AMERICA'S GREATEST NOVEL  4:43 pm November 15, 2009

Dirty ‘Going Rogue’ Photos: The Part Where Track Gives Up Chewin’, But Not Cussin’

by Jim Newell

Here is the latest strange part of Going Rogue, where Sarah Palin talks to her cussin’, chewin’, questionin’ son Track, who is fightin’ in the Wars. We think Sarah is telling Track that she has decided to not-quit her job as governor, by quitting it. Then she abruptly orders Track to fast (!), but they reach a compromise. Track is a real American.


Hola wonkerados.

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Click November 15, 2009 at 4:47 pm

…and then we fucked.

Click November 15, 2009 at 4:53 pm

“I finally said out loud what I knew I had to do.”
That some mighty fancy salad-shootin’ there, missy.

ManchuCandidate November 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm

Does she think that the Army is some magical place where they don’t eat, swear, fuck, smoke, drink, gamble and chew?

On ward Xtian soldiers, my ass.

Fox News Light November 15, 2009 at 4:58 pm

isn’t it funny that it doesn’t matter what the book says.

user-of-owls November 15, 2009 at 5:00 pm

If you can bear it, look at p. 376, where you’ll find this gem:

I remembered again the advice of my dear friend Curtis: “In politics, you’re either eating well or sleeping well.”

What in the living fuck does that even MEAN?! Her friend’s name was not Curtis, it was Yogi.

RoscoePColtraine November 15, 2009 at 5:08 pm

If I were to write a screenplay, and put in dialogue between a mother and her son such as the conversation we see here, it would serve as an example to all aspiring screenwriters. Of how to write a piece of shit.

El Pinche November 15, 2009 at 5:10 pm

I’m reading this while they’re playing Miley Cyrus on the radio. Britney Spears is on the teevee. Holy fuck, we love our white trash.

SmutBoffin November 15, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Okay, Jim, I think your tipster is just sending you short stories by John Sayles now.

Yoko Ono November 15, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Skoalrebel lives!
Cold Dippin Cope Straight Up

user-of-owls November 15, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Track was obviously quite prescient in his pre-evaluation of how the book would eventually turn out when he said, “Wholly crap.”

RoscoePColtraine November 15, 2009 at 5:16 pm

I honestly don’t know which is sadder, the fact this book has been written, or that her target audience will think of it as great literature. Our country is so fucked.

rambone November 15, 2009 at 5:16 pm

[re=458858]Click[/re]: I’m looking forward to the movie version, just as soon as they figure out how to revive John Holmes and restore Ginger Lynn to her 1984 hotness.

Gumboz1953 November 15, 2009 at 5:17 pm

“By the end of the conversation, Track understood more. . . ”

It didn’t seem to me to be a very involved conversation. What part of “I’m not a quitter, I’m going to fight” was difficult to understand? Did Track inherit his parents’ denseness? And why should Track have to fast over Sarah’s decision?

I think WE should all fast and pray — in thanksgiving, over the bullet we dodged last year.

And why does this loon get a publishing contract, when so many real writers are fighting their way out of the slush pile? Also.

foulmouthed mrscreant November 15, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Always with the “I know that I know that I know.”

Gumboz1953 November 15, 2009 at 5:19 pm

[re=458870]rambone[/re]: Zucker brothers. Or Mel Brooks.

Neilist November 15, 2009 at 5:20 pm

“Stryker Unit” = “Lambs to the Slaughter.”

(Give UP dippin’? For a WHOLE day?)

rocktonsammy November 15, 2009 at 5:20 pm

I had to fast to when I cussed.

My old man punched me in the face and I could eat for a day or two.

Glad Track ain’t as big a pussy as the Todd.

RoscoePColtraine November 15, 2009 at 5:23 pm

And I hope she realizes “the base” won’t appreciate a boy telling his mom screw this… without her immediately issuing a stern reprimand for cursing. NO JOKE. She’s marching straight towards trouble with the christards, such as Mr. Book-Burning, with that filth.

Have some irony, won’t you Sarah?

shadowMark November 15, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Compared to Sarah Palin, Ross Perot looks like JFK. Compared to Sarah Palin, Lyndon LaRouche looks like, I don’t know, Jesus?

