just throwing it out there

Why Was Obama Keeping Japanese Death Submarines Underneath His Hawaii?

Secret footage from Levi's photo shootWhoa, neato! “Researchers on Thursday announced the discovery of two World War II Japanese submarines, including one meant to carry aircraft for attacks on American cities and the Panama Canal, in deep water off Hawaii, where they were sunk 63 years ago.” They are still operational and Obama plans to operate them, on America and the Panama Canal. No, they are not operational at all. But will Obama still use them? [NYT]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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57 comments

  1. The Unfairman

    I’m a little confused…how does a submarine carry aircraft? Instead of being called “aircraft” wouldn’t they be called “watercraft” or “help help I’m drowning?”

  2. memzilla

    “Deep water off Hawaii” would be an excellent place to sink Rush Limpbaugh, and the rest of the usual buffoonitards.

  3. Texan Bulldoggette

    “Obama plans to operate them, on America and the Panama Canal”

    I prefer:
    Obama plans to operate them, on Kentucky and Texas [the parts where Texan Bulldoggette does not live].

  4. Elm Hugger

    [re=457345]The Unfairman[/re]: They had watertight hangers to carry two, count them, two airplanes with folding wings. Good god, hate to be in those things when they hit a cross wind….. Also according to the article, the one sub had a rubberized coating on it, anyone say Condom? for seamen……

  5. Extemporanus

    Just thinking out loud here…having trouble choosing an alt text angle:

    “Long, hard, and full of seaman”, or “Newly discovered sunken booty”? Or maybe I should just combine the two and riff on “Newly discovered booty full of seaman”?

    I dunno. Hackneyed sailor jokes is haird.

  6. SomeNYGuy

    I saw this movie. Salvaging the submarines disturbs the sleep of Godzilla, who proceeds to stomp Tokyo until Mothra rallies the denizens of Monster Island to send him back to the bottom of the sea. Nice special effects, but the dubbing was atrocious!

  7. NYNYNY

    “Inside members of the scuba team found a dead sailor with documents identifying him as “Captain Barack Hussein Obama or the Imperial Navy.” Oh…no. Things are starting to fall into place.

  8. The Unfairman

    [re=457367]Elm Hugger[/re]: Thanks man! Or woman! Saved me from “reading”, which is fer librels.

    Hehehe…seamen.

  9. Extemporanus

    [re=457367]Elm Hugger[/re]: [re=457368]Extemporanus[/re]: I did not see your comment before posting mine, and in no way meant to disparage your admittedly novel take on the seamen-cum-semen trope.

    So, was it also ribbed for her pressure?

  10. Aflac Shrugged

    Unlike the American vessels sunk nearby, the Japanese submarines were expected to hold strong resale value because of their competitive gas mileage.

  11. Extemporanus

    [re=457376]chascates[/re]: Get out of my kitchen right now or I’m calling the cops!

    And don’t even think of taking my jug of jellied Japs, either!

  12. Neilist

    [re=457367]Elm Hugger[/re]: “The Nips” (as per Ms. BitchInCamero) used one of these to try to firebomb the forests in Washington state. The aircraft was about the size of a modern hang glider, and powered by a lawn-mower sized engine that, even by then-Nippon standards, was a Piece of Shitq.

    The thing had a lifting capacity, with a pilot, of about 20 lbs. So they cobbled together some incendiary bombs by using old 35mm film canisters and matchheads, and away he went.

    It was not a success, but the pilot made it back to the submarine in one piece.

    [Jim: If it matters, I think Wonkette needs MORE "Sunken Japanese Submarines!" posts. Please make this an on-going feature.

    If necessary, you can include some references to "Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Buttsex!" or whatever.

    Thank you.]

  13. Sleeves

    [re=457348]chascates[/re]: That’s it right there: one birth certificate, clipped to a triple-barreled crank head.

  14. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=457365]chascates[/re]: I would never forget you guys. We might be the only sane people left after Breck Perry declares TX a sovereign nation & Barry moves out the military installations, takes away Medicare, Social Security, fire/police depts, schools, etc. We might all have to huddle in a foxhole while we’re waiting for the next airlift to America!

  15. Hedley Lamar

    [re=457405]qwerty42[/re]: There’s at least one off the coast of Delaware, I am told. I would imagine that the contents are spoiled, however.

  16. Serolf Divad

    Jim, Jim, Jim…

    Is it not obvious that Obama built the “Panama Canal” U-boat during the 2008 campaign and had it sent back in time to attempt to kill John McCain’s mother before McCain was even born?

    I’m not sure how Obama unlocked the secrets of time travel, but remember: the Moslim mind is crafty… and duplicitous.

  17. Lazy Media

    [re=457345]The Unfairman[/re]: [re=457397]Neilist[/re]: Not at all a hang glider, just a very elegantly designed, compact, foldup plane. Could carry a 1,700-lb. bomb 650 miles. One of the niftier, if not effective, ideas in WWII.

