caving in

That Naked Christian Gal Has Been Naked Seven Other Times

Eh, not enough 'naked' actionWe do not understand why so many of you send us rabid, furious e-mails demanding that we post about the naked lady Carrie Prejean, who has nothing to do with politics, and brings out the worst behavior on both sides of the Culture Wars. But whatever, ha ha ha ha ha ha, she’s naked again: “Now a RadarOnline.com investigation has uncovered that there are SEVEN more ‘biggest mistakes’ of her life – all of them solo performances, just like the one sex tape that the religious beauty queen has admitted to. And there are 30 photos of Carrie, most topless, some showing everything, and most taken by Carrie using her reflection in a mirror.” [RADAR via Balloon Juice]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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131 comments

  1. chascates

    “God gave us our bodies, and it’s perfectly right that we use them in ways where we can give glory to God by making our bodies, our temples of the Holy Spirit, strong and fast.”

    Jesus, JESUS! Oh HOLY CHRIST!!!!!

  2. coolcatdaddy

    These photographs and videos weren’t created for erotic purposes. She was simply examining and recording the progress of her Jesus boob job.

  3. ShamWow

    She’s giving me the evil eye in that pic. Maybe she needs to spend more time alone to loosen up a bit.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    [re=458237]chascates[/re]: Her body’s a temple — which is why she keeps ringing the doorbell.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Maybe it’s just me, but I think Carrie is just a tad bit of a skank (but in a good way.) I’m wondering if Larry Flynt has offered her a contract yet.

    Note to Carrie: take off the cross, you’re not fooling anyone.

    Sarah Palin is thanking Jeebus that the intertubes weren’t around when she was 22.

  6. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=458247]ShamWow[/re]: Actually, that’s about the most flattering picture I have ever seen of her. The one where she is smiling and wearing a crown actually freaks me out a little bit, because it looks like she’s about the split open and reveal that she’s LIZARD PEOPLE.

  7. RoscoePColtraine

    I’d advise her to do another Larry King interview, so she can explain how the terms of settlement with the pageant prevent her from discussing why she masturbates in front of a camera. So much. JESUS IS LORD.

  8. Extemporanus

    [re=458248]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’d like to leave a flaming brownie on her stoop, and then ding-dong-ditch her.

  9. Hooray For Anything

    This just inches us ever closer to the inevitable Levi Johnston/Carrie Prejean sex tape that we all know is eventually coming.

  10. Jukesgrrl

    It’s like a burglar saying, “Why would God give me ten good fingers and a pick-lock if he didn’t want me to rob this house?” What a amazingly juvenile understanding of Christianity she has!

  11. Darkness

    using her reflection in a mirror

    I’m gonna make sweet love to my own self. I’m gonna lay me down by the fire . . .

  12. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=458261]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I’m hoping for an appearance in “Hung Black Guy’s Play In The Snow.” I would soooo watch that.

  13. clientnumber8

    I’ll check my personal archives to see if I can dig up any more. If I work around the clock, I should have it done by Monday afternoon.

  14. Darkness

    Obama should confiscate the tapes and put them up on pay per view, all proceeds go toward the national debt.

    Am I a genius or what?

  15. Prommie

    She said recently that Sarah Palin is her hero. She said it to the old suspendered troll. I see lesbianismo, here, soon now.

  16. Rodney Badger

    Hairdressers are apparently boycotting her. Her roots are showing. See what happens when you pick on the gheys, Carrie?

  17. Words

    The only folks who say that our bodies are “temples of the Holy Spirit (aka “Ghost”) are Catholics…. She gonna have to say a pile of “Our Fathers” and Hail Marys to get these sins off her immortal soul…

  18. Click

    [re=458275]Darkness[/re]: If Prejean blocks it, they can always make tapes using her stand-in – a 13-year old boy wearing a thong and 2 grapefruits.

  19. user-of-owls

    [re=458246]coolcatdaddy[/re]: She was simply examining and recording the progress of her Jesus boob job.

    Wait, you mean Donald Trump is Jesus?! That explains a lot!

  20. OzoneTom

    [re=458275]Darkness[/re]: D*%n, I waz too slow. Radar already took the pictures down. Now I’ll have to wait for Obama to put them up.

  21. Come here a minute

    …taken by Carrie using her reflection in a mirror.

    It would have been way too much to ask for her to figure out the camera’s self-timer.

  22. OReillysVibrator

    Why don’t you just cut out the middleman (stories about her) and post pictures of her, i.e. the only reason she’s ever mentioned at all?

  23. JMP

    [re=458270]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Now see, that’s what I’m talking about. Although girl-girl would be even better, because of the irony.

  24. Rodney Badger

    From her article on Wikipedia:

    “Prejean’s parents divorced in 1988. A custody battle went on for more than a decade.”

    That explains a lot.

  25. Come here a minute

    Just to be meta for a second here — if it helps the editors buy more Cheetos, I’m glad to do my part for SEO … NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean NAKED LADY Carrie Prejean etc.

  26. lochnessmonster

    The Christian girl wants to show-off what God..er I mean what her surgeon gave her.

