book tours you don't come back from

Sarah Palin Probably Does Not Feel Bad For Barbara Walters, But She Should

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Barbara Walters: So. You in this for the money or the Presidency?

Sarah Palin: Barbara it is impossible to say what will happen in 2012 because it’s going to happen in 2012. Ha, oh Barbara, don’t you understand? That’s the thing about the future: it’s in advance.

Other highlights of the highlights reel:

  • Palin is questioning some of Obama’s “dithering.” Dithering: unlikeliest meme in world history. Someone make a Tumblr and quickly “monetize” it.
  • Waning crescent of self-awareness: When asked if she would do a reality show, Palin says she would never put Trig and Track and Tripp & the Others through that, but then admits that her life is “kind of like a reality show.” A reality show that she chose to put her kids through, indeed yes.
  • Newsweek should be more “policy-oriented” than “putting a gal in shorts on the cover.”
  • Obama? A mere 4 out of 10, good-presidentin’-wise. Should just fuckin’ quit like midway through, start a game of pick-up Twitter, go on a book tour, whatever—just anything that helps people.
  • Barbara Walters qualifies David Letterman to Palin as “not your best friend,” and then shows a clip from his teevee show. Palin correctly says identifies the unfunny clip as “not funny” and for a second two realities collide.

ABC will soon release more video of misbegotten marionette Sarah Palin and her big dumb Last Days of Disco purple suit as they field more of this other insipid lady’s questions, hooray.


About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • norbizness

    Can we get a highlights of the highlights of the highlights of the highlights reel, i.e. one that lasts for 12 milliseconds?

  • Mr Blifil

    Dimpled dunderheaded doggone dinguses delaying with their delectable ding-dong dithering dithyrambs.

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    i’d like to be the meat in THAT speech impediment sammich!

  • rafflesinc

    [re=460210]norbizness[/re]: Also

  • ivenson

    Barbara, I can’t tell you what will happen in 2012 because we may all be dodging monster tidal waves and volcanoes with that guy from Say Anything. That Mexican calendar thingy says so!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Barbara it is impossible to say what will happen in 2012 because it’s going to happen in 2012.
    The GOP is getting soooo Zen — they don’t want to prosecute anyone because that’s looking to the past, and now they don’t want to talk about the future. Let’s just be part of this moment right now, shall we? Oh — am I Sarah Palin dreaming that I’m a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I’m Sarah Palin?

  • Fox News Light

    Can you imagine a Beer so bad that it makes an alcoholic stop drinking?

    Palin is so bad that I am giving up Politics on the Internet for the week.

    Me, the man that dressed up as “Don’t Be a Moran” guy for Halloween…(never got my iphone)

  • marioninnyc

    She’d rather WRITE than TALK. Now that’s some funny ha-ha!

  • loudensspam

    Do all right-wingers like to pull the “dithering” card on Afghanistan? Would it be fair to say that Sarah is dithering at her life right now?

  • Click

    So Hockey McCunstick is now sporting the Jacqueline Smith hairdoo to match her ugly-assed wardrobe?

  • ivenson

    The term “bullcrap” is an automatic indicator of stupid. Either man up and curse or use a more intelligent phrase, hillbilly. It’s only a small distance from “bullcrap” to “daggone”.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    I got MY personal letter from SarahPAC yesterday… did you? I know that this is going to shock all of you, but it mentions Reagan.

  • snideinplainsight

    Ok, I tried to listen to it, I really tried to listen to it, I don’t know what was going to cause my head to explode first – listening to Sarah talk or listening to Barbara talk.

    They should use this interview instead of all that loud Beastie Boys music at Guantanamo –

  • JMP

    But ABC, does Walters make Palin cry? C’mon; it would be worth sitting through the whole thing if I knew that the snowbilly would be brought to tears before the end.

    Juli, apologies in advance if you have to liveblog this thing; although it would probably be sanity-destroying for either one of you to have to go through that experience twice.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=460221]Fox News Light[/re]: I agree; I’m Snowbillied out at least until 2012 when I will eagerly await the death match between her, Huckster & Mittens.

  • sludjbunni

    Is it wrong to crave a Sarah Palin dart board?

