america's great pundits

David Broder Needs New Material, You Guys!

You boys want some taffy?The Washington Post‘s “Dean of Sociopaths,” David Broder, wore his finest slacks to write this paragraph: “It is evident from the length of this deliberative process and from the flood of leaks that have emerged from Kabul and Washington that the perfect course of action does not exist. Given that reality, the urgent necessity is to make a decision — whether or not it is right.” PSST… $50 if you choose the wrong one, so I can have things to criticize? Trick question, I will criticize any of them. Can I still have $50? Where did I put those slacks… [Washington Post via Spencer Ackerman]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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46 comments

  1. Larry McAwful

    David Broder has needed new material since 1983. His columns are kind of like “Hägar the Horrible” strips–you see them in the paper every day, but who really reads them anymore?

  2. JohnnyMac

    Wow, someone sure misses “The Decider In Chief.” Nobody remind David what hasty decision making has done for us in the past or he might feel just a bit foolish.

  3. TGY

    No, no, $50 dollars is what you get when you say the secret word. Also, it comes from a duck which you must have sex with. I’m sure a special interests group paid him much more to write this column.

  4. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Broder could’ve just as easily plagiarized Yoda, to wit: “Do or do not. There is no try.” Why does David Broder hate Yoda?

  5. SmutBoffin

    All those information-gathering agencies, think tanks, international relations pundits, congressional recommendations..they are just so much window dressing to convince people that Important Decisions are the result of an interrogative/deductive process.

    Insiders like Broder know that Barry will just give it the ol’ Harvard try, and why not, ya know, right now?

  6. Serolf Divad

    “Shit or get off the pot…”

    Yeah, that’s about the depth of Washington Post editorial thinking.

  7. Lascauxcaveman

    Not making a decision is what I usually decide to to do myself, so I’m solid with Barry at the moment.

  8. geminisunmars

    He has his column and critique already written for when the decision is finally made, and is annoyed that he has to keep trying to find other things to write in the meantime.

  9. V572625694

    Slightly off topic but it reminds mof Dame Peggy on Tweetie’s Sunday journo-circle-jerk, taking 500 words to say that if Obama’s choice on Afghanistan is right, he’ll be praised, whereas if it’s wrong, he’ll be criticized. “This is the important thing!” she said, with many Speech Communications 101 hand gestures. Even Katty Kae gave her a weird look on that one, as if to say, “They pay you for that shit?”

  10. Mad Brahms

    The idea that “doing something wrong is better than doing nothing at all” sounds profound but has absolutely no relevance in the real world. Sort of like Broder, except for the profundity part.

  11. user-of-owls

    [re=459367]Come here a minute[/re]: [re=459357]Prommie[/re]:

    If it’s not worth writing, don’t do it.

  12. SmutBoffin

    [re=459374]rabblerouser42[/re]: Billy Crystal joke? Somehow, you whore attempts just got even sadder.

  13. Car Ramrod

    [re=459353]rafflesinc[/re]: Oh crap. It’s way, way, way too early in the day to start the “Joe Biden LITERALLY” drinking game.

  14. user-of-owls

    Hey everyone. Do you remember a time when blog-whoring was a capital offense here? Do you yearn for the days of yore, of the shining website on the Hill?

    Then please, join me and let’s TAKE OUR WONKETTE BACK!

    “Hey, hey, Mr. J, how many whores did you ban today!”
    “No blog whores, no quease!”

    etc.

  15. V572625694

    [re=459397]user-of-owls[/re]: Second the motion. If the blogs were ever any good, it might be less offensive.

  16. Birdcrash

    David Broder was a silly old fart when still a relatively young man. He’s become rather more silly with as he’s gotten older. If he lives to 90 he’ll become an honorary circus clown.

  17. Extemporanus

    He could be wrong, he could be right,
    He could be black, he could be white,
    He could be right, he could be wrong,
    He could be white, he could be black.

  18. user-of-owls

    [re=459433]chaste everywhere[/re]: I think it’s actually a leash, for when they let him outside.

  19. Aflac Shrugged

    Next week in his ground-breaking series on arriving at a bad idea by chance and clinging to it like grim Death, David Broder asks whether condoms, handrails and seatbelts are of any benefit, or if they really just play into the terrorists’ hands.

  20. proudgrampa

    Mr. Broder could take a lessson from Winston Churchill: “To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.”

  21. McDuff

    Let’s give David a rifle, an 80-pound pack, and a pair of combat boots and put him out in the middle of Afghanistan with Delta Company. Then we’ll see if he wants a decision “whether or not it is right.”

  22. desertwind

    Wow! Exactly the same argument made last Friday by the owner (and radio personality!) (and douche) of our only local radio station. Where else can we get news of the latest meth bust?

    Does The Dean of Washington Journalism also say “dithering” over and over again?

  23. Hooray For Anything

    I eagerly await Broder’s long and thought-provoking column in next Sunday’s WaPo where he gives Obama advice on how to make that tough decision about Afghanistan and suggests such thing as the flipping of coin, a game called “eeny-meeny-miny-moe,” and the calling of the Psychic Hotline.

  24. McDuff

    [re=459511]Hooray For Anything[/re]: How about “Eeeny, miney, moe, catch a black president by his toe …”

  25. Atlas Spanked

    Yeah, just MAKE A DECISION already, because Lawrence Welk is on in five minutes.
    Oh wait….nurse?

  26. ttommyunger

    Question of the day: How long could David Broder live off the fat stored in his lower lip? No prize, just curious.

  27. Next Great Pwndit

    What a sad spectacle. Time to put him in a nursing home. It might not be the right move, but at least it would be decisive!

  28. artpepper

    Given that the perfect course of action does not exist, let’s make a hasty and ill-conceived decision now. It’s OK, we can always ban the press from taking photos of the coffins. At least I’ll get some column inches out of it, suckas!

  29. Scooter

    And there sits the greatest mind of our time with that faraway look in his eyes, struggling to deal with the flood of emotions in the wake of his weekly colonoscopy.

Comments are closed.