  18. shadowMark

    Together with the discovery four years ago of the I-401, one of two Japanese vessels that were the largest nonnuclear submarines ever built, the finding “really gives us a cross section of some of the great late-war technology” Japan possessed, said Hans K. van Tilburg

    So the Japanese invested late-war resources in subs and the Nazis invested in late-war resources in UFOs and after the war the Nazis UFOs crused the US forces during Operation Highjump in the Antarctice and the Nazis made President Truman sign surrender documents in Rosewell and now the Fourth Reich is using its Muslim surrogates to destroy the West so GOOD CALL ON THE SUBS, JAPAN!

  19. qwerty42

    [re=457437]Serolf Divad[/re]: …the Moslim mind is crafty… and duplicitous.
    I think you are on to something here. I understand they have some involvement with this al gebra and Arabic numerals! Need I say more?

  20. TheCoolestGuyInTown

    Yes, it’s a submarine that carried airplanes. This was made with help from German scientists. The planes were folded up inside the fuselage to be launched while the sub had surfaced. There was information about these being part of a plan to attack American cities by dropping bombs from these planes that carried mosquitoes that were carrying some sort of disease.

    Obviously, the plan was harder to accomplish than they had hoped. Much like Wold War II in general.

  21. zhubajie

    [re=457397]Neilist[/re]: They also tried sending hot air baloons, with incendiary bombs, across the Pacific to set fire to the forests. A couple actually arrived.

  22. thefrontpage

    Uh-oh, they’ve discovered Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location!

    Now they’ll have to go back to plan b, which was hiding him in an old Cold War bunker below Busboys and Poets.

  23. Neilist

    [re=457442]Lazy Media[/re]: That’s not the one that they used to bomb Oregon. (I know I said Washington, but it was Oregon.)

    The Oregon one was an earlier version of the idea. It appeared to be powered by a large lawn-mower engine.

    At least to me.

    Switches On! Priming! CONTACT!

  24. zhubajie

    [re=457420]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: What would be the state Church of Texas? Would John Haggee be the Pope of Texas?

  25. chascates

    [re=457493]zhubajie[/re]: Football is actually the state church of Texas. Coach Tom Landry was the pope but with his death the position is open.

  26. loquaciousmusic

    Three years ago, George W. Bush found two rusted-out Subaru 360s on cinderblocks behind a woodshed near his ranch, AND WHERE WAS THE NEW YORK TIMES THEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  27. sezme

    But but but! Weren’t there any 90-year-old (greatest generation) Japanese sailors on board who didn’t know the war was over? (Answer: yes there were. They didn’t know the war was over because they were all dead.)

  28. zhubajie

    [re=457476]thefrontpage[/re]: These days, it’s GWB who’s laying low and Cheney who’s running around saying stupid things.

  29. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=457445]shadowMark[/re]: Yes, Oui; all of this is truth.

    [re=457502]chascates[/re]: “Football is actually the state church of Texas. Coach Tom Landry was the pope but with his death the position is open.”

    And the position will remain open for perpetuity, much like the position held open for Kim Il-sung, Kim Jong-Il’s slightly-less-insanse daddy.

  30. plowman

    Damn Yellow Peril, sixty-four years later and there they are, holed up with a rice bowl and an Arisaka on the bottom of the sea refusing to admit the war is over…

  31. Bruno

    It’s kind of like finding a dinosaur with a fossilized computer

    Once again, Japanese technology is the best. How come ‘merikuns never thought of putting airplanes in subs which can simultaneously serve as a sex toy. Rockwell needs to get those plans ASAP.

  32. Dr. Barry M Enema

    Here’s a point of interest, sadly, that might be worth a mention:

    Of the two Japanese “super-subs” the I-401 (or is it the I-201?) — i.e. the smaller of the two super-subs — is almost certainly the one that sank one of the Navy’s heavy cruisers: the USS Indianapolis. The Indianapolis was returning home when she was torpedoed near the magazine by a Japanese super sub. The sub’s presence in the area around the Marianas went unreported to the Captain due to the top secret status of the mission the cruiser had been on: delivering the core components of the “Little Boy” bomb that was later dropped over Hiroshima.

    If you don’t know the ultimate fate of most of the Indianapolis’s crew members — then you’ve never seen “Jaws!”

    The “Panama Canal” version had two water-tight deck storage compartments for a Messerschmidt-262 each. [Gifts from the Luftwaffe to the "Son of Heaven."] While slower with a bomb payload than its top combat speed (540 mph) — each could have been quite formidable in its task of putting the Canal out of action.

