Here is the latest strange part of Going Rogue, where Sarah Palin talks to her cussin’, chewin’, questionin’ son Track, who is fightin’ in the Wars. We think Sarah is telling Track that she has decided to not-quit her job as governor, by quitting it. Then she abruptly orders Track to fast (!), but they reach a compromise. Track is a real American.

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  1. Does she think that the Army is some magical place where they don’t eat, swear, fuck, smoke, drink, gamble and chew?

    On ward Xtian soldiers, my ass.

  2. If you can bear it, look at p. 376, where you’ll find this gem:

    I remembered again the advice of my dear friend Curtis: “In politics, you’re either eating well or sleeping well.”

    What in the living fuck does that even MEAN?! Her friend’s name was not Curtis, it was Yogi.

  3. If I were to write a screenplay, and put in dialogue between a mother and her son such as the conversation we see here, it would serve as an example to all aspiring screenwriters. Of how to write a piece of shit.

  4. I honestly don’t know which is sadder, the fact this book has been written, or that her target audience will think of it as great literature. Our country is so fucked.

  5. [re=458858]Click[/re]: I’m looking forward to the movie version, just as soon as they figure out how to revive John Holmes and restore Ginger Lynn to her 1984 hotness.

  6. “By the end of the conversation, Track understood more. . . ”

    It didn’t seem to me to be a very involved conversation. What part of “I’m not a quitter, I’m going to fight” was difficult to understand? Did Track inherit his parents’ denseness? And why should Track have to fast over Sarah’s decision?

    I think WE should all fast and pray — in thanksgiving, over the bullet we dodged last year.

    And why does this loon get a publishing contract, when so many real writers are fighting their way out of the slush pile? Also.

  7. I had to fast to when I cussed.

    My old man punched me in the face and I could eat for a day or two.

    Glad Track ain’t as big a pussy as the Todd.

  8. And I hope she realizes “the base” won’t appreciate a boy telling his mom screw this… without her immediately issuing a stern reprimand for cursing. NO JOKE. She’s marching straight towards trouble with the christards, such as Mr. Book-Burning, with that filth.

    Have some irony, won’t you Sarah?

  9. Compared to Sarah Palin, Ross Perot looks like JFK. Compared to Sarah Palin, Lyndon LaRouche looks like, I don’t know, Jesus?

    Compared to Sarah Palin, Meghan McCain looks like … well, she still looks like Meghan McCain.

    But Sarah is one fucking weird space ranger.

  10. [re=458875]Neilist[/re]: What do you expect? The Stryker is based on some shitty Canadian thing which our socialist neighbors to the north ripped of from the Swiss or the Swedes.

  11. One day without chew…It’s hard to imagine. She means like from waking up to going to sleep right? not 24 hrs? Gandhi once went 30 hrs without chew, but he had to be resuscitated by doctors.

  12. [re=458865]El Pinche[/re]: Nodding my head like yeah.

    [re=458884]shadowMark[/re]: You’re right, the publisher sucks it.

    Sarah’s not a quitter … except, ya know, when she is. It’s like she doesn’t quit by quitting.

  13. [re=458882]x111e7thst[/re]: See, that’s the other thing. I’m seeing a really big disillusionment coming down the road here, on the part of Sarah’s fans. Can’t fast for a day, fine, but not sure if the humor she injects will hit the mark. I know these people, (some of them, anyway,) parts of this book will cause them to wince. And do you know what follows wincing? Ripping-the-book into a kitchen-sized garbage can to the tune of an old-fashioned gospel song, that’s what.

  14. Is this one of the bits that AP called out as factually incorrect? Because I just can’t believe that any of that is true. It reads like bad inspirational Christian literature as written by Ned Flanders.

  15. [re=458879]Servo[/re]: I’m not a quitter. See these track marks? But today, I think I’m going to trip the trig out. Hand me the bubbler filled with Bristol Cream, I want to piper this shit.

  16. I call shenanigans on this ungodly piece of shit. Little Skid Marks can’t give up cursing for the day, but the worst words he uses are: “Holy, crap” and “Hell, no”???