Compared to Sarah Palin, Meghan McCain looks like … well, she still looks like Meghan McCain.

But Sarah is one fucking weird space ranger.

Servo November 15, 2009 at 5:25 pm

I miss mummy’s brutal ramma jamma up my ass. Drill, guvna, drill!
I’m not a quitter, Track! Too late.

the problem child November 15, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Track: The conveniently absent Palin. And actually the only one with a job now.

Fly Over Girl November 15, 2009 at 5:26 pm



She’s said herself many times, “In politics, you’re either eating well or sleeping well.” She always goes on to note that she sleeps very well.

Except on page 376 of her own frakking book where she says she’s not sleeping well. Governor Bimbo can’t even keep her story straight.

x111e7thst November 15, 2009 at 5:27 pm

No way Track, Tramp and Twit were going to do without their daily ration of moose, beaver and seared fatty edges.

letmetellyou November 15, 2009 at 5:29 pm

“That was a big darn deal.”

Elites will have a folksy overload after reading this thing.

shadowMark November 15, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=458871]Gumboz1953[/re]: Not just a random publishing contract. The stories are that Sarah got SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS for this. And if I remember right authors–I mean “authors”–don’t have to pay back that stuff even if their “book” doesn’t sell.

Click November 15, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=458870]rambone[/re]: Scene #2, where Johhny Todd storms into the bedroom, throws open Sarah’s legs and demands to see her Track marks.

x111e7thst November 15, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=458875]Neilist[/re]: What do you expect? The Stryker is based on some shitty Canadian thing which our socialist neighbors to the north ripped of from the Swiss or the Swedes.

NYNYNY November 15, 2009 at 5:33 pm

One day without chew…It’s hard to imagine. She means like from waking up to going to sleep right? not 24 hrs? Gandhi once went 30 hrs without chew, but he had to be resuscitated by doctors.

Fly Over Girl November 15, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=458865]El Pinche[/re]: Nodding my head like yeah.

[re=458884]shadowMark[/re]: You’re right, the publisher sucks it.

Sarah’s not a quitter … except, ya know, when she is. It’s like she doesn’t quit by quitting.

user-of-owls November 15, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=458881]Fly Over Girl[/re]: Palin 2012: America’s Anorexic Insomniac!

RoscoePColtraine November 15, 2009 at 5:35 pm

[re=458882]x111e7thst[/re]: See, that’s the other thing. I’m seeing a really big disillusionment coming down the road here, on the part of Sarah’s fans. Can’t fast for a day, fine, but not sure if the humor she injects will hit the mark. I know these people, (some of them, anyway,) parts of this book will cause them to wince. And do you know what follows wincing? Ripping-the-book into a kitchen-sized garbage can to the tune of an old-fashioned gospel song, that’s what.

Hooray For Anything November 15, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Is this one of the bits that AP called out as factually incorrect? Because I just can’t believe that any of that is true. It reads like bad inspirational Christian literature as written by Ned Flanders.

user-of-owls November 15, 2009 at 5:38 pm

[re=458887]NYNYNY[/re]: If the earliest Christians had gone without chew, the Roman Coliseum would have been a much less lively venue.

NYNYNY November 15, 2009 at 5:38 pm

[re=458879]Servo[/re]: I’m not a quitter. See these track marks? But today, I think I’m going to trip the trig out. Hand me the bubbler filled with Bristol Cream, I want to piper this shit.

Words November 15, 2009 at 5:38 pm

Sarah “Bailin’” Palin! Bulimics could use this book instead of their fingers to throw up..

Fly Over Girl November 15, 2009 at 5:42 pm

I call shenanigans on this ungodly piece of shit. Little Skid Marks can’t give up cursing for the day, but the worst words he uses are: “Holy, crap” and “Hell, no”???


Servo November 15, 2009 at 5:43 pm

Jesus! Was Jerry Reed her ghost writer?

Yoko Ono November 15, 2009 at 5:45 pm

I quit. So you guys quit making stuff up. And quit stealing my Change idea.
Quittin’ chew, now that’s darn tough. Ain’t no Nicorette for that.

shadowMark November 15, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=458890]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I disagree. I think her fans are like millions and millions of grown-up versions of Piper in the pic from Extemporanus. I think they HATE the world, I think they LOVE giving the finger and I think Sarah is a focus for them, their sexy mother telling them it is GOOD to hate, GOOD to give the finger.