  • Click

    [re=460222]marioninnyc[/re]: Yeah, after her book came out it got her to thinking that maybe she should try writing something.

  • Click

    Obviously Walters had to double up on the doobage and anti-depressants for this excremental interlude. Woman’s got worse cottonmouth than a South Carolina swamp.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=460221]Fox News Light[/re]: No! Don’t go!

    Actually, I was thinking of a bit of a politics fast myself. I wonder if I can totally lose myself in anyother topic. Like, say, boobies.

  • geminisunmars

    [re=460232]Click[/re]: If only there were something in her educational background that could support that activity.

  • Paul Tardy

    Reality show contestant, NO judge. GOP Idol.

  • Sleeves

    Thank goodness you’re safe, Juli. One cannot liveblog Barbara Walters: Your tauntaun will freeze before you reach the first commercial marker…

  • DemmeFatale

    That NEWSWEEK cover!
    Sarah in a cheesy pageant-pose, ready for runnin’ (if you wear pantyhose under your shorts when you run).
    Goes with gratuitous shots of Carrie Prejean, and the “Is Your Baby a Racist?” cover.
    Attention whore!

  • norbizness

    [re=460238]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Well, it’s like the site has become the equivalent of a restaurant that serves two entrees, and one of them is a shit sandwich. The other is chicken nuggets.

  • rabblerouser42

    Could Barbara possibly match Oprah’s Surprise of Sarah With a Gift of Car Keys?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    You can give her credit for picking out the unfunny Letterman bit but come on, how hard could it be?

  • norbizness

    And then this non-banned cheesedick shows up again. Christ, it’s like an unfunny remake of Groundhog Day, starring Dane Cook as Bill Murray and one of those Twilight eunuchs as Chris Elliot.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Is it possible to die from exposure to utter disingenuousness? Because if so, I have minutes left in me after watching that clip.

  • Redhead

    Oh I get it. The way the clips jump around is supposed to mimic the way Palin’s mind works, jumping from subject to subject without logic tying them together.

    The media hates me poor me – Obama sucks – Trig Trig Trig – USA yay! – the media hates me, I’m a victim – I represent the majority so everyone hates Oba-oooooh, a squirrel!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=460249]DemmeFatale[/re]: How about the “After Iran Gets The Bomb”/mushroom-cloud cover a few weeks ago?

  • Redhead

    oh, and if Newsweek was actually “more policy-oriented, more substance-driven,” they wouldn’t have you on the front page, Sarah. Durrrr.

  • earnestcivilservant

    So what’s that odd glistening upper lip thing she’s got going on? Herpes?

  • Click

    [re=460243]geminisunmars[/re]: I believe it is very strongly emphasized in the field of beauty pageantry how to correctly (and without untoward damage to one’s nails) hold a pencil.

  • Click

    [re=460250]norbizness[/re]: You forgot the constantly complaining customer.

  • geminisunmars

    Noooooh. My husband has the teevee on in the other room, and Candy Crowly is rehashing the Palin/Oprah and talking about The Book, and I can hear that voice. That voice. That voice. I’d divorce him but I rely on his social security.

  • Gorillionaire

    I was hoping that Palin would continue the new trend of ignorantly quoting Homer Simpson as if it were some kind of ancient wise philosophy. On Oprah she did the “if God didn’t mean for us to eat animals why did he make them out of meat?” The next one she should quote is the “it takes two to lie – one to lie and one to listen”.

  • proudgrampa

    Hey! Jim promised: no more Palin!

    Suggested titles for her new reality show: Palin’ with Sarah / Thrilla from Wasila / Survivor 2012 — The End Times

  • geminisunmars

    [re=460272]Gorillionaire[/re]: “Doh”

  • Scott-san

    Forget 2012 or “in advance.” Can we take her back to 2007 when we all snarkily pretended she was “hot” as the knocked-up governor of Alaska . . . and leave her there?

  • PrairiePossum

    The Palin book tour should really have a liquor company corporate sponsor because there is no way a person can listen to her and remain sober. I would suggest Old Milwaukee.

  • ShiningMathPath

    [re=460221]Fox News Light[/re]: Grasshopper, you got your ” iPhone” from your appreciative audience — you just need to know where to look for it!

