AMERICA'S GREAT PUNDITS  12:33 pm November 16, 2009

David Broder Needs New Material, You Guys!

by Jim Newell

You boys want some taffy?The Washington Post‘s “Dean of Sociopaths,” David Broder, wore his finest slacks to write this paragraph: “It is evident from the length of this deliberative process and from the flood of leaks that have emerged from Kabul and Washington that the perfect course of action does not exist. Given that reality, the urgent necessity is to make a decision — whether or not it is right.” PSST… $50 if you choose the wrong one, so I can have things to criticize? Trick question, I will criticize any of them. Can I still have $50? Where did I put those slacks… [Washington Post via Spencer Ackerman]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 46 comments }

magic titty November 16, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Any decision at all is better than the wrong one: choose wisely.

Larry McAwful November 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm

David Broder has needed new material since 1983. His columns are kind of like “H├Ągar the Horrible” strips–you see them in the paper every day, but who really reads them anymore?

Come here a minute November 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Get off the lawn of his nursing home.

Sharkey November 16, 2009 at 12:40 pm

I wonder if this flood of leaks actually emerged from David’s slacks?

Perfect urgent decision slacks.

JohnnyMac November 16, 2009 at 12:42 pm

Wow, someone sure misses “The Decider In Chief.” Nobody remind David what hasty decision making has done for us in the past or he might feel just a bit foolish.

the problem child November 16, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Broder, yeah, let’s put him in charge of something. That’ll work out well.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla November 16, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Hell, flip a coin. What could go wrong?

rafflesinc November 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Biden has some new material for him:

VPOTUS encouraged attendees to get involved in politics to “bend the arc of history — literally, bend it.”

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/

TGY November 16, 2009 at 12:46 pm

No, no, $50 dollars is what you get when you say the secret word. Also, it comes from a duck which you must have sex with. I’m sure a special interests group paid him much more to write this column.

Prommie November 16, 2009 at 12:48 pm

If its not worth doing, its not worth doing right.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 16, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Broder could’ve just as easily plagiarized Yoda, to wit: “Do or do not. There is no try.” Why does David Broder hate Yoda?

SmutBoffin November 16, 2009 at 12:50 pm

All those information-gathering agencies, think tanks, international relations pundits, congressional recommendations..they are just so much window dressing to convince people that Important Decisions are the result of an interrogative/deductive process.

Insiders like Broder know that Barry will just give it the ol’ Harvard try, and why not, ya know, right now?

Serolf Divad November 16, 2009 at 12:51 pm

“Shit or get off the pot…”

Yeah, that’s about the depth of Washington Post editorial thinking.

Paul Tardy November 16, 2009 at 12:51 pm

I want to return America to the old days, when you went along to get along.

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Not making a decision is what I usually decide to to do myself, so I’m solid with Barry at the moment.

Come here a minute November 16, 2009 at 12:53 pm

[re=459357]Prommie[/re]: Also, if it’s not worth doing, it’s worth doing not right.

norbizness November 16, 2009 at 12:57 pm

All Broder editorials should end with “P.S. I am not a crank.”

rabblerouser42 November 16, 2009 at 12:58 pm
geminisunmars November 16, 2009 at 1:00 pm

He has his column and critique already written for when the decision is finally made, and is annoyed that he has to keep trying to find other things to write in the meantime.

WadISay November 16, 2009 at 1:02 pm

In summary, then: ready, fire, aim.

V572625694 November 16, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Slightly off topic but it reminds mof Dame Peggy on Tweetie’s Sunday journo-circle-jerk, taking 500 words to say that if Obama’s choice on Afghanistan is right, he’ll be praised, whereas if it’s wrong, he’ll be criticized. “This is the important thing!” she said, with many Speech Communications 101 hand gestures. Even Katty Kae gave her a weird look on that one, as if to say, “They pay you for that shit?”

Mad Brahms November 16, 2009 at 1:05 pm

The idea that “doing something wrong is better than doing nothing at all” sounds profound but has absolutely no relevance in the real world. Sort of like Broder, except for the profundity part.

imissopus November 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm

I think Broder is just offended because the president hasn’t consulted him.

user-of-owls November 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm

[re=459367]Come here a minute[/re]: [re=459357]Prommie[/re]:

If it’s not worth writing, don’t do it.