I hope this is one of the many things I’m wildly wrong about but I bet this book doesn’t turn off any of her fans but rather becomes something like scripture for them. Every word. Watch, some jackass will put up a site with a concordance, as if “Going Rogue” is the Scofield study Bible for a new generation.

Words November 15, 2009 at 5:50 pm

[re=458894]Words[/re]: “Bulimics could read this book instead of using their finger etc. …. Sorry; fingers out of sync w/mind.

RoscoePColtraine November 15, 2009 at 5:56 pm

[re=458898]shadowMark[/re]: Look, there are some rabid Sarah Palin fans out there who would love her if they found out she had 20 abortions before she got married. I don’t doubt that for a second. But trust me, Mike Huckabee is going to gain from Going Rogue if Sarah decides to run. Right now I think they’re splitting the flock, but ANY kind of irreverence will cause people to leave. I was raised in the hillbilly church — there’s my cred!! — and any perceived secularism will not go down well. And they won’t care about platitudes, either.

Sorry for the snark-free post, but I’m getting heated over here. Sarah might just need a little more rope, that’s all, and I can’t wait.

Click November 15, 2009 at 5:57 pm

My local news ran an article about the presumed origins of Palin’s style of speaking. Joe Salmons of the University of Wisconsin-Madison said that while Palin has Upper Midwestern speech patterns, she also has the “screaming hallmarks of western speech.”
Nicely put.
Also David Bowie of the University of Alaska Anchorage said Palin didn’t use so many informalities before she ran for national office. “She doesn’t sound like that when she’s speaking to Alaskans,” Bowie said.
Major Tom to ground control, brother.

crikey_booya November 15, 2009 at 6:05 pm

I just checked her book tour schedule and she is coming to my town. Yikes! I guess that means Rochester, NY is part of “Real America.” Who knew?!?!?

x111e7thst November 15, 2009 at 6:07 pm

[re=458890]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I hope you are right. I loves me some Schadenfreude.
[re=458898]shadowMark[/re]: Probably won’t be that much of an effort (the concordance). How many discrete words are there likely to be in this piece of shit book?

proudgrampa November 15, 2009 at 6:08 pm

“She’s a joke,” (David Brooks) told ABC’s “This Week.” “I mean, I just can’t take her seriously.”

Today (and, I think, always) we are all David Brooks.

Spiro Agnew November 15, 2009 at 6:10 pm

In case anyone was still wondering about it, no, getting Skoalrebel to ghost write your memoirs is not a good idea.

Thanks Sarah for taking one for the team.

Hooray For Anything November 15, 2009 at 6:10 pm

[re=458901]Click[/re]: Supposedly W talked like an actual normal person when he was Governor of Texas and only started sounding like a retarded cowboy the moment he decided to run for President because somebody figured people would be more likely to vote for a retarded cowboy than a normal person. And, of course, they were right.

foulmouthed mrscreant November 15, 2009 at 6:13 pm

It would be a nice early, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Atheist, Agnostic, forgive me if I’ve forgotten something, “holiday” gift if Harper Collins pulls the book at the last minute. It is totally bogus, I mean, not awesome at all, dang, what do I mean??? Oh thanks, Jeebus. That’s what I mean.

boy_howdy November 15, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=458867]Yoko Ono[/re]: Skoalrebel is over here now.

At least Sarah didn’t try to make him fast from flavored dips. That’s downright inpeachable.

SmutBoffin November 15, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=458867]Yoko Ono[/re]: Chewin’ is for people who like their cancer where they can see it in the bathroom mirror.

rabblerouser42 November 15, 2009 at 6:21 pm

Sarah Palin’s Book Has Glaring Typo — Right in the Title!

Bruno November 15, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Sarah, please show us the phone records this conversation ever existed.

user-of-owls November 15, 2009 at 6:26 pm

We no longer enjoy the rule of law in our fair Wonkette village. If we did, the miserable blog whore would have long ago been castrated with piano wire.

brogonzo November 15, 2009 at 6:26 pm

Is the image above of an actual page? How big is the typeface if you can only fit 55-60 characters on a line? Is this the Readers’ Digest Large-Print edition, or are the eyes of the intended readership too close together to read normal-size type?

