Wonkette
Recall the famed Halloween Book Burning Plot of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church, at which a piece of music’s or book’s very existence alone was enough to place it squarely on the side of the Devil, Satan. Satan was most displeased, for how would he convince people to come be homosexuals with him in hell without… contemporary Christian music! This is why the book burning was held indoors, in a single garbage can, where Satan has no jurisdiction.
Victory, y’all!:
“We wanted to say that the Book Burning was a great success[.] We wanted to thank all the Bible doubters who prayed for rain with us. All the protestors and media got wet; we were inside where it was nice and dry[.] We are not glad people got wet, we are glad that His Word was honored. Some have written praising God that he intervened and stopped the Book Burning because of the rain, protestors, and state laws about burning paper. Nothing was stopped. Our goal was to destroy garbage as noted below, and we did just that. We didn’t care how it was destroyed; only that it was destroyed. These same people must have never heard about ‘Paper, Rock, & Scissors.’ Scissors cut paper, and paper tears real easy. We destroyed everything as planned. Praise God! God answered every prayer that everyone prayed, but they don’t like the answer.”
Three penguin classics? Shit, I can only think of two, Happy Feet and March of the Penguins.
Is this a transcript of one of Sarah Palin’s answers to Oprah [?]
Jeeze. I always thought that Rock, Paper, Scissors was the devil’s way for determining who got shotgun when two people called it at the same time.
Click: You’re forgetting the penguins from “Madgascar”
I was waiting for them to light it up in that plastic garbage can. Now that would have been real wrath of God stuff.
Click: Why do they hate childrens’ films?
Say, you know who else …
Aw geez, sometimes it’s just too obvious to finish the sentence…
Let’s start with burning all of the copies of “Going Rogue”–that would be a good thing.
Another DC Lawyer (Again): Curses, how could I? Those guys are my faves!!!!
If someone could contact their insurance provider about the intentional setting of fires inside the structure, that would be grand.
Picking up the Blizzard of Oz almost caused him to have a coronary.
Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy!
“We are not glad people got wet, we are glad that His Word was honored.”
This is why we still have bad things happening in the world. God’s attention is diverted from famines, genocide, crime, etc, by micromanaging the details of book burnings in West Bum%$#k.
It’s nice to see that even these fundamentalists consider The LORD subject to North Carolina’s fire safety laws. Given that, He ought to be equally amenable to gay marriage where it’s legal too. I mean, you can’t pick and choose which laws you follow, right? They say that all the time.
memzilla: Ummmm…Glenn Beck?
I love the way halfway through, the garbage can miraculously emptied, as the books were raptured up to heaven!
Yeah, they really just wanted the rain to turn their book-burning into a book-ripping; they meant to do that. And the barbeque must have turned out real well, too. Sure, I believe you inbred, proud ignoramuses.
C’mon, we know that’s bullshit, but you can’t admit the simple weather was more powerful than your god. Now my god is Thor, god of thunder, who can summon or disperse storms as long as he wields his mystic hammer Mjolnir (as is not in his mortal form of Dr. Donald Blake), so he’s more powerful than your god.
Wish he’d shut up - he’s talking over the music.
joementum: Frantic, frantic noise!
How can you have any burning if you don’t set it aflame?
How can you have any burning if there aint no fire?
You! You!
Yes You!
4 trashbags? They must have destroyed every unholy book in Canton.
Nice. It’s a good thing they did this indoors so all those toxic fumes from the burning plastic trashcan could do their work.
Click: You’re also forgetting “Surf’s up”. Which sucked even more than “Happy Feet” and “Madagascar”, but is apparently getting a sequel.
Satan’s gotta with the times; apparently he’s still spreading his message via VHS.
Click: “Three penguin classics? Shit, I can only think of two, Happy Feet and March of the Penguins.”
Dude, you need to put Surf’s Up in your Netflix queue, stat. It’s kinda like Happy Feet, only watchable.
WTF, they’re burning CDs? Also, why bother. All that stuff is on bit torrent. They need to burn down the Internets.
Click: Um, what about “the wrong trousers”?
Ripping books apart does NOT destroy the evil book molecules. Only fire can do that, as any holy inquisitor will tell you. Massive book burning FAIL.
Meh. The retards who stormed the Capitol last week and threw the bill all over the floor were more entertaining.
Terry: Charles Lincoln III must not be a member of that church; he likes his people wet.
My favorite part was the non-jesus movie they destroyed. No need to name a title, as it was plainly something recorded on VHS, off the tv.
Read, People! They didn’t burn this stuff- they tore up some books and broke some cds and DVDs. What a bunch of morans. And without burning, those books and DVDs and CDs can regenerate and then at night, creep into the beds of these people and kill them.
The Retard is strong with these people.
JMP: HENGHHH?!
Crank Tango: Oh yeah, The Wrong Trousers was awesome!
Lascauxcaveman: After JMP’s comment I was too embarrassed to admit I just watched it for the 11th time last night (I LOVE the Lauren Hill song that plays during the end credits). I guess I figured it was too new to be considered a classic, but we’ll go ahead and add it to the list.
Something about this left me aroused. People ‘doing it’ for the camera, lots of angry verbal, not to mention the man-handling of all those books….
Lascauxcaveman: Jinx!
