kill us

Liveblogging Sarah Palin On Oprah

Anyone else feel sick to your stomach? We’re going to get this over with, and then blow up the blog. [UPDATE: It's over! The liveblog is completely incoherent, as usual. Pareene also liveblogged it at Gawker. We both quoted Andrew Sullivan at 4:39!]

3:56 — Shutup.
3:56 — Oh wait that is just a nice lady on a soap opera doing the talking. Or is that Sarah Palin on Oprah? No one knows.
3:59 — Hmm. It appears as though a black lady is introducing Sarah Palin. This must be the Oprah show! Oh god it is happening so fast!
4:00 — Oprah immediately says, when I didn’t invite you on my terrible show before the election, because I hated you, really hated you, it was not a snub.
4:01 — Sarah Palin pretends to not give a shit. Oh whaddever, Oprah, it’s a free market! Free market teevee show! (She probably shits all over Oprah in her book.)
4:02 — MOVING ON: WHAT WAS IT LIKE SARAH WHEN YOU GOT THE PHONE CALL, to hold John McCain’s catheter on the road for a few months? What did it mean? Does John McCain smell, because he looks like he smells.
4:03 — Oh well, thank you for asking, Lisa Leslie or whoever you are. It was nuts! They started looking at all of my tax returns! It was so intrusive! But I thought that was the end of it. Then: Bristol!
4:05 — Bristol and I were not happy that she was having a baby, since she was like four years old. We were not happy to be grandparents, in that sense, but we were, because God had blessed her womb? You know? But anyway the press release screwed all of this up! It did not say what I, Sarah, really meant!
4:06 — Bristol was surprised and embarrassed and in tears when her pregnancy went public. We had assumed the media would just ignore this. Don’t even get me started about the media! (Please, get me started.)
4:07 — She underestimated how interesting this would be to the “haters.” “Haters” = “all humans,” we are expected to infer.
4:08 — BARACK OBAMA’S CHILDREN GOT LEFT ALONE! WHY WEREN’T MINE. WHY WEREN’T MY MALIAS AND SASHA’S LEFT ALONE. Probably because he didn’t wear them as a cape every time he appeared in public? Or maybe because he said other things besides “MY KIDS MY KIDS MY KIDS” when explaining his qualifications for president? Meh, let’s just blame Andrew Sullivan.
4:10 — Phew, commercial.
4:10 — DAMN, commercial over. Very evil, WJLA, very evil.
4:13 — Oprah: I was just chillin’ with my best friend Barack Obama the morning after his convention, which was awesome, and then I saw McCain announcing you as the pick on television and was like, Who the dickens is this lady? Sarah, do you have anything to say about this awkward thing?
4:14 — Oh now Oprah is calling out page numbers. Page 231! Sarah what was it like when you wore those fancy clothes that cost billions and everyone hated you for that?
4:15 — Sarah: NO ONE ASKED ANY MEN ABOUT THEIR CLOTHES. (Except they did, shortly after the story broke.) I sympathize with Hillary Clinton, for having to go through these sexist motions! Hillary Clinton is great! All ladies should vote for me in 2012! Wait, what was the topic… Hi Oprah!
4:16 — Ha ha, Sarah says, we didn’t stay on script because “we couldn’t find that script.” That’s about 95% “lie,” but go on.
4:18 — HOORAY COMMERCIAL! This will end in seven seconds, get as much porn-browsing in as you can!!
4:21 — There is a preview of some movie with blue people flying around on pterodactyls and firing laser guns. It is James Cameron’s adaptation of Going Rogue, insiders tell us.
4:22 — Oprah: remember that Katie Couric interview, when you shat out of your mouth every night for two weeks? That was hilarious, right?
4:23 — Half a second of candor! Sarah says yeah, I understand why people thought I was retarded, then. STILL, Katie Couric is a liberal sleazebag whore with a partisan elitist agenda and she lies and is depressed and is filthy acid-washed trash who no one likes, BUT YEAH, OH WELL.
4:24 — Oprah: Obviously you’ve read newspapers and magazines, why didn’t you name any? Sarah: I love all of those things, yes, and I could have named every newspaper and magazine for the last 300 years, but I felt condescended to, so fuck her question right? I don’t like to play the victim card, but I was totally the victim here, and the entire concept of “news media” is flawed because I flubbed this question.
4:26 — Some women “consider” having abortions. Sarah Palin “understands” them.
4:29 — When we first heard about the baby (having Down Syndrome, we think she means), Todd was super excited, but I just yelled at God for a while. And then Todd said “stop it, it’s cool,” and I Obeyed him. Hooray!
4:31 — COMMERCIAL. We are not learning much during this interview, since all of the hilarious book excerpts (ERRONEOUS LIES) have already been leaked. Oh shit are they seriously making a SEQUEL to Alvin and the Chipmunks? IT’S CALLED “THE SQUEAKUEL”!? Daytime television is *terrifying.*
4:32 — (Give us a sec, we’re buying advance tickets to the new Alvin movie.)
4:32 — LEVI! Oh there, she said it, that she read about “Ricky Hollywood” on a contrarian New York news-aggregating British mogul’s vanity project.
4:35 — I don’t want to talk about Levi! You know what’s great? How I stole his child, ha ha ha. But we love him, maybe.
4:36 — Bristol’s in college! She also has this side gig where she tells every American teenager not to fuck.
4:39 — Andrew Sullivan is liveblogging, too, and he’s being so mean.
4:40 — Ha ha, Sullivan:

4.35 pm. She describes “so many inconsistencies” in Levi’s story. There are no inconsistencies in Levi’s stories. There are only massive differences between his account of reality and Palin’s. The real inconsistencies are within Palin’s own confused and constantly changing stories and lies.

LEVI IS THE KING OF PENISES, DO NOT CONTRADICTETH HIM!

4:41 — Oh god, we’re now “on remote” with Sarah in Alaska, as she drives around. There she is at the gym, doing crunches! “Sweat is my sanity,” she says. Wonder what’s in that sweat?
4:42 — Halloween costumes! This is the difficult portion of the interview, for Sarah. Piper is a motorcyclist! Sarah is driving her from house to house to trick-or-treat! IS THERE ANY REASON THIS WOMAN SHOULD NOT BE PRESIDENT?
4:45 — Commercial! After the break, Willow hits the stage and performs the ol’ flapping dickie routine. Piper lights an elephant on fire!
4:46 — Oprah: Were you disappointed John McCain didn’t let you speak on election night when it wasn’t your place at all to speak because of historical precedent and basic etiquette?
4:47 — Sarah: I wasn’t “upset” per se, just upset with the “reason” I was given. Assign your own meaning to this.
4:48 — Oprah: How would you be able to manage being vice president when you have five kids? OPRAH IS SEXIST.
4:49 — Sarah: Because shut up, Oprah.
4:49 — Ha ha, we think she says that… some things need to be put on the “back burner” sometimes — these things being her five children. Burn, kiddies! Why don’t both of these ladies cut the shit and just admit that the vice president has a full 24 hours of free time per day? (Or if you’re Joe Biden, 25 hours — hubba hubba!)
4:51 — Blah blah I felt shackled as governor so I quit is this over yet?
4:51 — It’s much easier for me to “fight for what is right” when I’m unemployed and don’t have to adhere to the basic ethical standards of any organization.
4:53 — Oprah just has to ask it! She just has to! Are you running in 2012?
4:53 — Sarah: Oh, 2012. Trig will be in kindergarten then! What even is “the presidency”? I’ve never thought of that, Oprah. I am concentrating on fueling up some racism in 2010. And then Trig will go to kindergarten!
4:55 — You guys have to see this fucking Alvin and the Chipmunks “SQUEAKQUEL” commercial… it’s nuts.
4:56 — Oh, Barbara Walters is interviewing her tomorrow morning on ABC. Have fun, Juli!
4:57 — One last question: are you going to have a talk show?
4:57 — Sarah: HAHAHAHAHA THAT IS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT I HAVE EVER HEARD OPRAH AHAHHAHA, but maybe. I love what you do for women, Oprah!
4:58 — THE END, never posting about Sarah Palin again.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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213 comments

  1. SayItWithWookies

    Have fun by yourself tomorrow Juli, since Jim’s gonna be in psychotherapy. Jim, enjoy your descent into madness.

  2. shortsshortsshorts

    Oprah will be buying the audience helicopters today, and a trip to Alaska. If it wasn’t for those pesky gun laws, the good people of Oprah would be locked and loaded to hunt down their next Trig.