    I’d be embarrassed to say what came to mind when I read “Balloon Juice” and thinking of Trump being her knight in shining armor while reading about what this stellar girl has done in her life.

  27. RoscoePColtraine

    Carrie Prejean goes on national TV to tell us all how her free speech is being curtailed again because of her love of Jesus and equal love of fingering herself on tape in 3…2…1…

  28. Neilist

    Now, this . . . THIS is a Wonkette post.

    God Bless You, Jim.

    The only thing that would have made it better is if she had been fondling a submachine gun, while shooting up a schoolyard full of immigrant kids.

    Oh, and with some TruckNutz dangling from the barrel.

  29. polar_bear

    The fact that these photos/videos aren’t spreading like wildfire is disturbing. It’s almost like some evil force field is holding the laws of the internetz at bay…. WHAT IS GOING ON

  30. peeno nwar

    Even Joe the Plumber had the good taste to disappear by now. Why are we still waiting for Jane the Boobies to go away?

  31. Darkness

    I really really wish her eyes were on a poster for a movie, set in the face of an amazing actress who would win an oscar for the role. Instead they are just scary scary shit.

  32. Old Redneck

    Any truth to the rumor that she’s signed a porn movie contract using the screen name “Carrie Creamjeans????”

  33. Nigerian Business Executive

    She’s supposed to be beautiful? Really? I don’t get straight guys sometimes.

    Anyways, I have tons of naked pictures I’ve taken of myself using my cell or webcam. If I send them to Jim, will he make me a vapid, know-nothing, irritating star just like her?

  34. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    [re=458384]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Straight guys don’t find her attractive. White male Republicans do. There’s a difference, a biiiiiig difference. A “super tuber”-sized difference.

  35. Click

    [re=458236]Click[/re]: Dear Jesus please help me with my spell check. I promise to show my tits. XXXXOOOO

  36. x111e7thst

    [re=458395]Click[/re]: If you are not Republican/birther/teabagger then you are probably a Muslin/socialist whom Jeebus cannot love.

  37. Hooray For Anything

    [re=458380]peeno nwar[/re]: Well, if Megan’s going to be jealous, there’s nothing stopping her from making her very own sex tape with Carrie Prejean. I’ll even offer to hold the camera.

  38. Rotundo

    [re=458397]JesusButter[/re]: I think you’re right, it looks like Carrie just ate a couple of bowls of BitchFlakes for breakfast. You’d think all the finger diddlin’ would relax her a bit, but I guess it just winds her up tighter…

  39. sati demise

    [re=458254]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:the boobs are alright, yea, but did she FAKE the orgasm, too?

    only Jeebus knows.

  40. El Pinche

    Whoreling: : ” I think that’s inappropriate, Larry” (BTW, that’s the new ‘in what respect, charlie’)

    Larry: “Inappropriate? Are we talking two fingers or three fingers and coke bottle inappropriate. NOW THATS INAPPROPRIATE, BISH!!”

  41. Hooray For Anything

    [re=458412]peeno nwar[/re]: Don’t worry about it– I’m pretty sure Megan will just twitter everything anyways.

  42. Sharkey

    [re=458254]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Wow, I just watched that Larry King segment. Just Wow.

    King: “I wasn’t trying to be inappropriate, I just thought it was a logical question.”

    And towards the end is clearly the sound of a vibrator…

  43. El Pinche

    [re=458407]Buttery1000[/re]: That’s probably the only redeeming part of her. She seems almost human. But then again, that whole “the liberal media hates me” hypocrisy makes it limp (figuratively speaking, that is). Ok, I’m done with the porn references.

  44. T.J.M

    Shows you how much attention I’ve been paying. I had just thought the pictures were normal boring nudes, but she’s actually diddling herself in them? The idea has me clutching my pearl necklace (not the type Carrie’s probably used to).

  45. Scoops McGee

    She needs to forget about sucking up to the warped fundamentalist crowd. They’re not going to give her any real money. Now, if she were to trade in that modest little cross necklace for a big, gold Crucifix with Jesus the Son of God hanging on the cross and sporting a huge erection…..well, then, she could get everything she really wants in life.

  46. Starrigavan

    Another “Whatever I do God likes; Whatever you do God hates” simpleton. Her condescending, snide treatment of Larry King was telling. So much for respecting your elders. Her “traditional values” are very traditional, though. It’s traditional that your “traditional values” only apply to other people. In that respect, “traditional” is synonymous with “hypocritical.”

  47. rocktonsammy

    [re=458289]Suds McKenzie[/re]:

    Hell ya, lets see if that thing is shaved!!!

    Bet it is, shes naughty.

  48. Potater

    Is this a new idea to the olds that run media, that young people do sexy things? Christ, if you tracked down the partners whom I’ve once gotten naked with on a webcam, I’d never have a job ever again. Of course that doesn’t sound so bad when you consider how well Snowbilly Grifter has done with it.

  49. Scoops McGee

    [re=458472]Potater[/re]: Carrie Prejean sex on a webcam, same old shit. Oprah sex on a webcam, quantum leap in awareness of life.

