CH-CH-CH-CHANGES  11:44 am November 12, 2009

Meet Your New Lou Dobbs: This John King Guy!

by Juli Weiner

Everyone very politely say “hello” to John King, who will be taking over journalism now that Lou Dobbs is no longer with us. King’s current gig is hosting State of the Union, which exists. According to Michael Calderone, one of “the good ones” at POLITICO: “The move reflects the network’s stated ambitions to be viewed as non-partisan in the evenings, as opposed to MSNBC and Fox, which boasts more outspoken commentators on the left and right.” However, Lou Dobbs will secretly stay on as Legitimate John King. [Michael Calderone]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 67 comments }

Come here a minute November 12, 2009 at 11:46 am

I am fine with this choice, as long as his first guess is Orly Taitz.

user-of-owls November 12, 2009 at 11:48 am

Lou Dobbs will secretly stay on as Legitimate John King…

…and spearhead the movement against Big Tamale.

stew November 12, 2009 at 11:50 am

Maybe John can take another shot at interviewing Carrie Prejean; she needs a less agressive interviewer than Larry King.

Mr Blifil November 12, 2009 at 11:51 am

Ghey-er than Lou Dobbs even, if that’s possible.

norbizness November 12, 2009 at 11:51 am

LOOK YE UPON HIS VULCANIZED RUBBER FACE AND DESPAIR

Terry November 12, 2009 at 11:52 am

Now, Headline News needs to encourage Nancy Grace to leave to “pursue other opportunities”.

AnnieGetYourFun November 12, 2009 at 11:52 am

Are ANY of these people a normal flesh tone?

Terry November 12, 2009 at 11:53 am

[re=456773]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]:

Not since Ray’s Tropical Tan-O-Rama set up shop in the atrium area of the CNN building in Atlanta.

ManchuCandidate November 12, 2009 at 11:55 am

I have an idea for a screenplay…

Oily Taintz as Birfer Hood
John King as King John Obama
Lou Dobbs as King Dick of Fake Orange

It is the saga of Birfer Hood and the Teabaggers who are out to rob from the stupid to feed the RW rich loons and stop the darkness of socializm/fascism/racism (against whites only)/intelligence/hope/Muslins engulfing the kingdumb of Dumbfuckistan. John King plays the usurper King John Obama who steals the rightful rule of King Dick of Fake Orange as played by the world’s fattest/tallest Oompah Loompah, Lou Dobbs.

Suds McKenzie November 12, 2009 at 11:55 am

Get this man some suspenders!

Click November 12, 2009 at 11:55 am

WaPo has a nice headline: “John King to take over Dobbs’s slot at CNN”

Mr Blifil November 12, 2009 at 11:56 am

“Every night, he’ll share his passion and his insights about what is really going on in Washington and across America.”

Emended: “Every night he’ll transmit his passionate emissions via his own infectious approach to viewers.”

What Fresh Hell is This? November 12, 2009 at 12:03 pm

But will any of us live long enough to watch him slowly morph into Larry King? Maybe I’ll just leave my TV off for a few decades so I can be surprised.

shadowMark November 12, 2009 at 12:03 pm

Given Dobbs’ opinionated presence on air, CNN could never fully make the argument that they were the network of straight news at night

Remember when Lou dressed up as a sexy Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz? Lou was always so gay.

SayItWithWookies November 12, 2009 at 12:03 pm

[re=456780]Mr Blifil[/re]: That’s what’s known as a news release.

Aflac Shrugged November 12, 2009 at 12:03 pm

And here I was hoping they’d pick George Lopez. What does become of a dream deferred?

shadowMark November 12, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Oh, and I bet if poor Juli had typed as opposed to MSNBC and Fox, which boasts more outspoken commentators everybody would be all over her.

Prommie November 12, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Shouldn’t someone say that they, for one, welcome our new (insert witty part) overlord?

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 12, 2009 at 12:09 pm

I imagine this was how it went down with Jon Klein:

Orange skin? Check.
“Hard-line” conservative? Check.
Better hair and less body fat than Lou Dobbs? Check.
Gayer than a box of geese? Check.

Ding, ding, ding! John King FTW.

Naked Bunny with a Whip November 12, 2009 at 12:10 pm

The move reflects the network’s stated ambitions to be viewed as non-partisan in the evenings

I assume this is a new ambition, since until recently CNN employed both Glenn Beck and Lou Dobbs.