  3. the problem child

    She’s the new Reagan, y’all! She is indestructible! You cannot kill Reagan, he is already dead.

  4. norbizness

    Is this the online equivalent of your dad making you chain-smoke a whole carton of cigarettes? Can we expect a wider variety of dumbfucks to ridicule in the upcoming days?

  5. Jim Demintia

    [re=459704]the problem child[/re]: From the looks of the photo, he’s returned to the Force, whence Sarah Palin derives her amazing powers of fuckwittery.

  6. Terry

    I have a secret hope that Oprah does a real interview with Sarah, but if they’ll be too worried about possibly offending all those middle America Palin loving tv viewers.

  7. CapnFatback

    That picture appears to be a still from the new Topper remake.

    That or Drop Dead Ron.

    Either way, I’ll wait for the DVD.

  8. binarian

    Reagan didn’t die, he just became more powerful than ever, so his diciple, Sarah Skywalker could fight the Evil Empire and so forth and so on ad nauseum.

  9. binarian

    Jim, suggestion, turn on the Close Captioning on the set and see what CC function makes of Caribou Barbie’s sentence structure and grammar. On second thought, maybe not, the set might blow up.

  10. CycloneArmageddon

    Come on, Oprah. You know it’s bubbling away in there.

    “So Sarah, what’s it like to be a stupid bitch?”

  11. V572625694

    There aren’t many things on earth or elsewhere in the universe that could make you glad to be at work, but this is one of them.

  12. user-of-owls

    Jim: “I just live-blogged Palin on Oprah. Now I know exactly what it felt like to be a Rwarndan Tutsi in 1994.”

  13. Suds McKenzie

    [re=459746]bored with gravity[/re]: This interview takes you to a place beyond drinking games, where you are alone, cold, … in a dark corner, shivering.

  14. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=459746]bored with gravity[/re]: Yup. Take a swig anytime either of them say anything. It’ll make the whole experience that much more fun (hard to believe it could be any more fun, I know!). And the best part is that you won’t remember any of it afterwards. No messy emotional trauma to mop up!

  15. chascates

    Sarah felt sorry for katie! Drudge beats up on katie all the time with the poll numbers and statistics!

  16. AutomaticPilot

    [re=459749]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That depends on whether you mean “the Real America” or not.

  17. Gorillionaire

    Years ago when I lived in a swinging bachelor pad (i.e. rented house in cracktown with moldy bathroom) I patched my teevee through my stereo and hooked up a guitar pedal in between and I would get stoned and watch the local church shows with the echo thing on wide open. My friends laughed for the first ten minutes and then worried about me when I got into the habit of doing this alot.
    Anyway I would have totally done that to this show.

  18. user-of-owls

    [re=459749]SayItWithWookies[/re]: When’s she going to bring out a globe and make her find Earth?

  19. EdFlinstone

    Snowbilly said the Couric interview was supposed to be light hearted, working-mom to working-mom. I guess in whats left of her mind, Katie was gonna ask her how being VP would affect getting dinner ready or the kids off to practice.

  20. JMP

    [re=459737]binarian[/re]: Is this Oprah live or taped? Because if it’s live I really pity the CC typists – and the typos will probably be hilarious.

  21. chascates

    And Sarah thought about the abortion but decided to tell Todd anyway even tho he’s had a vasectomy.

  22. Extemporanus

    [re=459725]magic titty[/re]: By the time Jim gets done liveblarghing this thing, he’ll have clawed his own face off.

    Jim, your invitation to be a guest on Oprah is just a feeding tube away! YOU CAN DO IT!

  23. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=459749]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Guaranteed fail, since America’s not one of those countries Sarah could see from her house.

  24. Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    When’s the part when Oprah reveals who Trig’s real parents are? And will there be chair throwing?

  25. Suds McKenzie

    [re=459763]Gorillionaire[/re]: I am interested in your ideas and would like to sign up for your mailing list.

  26. CycloneArmageddon

    [re=459764]user-of-owls[/re]: “Point to the globe, Sarah. No no, chiclet, the glooooobe. C’mon sweetpea, you can do it.”

  27. Cassawary

    Andrew Sullivan actually expected JOURNALISM from Oprah. That’s it, I’m canceling my subscription.