  50. Scoops McGee

    Come to think of it, betcha Carrie would just love to have webcam sex with Oprah, if that’s all it took. It would be something to see; Carrie would make millions and, of course, Oprah would make even more millions. For Carrie, it would sure beat the preaching circuit.

  51. Jukesgrrl

    [re=458407]Buttery1000[/re]: Nobody hates her “for catching a beat.” We hate her for appointing herself hall monitor of whom else can do it. And for that schoolmarmish, petulant whine.

  52. bopumofu

    Should be called the “carry no jeans” tapes

    Note: this would actually be sort of funny in French (porter) or German (tragen).

  53. LowerdPeninsula

    A few things…

    - First, can I just say that the picture posted is the most flattering picture I’ve seen of her? She actually looks hot, there. She’s one of those girls that’d actually and really look better with a bit more meat of her bones. Ok, I’m going to hell for that.

    - “there are SEVEN more ‘biggest mistakes’ of her life – all of them solo performances…” Yep; she’s a lesbian.

    - “And there are 30 photos of Carrie, most topless, some showing everything, and most taken by Carrie using her reflection in a mirror.” Ok; she’s a super-mega lesbian.

  54. LowerdPeninsula

    Oh, and I was “being inappropriate, Larry”, very inappropriate. In fact, Carrie, I was being so inappropriate that I need to be spanked. I need to be spanked so hard that I get the devil knocked out of me so the Holy Spirit can sneak in.

  55. Maus

    So if she was seventeen, doesn’t that mean by US law that she’s guilty of creating and distributing child pornography, as others have been prosecuted for? wouldn’t that also mean that the other gossip rags that’ve admitted to possessing it are also committing a crime?

    I don’t really see why she gets a free pass to any of this OH WAIT she’s a Republican.

  56. Scooter

    I’m surprised nobody has suggested a Prejean/Taitz sex tape, audio only of course:

    “Orly, you are being so inappropriate right now.”

    “Let me feenish! Let me feenish! Why won’t any peoples let me feenish?”

  57. What Fresh Hell is This?

    As we have so often and so wisely observed, tis a sad thing when pretty and crazy go hand-in-hand. On one hand, I think she is quite pretty. I can see someone throwing used condoms in her yard — or her throwing used condoms in theirs.

  58. Sparky McGruff

    This must be just the “tip of the iceberg” of crazy. You know when you’re talking to a co-worker, and they mention something that’s just over the line, and at that moment you just know that it’s not just one tape of Icelandic Midget Porn, or just “a couple of cats”, or that “church” is really that creepy cult you saw featured on Dateline last year.

    There’s more. There has to be more. It wasn’t just one “tape”, nor is it seven “tapes”. There’s more layers to the crazy onion than we ever imagined.

    She keeps talking about how people want to “silence” her. I sure as hell don’t. I want her to keep talking and talking. I want to watch this crazy train and find out how many cars its pulling. I’m betting that there’s countless boxcars full of creepy, and more than a few tankers of psycho chick, before we finally see the meltdown caboose.

  59. ForTheTurnstiles

    I really do wonder what her mother’s face looked like when she saw that video of her daughter (in court mind you) diddling her skittle.

  60. Jukesgrrl

    [re=458620]Maus[/re]: Good point. The underage factor may explain why TMZ has yet to release the tape they purchased. TMZ doesn’t have any previous history of worrying about the perp’s reputation or the public’s welfare.

  61. foulmouthed mrscreant

    [re=458299]Rodney Badger[/re]: “You take them!”
    “No, you take them!”
    “NO, YOU take them!!”
    NO, GOSH DUMMIT, YOU TAKE THEM!!!”
    and so on…

  62. Scooter

    [re=458719]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yeah, the notion that the pics and vids are “too dirty” for the porn-saturated net is laughable. The real reason is her age, either the south side of 18 or too close for comfort for the indictment-wary. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the Jan. ’11 ‘God Hated My Little Tits’ issue of Playboy to see Prejean naked.

    Annie: Then it’s mission accomplished!

  63. bopumofu

    [re=458313]S.Luggo[/re]: The Youtube comments are epic on that one.

    PS That show should be called the Young Uighurs.

  64. archaeo-angel

    I suspect that Ms Smartie-Pants has so many ‘solo performances’ is because nobody can ever love her as much as she loves herself… and gosh-darn-it, she deserves her self-love…

  65. thefrontpage

    This psycho moron Playjeans chick is so stupid, so moronic, so insane, she must have attended the Palin School of Stupidity.

    Why is the media giving so much time lately to so many stupid people? Maybe because so much of the media has become so stupid suddenly?

    Playjeans: Shut the hell up, and go away. No one gives a damn about you or your psycho ramblings. Just shut up, and go away!

  66. JSDC007

    Hey, she may be a super slutty, masturbating, internet self-porn promulgatin’, evolution-hatin’, gay-marriage hatin’, just plain ol’ gay bashin’, sin hatin’, Sarah Palin bff Christo-fascist tart, but at least she aint a ghey.

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