  17. I quit. So you guys quit making stuff up. And quit stealing my Change idea.
    Quittin’ chew, now that’s darn tough. Ain’t no Nicorette for that.

  18. [re=458890]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I disagree. I think her fans are like millions and millions of grown-up versions of Piper in the pic from Extemporanus. I think they HATE the world, I think they LOVE giving the finger and I think Sarah is a focus for them, their sexy mother telling them it is GOOD to hate, GOOD to give the finger.

    I hope this is one of the many things I’m wildly wrong about but I bet this book doesn’t turn off any of her fans but rather becomes something like scripture for them. Every word. Watch, some jackass will put up a site with a concordance, as if “Going Rogue” is the Scofield study Bible for a new generation.

  19. [re=458898]shadowMark[/re]: Look, there are some rabid Sarah Palin fans out there who would love her if they found out she had 20 abortions before she got married. I don’t doubt that for a second. But trust me, Mike Huckabee is going to gain from Going Rogue if Sarah decides to run. Right now I think they’re splitting the flock, but ANY kind of irreverence will cause people to leave. I was raised in the hillbilly church — there’s my cred!! — and any perceived secularism will not go down well. And they won’t care about platitudes, either.

    Sorry for the snark-free post, but I’m getting heated over here. Sarah might just need a little more rope, that’s all, and I can’t wait.

  20. My local news ran an article about the presumed origins of Palin’s style of speaking. Joe Salmons of the University of Wisconsin-Madison said that while Palin has Upper Midwestern speech patterns, she also has the “screaming hallmarks of western speech.”
    Nicely put.
    Also David Bowie of the University of Alaska Anchorage said Palin didn’t use so many informalities before she ran for national office. “She doesn’t sound like that when she’s speaking to Alaskans,” Bowie said.
    Major Tom to ground control, brother.

  21. I just checked her book tour schedule and she is coming to my town. Yikes! I guess that means Rochester, NY is part of “Real America.” Who knew?!?!?

  22. [re=458890]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I hope you are right. I loves me some Schadenfreude.
    [re=458898]shadowMark[/re]: Probably won’t be that much of an effort (the concordance). How many discrete words are there likely to be in this piece of shit book?

  23. “She’s a joke,” (David Brooks) told ABC’s “This Week.” “I mean, I just can’t take her seriously.”

    Today (and, I think, always) we are all David Brooks.

  24. In case anyone was still wondering about it, no, getting Skoalrebel to ghost write your memoirs is not a good idea.

    Thanks Sarah for taking one for the team.

  25. [re=458901]Click[/re]: Supposedly W talked like an actual normal person when he was Governor of Texas and only started sounding like a retarded cowboy the moment he decided to run for President because somebody figured people would be more likely to vote for a retarded cowboy than a normal person. And, of course, they were right.

  26. It would be a nice early, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Atheist, Agnostic, forgive me if I’ve forgotten something, “holiday” gift if Harper Collins pulls the book at the last minute. It is totally bogus, I mean, not awesome at all, dang, what do I mean??? Oh thanks, Jeebus. That’s what I mean.

  27. We no longer enjoy the rule of law in our fair Wonkette village. If we did, the miserable blog whore would have long ago been castrated with piano wire.

  28. Is the image above of an actual page? How big is the typeface if you can only fit 55-60 characters on a line? Is this the Readers’ Digest Large-Print edition, or are the eyes of the intended readership too close together to read normal-size type?

  29. [re=458911]boy_howdy[/re]: I suspect military bases are exempt from the flavored Skoal rules. I doubt the sell cloves however.

    I thought Track was in some cushy national guard job anyway? Then again, to Sarah, Desert Outpost could refer to the Burj Dubai.

  30. Geez, does anyone in their right mind think Track Palin — he of the evil bus-tire-slashing prank that got him into the Army in the first place? — is wise enough to advise his mother “to move up to something more worthy”?

    More like, “hey, Mom, is there any money to be made if you get out of your job as governor and do all the things you said you wanted to do, like use your passport to travel, write a book, stay in the Trump Hotel & Tower in NYC, get a job at Fox?”

