the mass ornament

A Children’s Treasury Of Earnest Sarah Palin Christmas Tree Ornaments

We did not realize that Christmas time is in T-minus right now seconds! But it’s true: Last night your Wonkette saw the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on a flatbed truck headed south on Amsterdam Avenue. How much more seasonal and magical would the tree have been decked out in kitschy, moose silhouette-covered misanthropy-inducing schlock? So much better! Like birth of Christ better. Take note tree decorators, for here are some suggested ornaments we found hidden in the dark recesses of the Internet.

This one’s one of those “unique” snowflakes that people who are interested in snowflakes are always going on about.

Sarah Palin and a moose, hanging out together in a wreath as the world appears to be burning behind them. Points for accuracy.

The angle of the wound without a doubt proves Oswald could not have acted alone.

Ugh, and here’s a “clever contrarian one,” handcrafted by Atlantic interns, for college credit.

Were you able to find others? Or, more likely, have you made your own? Send photo evidence to tips@wonkette.com

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner
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75 comments

  1. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Dear Aunt Pearl in Dubuque:
    I hope you enjoy the Sarah Palin moosefucker hellscape ornament. This should be ample recompense for cutting me out of your will after I told you I was gay. Merry fucking Christmas, you demented old bat.

  2. RoscoePColtraine

    It seems odd that the people who would complain the most about the “war on christmas” and “christmas holiday trees” would be the very same ones to choose the sarah and moose ornament. You might guess that Sarah has become the new madonna, but may I gently remind you that the evangelicals don’t go for that crap. I know, I know; I’m scratching my head, too.

  3. finallyhappy

    I am one of those Jews who has never had nor ever wanted a Christmas tree. However, this has changed my mind. I want an all Sarah tree.

  4. snideinplainsight

    I’m just going to decorate my tree this year with Clementines with crudely-drawn faces of cable news anchors on them.

  5. GeneralLerong

    The Sarah & Leering Moose should have a concealed radio ID chip, so that purchasers of this item can be tracked and shot and trucked to the Soylent Green factory.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Sarah was going to decorate the Palin christmas tree with garlands of popcorn, but she couldn’t figure out how to get the needle through those damn kernels.

  7. snideinplainsight

    [re=456860]shadowMark[/re]: I didn’t know Sarah liked furries! Sarah, come on over to my house! I’ll show you my room (in the basement).

  8. germansteel

    Yoo’all not be a laughin’ so hard when the Palinistas produce a long form birth certificate proving Sarah is really the mother of the christ child, Trigger. Andrew Sullivan will just croak.

  9. Paul Tardy

    Instead of wallowing in consumerism this Christmas please consider a donation to The Alaska Fund Trust, the official legal fund created to defend the integrity of the Alaska Governor’s Office.

  10. PrairiePossum

    There has to be a way I can cross the St. Sarah Christmas kitsch with Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. Hhmmmm. I’ll be in the bathroom if anyone needs me.

  11. Redhead

    [re=456861]finallyhappy[/re]: “I am one of those Jews who has never had nor ever wanted a Christmas tree. However, this has changed my mind. I want an all Sarah tree.”

    So you can burn it all at once?

  12. assistant/atlas

    Paging Lauri Apple, Paging Lauri Apple…..

    I think Wonkette should give out Sarah Palin Xmas ornaments as prizes–all year long–instead of “iPhones”.

  13. DickTaterPeeNoShay

    In the moose one Sarah appears to be wearing a football mouthpiece. But the grinning moose has excellent orthodontia.

  14. Zorg

    [re=456863]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Wow! I didn’t know you could get them in all of those DELICIOUS candy colors!

  15. jodyleek

    [re=456865]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She also wants to know who all these Harold Angel guys are and why they don’t mention Trig’s name in that damn song, not even once.

  16. thefrontpage

    Is there a holiday ornament that represents “going rogue,” which is British slang for unprotected anal sex?

    If so, we dare someone to hang this one on the tree at the local mall. Be careful, though, of the security cameras at the malls, which are everywhere.

  17. Joshua Norton

    And not to forget the “Sarah Palin Holiday Cookbook”.