Bruno November 15, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=458911]boy_howdy[/re]: I suspect military bases are exempt from the flavored Skoal rules. I doubt the sell cloves however.

I thought Track was in some cushy national guard job anyway? Then again, to Sarah, Desert Outpost could refer to the Burj Dubai.

WesternCorrespondent November 15, 2009 at 6:27 pm

Geez, does anyone in their right mind think Track Palin — he of the evil bus-tire-slashing prank that got him into the Army in the first place? — is wise enough to advise his mother “to move up to something more worthy”?

More like, “hey, Mom, is there any money to be made if you get out of your job as governor and do all the things you said you wanted to do, like use your passport to travel, write a book, stay in the Trump Hotel & Tower in NYC, get a job at Fox?”

Click November 15, 2009 at 6:30 pm

“Give up his cussin? And risk having him go back to his sister? Hell no. Impossible over here. Next.”

Norbert November 15, 2009 at 6:30 pm

I wholeheartedly endorse Sarah Palin’s call for our troops to go without food, in honor of those of us over here on the front lines of the culture wars, and look forward to the next cunning plan of our Commander in Chief in Waiting.

Suds McKenzie November 15, 2009 at 6:34 pm

[re=458896]Servo[/re]: Please don’t bring “Snowman” into this. It might make him look like a “possums pecker”.

hunter.blatherer November 15, 2009 at 6:34 pm

[re=458900]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Except that the Club for Greed (Huckabuck’s own coining if I have that right) will never let him get anywhere. So it’s back to Plan A: the total implosion of one of two dominant ‘merkin political parties. While the other one dithers and fails to capitalize, leaving us, sooner or later, in the capable hands of our new Moonie overlords.

WesternCorrespondent November 15, 2009 at 6:35 pm

[re=458881]Fly Over Girl[/re]: Send that observation about “sleeping well” in C4P archives vs. “not sleeping well” in her book over to Geoffrey Dunn at HuffPo, or Andrew Sullivan at The Atlantic.

Somebody should be keeping a compilation of all these little factoids that disprove every paragraph in Palin’s book as lies, and put them all in one place.

Hey, maybe Geoffrey Dunn can publish a companion book to the one he’s writing now about Palin, sort of like the Tolkien Reader was for J.R.R. Tolkien’s Ring Trilogy, There and Back Again, the Silmarillion, etc.

arcticloon November 15, 2009 at 6:36 pm

[re=458871]Gumboz1953[/re]: “And why does this loon get a publishing contract…?”

did someone call me?

foulmouthed mrscreant November 15, 2009 at 6:38 pm

HC is putting it out there that they are not happy with the factual criticism (re: criticism of excerpts scanned from the book on many, many websites) of this fictional POS that is being sold as a true account of The Grifter from Wasilla’s life. ROTFLMFAO!!! Sides hurt!! (I have never said ROTFLMFAO before).

thegaswhisperer November 15, 2009 at 6:42 pm

funny — Track doesn’t look chewish …

house of the blue lights November 15, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot. Tried to make this humorous, but unfortunately “Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot” is tragedy, not comedy.

QueenOfTheDamned November 15, 2009 at 6:43 pm

[re=458899]Words[/re]: Absolutely. To revisit the 80′s, Gag-O-Matic!

But, folks, here’s why I know this whole thing is a load of horseshit. Aside from the obvious, I mean. In all the excerpts I’ve seen, she rehashes all these verbatim conversations. Who the hell remembers that level of detail from things that happened 6 months, a year, 10 years ago? Especially if you’re real busy campaignin’ and governatin’ and stuff. Really. A few remarks maybe, but not whole pages, not unless you’re working from a transcript.

Anybody else seen the one where puts Steve in his place about the Atkins bars? My favorite so far. Of course, it’s only what he deserved for suggesting she eat a nonmeat food.

Dashboard_Buddha November 15, 2009 at 6:44 pm

give up chaw? They chew? It’s just like Jackson but without the fashion sense.

loquaciousmusic November 15, 2009 at 6:57 pm

[re=458904]crikey_booya[/re]: I’m very sad that Sarah Palin isn’t coming to New England, where I live. That’s a shame. I was going to bring her lipstick. And a pig.