  31. I wholeheartedly endorse Sarah Palin’s call for our troops to go without food, in honor of those of us over here on the front lines of the culture wars, and look forward to the next cunning plan of our Commander in Chief in Waiting.

  32. [re=458900]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Except that the Club for Greed (Huckabuck’s own coining if I have that right) will never let him get anywhere. So it’s back to Plan A: the total implosion of one of two dominant ‘merkin political parties. While the other one dithers and fails to capitalize, leaving us, sooner or later, in the capable hands of our new Moonie overlords.

  33. [re=458881]Fly Over Girl[/re]: Send that observation about “sleeping well” in C4P archives vs. “not sleeping well” in her book over to Geoffrey Dunn at HuffPo, or Andrew Sullivan at The Atlantic.

    Somebody should be keeping a compilation of all these little factoids that disprove every paragraph in Palin’s book as lies, and put them all in one place.

    Hey, maybe Geoffrey Dunn can publish a companion book to the one he’s writing now about Palin, sort of like the Tolkien Reader was for J.R.R. Tolkien’s Ring Trilogy, There and Back Again, the Silmarillion, etc.

  34. HC is putting it out there that they are not happy with the factual criticism (re: criticism of excerpts scanned from the book on many, many websites) of this fictional POS that is being sold as a true account of The Grifter from Wasilla’s life. ROTFLMFAO!!! Sides hurt!! (I have never said ROTFLMFAO before).

  35. Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot. Tried to make this humorous, but unfortunately “Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot” is tragedy, not comedy.

  36. [re=458899]Words[/re]: Absolutely. To revisit the 80’s, Gag-O-Matic!

    But, folks, here’s why I know this whole thing is a load of horseshit. Aside from the obvious, I mean. In all the excerpts I’ve seen, she rehashes all these verbatim conversations. Who the hell remembers that level of detail from things that happened 6 months, a year, 10 years ago? Especially if you’re real busy campaignin’ and governatin’ and stuff. Really. A few remarks maybe, but not whole pages, not unless you’re working from a transcript.

    Anybody else seen the one where puts Steve in his place about the Atkins bars? My favorite so far. Of course, it’s only what he deserved for suggesting she eat a nonmeat food.

  37. [re=458904]crikey_booya[/re]: I’m very sad that Sarah Palin isn’t coming to New England, where I live. That’s a shame. I was going to bring her lipstick. And a pig.

  38. So, Trakphone is dope for nicotine. The daughter fucks anything that can get it up. Mom is a textbook narcissist. The smartest one of the bunch is the gene-deficient baby. This is some kind of Model fucking Family? For whom, the Munsters?

  39. Queenofthedamned: Of course Ms. Saruh didn’t remember this, it was shaped by her ghoster, who is more of a screenwriter. Because you see of course, this is to ensure control of….the movie.

    She isn’t running for POTUS, she’s starting a business.

  40. Revisiting the canon again. Why does she ask him to fast anyway? Is this penance for questioning the Holy Mother Superior in the first place? If so HMS Palin is losing her grip on the boy, since she (reports anyway) that she backed down at the first balk. What a pussy.

    [re=458953]DoctorCulturae[/re]: “Fasting Food”? Really, what ghostwriter, no matter how mediocre, would ever write that? Alliteration is no excuse for weird redundancy. I’m starting to think the ghostwriter got shoved aside by Princess Palin.

    “I’m praying for you, Mom.” . . . because clearly you are insane.

  41. [re=458964]Darkness[/re]: You may be right about the ghostwriter (she demurs to nobody), but the fasting thing is code and a play to a constituency, namely all good Christianist mommies watching their weight. Like Gwen Ifill said, we may fail to see her continuing to play to the same base as when she first broke into the public eye, i.e the oversize blue jeans and pants suits types.

  42. [re=458953]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Well, yeah, I forgot we’re talking about an invented object of worship “remembering” nonevents. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen that level of detail about something that matters as much as cleaning the bathroom. But I’m not a big reader of autobiographies either.

