s some sort of ‘Doctor of Herbology & Mints’ that came from a noted diploma mill. Plus he’s the most homophomic homophome in the world. And lives in San Francisco.

  9. user-of-owls

    [re=461820]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I wouldn’t read too much into that. After all, Mengele was a Doctor too.

  10. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Well, if you believe Rich Lowry, who called Hilz “Barack Obama’s mostly irrelevant secretary of state,” she obviously doesn’t have anything better to do than sit at home knitting vicuna tea cozies or keeping Sally Struthers from devouring Somali infants.

  11. user-of-owls

    [re=461839]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: keeping Sally Struthers from devouring Somali infants.

    I KNEW Hillary was somehow responsible for the pirates!

  12. JMP

    Now, the medicinal plants Dr. Weiner wants to get back are not the wacky weed like you claim. They’re for “alternative medicine” remedies, which is much worse, as pot actually has therapeutic value.

    [re=461820]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yep, just looked it up on Wikipedia; he has a PhD in fake medicine. So he was a snake-oil salesman before becoming a talk-show host; either way, he’s been peddling bullshit the whole time.

  13. PickneyPinchback

    You know what I like about World Net Daily? The way they put their logo at the top right of the page, so as to differentiate themselves from all the other Godless websites that have their logo on the left. Take that, Satan!

  14. Zorg

    FROM TPM: A reply to TPM’s Bill Bowman from an Kew gardens official named de Kok (If anybody should know about Weiner’s plants, it would be de Kok): “A quick look at the herbarium data has not resulted in any positive responses for Fiji collection from Michael Weiner. As only a small part of the collection is databased it may be that we have missed his specimens. To be able to find a specimen in the collections, I will need a species name of a known collection of Michael Weiner.”
    John Culberson is the Tom Delay clone who sends his district’s voters excerpts from the D.C. Moonie newspaper about his hobbyhorse issues because the local, Hearst-owned “Houston Chronicle” is just way too liberal. Even by Texas Republican standards, the man is an embarrassment.

  15. iwillsavethispatient

    Dear Dr. Savage,
    I hear you left some stuff in the UK. Unfortunately, I can guarantee you that we got very drunk and then were violently sick all over said stuff. After all, that’s what happens with all stuff left unsupervised in the UK.

    Yours sincerely,
    The UK.

  16. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=461835]chascates[/re]: Berkeley is a diploma mill?

    [re=461837]user-of-owls[/re]: Fair enough.

    I spent a lovely afternoon at Kew Gardens this past May. That place is now forever sullied in my memory.

  17. Not_So_Much

    [re=461820]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Probably just legally changed his 1st name to ‘Doctor’ at the same time he cut off his Weiner…

  18. PrairiePossum

    The British government fears that if they allow Savage into their country, he will kidnap the daughters of prominent politicians and use the opportunity to spew anti-British propaganda and encourage his followers to commit acts of terrorism against the British government. Savage should be housed at Gitmo until the day he dies.

  19. chascates

    [re=461852]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: My apologies. I thought a degree in botanical masturbation or whatever it was HAD to be from a diploma mill. I would hope Berkeley regrets this.

  20. user-of-owls

    [re=461849]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Unless it’s left unsupervised in Scotland, where it would also be stabbed.

  21. Mr Blifil

    She’ll never do it because she hates men with a white hot burning hate rivalled only by the hatred Nazis felt for their untermenschen vermin quarry. That’s how much she hates men. Especially men Presidents. Hates ‘em. You know she actually once wanted to be President herself. You know who prevented her from becoming President? Motherfucking men.

  22. shortsshortsshorts

    “Texas Rep. John Culberson is a jackass” is the most honest and straight-forward thing that has ever been typed on a computer and placed on a website, ever.

  23. Jim89048

    Yeah and when Hillary is done freeing the Savage Wiener, maybe she can look into getting ME into Canada. I’ve been a pretty good citizen except that one time over 20 years ago when I got drunk and tried to drive home, and Canada City frowns on that.

  24. Monsieur Grumpe

    Dear Michael,
    Why would you want go to one of those liberal, socialist freedom hating nations like the UK. Why not visit a place where you’ll be appreciated in the manner you deserve. I hear Somalia is lovely this time of year.

  25. iantenna

    [re=461820]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: he’s got a phd (from berkeley i believe) in ethnobotany or some such weirdness. he’s a f’ing berkeley flower child who, at some point, jumped the shark (like dennis hopper and so many other fucknuts). if you haven’t read it the new yorker article on him is fascinating if also downright infuriating. also i went high school with his exec producer beowulf, whose family is a whole ‘nother can of crazy.