  28. Snarkalicious

    Actually, the Cameron film project pre-dates the novella. James made his vison of what the text might be like, and the ghostwriter pieced together the book from the screenplay liner notes while on acid. Strangely enough, the result sounds just like Sarah Palin would if she were psychically controlled by a third rate copyriter who had been learning how to mimmick her by listening at her window with a parabolic listening dish over the course of 3 months. Aided by Vlad Putin, natch.

    In other news, I’ve clearly been drinking.

  29. Extemporanus

    “There is a preview of some movie with blue people flying around on pterodactyls and firing laser guns. It is James Cameron’s adaptation of Going Rogue, insiders tell us.”

    Actually, Jim, that was an ad for Avatard: Trig Free or Die. And those weren’t pterodactyls—they were levitating Jesus lizards.

  30. JMP

    [re=459765]chascates[/re]: We already know this; she reads all the newspapers, all the magazines, and every book that’s released.

  31. chascates

    BBC interviews a guy who READ the book. Already. And he says she mentions a miscarriage so she has plumbing troubles. Call Joe.

  32. Alaska Girl

    Jeeze, why won’t she just STFU? I am soooooooo sick of people from the lower 48 asking me “So, what’s the deal with Sarah Palin?” She’s a fucking nut ball OK!

    Please, feel free to begin ignoring Alaska again real soon. We’d all appreciate it.

  33. user-of-owls

    [re=459711]JesusButter[/re]: Her fake, high-pitched laugh-giggle-starburst makes me want to cut my vagina with razor blades.

    It makes me want to cut out my peen and carve a faux-gina down there, just so I could cut it with razor blades.

  34. AutomaticPilot

    [re=459791]chascates[/re]: She’s not into drama and she doesn’t like to play the victim card. How come nobody told me today was Opposite Day?

  35. chascates

    Any predictions as to how many colleges Bristol might attend? Majoring in Alaska Studies and minoring in Human Sexuality?

  36. geminisunmars

    Being in a different time zone (2 blissful hours later -earilier?) is great. I couldn’t stomach the idea of watching/listening to that creetshure at the appointed Mountain Time zone, and yet, I wanted to know how she fucks up. So thank you Jim Newell (if that is your real name) for keeping me informed without having to subject myself to that whorror. Besides, I’m sure Comcast keeps track of what program is being watched and by whom, and I don’t want any record of me watching anything to do with her.

  37. SayItWithWookies

    4:36 — Bristol’s in college! She also has this side gig where she tells every American teenager not to fuck.

    She counsels them to go rogue instead.

    [re=459791]chascates[/re]: Sarah says she’s not into drama.
    As in, “Everybody better do what I tell them to do, instead of refusing and making this into some big drama.”

  38. chascates

    Show us how to make moose chili! It’s healthy and spicy! Like Sarah! Show us the special little angel! Show us the Turkey man!

  39. Nigerian Business Executive

    I don’t have a teevees (or poor man’s intertubes, as we call it in the Business Executive houehold) and even if I had one of them things, I wouldn;t watch this. That being said, I’m enjoying reading simultaneous Oprah/Palin liveblogs by both Newell and his predecessor, Pareenee, who is now at Gawker. So different! So the same! I’m stuck in a time/space continuum thingie and it’s all because of Palin!

    Good thing she didn’t win, eh.

  40. earnestcivilservant

    [re=459751]Jim Demintia[/re]: Sarah will have an exciting voice-over role as laughing queen of the chipmunks in the Alvin & the Chipmunks Squeakual. This Oprah interview is her audition.

  41. slappypaddy

    [re=459795]Alaska Girl[/re]: we can’t ignore you, alaska girl. some fellow said he (or she) who controls alaska controls the world. THE WORLD, I TELL YOU! BWAH-HA-HA! anyway, i think he was a russkie, and he could see alaska from his front porch. he salivated copiously and openly.

  42. chascates

    Palin says that she and Todd are physically apart for months at a time.

    And both are pretty happy with it.

  43. uncletravelingmatt

    Snowbilly makes me think back to when I was as sophisticated a thinker as she is now:
    SLAP!
    Mom: “Don’t hit your sister!”
    Me: “She hit me first. I didn’t hit her. Someone else hit her.”
    Sis: “Yes you did!”
    Me: “I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response because she’s such a nasty sleazebag whore. But she hit me first. And I’m praying for her.”
    Mom: “I saw you hit her!”
    Me: “And I’m not going to play the victim, and you obviously hate me. Your elitist liberal parenting. And she hit me like twenty times. And you’re sexist.”