  33. Sleeves

    [re=458429]Dr. Barry M Enema[/re]: Ahhh, gawd AWFUL yes. A quintessentially Navy horror show:
    http://www.ussindianapolis.org/mcvay.htm

    …running for some years. Let Wikipedia put it:
    Fleet Admiral Chester Nimitz remitted McVay’s sentence and restored him to active duty. McVay retired in 1949. While many of Indianapolis’ survivors said McVay was not to blame for the sinking, the families of some of the men who died did. The guilt that was placed on his shoulders mounted until he committed suicide in 1968, using his Navy issue revolver. McVay was discovered with a toy sailor in one hand on his front lawn.

  34. Dr. Barry M Enema

    Thank you for that. Survivors — and hopefully there are a few — may still be meeting annually at the Indianapolis’s Memorial in the city for which it was named. The overwhelming majority of the survivors have indeed defended McVay’s actions over the years. Had he known about any “super submarines” being in his general area, they believe he undoubtedly would have altered his course. Standard sailing orders of the times required US warships to maintain a zig-zag course — especially when sailing alone or even in small flotillas.

    I didn’t want anyone who read what I initially posted to think I was being sarcastic with the “Jaws!” reference. The story line both in Steven Spielman’s movie and in Peter Benchley’s novel have the captain of the fishing trawler that went out from Amity as having been a survivor of the Indianapolis. Although a fictitious character, there was nothing fictitious in book or script about the recounting of the cruiser’s demise.

    Funny that Adm. Nimitz’s name should also come up at this juncture.

    In the many sea battles off the Solomons during the Guadalcanal campaign, the USS Juneau was also sunk in shark-infested waters. The Juneau is remembered for three things: it was the ship on which “The (five) Fighting Sullivans” were serving, it had as one of its crew members one Calvin Graham — who became the youngest “man” (at age 12) to ever see combat duty for US forces during WWII. And for one of its officers: a Lt. Sargent Shriver, went on to fame for being Arnold Schwarzenegger’s father-in-law.

    The Sullivan affair had repercussions — but not the one most people think. I.E., that Naval regulations would forbid the assignment of such a large family contingent to a single vessel thereafter. They don’t. The real repercussion was for a Navy radioman and his failure to report the Juneau missing in action. Existing evidence and later personal accounts of sailors and officers would appear to indicate that at least one of the Sullivans — and other crew — would have survived had the radioman made the report. As it was, it took over a week for some of the Juneau’s survivors on one lifeboat to be rescured. It, of course, was carrying a Sullivan.

    Nimitz personally intervened to have the radioman court-martialed.

  35. Dr. Barry M Enema

    Sorry: The USS Juneau lifeboat eventually rescued did have some survivors but no Sullivan. He had been on the boat but had succumbed to the elements and was washed overboard before rescue.

    What one might find as interesting as the story of the Sullivan brothers is the story of their parents. Especially after the tragic loss of five of their sons. The War Department made them into a virtual “wax museum” for all “gold star” moms and dads. They sent the parents on a seemingly endless tour to help raise money thru war bond drives, enlistment drives — you name it.

    Both parents finally talked to the press in 1944. While the media could not express the Sullivan’s simmering entirely, they did manage to vent some of the parents’ frustrations for being used as little more than living war posters as the conflict went on.

  36. Sleeves

    [re=458596]Dr. Barry M Enema[/re]: Thank you for these posts, for giving to a photograph these expert reflections.

  37. Dr. Barry M Enema

    Thank you, Sleeves:

    The practicality of the larger, supposedly “jet-bomber” carrying super sub is probably still a mystery. Carrying two “Swallows” (as the Me-262 was known) doesn’t mean a submarine could get them airborne. Here’s one example where piston aircraft work better than jet aircraft.

    Putting pontoons on the Swallows to make a watery take-off wouldn’t have worked, period. The craft would never have made it above the “stall speed” of a jet engine. True, the 262 had a manual start-up engine built into each of its power plants. [Early jet aircraft had to have their turbines started by a remote engine -- usually a large automobile engine.] But the idea of a 262 bouncing amongst the waves to take off is almost hilarious.

    More likely, the vaults on the larger super sub would have housed the Japanese copy of the German V-1 “buzz bomb.” The Japanese were working on a manned version of the V-1 (called the “Orchid,” I think) which could have been used for a kamikaze attack on the Canal. The German version carried a one ton warhead. However potent the “Orchid” was would have been considerably less when the weight of a pilot and extra stability control features were added to the craft.

    German attempts at building a manned version of the V-1 were usual fatal to the test pilot. The craft was wildly unstable due to altering its weight distribution. Plus its slower speed (well below 400 mph) would make it vulnerable to piston aircraft like the P-51 Mustang, or the British jet-powered Glouster Meteor.

    In short, the Japanese Navy could have used the world’s first sea launched cruise missile only to fire it unmanned at point blank range. And whether V-1 or Swallow — whichever craft the sub carried — would have had the all too frustrating set of directions inside its loading crate: “some assembly required.” Neither vault was large enough to carry a fully assembled aircraft of any kind.

    Nevertheless, at least this doomed sub (of the two) would definitely attract the attention of the Obama Adminiustration.

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