THE MASS ORNAMENT  12:43 pm November 12, 2009

A Children’s Treasury Of Earnest Sarah Palin Christmas Tree Ornaments

by Juli Weiner

We did not realize that Christmas time is in T-minus right now seconds! But it’s true: Last night your Wonkette saw the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on a flatbed truck headed south on Amsterdam Avenue. How much more seasonal and magical would the tree have been decked out in kitschy, moose silhouette-covered misanthropy-inducing schlock? So much better! Like birth of Christ better. Take note tree decorators, for here are some suggested ornaments we found hidden in the dark recesses of the Internet.

This one’s one of those “unique” snowflakes that people who are interested in snowflakes are always going on about.

Sarah Palin and a moose, hanging out together in a wreath as the world appears to be burning behind them. Points for accuracy.

The angle of the wound without a doubt proves Oswald could not have acted alone.

Ugh, and here’s a “clever contrarian one,” handcrafted by Atlantic interns, for college credit.

Were you able to find others? Or, more likely, have you made your own? Send photo evidence to

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Hola wonkerados.

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TGY November 12, 2009 at 12:53 pm

This proves Sarah Palin really *is* the gift that keeps on giving!

Click November 12, 2009 at 12:53 pm

I’d like to keep it simple and just hang Sarah from my tree.

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Peggy Hill?

snideinplainsight November 12, 2009 at 12:55 pm

I don’t think she really looks much like that. Sorry, I meant the moose.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 12, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Dear Aunt Pearl in Dubuque:
I hope you enjoy the Sarah Palin moosefucker hellscape ornament. This should be ample recompense for cutting me out of your will after I told you I was gay. Merry fucking Christmas, you demented old bat.

RoscoePColtraine November 12, 2009 at 12:57 pm

It seems odd that the people who would complain the most about the “war on christmas” and “christmas holiday trees” would be the very same ones to choose the sarah and moose ornament. You might guess that Sarah has become the new madonna, but may I gently remind you that the evangelicals don’t go for that crap. I know, I know; I’m scratching my head, too.

shadowMark November 12, 2009 at 12:59 pm

[re=456857]snideinplainsight[/re]: Is that moose attempting a docking maneuver?

finallyhappy November 12, 2009 at 12:59 pm

I am one of those Jews who has never had nor ever wanted a Christmas tree. However, this has changed my mind. I want an all Sarah tree.

snideinplainsight November 12, 2009 at 1:00 pm

I’m just going to decorate my tree this year with Clementines with crudely-drawn faces of cable news anchors on them.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello November 12, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Thanks for reminding me to go ahead and hang my Truck Nutz wreath:

GeneralLerong November 12, 2009 at 1:00 pm

The Sarah & Leering Moose should have a concealed radio ID chip, so that purchasers of this item can be tracked and shot and trucked to the Soylent Green factory.

SayItWithWookies November 12, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Sarah was going to decorate the Palin christmas tree with garlands of popcorn, but she couldn’t figure out how to get the needle through those damn kernels.

snideinplainsight November 12, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=456860]shadowMark[/re]: I didn’t know Sarah liked furries! Sarah, come on over to my house! I’ll show you my room (in the basement).

germansteel November 12, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Yoo’all not be a laughin’ so hard when the Palinistas produce a long form birth certificate proving Sarah is really the mother of the christ child, Trigger. Andrew Sullivan will just croak.

comicbookguy November 12, 2009 at 1:03 pm

I saw mommy going rogue with Santa Clause, underneath the mistletoe last night…

user-of-owls November 12, 2009 at 1:08 pm

“Back and to the right, back and to the right…”

Canmon (the Inadequate) November 12, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Here are some Obama ones from last year, none quite as offensive as you might imagine:

Paul Tardy November 12, 2009 at 1:12 pm

Instead of wallowing in consumerism this Christmas please consider a donation to The Alaska Fund Trust, the official legal fund created to defend the integrity of the Alaska Governor’s Office.

Mr Blifil November 12, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Amsterdam Ave. is not in DC. I CALL BULLSHIT WONKET

Alaska Girl November 12, 2009 at 1:15 pm

The Sarah – moose one. That leering moose is just creepy.

PrairiePossum November 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm

There has to be a way I can cross the St. Sarah Christmas kitsch with Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. Hhmmmm. I’ll be in the bathroom if anyone needs me.