  43. [re=458901]Click[/re]: “The Palin problem, then, might be that she cynically incites a crowd that she has no real intention of pleasing. […] In my own not-all-that-humble opinion, duping the hicks is a degree or two worse than condescending to them. […] Many of Palin’s admirers seem to expect that, on receipt of the Republican Party nomination, she would immediately embark on a crusade against Wall Street and the banks. This notion is stupid to much the same degree that it is irresponsible.”

    Thou hast said it Hitch (in your whiskey-hoarse voice).

  44. QueenOfTheDamned: Precisely. In some parts they call it ‘lying’ or maybe performance art. For her it serves as ‘being creative.’ Soon to be performed at an avant-garde theatre near you, or maybe on Hannity.

  45. This is truthiness at its best. Note the lack of qoutes on most statements, in lieu of hokum summaries. Even better, though, what mother talks to her son like he’s a constiuent? People “losing their livelihood” or “losing a loved one in battle”? We seriously are supposed to think she talks that way to her son?

  46. [re=458986]Berkeley Bear[/re]: This book has the potential to hasten Sarah’s implosion as a national figure. Those who thought she might be intellectually “light” will have their doubts confirmed; and those who thought of her as a sincere, fellow Christian warrior will have the scales fall from their eyes, and finally see her in her true, manipulative, opportunistic glory.

    Exposure is not her friend, and she doesn’t even realize it. Better to leave the stage before the crowd starts to boo.

  47. How very clever of Queen Esther, now in addition to quitting for the good of Alaska, she also did it for the troops, and it was endorsed by an veteran…fucking glorious.

    Meantime, I noticed her bus-ride of crazy is headed to Fort Hood to hawk some books…nice, fucking nice…you stay classy Sarah. Some advice for the snowbilly: when you’re done pestering the guys and gals at Hood, feel free to swing by Arlington National Cemetery (I recommend Sections 60-61). Since you support the troops (you know the ones who fight for your freedom to make shit up) I assume that widows and widowers would get a 10% discount off of the cover price.

  48. Here’s the part that didn’t make the book:


    Well, I’ll stop chewing, if you’ll stop shooting up.


    That’s not fair. You know I do that on doctor’s orders


    Dr. Todd?


    Shhh. I think I hear Levi in the next room.

  49. Well now, you learn something new every day. Apparently, the Alaskan expression for “WHAT in the everlasting name of FUCK? STARVE myself out here in IRAQISTAN so I can understand the WISDOM of how you’re going to FIGHT by QUITTING YOUR GODDAMN JOB??? I HATE YOU, MOMMY!!!!!!” is simply, “Holy crap!”

    Quite a pithy folk, these Alaskans.

  50. Ok. So where is this really from? I am assuming that this is not actually from the book because it is so insane that even Sarah could not possibly have approved it.

  51. What idiocy. Imagine the money she could make now if she simply told the truth about what she’s been up to this whole time. Instead we get the perpetuation of this pathetic public persona. Even Ken Starr knew that unless he added passages describing the curvature of Clinton’s cock, that nobody would think his efforts were worth the money.

  52. [re=458908]Hooray For Anything[/re]: This is true. He also used to speak at a fairly rapid clip, believe it or not. If you google some video from back in the early 90s, it’s actually stunning how coherent he sounds. Which is weird, because that was back when he was supposedly still deep in the sauce and blow.

    The longer he was in office, the more retarded he sounded. I think it was part act, part degenerative brain damage brought on by being expected to think and….do things.

  53. “Eat nothing for a day? Holy fucking shit, mom. What the fuck does fasting have to do with anything? You’re an annoying bitch, mom. Also, you misquoted me in your fucking “book”. I ain’t givin’ up jack fucking shit.” [spits a brown stream of saliva forth] “Fuck you and your aspirations, Mom. Fuck you.”

  54. [re=458871]Gumboz1953[/re]: I think this is another one of those things lost in translation between the Alaskan dialect and common humanish talking. See, in Alaskan “I hear you, Mom. I’m praying for you,” translates roughly to, “I promise to pretend that I understand your psychotic bullshit in return for permission to put down the phone and get on with trying to make the most of my meager existence. Go eat your hard-liqueur bonbons and write your idiotically self-indulgent drink coaster of a memoir or whatever you feel is so much more important than your duties as a state governor, and I’ll continue dodging small-arms fire from crazed goat molesters. If at some point in the future you want to brag to your thick-necked womanfriends about this conversation, I further promise to smile and nod politely when questioned about it, assuming, that is, that I myself am not lining the bottom of a gravel pit by that time. PS, I shall be spending Christmas in Baqubah, fuck you, also.”