SmutBoffin November 16, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=459374]rabblerouser42[/re]: Billy Crystal joke? Somehow, you whore attempts just got even sadder.

Car Ramrod November 16, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=459353]rafflesinc[/re]: Oh crap. It’s way, way, way too early in the day to start the “Joe Biden LITERALLY” drinking game.

user-of-owls November 16, 2009 at 1:11 pm

Hey everyone. Do you remember a time when blog-whoring was a capital offense here? Do you yearn for the days of yore, of the shining website on the Hill?

Then please, join me and let’s TAKE OUR WONKETTE BACK!

“Hey, hey, Mr. J, how many whores did you ban today!”
“No blog whores, no quease!”

etc.

V572625694 November 16, 2009 at 1:17 pm

[re=459397]user-of-owls[/re]: Second the motion. If the blogs were ever any good, it might be less offensive.

Birdcrash November 16, 2009 at 1:25 pm

David Broder was a silly old fart when still a relatively young man. He’s become rather more silly with as he’s gotten older. If he lives to 90 he’ll become an honorary circus clown.

Extemporanus November 16, 2009 at 1:26 pm

He could be wrong, he could be right,
He could be black, he could be white,
He could be right, he could be wrong,
He could be white, he could be black.

chaste everywhere November 16, 2009 at 1:30 pm

Why did he get his picture and his blood-pressure taken at the same time?

user-of-owls November 16, 2009 at 1:36 pm

[re=459433]chaste everywhere[/re]: I think it’s actually a leash, for when they let him outside.

Aflac Shrugged November 16, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Next week in his ground-breaking series on arriving at a bad idea by chance and clinging to it like grim Death, David Broder asks whether condoms, handrails and seatbelts are of any benefit, or if they really just play into the terrorists’ hands.

proudgrampa November 16, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Mr. Broder could take a lessson from Winston Churchill: “To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.”

McDuff November 16, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Let’s give David a rifle, an 80-pound pack, and a pair of combat boots and put him out in the middle of Afghanistan with Delta Company. Then we’ll see if he wants a decision “whether or not it is right.”

desertwind November 16, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Wow! Exactly the same argument made last Friday by the owner (and radio personality!) (and douche) of our only local radio station. Where else can we get news of the latest meth bust?

Does The Dean of Washington Journalism also say “dithering” over and over again?

Hooray For Anything November 16, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I eagerly await Broder’s long and thought-provoking column in next Sunday’s WaPo where he gives Obama advice on how to make that tough decision about Afghanistan and suggests such thing as the flipping of coin, a game called “eeny-meeny-miny-moe,” and the calling of the Psychic Hotline.

Prommie November 16, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Is Broder suggesting that its time for someone to make a ridiculous, and futile gesture?

McDuff November 16, 2009 at 2:32 pm

[re=459511]Hooray For Anything[/re]: How about “Eeeny, miney, moe, catch a black president by his toe …”

Atlas Spanked November 16, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Yeah, just MAKE A DECISION already, because Lawrence Welk is on in five minutes.
Oh wait….nurse?

ttommyunger November 16, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Question of the day: How long could David Broder live off the fat stored in his lower lip? No prize, just curious.

Next Great Pwndit November 16, 2009 at 2:56 pm

What a sad spectacle. Time to put him in a nursing home. It might not be the right move, but at least it would be decisive!

Extemporanus November 16, 2009 at 3:10 pm

By the way Lauri Apple, that’s your best portrait yet!

chascates November 16, 2009 at 3:17 pm

The Bush ‘Yee-Haw’ approach lead to some problems.

Let us make haste slowly.

artpepper November 16, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Given that the perfect course of action does not exist, let’s make a hasty and ill-conceived decision now. It’s OK, we can always ban the press from taking photos of the coffins. At least I’ll get some column inches out of it, suckas!

Scooter November 17, 2009 at 8:06 am

And there sits the greatest mind of our time with that faraway look in his eyes, struggling to deal with the flood of emotions in the wake of his weekly colonoscopy.

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