    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/08/03/090803fa_fact_sanneh

  26. Come here a minute

    Hillary wrote back asking the Texas government to end its travel restrictions on Dan Savage.

  27. you cannot be serious

    Dr. Savage? This sounds like mistaken identity ala North by Northwest. Without Cary Grant.

  28. Advocatus_Diaboli

    So the Weiner Savage makes eleventy jillion dollars a year screaming about keeping the messicans and mooslems out of the US and now he is restricted from traveling to a certain country and ….
    fuck it, do I even have to finish this thought?

  29. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=461862]user-of-owls[/re]: I would suggest that if left in Scotland they would have been deep-fried and eaten, but plants are far too similar to vegetables for that to have happened.

    I say this as a proud Scot, of course.

  30. JMP

    Oh god, I read the worldnutdaily article. Need brain bleech – and loved this statement:

    “Smith, who resigned from her home secretary post in June in the wake of scandal over personal use of taxpayer funds and her controversial ban of Savage”

    Yes, I’m sure her ban of an American racist who the vast majority of UKers have never heard of was a big factor, equal to embezzlement. And from the not-so-good Congressman’s letter:

    “He speaks for most Americans when he criticizes people who apologize for our success and who will not protect our borders,”

    Yep, it’s very important for a country to protect its borders and keep out potential threats. My cognitive dissonance sense is tingling.

  31. Car Ramrod

    [re=461829]the problem child[/re]: “Rep” Culberson just admitted to being a follower of a violent radio host and will be banned from international travel immediately.

    As a Real Merkin (TM) Culberson don’t need to visit the foreigns.

  32. 4tehlulz

    [re=461883]JMP[/re]: It’s important to point out when foreign countries won’t protect our borders. After all, patriots like Michael Savage and Rush are too busy, so someone has to fill the breach.

  33. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=461881]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: I was going to say that it would have been thrown across a rocky field, as well. My image of my ancestors is that of stubby men hurling small things across rocky fields, and I shan’t change my mental fantasies.

    [re=461883]JMP[/re]: My cognitive dissonance sense is tingling.

    That’s like Spidey Sense, right? But with fewer chances of getting hit in the head by a brick?

  34. Godot

    Someone should tell this clown that Kew Gardens is in Queens. I know Texans don’t think New York City is part of “Real America” but do they really think we’re in the UK?

  35. JMP

    [re=461917]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yes, like Spidey Sense, but instead there’s the threat of slamming my head onto my desk.

  36. Tundra Grifter

    I wonder if Rep. Culberson has read The Silly Savage’s painfully autobiographical novel about getting it on with other men. I’m sure he can check it out of the Library of Congress.

    The Silly Savage claims to have written dozens of books, but most of them were really pamphlets.

  37. user-of-owls

    [re=461917]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: [re=461881]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Or telephone poles. They hurl them too, right? So, to sum up: unattended things in Scotland will first be hurled on, then hurled. And stabbed.

  38. steve

    Wouldn’t it be easier to write the Kew Gardens and ask them to ship the specimens back? Although if they guaranty a 1 way trip I’d fully support exhausting all diplomatic efforts to get the travel ban lifted.

  39. S.Luggo

    Michael Savage on freedom of the press:
    ******
    Alternet.org March 15, 2007
    — [A]fter fellow Minnesota Monitor reporter Abdi Aynte broke the story of the lawsuit being filed by the so-called “flying imams” who were kicked off a USAirways flight in Minneapolis last November, we got a curious response to our press email on the topic. Michael Savage … sent a personal email to our managing editor. It said, simply:

    “You and they should be deported for taking advantage of this great nation.” —
    http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/49264/michael_savage_calls_for_deportation_of_journalist/

  40. Guppy06

    “Culberson told Clinton he plans to work with colleagues in Congress in the coming weeks to help protect Savage’s First Amendment rights.”

    Yes, we need to enforce our Constitution in a foreign country! KSM’s Fifth Amendment rights? Not so much.

  41. S.Luggo

    [re=461968]Strongy O[/re]:
    That’s a true shame. Michael quite admires your race of island-bound, anti-Papist, pasty Northern Europeans, even with your bad teeth and warm beer. Hence his bitter heartbreak at being banned from your rainy shores:

    [From "The Savage Nation"] —
    The reason my [Russian Jewish] ancestors came to this country as immigrants, and the reason your immigrants — ancestors came to this country as immigrants is because of the great enterprise created by White, Anglo-Saxon Protestants.