Click November 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=456878]Mr Blifil[/re]: I was wondering about that myself.

Click November 12, 2009 at 1:17 pm

[re=456882]Alaska Girl[/re]: So’s the critter with the antlers.

user-of-owls November 12, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Only four ornaments Juli? Quitter!

Redhead November 12, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=456861]finallyhappy[/re]: “I am one of those Jews who has never had nor ever wanted a Christmas tree. However, this has changed my mind. I want an all Sarah tree.”

So you can burn it all at once?

Lawndarts November 12, 2009 at 1:21 pm

I only missed sending you the “Going Rouge” one by seconds. It’s sad that it was taken down.

assistant/atlas November 12, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Paging Lauri Apple, Paging Lauri Apple…..

I think Wonkette should give out Sarah Palin Xmas ornaments as prizes–all year long–instead of “iPhones”.

DickTaterPeeNoShay November 12, 2009 at 1:25 pm

In the moose one Sarah appears to be wearing a football mouthpiece. But the grinning moose has excellent orthodontia.

Zorg November 12, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=456863]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Wow! I didn’t know you could get them in all of those DELICIOUS candy colors!

Servo November 12, 2009 at 1:29 pm

All made with 100% tasty American lead for the kiddies.

jodyleek November 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm

[re=456865]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She also wants to know who all these Harold Angel guys are and why they don’t mention Trig’s name in that damn song, not even once.

thefrontpage November 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Is there a holiday ornament that represents “going rogue,” which is British slang for unprotected anal sex?

If so, we dare someone to hang this one on the tree at the local mall. Be careful, though, of the security cameras at the malls, which are everywhere.

a_pink_poodle November 12, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Going red huh?

the problem child November 12, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Joshua Norton November 12, 2009 at 1:35 pm

And not to forget the “Sarah Palin Holiday Cookbook”.

The first step on every recipe is “Hunt and kill your main course”. (If you’re strapped for time, something you ran over on the road will do in a pinch.)

slappypaddy November 12, 2009 at 1:36 pm

so, is moosebunny a dangle, a dingle, or a dongle? i lose track.

Servo November 12, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Who can resist a Flunky and Bullwinkle wreath ornament?

the problem child November 12, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Oh, and Oswald must have been a lousy shot. He got nothing but bumpit.

Suds McKenzie November 12, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=456904]thefrontpage[/re]: That’s why the Moose is smiling.

AnnieGetYourFun November 12, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=456862]snideinplainsight[/re]: WIN.

I just realized what kind of fun I could have creating all-Wonkette-inspired Christmas ornaments. David Vitter in his diapers, Sarah and the Baby Trig, Ashley The Black-Eyed McCain Supporter, Glenn Beck in his Nazi uniform, and dozens of dangling trucktreenuts.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello November 12, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=456897]Zorg[/re]: if only i could actualize my vision:

V572625694 November 12, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=456878]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=456885]Click[/re]: “Rockefeller Center” is the real name of the US capitol. They just haven’t put up the sign yet, as the Rockefeller family wanted to allow a decent interval before announcing its most recent acquisition.

AnnieGetYourFun November 12, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=456921]the problem child[/re]: THANK YOU.

BlueStateLibtard November 12, 2009 at 1:45 pm

How about a string of shiny decapitated wolves’ heads to add that special touch?

Crank Tango November 12, 2009 at 1:46 pm

What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a moose? Glasses, apparently.

god.was.stingy November 12, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Hahahahaha, I talked to the lady who made the Sarah Palin moose ornament in Dec. 2008 for work. She also made Joe the Plumber and Joe Biden- remember those guys? She went on to explain that neither Palin nor neither Joe sold much; Her UFO ornaments were more popular. As was Barack Obama- everybody wanted to hang him from their Christmas tree last year. Racists.

the problem child November 12, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=456924]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You could also string lightly salted poisoned rat dicks alternating with cranberries for your garland. Classy and classic!

One Yield Regular November 12, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=456895]assistant/atlas[/re]: Personally, I want an original, signed Lauri Apple drawing.

[re=456924]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: As Beavis might say: Go on wifth yer bad thelf. That’s a tree I want to see.

freakishlystrong November 12, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=456858]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: HoHoHo! Yay the holidays!