  • DemmeFatale

    [re=460270]geminisunmars[/re]: I feel your pain. My husband wants to keep getting Newsweek, (I want to cancel it), “for the articles.”

  • One Yield Regular

    [re=460262]Redhead[/re]: My first reaction to Palin’s “Mainstream Media Tour 2009” was unsurprised annoyance at Oprah and Walters’ frothy little questionettes, but then it hit me that Palin deeply wants to avoid any inquiry that would rise above the journalistic level of, say, a gal in shorts on the cover of Newsweek. She’s getting exactly what she is owed: shallow, meaningless, unprobing questions that underscore how completely un-“policy-oriented” she is.

  • Gumboz1953

    [re=460285]PrairiePossum[/re]: More better: Sterno.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=460220]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Neither. You are a hookworm dreaming you’re Sarah Palin. Speaking of which…

    [No. No, I won’t stop. I’m just gonna keep holding my silly meme until I turn blue in the face.]

  • An Outhouse

    I really, really don’t like the bangs. and the whine, whine, whine…

    Q: “Lookin’ hot on the cover of Newsweek!”

    A: “no, they should never have used that picture, those evil librul, liar Newsweek people, and that bull crap Runner’s World”

  • geminisunmars

    [re=460392]An Outhouse[/re]: translation – “I would never have ever posed in that way if I thought those photos would actually be used someday!”

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Sarah’s next MSM project: a Palin family reenactment of the life of Christ with Sarah as Mary, Bristol as Mary Magdalene and Levi as Jesus.

  • SomeNYGuy

    That was really unfair of Newsweek to run that picture of Sarah Palin that Sarah Palin posed for. What’s next? Will the media start quoting things she actually said of her own free will? How unethical.

  • Sleeves
  • Come here a minute

    Have any of the interviewers asked how much of a presidential term she will serve if elected? I will want to hear about that. But I will not watch any of the interviews, so I’m counting on you, Jim and Juli!

  • torera

    1) Sarah needs a new wig-maker; the one she’s wearing for these interviews is atrocious.

    2) Let’s keep reminding the Xian feminazis that Sarah posed for that picture by golly. If it’s good enough for runners it’s good enough for the public newsstands and the US mail.

  • Extemporanus

    BARBARA: Sarewah, if you were a twee, what kind of twee would you be?

    SARAH: All of them, Barbara. I would be all of them.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=460217]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: I’ve heard that lisping stutterers give awesome head.

    Something to do with the unique combination of sibilance and surprise…

  • Click

    [re=460552]Extemporanus[/re]: Well she does have that forest laughter.

  • engulfedinflames

    This too will pass, who remembers Dan Quayle?

  • Perrys Mollycoddler

    What is wrong w/ her upper lip!?

  • Click

    [re=460656]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: It keeps moving.

  • Sleeves

    [re=460656]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]:

  • the problem child

    [re=460656]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: She had it waxed too recently for the makeup artist to be able to get the same effect face-wide.

  • sati demise

    [re=460656]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: its a cold sore, or in medical terms herpes 1. get some famvir Sarah!

    her jacket changed from teal (on Oprah) to purple (with Baba)! She is a chameleon!

  • Crow T. Robot

    I, for one, enjoyed the last days of disco.

  • Tundra Grifter

    “Waning crescent of self-awareness…” I’m back in love. That’s genius right there!

  • Sleeves

    [re=460865]sati demise[/re]: FAMVIR has not been proven effective for methightiolean green positive coxsuckie virus fistula.

  • lochnessmonster

    She hates the spotlight sooooo much that she puts her face on the two biggest audience getters shows..Oprah and BaBa WaWa…

  • Suds McKenzie

    [re=460251]rabblerouser42[/re]: I checked out your whore website because I heard you are suffering from Low Self Esteem.

  • 5erfun

    In answer to sludjbunni: An emphatic NO! And it’d be so easy to make, just print the pic on color paper and tape to cardboard, voila, instant dart target!

  • ATX Realtor

    Rather write than talk because her ghost writer can write FOR her.. if she talked it would have to be in front of cameras…

    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.