  42. AxmxZ

    I thought it was going to be something like:

    “Dear Secretary Clinton:

    Iron my shirts.

    Love, Culberson.”

  43. user-of-owls

    [re=462003]S.Luggo[/re]: Wait til he finds out they still put up No Hebes Need Apply signs in England.

  44. S.Luggo

    [re=462040]user-of-owls[/re]: Those signs are found in many of the eateries in the Little Korea section of majors cities. Samsung, also. Don’t know why.

    ******
    From “Savage Nation”(2003):
    “Maybe you think I’m paranoid when I say we must not allow immigrants to come here and impose their cultural-trappings on us, rather than respect the American culture. Fine. You’re entitled to be wrong. The next time you’re in your backyard grilling hot dogs, don’t be surprised if your Korean neighbor is actually grilling his dog. That’s the way things are done in Korea.”

  45. user-of-owls

    [re=462051]S.Luggo[/re]: Oh, he is such a sweetheart, isn’t he. As someone who’s actually eaten bo-shin-tang in Korea, I would love to hear this dung beetle defend the merits of hot dogs (i.e., lips and assholes) vis-a-vis what amounts to beef soup, albeit with farm-raised dogs.

  46. TeddyS

    I think the good doktor should be allowed to go to the UK to play with his weeds for one week, but during that interim, he should be placed on the US terrorist watch list and never allowed back into Barry’s socialist paradise. Hillz’ shop does passports … and she has a long memory about all of the nice things Doktor Savage has said about her in past years.

  47. hunter.blatherer

    [re=461930]Godot[/re]: Still, it’s good to know he’s not allowed to come here. I’m assuming the travel ban covers all of NYC – and didn’t we take away Cheney’s visa after the RNC?

  48. PsycGirl

    The plants don’t want to go anyway. They like their socialized plant medicine. God only knows what would happen if they went to the US and one of them started to wilt.

  49. S.Luggo

    [re=462068]user-of-owls[/re]: Which is why he changed his name from Wiener.

    [re=462124]rocktonsammy[/re]: Student of Timothy Leary [true], Savage got a 1978 Ph.D. from Berkley in nutrional ethnobiology (herbalism). At that stage, Berkley was giving advanced degrees in dog hollering, urban witchcraft, and OTC magic potions.

    [re=462182]PsycGirl[/re]: Two stems bad, four stems good.

  50. Darkness

    [re=461993]Guppy06[/re]: At least the UK will understand this stupidity and probably chuckle. “I propose a tax on foreigners . . . living abroad.”

  51. Jukesgrrl

    Kew Gardens is close to Wimbledon. Get one of those tennis player to pick up his stuff in exchange for a free sample. How’s that for diplomacy? May I have a State Dept. job now?

  52. LowerdPeninsula

    Wait, so “going to the UK to spew vile racism” is now coded as “scientific research”? Really?

    Yeah, Hillary needs to help Dr. Dick/Weiner like she needs another North Korea on her hands. Fuck you, Culberson, and the vile, overweight shock-jock you rode in on. Isn’t it funny how many conservative radio hosts could be described as “vile, overweight shock-jocks”? Perhaps, I should be more specific…the Jewish one of those.

  53. skutre

    Oh Noes!!!!111! Another retard from Houston being a retard, thanks for the tip, Jim , I’ll read this on the air tomorrow night, we come in loud and clear in Culberson’s district.

    It’s even personal with me and that snarfling closet queen bitch, so it’s a pleasure..

    -scooter
    KPFT Houston
    InnerSide Radio

  54. Red Zeppelin

    [re=461820]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yeah, amazingly enough Savage has a Ph.D. in anthropology from Berkeley. He was an ethnobotanist. He is a very smart, very angry man.

  55. dr.giraud

    [re=462450]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: YES it’s that Messican produce that’s killing real Merkins with dirty Messican farm worker shit e coli. Also H1N1 isn’t pig flu it’s Messican Flu stop lying midstream mediaz!

    DOKTOR SAVAGE warned you WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

  56. Bison

    [re=462346]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Yeah, he’s a real genius. Did you know that he single-handedly formulated the proprietary blend of rare herbs, caffeine and methamphetamine in Rockstar energy drink? Why the Nobel committee has overlooked him for this long is a mystery to all working scientists everywhere. And further proof of the vast liberal conspiracy to suppress his brilliant ideas so that they may not change our culture for the better.

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