Darkness November 15, 2009 at 7:03 pm

So, Trakphone is dope for nicotine. The daughter fucks anything that can get it up. Mom is a textbook narcissist. The smartest one of the bunch is the gene-deficient baby. This is some kind of Model fucking Family? For whom, the Munsters?

DoctorCulturae November 15, 2009 at 7:09 pm

Queenofthedamned: Of course Ms. Saruh didn’t remember this, it was shaped by her ghoster, who is more of a screenwriter. Because you see of course, this is to ensure control of….the movie.

She isn’t running for POTUS, she’s starting a business.

Darkness November 15, 2009 at 7:22 pm

Revisiting the canon again. Why does she ask him to fast anyway? Is this penance for questioning the Holy Mother Superior in the first place? If so HMS Palin is losing her grip on the boy, since she (reports anyway) that she backed down at the first balk. What a pussy.

[re=458953]DoctorCulturae[/re]: “Fasting Food”? Really, what ghostwriter, no matter how mediocre, would ever write that? Alliteration is no excuse for weird redundancy. I’m starting to think the ghostwriter got shoved aside by Princess Palin.

“I’m praying for you, Mom.” . . . because clearly you are insane.

avoidinggradingpapers November 15, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Truly one of the most substantive policy books I’ve read only one page of.

depraved indifference engine November 15, 2009 at 7:32 pm

[re=458948]Darkness[/re]: …the Munsters?/i>

or the family that Robyn Hitchcock sang about.

Yoko Ono November 15, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=458948]Darkness[/re]: You’re right, that family is more messed up than Afghani politics, but doesn’t Trig have one chromosome too many?

DoctorCulturae November 15, 2009 at 7:44 pm

[re=458964]Darkness[/re]: You may be right about the ghostwriter (she demurs to nobody), but the fasting thing is code and a play to a constituency, namely all good Christianist mommies watching their weight. Like Gwen Ifill said, we may fail to see her continuing to play to the same base as when she first broke into the public eye, i.e the oversize blue jeans and pants suits types.

QueenOfTheDamned November 15, 2009 at 7:52 pm

[re=458953]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Well, yeah, I forgot we’re talking about an invented object of worship “remembering” nonevents. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen that level of detail about something that matters as much as cleaning the bathroom. But I’m not a big reader of autobiographies either.

SmutBoffin November 15, 2009 at 7:55 pm

[re=458901]Click[/re]: “The Palin problem, then, might be that she cynically incites a crowd that she has no real intention of pleasing. [...] In my own not-all-that-humble opinion, duping the hicks is a degree or two worse than condescending to them. [...] Many of Palin’s admirers seem to expect that, on receipt of the Republican Party nomination, she would immediately embark on a crusade against Wall Street and the banks. This notion is stupid to much the same degree that it is irresponsible.”

Thou hast said it Hitch (in your whiskey-hoarse voice).

DoctorCulturae November 15, 2009 at 8:00 pm

QueenOfTheDamned: Precisely. In some parts they call it ‘lying’ or maybe performance art. For her it serves as ‘being creative.’ Soon to be performed at an avant-garde theatre near you, or maybe on Hannity.

ShiningMathPath November 15, 2009 at 8:00 pm

[re=458933]thegaswhisperer[/re]: ha – and Palin is the gaslinewhisperer?

Berkeley Bear November 15, 2009 at 8:02 pm

This is truthiness at its best. Note the lack of qoutes on most statements, in lieu of hokum summaries. Even better, though, what mother talks to her son like he’s a constiuent? People “losing their livelihood” or “losing a loved one in battle”? We seriously are supposed to think she talks that way to her son?

Darkness November 15, 2009 at 8:06 pm

[re=458970]Yoko Ono[/re]: ouch. Yes. I was thinking of it in the sense of inadequate. The only solution to this, is MORE WINE.

Click November 15, 2009 at 8:13 pm

“I conceded.”
Yes, you are Sarah.

Click November 15, 2009 at 8:20 pm

[re=458987]Darkness[/re]: Yeah, Sarah had some extra genes laying around the house so Trig got the chromosome 21 while Bristol got the Levi’s.