UnattendedConsequence November 12, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Moose and Squirrel must immediately be exiled to Potsylvania!

President Beeblebrox November 12, 2009 at 2:08 pm

What is it about Sarah Palin that inspires people to write shit using Zapf Chancery?

CapnFatback November 12, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Here’s a Where’s Waldo version: “Find the Palin Ornament, You Betcha”

There it is!

Extemporanus November 12, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=456953]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Agreed. Zapf Dingbats would be much more appropriate.

CapnFatback November 12, 2009 at 2:32 pm

[re=456863]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: So it’s a Christmas wreath, then? Damn, I better pull the one off of my grandfather’s grave . . .

Click November 12, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=456987]Extemporanus[/re]: I font to congratualte you on that one.

Click November 12, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=456987]Extemporanus[/re]: Of course, you’re probably wondering what “conratualte” means. You’ll just have to wonder…

thesheriffisnear November 12, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Its tough to look all coquettish and sexy when you’re bundled up like a troop from the
10th Mountain Division, eh?

Crank Tango November 12, 2009 at 2:48 pm

[re=457055]Click[/re]: i think that’s gaelic

tacodaemon November 12, 2009 at 3:02 pm

[re=456878]Mr Blifil[/re]: Not only that, but Amsterdam Avenue is a northbound street. (Unless you’re north of 110th, so maybe Wonkette was giving a special lecture at Columbia University.)

Click November 12, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=457064]Crank Tango[/re]: I chreideann tĂș go bhfuil ceart. (That’s how we Irish say “yes” after a couple of hefty shots of Tullamore Dew)

teebob2000 November 12, 2009 at 3:12 pm

This is on our Christmas cards, does this count?

Crank Tango November 12, 2009 at 3:14 pm

[re=457094]Click[/re]: LOL I always thought not saying no very convincingly was how drunk women said yes. Live and learn.

Barrelhse November 12, 2009 at 3:15 pm

“That’s not a dog, it’s a moose.”
“I was talking to the moose!”

Click November 12, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=457118]Crank Tango[/re]: After drinking too much good whiskey, I find it impossible to pronounce my ‘no’s.’

Mad Brahms November 12, 2009 at 3:32 pm

[re=456957]CapnFatback[/re]: Mother of Christ! That ornament is ten times more disturbing than anything in the Orly Taitz Blowvember thread.

AddHomonym November 12, 2009 at 3:55 pm

[re=456874]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: How did Andy Griffith and Johnny Mathis get in there?

Crank Tango November 12, 2009 at 3:58 pm

[re=457131]Click[/re]: well now i know what i’m getting you for xmas at least.

Quidam November 12, 2009 at 5:16 pm

How about a Lil’ Angel Sarak

Quidam November 12, 2009 at 5:20 pm

Sorry it seems I can’t embed images

Lil’ Angel Sarah

Click November 12, 2009 at 5:37 pm

[re=457334]Quidam[/re]: Jesus christ, that poor girl looks like she just realized the nice man who offered to give her a ride home is NOT a friend of Mommy and Daddy’s.

Extemporanus November 12, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=457046]Click[/re]: And kern I thank you for leading me be myself?

[re=457055]Click[/re]: Knowing your type, I it’s undoubtedly graphic.

Extemporanus November 12, 2009 at 6:59 pm

[re=457424]Extemporanus[/re]: There is no FAIL more poignant than a grammar comment grammar FAIL.

Cut out the “I”!

Click November 12, 2009 at 7:08 pm

[re=457461]Extemporanus[/re]: I just thought you were making fun of me.

Quidam November 12, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Go Figure November 15, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Oil’s well that ends well.
Sarah P, in this important historic moment, we witness the ex VP candidate morph from a maverick, to a dipstick with lipstick, into a Rogue quitter. A new Sarah P doll would require a pull string with our girl quoting Saint Ronnie!
Sarah now embraces common sense (which is why she quit being Guv???), and declaring Saint Ronnies philosophies rock.
After all, it was one of Reagan’s pillars for the economy to deregulate banking & financial markets.

History reminds us just how well that all worked out!
Maybe she will start telling us that ketchup is a vegetable….. reminiscent of St. Ron’s infinite wisdom.

Echos of the chanting of ” Drill baby, drill” swirl about in my mind.

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