Wonkette
Wolf himself only needed to watch the first ~90 seconds of it, by which time he’d… you know… finished. [Twitter via Atrios]
THE KING OF INADVERTENT HUMOR
Things To Check More Often: Wolf Blitzer’s Twitter
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5:33 PM
on Tue November 17 2009
By
Jim Newell
5959 Views
Damn, I thought we’d might find out about some interesting variations here!
The idea that Wolf Blitzer even has a penis is disgusting.
Poor Wolf.
Oh wow, apparently you CAN vomit on an empty stomach.
Isn’t he a *journalist*? Shouldn’t he know the word ‘that’, in most instances, is redundant, superfluous, and frowned upon? And any Twitterererer knows xtra wrds and ltrs take up caraktr spc.
Meh. ‘He’d bone Palin’ was more the *point* of his Twat, I guess.
What is “money shot” Alex.
Wolf did a very good twitter today about his stupidity — the fact that he’s an idiot. Did you see it?
Harvey Birdman: He has a penis? I thought Wolf was animatronic?
Hahaha..yeah right. He’s human. Good one.
Good looking in what respect, Wolf?
DID I SEE IT???? Wolf Man, I NAILED it. Whatever, Dork.
Wolf, I wouldn’t bone her with your dick.
Even hate fucking wouldn’t get me to do it.
“The FACT[?] that she’s good-looking.” Wolf, you should be shot from a goddamned helicopter.
And people are worried about the state of American journalism? Why?
In the words of the immortal Vanilla Ice, “a hole’s a hole.”
Every morning Wolf covers his face with Spray 77 adhesive and the sticks on a bunch of shredded coconut flesh and calls it facial hair. Without it, he would look like a shaved Santa Claus. The End.
The only reason Perverted Codger McCain plucked this dim bulb out of the frozen tundra of Alaska is because she is “attractive”.
When is this fucking book tour going to be over?
CURSE YOU, NEWELL!
Seared into my brain, I tells ya!
Somebody on CNN did a very good report? Oh, it was about vapid celebutante. Next!
now that’s bold. del taco bold.
I like to listen to Jessica Yellin while they show Wolf Blitzer.
It took him this long to point out she’s not ugly!!!
No way he will ever notice that she is a vacuous fraud, Jess Yellin’.
Tommmcatt: WOLF BLITZER JERKING OFF WOLF BLITZER JERKING OFF
Click: Well done, my friend!!
I take it Wolfie was using only one hand when he tweeted this.
New term: tweeterbation.
Click: You shot that one out of the park.
Tommmcatt: Jim Newell: By the time I got through reading Blitzer’s Tweet I was…… finished.
I was about to write something about men being crazy to think Sarah Palin is attractive, but then I remembered that during the first Gulf War, Wolf Blitzer was called the “scud stud”. I fear for the future of our species.
Wolf Blitzer’s genitals look exactly like his face. Except there is a cock where the mouth should be. That is the difference. The cock. Wolf’s. Cock.
Terry: Nope. Arthur Dent or something like that was the Scud Stud. Wolf was the guy with the WWII-Division-sounding name who had his scripts vetted for him so that he didn’t appear then as wit-challenged as he regularly shows himself to be now.
Wolf faps it to hologram porn
Insiders say the following note addressed to Sarah was found crumpled in Wolf’s recycle bin.
“Well, I’m the friendly stranger in the black sedan,
won’t you hop inside my car.
I got pictures, got candy, I am a lovable man
I’d like to take you to the nearest star.
I’m your vehicle baby,
I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go.
I’m your vehicle woman
By now I’m sure you know
That I want ya, want ya
Need ya, need ya
I want to, got to have you child.
Great God in heaven, you know I love you.”
- Kisses, Wolfie
JESSICA: “Are you gellin’?”
WOLF: “Like a Yellin!”
Like Todd, I’m bored with SP.
I’m saving my hopeful hate sex for Michelle Bachmann.
Jim Newell:
AUUGHHHH!
If I ever meet Wolf Blitzer, I’m pretty sure that I will be unable to stop myself from kicking him in the junk as hard as possible. I’m only human, after all.
Terry: predilectrix: ARTHUR KENT was the scud stud and is still handsome with a FABulous voice.
He is the absolute antiBlitzer and I was about to ralph my supper at this post until you brought him up.
So thank you.
Oh my god look at what I found when doing an image search for my last comment:
HAVE A GREAT WEEK! (Trust me—it is totally safe for work)
It is SO perfect for this thread, and yet SO wrong for the search terms I used (”ky gel”), that I’m uncertain whether to be frightened or frustrated with Google right now.
I’m just gonna zone out on the sparklies for awhile until I get my bearings.
This brought back awful, disgusting memories of that weird neighbor kid who masturbated (with his pants on, fortunately) in front of all the rest of us kids and we all just stared in horror. Thanks for resurfacing painful childhood memories, Wonkett!
Colonel Mustard: Can you vomit IN an empty stomach?
I need a refill so that I can vomit all over Wolf’s howling werecock one last time.
Terry: I thought Arthur Kent was the scud stud. Too bad he turned out to be a big nancy boy, huh?
geminisunmars: Yeah, I try to stay legal.
Extemporanus: Oh my god, I absolutely love it! That almost makes up for all those re-opened scars that Wonkett and Wolfy forced upon me, with memory.