RoscoePColtraine November 15, 2009 at 8:26 pm

[re=458986]Berkeley Bear[/re]: This book has the potential to hasten Sarah’s implosion as a national figure. Those who thought she might be intellectually “light” will have their doubts confirmed; and those who thought of her as a sincere, fellow Christian warrior will have the scales fall from their eyes, and finally see her in her true, manipulative, opportunistic glory.

Exposure is not her friend, and she doesn’t even realize it. Better to leave the stage before the crowd starts to boo.

Carl Spakler November 15, 2009 at 8:28 pm

How very clever of Queen Esther, now in addition to quitting for the good of Alaska, she also did it for the troops, and it was endorsed by an veteran…fucking glorious.

Meantime, I noticed her bus-ride of crazy is headed to Fort Hood to hawk some books…nice, fucking nice…you stay classy Sarah. Some advice for the snowbilly: when you’re done pestering the guys and gals at Hood, feel free to swing by Arlington National Cemetery (I recommend Sections 60-61). Since you support the troops (you know the ones who fight for your freedom to make shit up) I assume that widows and widowers would get a 10% discount off of the cover price.

Gallowglass November 15, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Well, hooo-iiiiieeeee. No dip for a whole day? That jes seems plum cruel to me.

ShiningMathPath November 15, 2009 at 8:34 pm

[re=458994]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: premature implosion is not a good thing — Save the Arctic Loon!

gaswhisperer November 15, 2009 at 8:52 pm

[re=458983]ShiningMathPath[/re]: Palin the gaslinewhisperer is a pretender! feh

iambiguous November 15, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Here’s the part that didn’t make the book:


Well, I’ll stop chewing, if you’ll stop shooting up.


That’s not fair. You know I do that on doctor’s orders


Dr. Todd?


Shhh. I think I hear Levi in the next room.

tartan November 15, 2009 at 9:11 pm

[re=458910]foulmouthed mrscreant[/re]: You forgot Festivus! A holiday for the rest of us!

Decker November 15, 2009 at 9:12 pm

Who the hell asks a soldier to fast? Did she think Truck was some shaolin warrior?

Even her ghostwritten lies are stupid.

Gumboz1953 November 15, 2009 at 9:19 pm

[re=458916]Bruno[/re]: And Track’s birth certificate, to confirm he’s not just another prop.. . Oh never mind. They’re all props.

ShiningMathPath November 15, 2009 at 9:44 pm

[re=459023]Decker[/re]: win

Custersdeadhorse November 15, 2009 at 9:51 pm

How many weeks are we projecting it to be on the New York Times best seller list?

peeno nwar November 15, 2009 at 10:11 pm

Well now, you learn something new every day. Apparently, the Alaskan expression for “WHAT in the everlasting name of FUCK? STARVE myself out here in IRAQISTAN so I can understand the WISDOM of how you’re going to FIGHT by QUITTING YOUR GODDAMN JOB??? I HATE YOU, MOMMY!!!!!!” is simply, “Holy crap!”

Quite a pithy folk, these Alaskans.

Jim89048 November 15, 2009 at 10:12 pm

I’d have guessed that her quotes would’ve been in red. Perhaps another oversight…

ivenson November 15, 2009 at 10:13 pm

[re=458915]rabblerouser42[/re]: Jesus, this guy. Somebody…this guy…..

CivicHoliday November 15, 2009 at 10:33 pm

Ok. So where is this really from? I am assuming that this is not actually from the book because it is so insane that even Sarah could not possibly have approved it.

Mr Blifil November 15, 2009 at 11:11 pm

What idiocy. Imagine the money she could make now if she simply told the truth about what she’s been up to this whole time. Instead we get the perpetuation of this pathetic public persona. Even Ken Starr knew that unless he added passages describing the curvature of Clinton’s cock, that nobody would think his efforts were worth the money.

badmuthagoose November 15, 2009 at 11:19 pm

[re=458908]Hooray For Anything[/re]: This is true. He also used to speak at a fairly rapid clip, believe it or not. If you google some video from back in the early 90s, it’s actually stunning how coherent he sounds. Which is weird, because that was back when he was supposedly still deep in the sauce and blow.