  44. chascates

    Does NO ONE in Alaska work anymore? None of the Palins, Levi, his mom? Everyone is either sucking off the state tit or selling meth or whoring themselves?

    They’re mavericks!

  45. Joshua Norton

    [re=459746]bored with gravity[/re]: Yes. Slam back tequila shooters if you can still hear her voice.

  46. germansteel

    Here’s the “which came first, the chicken or the egg” question: Who’s more delusional, ignorant and self-regarding, Sarah or her admirers?

  47. Extemporanus

    “Willow hits the stage and performs the ol’ flapping dickie routine. Piper lights an elephant on fire!”

    The Alaskocrats!

  48. slappypaddy

    “4:39 — Andrew Sullivan is liveblogging, too, and he’s being so mean.”

    cute, too. he thinks truth and television have more in common than the letter “t.”

  49. chascates

    Oprah is just jealous because she has no children and her ‘man’ Stedman isn’t a real package like Todd and she READS ALL THE FUCKIN’ TIME!

  50. JMP

    [re=459800]chascates[/re]: Of course, Bristol would actually have a legitimate excuse to take six or seven years to graduate, being a single parent; but since it seems her parents (actually nannies) are really raising the little political prop…

  51. user-of-owls

    [re=459818]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=459808]Click[/re]: So, they’re FINALLY getting around to the hookworms?!

  52. Extemporanus

    [re=459827]yargisbargis[/re]: Your face is almost completely clawed-off, Jim!

    Just a few more bits of soft cartilage and you’re home free!

  53. chascates

    Sarah, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Maybe a spruce tree with a beetle infestation that’s dying and everyone is staring at?

  54. Zorg

    [re=459795]Alaska Girl[/re]: So, what’s the deal with Sarah Palin? Why isn’t she as funny as Michael Palin?

  55. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=459831]slappypaddy[/re]: Heh. Sully’s said “You Lie” to Sarah so many times that he and Joe Wilson should get a room together and have copious, marijuana-induced hate sex.

  56. geminisunmars

    “Oprah: How would you be able to manage being vice president when you have five kids?”

    She’d neglect them just like usual. Per se.

  57. user-of-owls

    [re=459837]chascates[/re]: Whatever tree she was, its branches would be full of BAGWORMS.

    Oh, and Arbor Day would replace Christmas.

  58. PrairiePossum

    It’s much easier for me to “fight for what is right” when I’m unemployed and don’t have to adhere to the basic ethical standards of any organization.

    Straight up, bitch! Ethics are for pussies. When you’re a roguey maverick, you ain’t got no time for ethics. And only dirty, poor people have to work for a living. Sarah and Joe the Plumber are real ‘murkans fightin’ for The Right.

  59. Click

    [re=459799]AutomaticPilot[/re]: “She doesn’t like to play the victim card.”
    She’s also likes to stay away from spades.

  60. chascates

    Trig might not be accepted into kindergarten. Maybe Piper or Willow or Pippen will have to homeschool him. Cause he’s special.

  61. Suds McKenzie

    See you all for next weeks TYRA INTERVIEW. It’s late, I have a fitness bootcamp before work tomorrow. I’m going to have a Chardonnay and sleep. xxxooo

  62. QueenOfTheDamned

    Anybody who’s not quite ready to commit ritual suicide yet must go to http://www.themudflats.net and read the summaries of excerpts there. This has to be the most delusional drivel ever put on paper. I actually know a guy who honestly believes he’s Jesus Christ. And he has a firmer grip on reality than our Sarah. He’s more humble, too. Also.

  63. user-of-owls

    [re=459852]Click[/re]: But not, evidently, jokers.

    Oh, and before I forget: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Genius!

  64. JMP

    [re=459857]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Walters is the one who makes her guests cry, not Oprah. So hopefully tomorrow! Although I don’t know if Wonkette should liveblog this one; I don’t want to see both our remaining editors reduced to quivering wrecks, huddled in a corner muttering and “You betch! Dont’cha know!” repeatedly as down cheap whiskey straight from the plastic, 1.5L bottle.