I have to wonder how this was pitched. “Our ratings suck, but we’ll get more viewers if we make our programming blander. Presenting the new CNN: Tofu TV!”

dum librul November 12, 2009 at 12:10 pm

I can’t look at this douche without being reminded of his assholish response to Glenn Greenwald’s criticism. http://www.salon.com/news/opinion/glenn_greenwald/2008/01/16/king/index.html

lawrenceofthedesert November 12, 2009 at 12:12 pm

Now that he has a better gig, John will stop applying his pancake t.v. makeup with a Wagner Turbo Roller.

Holding Out for a Hero November 12, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=456793]Prommie[/re]: The fact that no one has yet to come up with a “witty part” doesn’t bode well for John.

Paterlanger November 12, 2009 at 12:13 pm

What an incredible opportunity CNN is missing to establish itself as the network of record as opposed to being merely “non-partisan”. If you look at the dynamic between MSNBC and Fox you find that the one is partisan to the extent that it spends all its airtime debunking the partisan lies the other one tells. So CNN’s approach to success is to engage in neither lying nor debunking of lies. So what does that leave? Oh, right, missing children stories.

Hedley Lamar November 12, 2009 at 12:15 pm

[re=456793]Prommie[/re]: Today, we are all [insert name here.]

proudgrampa November 12, 2009 at 12:18 pm

I’ve stopped watching all of them: CNN, MSNBC, FOX. They’re all shit.

I get all my news now from Wonkette.

TGY November 12, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=456809]Hedley Lamar[/re]: John King. Also!

Native of SL UT November 12, 2009 at 12:24 pm

What is the point?

Chain Tattoo November 12, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I see from the pic that John King has a big, blue halo.
That’s how you can tell that he’s the good guy.
Buy why can’t Jesus get a gig hosting a “news’ show?

pampl November 12, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=456812]proudgrampa[/re]: I’ve got some bad news for you about Dobbs’ next job.

trondant November 12, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=456803]Paterlanger[/re]: Yeah, but the facts have a well-known librul bias &c., so that’s a no-go for CNN.

Maus November 12, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=456773]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: hate’s a kissin’ cousin to skin cancer, apparently.

What Fresh Hell is This? November 12, 2009 at 12:31 pm

[re=456818]Chain Tattoo[/re]: “[Gray and orange] is a sophisticated color combo with a little bit of an edge. Combining a cool gray (like Dior Gray) with warm orange accents can make a space really come to life. The combination is so strong that it can stand on its own, but it also works with a dark grounding element like a deep blue-gray.”

I read that decorating tip somewhere.

Mr Blifil November 12, 2009 at 12:31 pm

[re=456798]dum librul[/re]: Too true. He will double down with the crazee now that the advertisers have been discomfited by Lou Dobb’s unfair handling by messicans, like his wife and in-laws.

MARCdMan November 12, 2009 at 12:32 pm

I’m waiting for a source other than politico before i believe.

thefrontpage November 12, 2009 at 12:34 pm

NEWS FLASH:

LOU DOBBS NAMED AS NEW PRESIDENT, PUBLISHER, CHAIRMAN AND CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER AT THE WASHINGTON TIMES!

“This is great news!” said new Managing Editor George Will.

# # #

V572625694 November 12, 2009 at 12:34 pm

John King had Cheney on his Sunday show the morning the Personal Death Squads story broke, and never asked him about it. Pussy. Carrie Prejean’d have him in tears in ten minutes.

[re=456796]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: A box of geese is/are gay? There’s so much to learn. How about a bushel basket of kittens?

Scarab November 12, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Alright, one down…
Next I’m off to shoot at John Stossel’s house.

Prommie November 12, 2009 at 12:35 pm

[re=456815]TGY[/re]: All your John Kings are belong to us.

ph7 November 12, 2009 at 12:36 pm

John, a word of advice – don’t use Lou’s old chair. Trust me on this.

snideinplainsight November 12, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Needs more space orcs.

What? That wasn’t relevant?

freakishlystrong November 12, 2009 at 12:38 pm

[re=456832]Prommie[/re]: Meet the new tool, same as the old tool.

Humpback November 12, 2009 at 12:40 pm

[re=456793]Prommie[/re]: All right, all right. “I, for one, welcome our new royally-surnamed overlord.” Happy now?

Canmon (the Inadequate) November 12, 2009 at 12:42 pm

He’s the guy that controls that magic box on election nights. He’s some sort of witch.