    The first step on every recipe is “Hunt and kill your main course”. (If you’re strapped for time, something you ran over on the road will do in a pinch.)

  18. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=456862]snideinplainsight[/re]: WIN.

    I just realized what kind of fun I could have creating all-Wonkette-inspired Christmas ornaments. David Vitter in his diapers, Sarah and the Baby Trig, Ashley The Black-Eyed McCain Supporter, Glenn Beck in his Nazi uniform, and dozens of dangling trucktreenuts.

  19. V572625694

    [re=456878]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=456885]Click[/re]: “Rockefeller Center” is the real name of the US capitol. They just haven’t put up the sign yet, as the Rockefeller family wanted to allow a decent interval before announcing its most recent acquisition.

  20. god.was.stingy

    Hahahahaha, I talked to the lady who made the Sarah Palin moose ornament in Dec. 2008 for work. She also made Joe the Plumber and Joe Biden- remember those guys? She went on to explain that neither Palin nor neither Joe sold much; Her UFO ornaments were more popular. As was Barack Obama- everybody wanted to hang him from their Christmas tree last year. Racists.

  21. the problem child

    [re=456924]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You could also string lightly salted poisoned rat dicks alternating with cranberries for your garland. Classy and classic!

  22. One Yield Regular

    [re=456895]assistant/atlas[/re]: Personally, I want an original, signed Lauri Apple drawing.

    [re=456924]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: As Beavis might say: Go on wifth yer bad thelf. That’s a tree I want to see.

  23. CapnFatback

    [re=456863]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: So it’s a Christmas wreath, then? Damn, I better pull the one off of my grandfather’s grave . . .

  24. Click

    [re=456987]Extemporanus[/re]: Of course, you’re probably wondering what “conratualte” means. You’ll just have to wonder…

  25. thesheriffisnear

    Its tough to look all coquettish and sexy when you’re bundled up like a troop from the
    10th Mountain Division, eh?

  26. tacodaemon

    [re=456878]Mr Blifil[/re]: Not only that, but Amsterdam Avenue is a northbound street. (Unless you’re north of 110th, so maybe Wonkette was giving a special lecture at Columbia University.)

  27. Click

    [re=457064]Crank Tango[/re]: I chreideann tú go bhfuil ceart. (That’s how we Irish say “yes” after a couple of hefty shots of Tullamore Dew)

  28. Crank Tango

    [re=457094]Click[/re]: LOL I always thought not saying no very convincingly was how drunk women said yes. Live and learn.

  29. Click

    [re=457118]Crank Tango[/re]: After drinking too much good whiskey, I find it impossible to pronounce my ‘no’s.’

  30. Mad Brahms

    [re=456957]CapnFatback[/re]: Mother of Christ! That ornament is ten times more disturbing than anything in the Orly Taitz Blowvember thread.

  31. Click

    [re=457334]Quidam[/re]: Jesus christ, that poor girl looks like she just realized the nice man who offered to give her a ride home is NOT a friend of Mommy and Daddy’s.

  32. Extemporanus

    [re=457046]Click[/re]: And kern I thank you for leading me be myself?

    [re=457055]Click[/re]: Knowing your type, I it’s undoubtedly graphic.

  33. Extemporanus

    [re=457424]Extemporanus[/re]: There is no FAIL more poignant than a grammar comment grammar FAIL.

    Cut out the “I”!

  34. Go Figure

    Oil’s well that ends well.
    Sarah P, in this important historic moment, we witness the ex VP candidate morph from a maverick, to a dipstick with lipstick, into a Rogue quitter. A new Sarah P doll would require a pull string with our girl quoting Saint Ronnie!
    Sarah now embraces common sense (which is why she quit being Guv???), and declaring Saint Ronnies philosophies rock.
    After all, it was one of Reagan’s pillars for the economy to deregulate banking & financial markets.

    History reminds us just how well that all worked out!
    Maybe she will start telling us that ketchup is a vegetable….. reminiscent of St. Ron’s infinite wisdom.

    Echos of the chanting of ” Drill baby, drill” swirl about in my mind.

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