The longer he was in office, the more retarded he sounded. I think it was part act, part degenerative brain damage brought on by being expected to think and….do things.

badmuthagoose November 15, 2009 at 11:20 pm

So, he’s in Iraq and she wants him to not eat for a day? Wow. Great idea.

And my bullshit radar is pinging like crazy reading this canned shit.

El Pinche November 15, 2009 at 11:49 pm

[re=458888]Fly Over Girl[/re]: damn you and damn billy ray’s balls.

Maus November 16, 2009 at 12:06 am

well sheesh, to evangelists cussin’ is certainly worse than cutting the brake lines on a schoolbus

Smoke Filled Roommate November 16, 2009 at 12:16 am

“Eat nothing for a day? Holy fucking shit, mom. What the fuck does fasting have to do with anything? You’re an annoying bitch, mom. Also, you misquoted me in your fucking “book”. I ain’t givin’ up jack fucking shit.” [spits a brown stream of saliva forth] “Fuck you and your aspirations, Mom. Fuck you.”

peeno nwar November 16, 2009 at 1:22 am

[re=458871]Gumboz1953[/re]: I think this is another one of those things lost in translation between the Alaskan dialect and common humanish talking. See, in Alaskan “I hear you, Mom. I’m praying for you,” translates roughly to, “I promise to pretend that I understand your psychotic bullshit in return for permission to put down the phone and get on with trying to make the most of my meager existence. Go eat your hard-liqueur bonbons and write your idiotically self-indulgent drink coaster of a memoir or whatever you feel is so much more important than your duties as a state governor, and I’ll continue dodging small-arms fire from crazed goat molesters. If at some point in the future you want to brag to your thick-necked womanfriends about this conversation, I further promise to smile and nod politely when questioned about it, assuming, that is, that I myself am not lining the bottom of a gravel pit by that time. PS, I shall be spending Christmas in Baqubah, fuck you, also.”

Again, I’m not sure if that’s the exact literal translation. It being Alaskan, I believe the “also” is implied.

peeno nwar November 16, 2009 at 1:31 am

[re=459066]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Um, yeah, I mean, that. Instead of the “Microsoft U.S. English” button, I may have accidentally clicked “Black Adder.”

raysmuckles November 16, 2009 at 2:08 am

Sweet jeebus, is this from the large print edition or something? Most children’s books have smaller type.

Going Rogue: For trigs by a trig.

LowerdPeninsula November 16, 2009 at 2:59 am

I’m not elitist, but good god, man, this is absolutely atrocious writing. I was hoping that when I heard this was going to be ghostwritten, that we’d at least get something halfway readable that we could pick apart, but this is like investigating an especially nasty car crash with human libs strewn about the scene.

BTW, Track is my favorite Palin. He was smart enough to get as far as way as he could from his trainwreck of a family. I heard he may have been quite the trainwreck, himself, but I’m thankful for him keeping his silence and escaping that insane asylum Sarah calls a “family.”

gurukalehuru November 16, 2009 at 4:05 am

If she’d decided to do it, whatever “it” was and I presume, from comments above, that this is about the quitting part, why did Todd need to fast, stop cussing, give up chaw, or anything at all.

chascates November 16, 2009 at 4:27 am

This is the offspring Palin admitted was not a Republican.

gurukalehuru November 16, 2009 at 4:33 am

[re=459098]gurukalehuru[/re]: Sorry, I meant Track, not Todd. And he’s probably still pissed off at his mom for giving him a stupid name. I know I would be.

Potater November 16, 2009 at 5:38 am

[re=458881]Fly Over Girl[/re]: How appropriate that the representation of their goddess is the back of her head.

TGY November 16, 2009 at 6:58 am

Chew tobacco? Be a spitter, not a quitter!

Potater November 16, 2009 at 7:24 am

[re=459101]gurukalehuru[/re]: According to a report, Track was named after his mother’s great love of running, and Bristol was named for the headquarters of ESPN. Going with this trend, expect the next bundles of joy to be FlufferNutter, BobSaget, and 96Camaro Palin.

gurukalehuru November 16, 2009 at 7:33 am

[re=459107]Potater[/re]: Actually, I think Bristol, Willow and Piper are pretty names. It’s Track, Trig and Tripp that sound a little bit like made-up names for grade B westerns.