  65. Chickensmack

    4:59 – We’re a bunch of goddamned liars. We’ll talk about this crazy bitch for at least two more weeks. Once she finishes book cycle, then we’re through.

  66. Ducksworthy

    I got the dry heaves halfway through Jim’s liveblog. How’d it turn out. Did Sarah demonstrate that she can swivel her head all the way around? Did Ophra notice the stench of brimstone coming from her mouth? No? O Crap. We’re doomed. (see Nostradamus and also the Myan Calendar). Yikes. Sarah is a sign that the END TIMES are at hand.

  67. The Station Manager

    You guys actually wen through with it, and watched this, this thing? Did it basically look like a televised genocide? Because I imagine it went over a lot like a televised genocide.

    You poor bastards. May god rest your tortured souls.

  68. the problem child

    [re=459857]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Hairpulling would a problem what with all the wigs, and all.

  69. shortsshortsshorts

    “4:58 — THE END, never posting about Sarah Palin again.”

    You know, Mr. Newell, I have a very hard time believing that. Especially since she’ll be with BARBRA WALTERS and we all know that interviews with BARBRA WALTERS have to be closely scrutinized. It is written somewhere in the bible.

  70. blinky_twinkie

    Vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit boo bitch vomit vomit vomit vomit vomit.

  71. imissopus

    Ha ha, an Alvin and the Chipmunks “Squeakuel” is almost funny as that Garfield sequel they made a few years ago where he went to England. They called it “A Tale of Two Kitties”. A friend of mine had to talk me down on IM when I heard about that one.

  72. chascates

    [re=459883]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: She did an interview with her fan Rush Limbaugh today so there’s that to look forward to as well.

  73. GeneralLerong

    Aw hell, now I won’t be able to read Wonkette for days because that picture makes me hurl.

    Off to clean up the floor…

  74. MarieDeGournay

    [re=459742]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: A good friend of mine has a theory that the reason Elvis died was because the TV got to him before he could shoot it. After reading about this monstrosity of an interview, I’m starting to believe it.

  75. Joshua Norton

    [re=459898]chascates[/re]: Could the human body hold enough liquor and survive to make any of us really want to listen to that.

  76. Fly Over Girl

    Yeah, anyone else remember when Oprah interviewed W. in September of 200, pretty much endorsed him, then he was our suck-ass President for 8 long suck-ass years?

    Thanks Oprah. Now were stuck with Sarah on 2012.

  77. Downtheroadapiece

    “4:58 — THE END, never posting about Sarah Palin again.”

    Don’t tease me like that, Jim. I know it’ll never happen.

  78. Servo

    I can’t abide either of these megalomaniacs. Chain ‘em to a cement mixer and send ‘em into the crushing depths of the Marianas Trench, along with Rush, Joe, and Bradgelina.

  79. ShiningMathPath

    [re=459745]hockeymom[/re]: [re=459771]Jim Demintia[/re]: [re=459876]the problem child[/re]: yeah, this is way beyond bumpits – no scalp visible at all

    Her SPECIAL HAIR OF POWER is a sign that only she WAS DIVINELY CHOSEN to lead us!!

    unless of course you want to buy a copy for yourself here http://tinyurl.com/4qmk6n (thanks to Bree Palin blog)

  80. Sleeves

    [...] Willow hits the stage and performs the ol’ flapping dickie routine. Piper lights an elephant on fire!
    4:46 — Oprah: Were you disappointed John McCain didn’t let you speak on election night [...]

    That’s how you develop the minor pieces. “Badda-bing, badda-boom, I’m done. Learn from a professional, kid.”

  81. Flanders

    [re=459821]uncletravelingmatt[/re]: and then Piper gives her sister the finger and everyone gets sent to their room.

  82. Click

    Guardian commenter ‘bananacannon’ had this to say,
    “Damn right we cant get enough of her, we also cant get enough of Frank Drebin, Ron Burgundy, White Goodman (well anything played by Ben Stiller actually) et al… we love the American tradition of dumb as a box of frog idiot comedy characters, full of false bravado and confidence, twittering away looking all out of place, causing belly laughs a plenty with their wide eyed innocence. I just think she needs to work on her slapstick though, coz at the moment Leslie Nielson has her beaten into a cocked hat.”