Prommie November 12, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=456837]Humpback[/re]: Not until I get a “trucknutz.”

What Fresh Hell is This? November 12, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Important information on the larger conspiracy. “On May 25, 2008, King married fellow CNN reporter Dana Bash. Before marrying Bash, King converted to Judaism, Bash’s religion.”

So saith, the Wikipedia.

Spike November 12, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Dam, I was really hoping they’d give his job to a Mexican.

Suds McKenzie November 12, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=456793]Prommie[/re]: “for one, welcome our new (full size Anderson Cooper) overlord?

Keram2 November 12, 2009 at 1:14 pm

John King looks like a straight Anderson Cooper.

user-of-owls November 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=456831]Scarab[/re]: Aim for the eaves.

Mr Blifil November 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm

[re=456831]Scarab[/re]: And then to hurl Oreo cookies at Michael Steele. THE AIR SHALL BE THICK WITH THEM.

thefrontpage November 12, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Is Anderson Cooper a straight news anchor?

proudgrampa November 12, 2009 at 1:34 pm

[re=456869]Spike[/re]: They could give him a Spanish or Aztec Name: Juan Rey or Juan Tloquenahuaque.

AnnieGetYourFun November 12, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=456831]Scarab[/re]: I wonder what it would take to make Stossel crack on air…

ph7 November 12, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=456843]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Guess we know who wears the yarmulke in that relationship.

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2009 at 2:06 pm

“On May 25, 2008, King married fellow CNN reporter Dana Bash. Before marrying Bash, King converted to Judaism, Bash’s religion.”

Married her and converted to Judaism, for her? Man, Ol’ Horseface must be some kinda giddyap-girl in the sack.

What Fresh Hell is This? November 12, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=456945]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Horseface? Neigh, I was thinking more of a nutritionally-deprived salamander, in a cute sort of way — the Olsen twin’s poorer, older sister.

betterDeadThanRed November 12, 2009 at 2:20 pm

The problem with all of these alien androids is that they don’t get the skin quite right. Dobbs, this John King guy, Cheney, McCain. Look closely at any of them. Does that look like living flesh to you? Just sayin’.

[re=456812]proudgrampa[/re]: Wonkette and NPR’s “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”

assistant/atlas November 12, 2009 at 2:28 pm

This guy? Christ, someone very high up at CNN really has a thing for vaguely-gay silver foxes…

Hedley Lamar November 12, 2009 at 2:37 pm

He’s not orange enough for my anti-mexican tastes.

bricks November 12, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Nonpartisan? John KING? After the way he lovingly smooched McCain’s unremarkable buttocks before the general?

After he gently nibbled Cheney’s evil balls on national teevee?

Please

Don’t insult my elephantine, steel trap memory, CNN

You disgust me (again)

K.C. November 12, 2009 at 3:21 pm

The Name of the Rosacea: or, The Lou Dobbs Story

Here’s to that pundit named Lou!
That Coulter he’d sure like the screw.
“You say she’s a tranny? —
But I lust for her fanny!
At least she loathes Mexicans, too.”

DP November 12, 2009 at 3:44 pm

Oh, my aching keister! Is there no one under the age of 40 even remotely qualified to be on CNN?

EdFlinstone November 12, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Well if politico says “hes one of the good ones”, then he must be a right wing douche ala David Gregory.

octupletsmom November 12, 2009 at 5:50 pm

I dumped CNN when they dumped Aaron Brown, their best guy. Cable “news” isn’t, but he at least presented it like Mr. Rogers for grown-ups, and I was completely gay for that.

Mickey7 November 12, 2009 at 10:04 pm

CNN wants to look pretend impartial in the evenings? How does Campbell Brown qualify as impartial? She’s married to Dan Senor, a Bush staffer and rightwing analyst for Fox New who actively supports the stupid tea bagger movement (when it suits his political needs). I don’t hear her owning up to her own conflict of interest when she’s pushing the WH on their ‘war on Fox.’ So now they have the wife of a neocon Republican operative and an anchor who has accidentally betrayed his conservative leanings on several occasions. Where exactly is the impartiality? The MSM has bought into the screaming right screed–if it lean’s left it’s biased, if it leans right it’s ‘fair.’

Tazzie November 12, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Why am I imagining King and Dobbs replaying All About Eve behind the scenes at CNN.

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