Buzz Feedback: Yeah, I remember watching Arthur Kent when he was covering the first Gulf War….Rrowrr. I had to keep banging on my TV - and not because the reception was bad.
Why must the MSM objectify S.P.? Why??? http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/images/item/sexist3.jpg
Blitzkreme.
Extemporanus: Cool fly saucer in the upper left hand corner. Is that why she has a spotted blue tail?
Yeah, this wankadoodle is clearly even worse off-script than Dubya.
Click: Now that I’ve recovered from damn near waterboarding myself from laughing and trying to swallow my drink at the same time, I congratulate you on winning the afternoon.
Well done, well done.
Buzz Feedback: I thought the scud stud was Ghet Bent. Amirong?
Click: Damn. Just, damn.
Yer a real POS Leslie, you know that?
Harvey Dent, Arthur Dent… all white guys look alike. Except for Wolf.
predilectrix:
Oooh, that’s right. I stand corrected.
stew: Tweetabator
Jesus christ, I need more Palin. Non stop, uncut, unfiltered Palin , 24 hours a day.
rocktonsammy: yeah, her and Orly. Those two know how to get their freak on.
El Pinche: I wonder which Palin man is uncut.
America deserves Palin - Palin Paul 2012.
El Pinche: Flanders: C’mon, no Carrie? There was a side blurb in the WaPoo today (I was reading AMC’s book review, she still’s got some snark, BTW), and Carrie got all snotty, snooty on an intern at CNN. You know, like all these phonies, there’s reptilian blood underneath.
Starbursts!
It was a ghost! Did you see it? Did you see the ghost?
El Pinche: Christ, the way things are going around here, you may get your wish!
Palin, 24/7, only on Wonkette! Stay tuned!
You simply get chills every time you see this sexy individual, as Jessica Yellin just pointed out, so tragically, so many of these sexpots, almost all of them that we see, are so poor and they are so sexy, and this is going to raise lots of questions for people who are watching this story
unfold.
MLHencken: You have to watch the movie Jackass to get the real story behind Wolf’s facial hair.
proudgrampa: Hey gramps, we simply report the objective news, and it is ALL PALIN. Besides, I thought of this as a “Wolf Blitzer post.”
Sarah’s Sexuality - Strong and warm and wild and free
Orly’s Sexuality - Hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter
Sure Wolf is a total loser/doofus
But Jessica Yellin– a woman doing a piece on SP’s “sexuality”– wow, that Harvard education really paid off
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Yellin
How fucking pathetic
They called Sarah’s legs “gams.” Is Wolf auditioning for “Guys and Dolls?”
That tweet made me hate the entire damn world. Thanks Wonkette!
saggyboobedhag: Maybe, but I’ll bet he’s a big Sinatra fan too, see?
Like someone from another thread stated, I grew up in the days of Headline News and vividly remember Wolf covering the beat in Israel and thinking, “wow, that guy is a real, hard-nosed reporter!”
Ah, to be young again.
Everyone deflate your erections: http://www.photoshelter.com/image?_bqH=eJzzLYsqSA8OCijNz89LNApOKQ9wqSpwdi.IKsu2MrQwM7YyMrWy8ox3CXa2LU4sSszQLkjMycxTi3d0DrEtTk0sSs5QA8vGO_q52JaoFRSk2xqZAgDV.hv5&_bqG=233&I_ID=I0000TrCfbM_jWVw
the problem child: She is saying to the photographer, whose name is Charlie by the way, “In what respect?”
Didn’t see it, Lobo. Who watches CNN when you can spend the day on Twitter?
The SitRoom, is that some kind of D.C. area sex club?
Jim Newell: “We simply report the objective news!” — New Wonkette Slogan?
Dammit, I just made my 111th tweet about how hot I think Amy Klobuchar is, and still no blogs have picked me up. Wolf Fucking Blitzer tweets once in a sterile, hands-off way that Sarah Palin is “attractive” and apparently it’s national news. What the hell?
Scoooooop!!!
the problem child: wasn’t this a Star Trek episode:
“I thought she was an pretty young thing, but then the true effects of radiation and gravity are revealed — avert your eyes!! the horror!”
Wolf is going to be happy when the shape-shifters finally come out to the world.
Wolf-whistle?
And just the other day, Wolf was the editor of the in-house publication at the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. In a few more days he’ll be playing shuffleboard in Boca, talking about his grandchildren.
Click: Spot on. Just spot on.
What? “The fact…” that she’s “good looking?” What? Who says?
Blitzer: Stop being an 8-year-old boy. Stop using this stupid device. And stop posting such stupid, juvenile things.
For the record: No journalist–none–should be using Twitter. At all. Really. Case closed.
Second: Not everyone finds Palin “good looking.” In fact, many people find her ugly–and that’s not a joke. Ugly.
Third: Blitzer, you should know better, on all levels.
Fourth: Looks are objective anyways. I know straight guys who think Angelina Jolie looks ugly, and some people don’t find Penelope Cruz attractive! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder–and that is true.
Fifth: Why does a television cable broadcaster who is on television five nights a week need to post inspid, dumb, stupid comments on some electronic social network?
Sixth: No journalists should be using Twitter. Just saying it again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVC28oemocA
‘nUFF SED.