  83. Bruno

    Next Sarah will Say Oprah tricked her to this evil interview because she thought O would demand millions of viewers to buy the book for her book club. Lying MSM. She just needs to complete her hook up with the Scientologists so they can guarantee perpetual No. 1 standing in the book charts.

    (how did they fake that system for so many years, I have no doubt it was easy, I’m just curious about the mechanics or depth of fraud)

  84. Click

    [re=459924]gaterion[/re]: Okay, we’ll save the good stuff for when she writes a book about her roots.
    But honestly, I don’t recall reading any “Going Rogaine” jokes.


  85. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=459937]proudgrampa[/re]: I hope so, at least for this round. We’ll try to chip away at the addiction until she resurfaces again in a few months — she always does! — for quitting another job or whatever.

  86. Click

    [re=459941]Dolmance[/re]: I find your views to be interesting and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  87. user-of-owls

    [re=459931]Click[/re]: [re=459942]Flanders[/re]: [re=459924]gaterion[/re]:

    We’re gonna chase that crazy baldhead out of town.

  88. foulmouthed mrscreant

    [re=459952]Click[/re]: I think I saw that on a billboard once. I don’t think she’s sweating enough because her crazy is off the charts.

  89. gaswhisperer

    [re=459924]gaterion[/re]: Sarah is claiming the IMPORTANT HAIR mantle from Reagan (to the dismay of Romney).

  90. Click

    [re=459958]foulmouthed mrscreant[/re]: I’m thinking just the opposite – those beads of perspiration forming on her skin and then evaporating into thin air are carrying away what precious little sanity she ever had.
    Explains a lot.

  91. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=459771]Jim Demintia[/re]: That’s a LOT more hair than anyone has bizness havin’, that’s for sure.

  92. Uncle Bubba

    The republican candidates had to have known the condition of the economy. No one but McCain seemed to be interested in attending to the situation at hand and his approach was to blow into a committee meeting a swear at everyone. And no one on the republican side encouraged George W. to step up and at least pretend to be concerned about the future of the country he “lead” for eight years. And then to promote John McCain “the maverick” over Mitt Romney, a successful man in life and in business, pretending McCain was some sort of hero from the Viet Nam war and earned more combat ribbons than an average ground soldier, well that was a stroke of sheer stupidity. Then there was Huckabee. Me, I think the Reverend should stay in the pulpit. Even the small fish in Washington would eat him alive. Oh I know Fox news has him in a program of his own. But they are just monitoring the viewer responses for modifications to the republican ‘Spartan’ thrust when the next battle begins. The truth is that bible lore and profit do not mix, and Huckabee certainly could not stir that pot.

    Now, Palin, well I can tell by her responses to ‘interviews and questions’ that she was not practiced in the fine art of deception. AND, she was way to convenient for the republicans to use as a set off for the complete, total smack down by the American people in the election. McCain was the set-up…allowing him to choose Palin a a running mate was the juice. The republicans never expected to win that election, they walked away from George W. Bush’s mess and are now calling President Obama, a traitor. Actually, I believe former governor Palin, I’m not sure she understands the depth of the deception and the breadth of the consequences.

  93. ShiningMathPath

    [re=459924]gaterion[/re]: [re=459964]gaswhisperer[/re]: I don’t hate her, I hate her manipulative use of IMPORTANT HAIR to as part of her fundamentalist porn power agenda

    Love the sinner, hate the hair!

  94. sati demise

    forget the hair.that was way too much blush for anyone…….
    watched one segment, on why she quit the Alaska gig-
    my sympathies Jim, you are a tough man.

    ack!thatvoice

  95. Mojopo

    In Chicago, we saw this at 9:00 am. I don’t feel like it was a favor, though. I felt like Oprah was talking to a special needs child, and absolutely no one wants to beat up a tard on TV.

  96. iambiguous

    The huge, gigantic elephant in the middle of the room: If Sarah Palin was 62, weighed 250 pounds and looked like Phyllis Diller none of this endless bullshit about her would matter to any of us or any of them.

    Did we create Sarah Palin before or after she created us?