    Again, I’m not sure if that’s the exact literal translation. It being Alaskan, I believe the “also” is implied.

  55. [re=459066]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Um, yeah, I mean, that. Instead of the “Microsoft U.S. English” button, I may have accidentally clicked “Black Adder.”

  56. I’m not elitist, but good god, man, this is absolutely atrocious writing. I was hoping that when I heard this was going to be ghostwritten, that we’d at least get something halfway readable that we could pick apart, but this is like investigating an especially nasty car crash with human libs strewn about the scene.

    BTW, Track is my favorite Palin. He was smart enough to get as far as way as he could from his trainwreck of a family. I heard he may have been quite the trainwreck, himself, but I’m thankful for him keeping his silence and escaping that insane asylum Sarah calls a “family.”

  57. If she’d decided to do it, whatever “it” was and I presume, from comments above, that this is about the quitting part, why did Todd need to fast, stop cussing, give up chaw, or anything at all.

  58. [re=459098]gurukalehuru[/re]: Sorry, I meant Track, not Todd. And he’s probably still pissed off at his mom for giving him a stupid name. I know I would be.

  59. [re=459101]gurukalehuru[/re]: According to a report, Track was named after his mother’s great love of running, and Bristol was named for the headquarters of ESPN. Going with this trend, expect the next bundles of joy to be FlufferNutter, BobSaget, and 96Camaro Palin.

  60. [re=459107]Potater[/re]: Actually, I think Bristol, Willow and Piper are pretty names. It’s Track, Trig and Tripp that sound a little bit like made-up names for grade B westerns.

    (confession – when I was about 4 years old, I had an imaginary friend – his name was Shoot)

  61. [re=458900]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Somehow I don’t think Huckabee-Fuckabee would be any improvement over Palin. If he’s more intelligent, he’s that much more dangerous.

  62. “‘I’m not a quitter, Track,’ I finished.'”

    Readers of a certain age will recognize that as a medium-grade Swiftie (Swifty? I’ve never seen it written down).

    117 comments in, I’ll be the first to point out that The Gov’nor did, actually, quit.

    You betcha!

  63. So her son chews tobacco and her daughter is a teenage mother not enrolled in college. Were Sarah Palin Jewish, the other mommelehs would’ve beaten her to death with leftover sukkah staves at this point as an unfit mother and an embarrassment to the children of Israel.

  64. [re=459092]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Her ghostwriter was a woman named Lynn Vincent, known, apparently, for her literary skills in the genre of fundamentalist pamphlets. She “wrote” that one general’s memoirs, the one who said my god can kick you god’s ass. I forget the guy’s name, Boykin, or something like that. Vincent was an atrocious writer before she met Snowbilly. You can imagine the influence Palin had on her already tortured prose.

  65. [re=459057]badmuthagoose[/re]: My evil plot device detector says, that Rove, who picked him out for the presidency long before he got anywhere, started a program of puppetization to make his job easier. He wanted Reagan II, so his options were either heavy metal poisoning or Lyme disease.

    “Hey, hey, there K-Karl, er, Turd Blossom, what here are all these ther-mom-metors doin’ in my office? They keeps on gettin’ broke, you know. . .”

  66. So, does the book actually explain why she quit? Or does she just give the bizarro “I became America’s governor by resigning from Alaska” doublespeek?

  67. Now girls everywhere (and Charlie Crist) can accessorize their Caribou Barbie with a shitty plastic diary, manufactured on Saipan and full of the same chemicals that helped give Trig teh downz!!!

  68. “Give up chew for a day” ? What the fuck are these hillbillies talking about?

    I hope someone forces John McCain to read this cover to cover so that he might begin to understand how important his loss was last November.

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