Just remembered one other penguin classic; the Sherbet Land track in Mario Kart 64, which was beloved enough to get remade in Mario Kart Wii. Those penguins were a pain in the ass, and could really knock you around.
Translation: they are glad people got wet.
CapnFatback: I think you mean hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter.
Drool, drawl, y’all, Keeng Jay-yums, drawl, blah yadda.
I understood about every tenth word of this, which is roughly my rate for conversations I overhear between two Basques.
Is the person who brought the People with Brad Pitt on the cover the book-burning equivalent of the kid who tell his mom that there’s a canned food drive at school until he’s headed out to the bus, so he ends up bringing pumpkin pie filling, the only thing in the pantry she can find to spare? Huh? Y’think?
So, one copy of Megadeth destroyed. Wait till these guys hear about Napster. Or mass production.
Crank Tango: The Wrong Trousers? That’s a mistake I’ll never make again.
Crank Tango: Apostate! Grommit is our Lord Dog.
Click: Shit, I can only think of two - Penguin Island (1908; French: L’Île des Pingouins) is a satirical fictional history by Nobel Prize winning French author Anatole France is the third.
You guys have not mentioned the BEST classic penguin of all time: Pingu!
http://www.pingu.net
Check it out!
Come here a minute: I think the Amazing Grace Baptist Church burned all available copies of that. Lucky me, I’ve got a subscription.
The rhythmic sound of shredding is hypnotic and strangely enjoyable against the music playing in the background. New mix tape?
Paul Tardy: Oh grow up.
Hahahahah…a crappy video of wingnuts throwing stuff way! Fail indeed!
proudgrampa: Pingu deploys to Afhganistan? I think that site has gone over to the dark side.
Hysterical - the first thing they throw out is the International version of the bible, which is just basically a modern language translation. Hope no one sliced any fingers off - that paper cutter was going full blast. Let’s do this again!
Click: Seriously. I’m a middle-aged childfree woman, and the Penguins of Madagascar cartoon is one of the few TV shows I watch regularly.
What is this? No recycling!?! These people should be ashamed of the waste they have created in God’s name.
I’m guessing nobody out in BFE North Carolina has heard of a mechanical paper shredder. Or a larger trash can, for that matter.
Yeah, the godless having to contend with the horrors of rain is right up there with the pharoah’s run-in with the Sea of Reeds. Their god is truly an awesome god.
My favorite is when the movie that’s been copied to a blank VHS tape is “burned.” Guess the owner just couldn’t bear to part with the original.
Don’t know about youins, but ah be a-marking mah calendars.
http://www.amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com/Download100.html
finallyhappy: YOU LIE!
Needs more Sterno!
Then there’s this good news on the religiosexualcriminal front.
Remember the Alamo!
Serolf Divad: my guess is that it was the “music director’s” copy of Victor Victoria
Crank Tango: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHICKEN
NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Thwarted, once again!
CD’s from Megadeath and Ozzy Osbourne? Are we sure this wasn’t made back in 1987?
RoscoePColtraine: Evil book particles can neither be created nor destroyed, simply transformed into another form of evil particle.
bitchincamaro: At first I read that as religiosexualcriminal FONT. Now I’m not so interested.
Did they raid a yard sale to get this crap? Can they dispose of my old VHS tapes? I don’t have a VCR anymore. Do they recycle?
Wizard of Oz? I hope a Flying Monkey spreads you cheeks and teaches you to speak in Russian tongues out of your ass.
Isn’t there one wingnut in NC with a fireplace?
Here’s betting Pastor Marc stealthily kept a Brad Pitt picture torn from the magazine for some righteous fapping afterwards.
These guys are aware that those aren’t the only copies of those books and CDs, right?
I heard when they tossed in the Penguin edition of Gravity’s Rainbow a thick, distinct aroma of bananas began to fill the air…
If I’m understanding the Pastor, 20th Century attempts to translate scriptures are of the devil, but the King James version (done 15 centuries after Jesus’ death by the Church of England) is to taken literally as God’s word. “Contemporary” Christian music is of the devil but old-time Gospel music is sacred enough to play during a book-burning. I’m sure these people have some explanation for these distinctions that makes perfect sense to them.
Nobody here read Mr. Popper’s Penguins? Truly you are all godless motherfuckers.
Must have been hard giving up your only copy of that VHS pornvideo that he and the little missus made a few years back.
Hey, if there were a few Matthew McConaughey movies in there I’m fine with the whole thing.
“All the protestors and media got wet”…this is the latter day punk. As our Graceless said, “Honestly people, recognize when your chain is being yanked.”
Haven’t thought to listen to Ozzy or Megadeth for many years…thanks!
And, the most delicious irony of all is this, from Wikipedia:
“Throughout his life James had love affairs with male courtiers, in particular Esmé Stewart, 6th Lord d’Aubigny (later 1st Duke of Lennox); Robert Carr, 1st Earl of Somerset; and George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buckingham. In his own time he was notorious for his male loves, and it was said of him that Elizabeth was King, now James is Queen (Rex fuit Elizabeth, nunc est regina Jacobus).[91]”
Hopefully they never find the floppy disk with Wikipedia on it and try to burn…or tear…it as well.
Burn cheap books with no copyright! Burn! Praise Allah!
WIDTAP: I was waiting for that too…That would have been the real pay-off!
Well, they do have a point about Megadeth, and Tom Petty’s Greatest Hits.
intellectuals at their finest