    How much more depressing will this get? I know: we’ve barely scratched the surface.

    george

  97. MissEllie

    Roscoe is right — I spent my formative years in rural Kentucky playing the piano for Methodist revival meetings. Most of these folks — all of the women — consider blasphemy worse than abortion. Most of the men would be horrified at the thought that any woman, no matter how educated or experienced, could question their reading of the Scriptures, never mind that their wives all have Masters degrees in teaching and they were lucky to get any kind of degree in Agriculture. They are not evil people, but they are deeply ignorant. You might think that these folks would be the Snowbilly’s great white hope, but they are her downfall. Not one of them would vote for Obama even if his name appeared on the ballot as Jesus the Christ, but neither will they vote for heathen women. Really, I wish we had more to rely on, but here it is. We must rejoice in it.

  98. sezme

    While the torture of actually watching Oprah, let alone with SP, would be unbearable, this liveblog version was most excellent. Please let this be Groundhog day where every day SP is on Oprah, and every day Jim liveblogs it but somehow slightly differently each time. Until valuable lessons are finally learned.

  99. user-of-owls

    [re=459982]Click[/re]: Forget it. The MSM is in the pocket of Big Parasite. We the people are the ones who have to burrow into the truth, even if it means going straight into the belly of the beast.

    HOOKWORMERS UNITE!

  100. CanadianBacon

    Why hasn’t Sarah shown her birth certificate? What is she hiding? Where was she really born? Why is the media covering this up?

  101. El Pinche

    [re=459977]sati demise[/re]: Yeah, the voice…it’s like someone sticking pencils in both of my ears and Piper kicking them.

  102. slappypaddy

    the republicans have been trying to do the national socialist gig for several years now and they can’t even get that right. all they have left to offer is their putrid hope that things will get worse.

    iambiguous is right–if babble spass were some ancient potato rather than a barely fuckable and scarcely comprehensible middle-aged former beauty pageant contestant, there’d be no game here. how truly and dangerously pathetic the republicans have become. they’re hoping this country they supposedly love will sink to their level.

    some of their appendages have become gangrenous and should be amputated, pure and simple, or their entire party is going to die. stop the infection before it spreads any further.

  103. user-of-owls

    [re=460006]CanadianBacon[/re]: Oh christ, get with the program man! Birth certificates are 2008. We need STOOL SAMPLES, damnit! The Palin hookworm scandal strikes at the very bowels of our democracy!

  104. trondant

    [re=460011]slappypaddy[/re]: Too late; the head was infected and had to be amputated. What you see now is a headless party running around the barnyard in circles and stepping in shit.

  105. El Pinche

    [re=460013]trondant[/re]: Yeah, but dont misunderestimate America’s stupidity. We’d be dumb enough try another Republican (this one is purty with big flappy beluga titties) because Obama isn’t mopping up the eight year build up of republican pig shit fast enough.

  106. rottenart

    [re=459906]gaterion[/re]: It appears that AngryBlakGuy is some sort of prophet:

    “…everyone on Wonkette should donate a dollar to WALNUTS!, because he just supplied us with a never ending barrel of snark for a long, long time!!!”

  107. Yoko Ono

    [re=460027]rottenart[/re]: Or the dichotomy that he dropped a bomb on us as flippantly as he practiced sanitized terrorism with aerial bombing on the people of North Vietnam. In neither case, has he apoligized or shown contrition for his actions? I doubt we will ever see him discuss either of his two campaigns that have caused such destruction.

  108. Yoko Ono

    [re=460018]El Pinche[/re]: I’m sure you’re paraphrasing Mencken, “No one in this world, so far as I know … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.” Either way, I’m with you amigo.

  109. schvitzatura

    The Ghost and Mrs. Moosemeat…you can plan a pretty picnic
    but you can’t predict the weather, Ms. Palin.

  110. montyburns4prez

    I’m surprised Palin didn’t say when she first walked out onto the show, “Gosh. Wow. This is so exciting, talking to a real African woman.”

  111. lawrenceofthedesert

    [re=459713]comicbookguy[/re]: Ron was going to take a drink every time Sarah told the truth; he died of dehydration.

  112. Sleeves

    [re=460021]El Pinche[/re]: Well, I love your sentences, Pinche, and I hope you’ve controlled any winter temperature spikes in that freshwater tank…

  113. Aging Hippy

    This is, in a word, perfection. I humbly bow to all of you evil geniuses. What makes me happiest is knowing that you kids will soon someday be ruling the world.

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