(confession – when I was about 4 years old, I had an imaginary friend – his name was Shoot)

zhubajie November 16, 2009 at 7:57 am

So what’s his brand? My grandfather chewed some stuff called Rite-Cut. Or is Track a wimp who goes for snoose, like Skoal?

zhubajie November 16, 2009 at 8:08 am

[re=458900]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Somehow I don’t think Huckabee-Fuckabee would be any improvement over Palin. If he’s more intelligent, he’s that much more dangerous.

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2009 at 9:19 am

“‘I’m not a quitter, Track,’ I finished.’”

Readers of a certain age will recognize that as a medium-grade Swiftie (Swifty? I’ve never seen it written down).

117 comments in, I’ll be the first to point out that The Gov’nor did, actually, quit.

You betcha!

Unlearned Hand November 16, 2009 at 9:20 am

So her son chews tobacco and her daughter is a teenage mother not enrolled in college. Were Sarah Palin Jewish, the other mommelehs would’ve beaten her to death with leftover sukkah staves at this point as an unfit mother and an embarrassment to the children of Israel.

Johnny Zhivago November 16, 2009 at 9:29 am

This is what America needs – true, genuine frontier-speak!!!!

I love it!!!

FMA November 16, 2009 at 9:44 am

[re=459092]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Her ghostwriter was a woman named Lynn Vincent, known, apparently, for her literary skills in the genre of fundamentalist pamphlets. She “wrote” that one general’s memoirs, the one who said my god can kick you god’s ass. I forget the guy’s name, Boykin, or something like that. Vincent was an atrocious writer before she met Snowbilly. You can imagine the influence Palin had on her already tortured prose.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us November 16, 2009 at 9:49 am

Ooh! Quick!! Help me!! Sarah Palin’s comin’ to Alabama on the 23rd!!! I need a snarky sign to take to Books-a-Million!!

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us November 16, 2009 at 9:51 am

[re=459140]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: And possibly get my ass kicked!

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us November 16, 2009 at 10:06 am

I know I can hold a big sign at the door turning people away saying “Go home, Morans. Sarah Palin quit her book tour, too. Also.”

sezme November 16, 2009 at 10:10 am

Why didn’t she include the part where her suggestion to not masturbate for a day was similarly rebuffed. Chew? The jokes on her: Track’s a Dip man.

thefrontpage November 16, 2009 at 11:28 am

Sarah Palin is a moron. She is an idiot. She is stupid.

And the term “going rogue” is British slang for unprotected anal sex.

Darkness November 16, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=459057]badmuthagoose[/re]: My evil plot device detector says, that Rove, who picked him out for the presidency long before he got anywhere, started a program of puppetization to make his job easier. He wanted Reagan II, so his options were either heavy metal poisoning or Lyme disease.

“Hey, hey, there K-Karl, er, Turd Blossom, what here are all these ther-mom-metors doin’ in my office? They keeps on gettin’ broke, you know. . .”

TVarmy November 16, 2009 at 12:45 pm

So, does the book actually explain why she quit? Or does she just give the bizarro “I became America’s governor by resigning from Alaska” doublespeek?

Flanders November 16, 2009 at 12:48 pm

[re=459111]zhubajie[/re]: hey, don’t be cuttin’ down our friend skoalrebel now, y’hear?

GrouchoEngels November 16, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Now girls everywhere (and Charlie Crist) can accessorize their Caribou Barbie with a shitty plastic diary, manufactured on Saipan and full of the same chemicals that helped give Trig teh downz!!!

MarSF November 16, 2009 at 1:38 pm

“Give up chew for a day” ? What the fuck are these hillbillies talking about?

I hope someone forces John McCain to read this cover to cover so that he might begin to understand how important his loss was last November.

TVarmy November 16, 2009 at 3:35 pm


Yep, it’s the truth. I would think Palin would be more pro-abstinence, but apparently she’s flipped to the other extreme: Unprotected sex with transexuals.

zhubajie November 16, 2009 at 3:47 pm

[re=458860]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Track may come back with a Muslim wife; Japanese, etc., war brides spread Buddhism around America.

ShiningMathPath November 16, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=459140]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: How about performing a community service: Practice Safe Sex-Don’t “Go Rogue”

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