still not watching CNN

Lou Dobbs Quits CNN!

Check it out! Tonight was his last broadcast, as he announced on his last broadcast. God only knows what he is doing, he just keeps mumbling about how he will be charting a New Course, but it’s got to have something to do with Mexicans. (Or rather, “at Mexicans?”) This is the biggest news since Sarah Palin. All we know is that he delivered this news before an American flag, so maybe he’s going there. UPDATE: New York Times, with the predictable scoop! “Months ago the president of CNN/U.S., Jonathan Klein, spelled out two options for Lou Dobbs, the channel’s most outspoken anchor. Mr. Dobbs could vent his opinions on radio and anchor an objective newscast on television, or he could leave CNN altogether.” [YouTube, NYT]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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140 comments

  1. rafflesinc

    Robert Bork, Sarah Palin, and Lou Dobbs should get together and have a circle jerk, then carpool to collect their unemployment taxes.

    *Bork resigned his DC appeals court judgeship after getting DENIED by Ted Kennedy.

  2. mollymcguire

    “Things have changed over the last six months . . .” Could he, perhaps, be speaking about the half-breed muslin, foreign born usurper in chief?

    dagan

  3. Hopey dont play that game

    He’s leaving because Ted Turner gave him a “Mexican Halloween” in the green room.

  4. boy_howdy

    [re=456456]MortSinclair[/re]: Maybe, maybe not. I thought I heard him say he wants to pursue “a number of options and erections.”

  5. WickedWitch

    Ding dong the dick is dead, the wicked dick is dead!

    And no, the WickedWitch will NOT be having any wicked dick, thank you… Who knows where that’s been????

  6. Sleeves

    He might yet wed Casey Wian in Aztlan. Little bit of war broke out down here, over the human traffick…I mean marijuana…gangs.

  7. wheelie

    CNN President Jonathan Klein has said, “”All of us will miss his appetite for big ideas, the megawatt smile and larger-than-life presence he brought to our newsroom.”

    I think this is cable news code for “Good riddance, you colossal asshole.”

  8. x111e7thst

    Good for him. Now he can while away his days consuming his refreshing beverage of choice and blowing little Tommy Tancredo.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    It’s good to see he’s going to bring honest reporting back to the mainstream media. Somebody’s got to spread the alarm about the millions of cases of leprosy that al-Qaida has been sending across the border with agents disguised as six-foot-tall invisible rabbits.

  10. Extemporanus

    In honor of Mr. Dobbsalina, Mr. Lou Dobbsalina, I’ve coyote’d a bunch of illegals over this thread’s southern border:

    Bitter Quitter in One-Hitter Shitter!

    PC Gobs Rob Dobbs of Job!

    Doobie Birther Takin’ It to the Streets!

    CNN To Get Leaner By Weaning Anti-Beaner Preener!

    Resigned SOB Lou Dobbs Eschews Maligned CNN News Job Due to Klein’s FOB Jew Mobs!

  11. freppish

    He should go to Fox, they should build a 24/7 crazy news network O’Reilly, Beck, Dobbs, Hanity, maybe get Michael Savage

  12. shadowMark

    How does the Right work this now, which ever news channel throws the most used condoms on Lou’s lawn gets to sign him? Geraldo is on Fox, yeah? With Geraldo pulling for them I think Fox should win the used condoms battle hands down…

  13. Texan Bulldoggette

    Oh good, now CNN just needs to get rid of Nancy Grace & that channel would almost be watchable; I admit I get great comedic entertainment out of Wolf boy so he must stay. I wonder if Jane Velasz Mitchell got tired of Lou asking her to watch his kids??

  14. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=456482]shadowMark[/re]: Maybe Lou & Geraldo will get in a fight on the air; my money’s on Geraldo. He’s had his nose broken by white supremacists before; he can take pansy boy, racist-light Lou.

  15. yoink

    I see a new career for Dobbs playing villians in Univision telenovelas. Either that or being the janitor at his local Taco Bueno

  16. freppish

    [re=456490]FlownOver[/re]: good point, but not everyone is Beck crazy, Fox and friends could be way nuttier

  17. ifthethunderdontgetya"

    [re=456484]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I can’t watch Scudboy.

    Even now that he’s aged into old Scudboy.
    ~

  18. weejee

    Jebus weeps for his pistola packin’ esposa who will have to put up with him at home 24/7 until Friday when he gets hired by the Drudgester.

  19. Extemporanus

    People! We’re missing the real story here:

    Lou Dobbs thinks that President Obama’s ties are too weak, and that he should seek noose ones on his upcoming trip to Asia!

  20. rocktonsammy

    Theres no shift open at this time at FOX NEWS for this piece of dog shit stuck to my running shoes.

    Fox better not fire Pattie Ann Browne to make room, don’t do it you pricks.

  21. memzilla

    HAHAHAHA.

    Cue the unemployment scene in Mel Brooks’ “History of the World,” with Bea Arthur as the Roman bureaucrat:

    “Did you bulls*** today?”
    “No.”
    “Did you try to bulls*** today?”

    And on his unemployment form:
    Reason for leaving last job: Muslin president.

  22. MGBYG

    Dobbs, with Messican wife, will be just fine.

    Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord Vishnu split ya.

    Another 80′s newstainment idiot buts the dust…are we finally seeing the dark days of Ronnie RayGun finally over?

  23. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=456462]defeatism[/re]: OH GOD! Are the Mexicans coming here now? Will they take over?
    When he says the growth of erections at 1:20, does he mean the male anatomy?

  24. Oldskool

    Best news since Bob Novak stomped off the set. He’s got a persecution complex so he’ll fit right in if he goes to Faux.

  25. bitchincamaro

    Dobbs will be working in my garden, starting tomorrow morning. Yes, you lazy, pasty, dumpling-ass, arrogant, smarmy, racist slugslime: be here by 6 a.m., as we’ve discussed, to begin your long, slow, pointless attempt to re-join the human race by preparing the beds for spring. Never mind that the beds are in the bottom of the East River. Your ass is mine.

    *please do not wake me from my dream*

  26. Words

    [re=456497]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: What Is that Canadian scud-boy doing now? Last I heard, he was doing intros and voice-overs for the History Channel?

  27. Click

    [re=456512]Words[/re]: He’s been servicing me for the last decade – other than that, hey, I don’t ask questions…

  28. rocktonsammy

    [re=456491]freppish[/re]:
    Lou is an older, more retarded version of Bleck.

    Its the beginnin of the end for Fox, the republicans and conservative as we know it.

  29. ZiPPerHEaD

    YAWN! You woke me up for this? I was just having a dream of Nancy Reagan going down on Chicken Little…or was I just watching one of Lou’s usual broadcasts?

  30. drpangloss

    Thar she blows! The White Whale!

    I’m guessing mediamatters used an antiship missle instead of the ole harpoon to take Louie the Whale to Davey Jones locker.

  31. Allyson

    Texan Bulldoggette’s notes that “Maybe Lou & Geraldo will get in a fight on the air; my money’s on Geraldo.”
    1. I would pay to see that.
    2. My money’s also on Geraldo.
    3. Now, if CNN would put Christiane in Lou’s place, it would actually be a news network…

  32. Robophobia

    OT, but I just saw Scozzafava on Rachel Maddow’s show. I can see why they went after her so vehemently. She actually sounded…..reasonable.
    Hoffman was a shit breath. Hahahaha, He lost…and Lou Dobbs Got Hot Over Pot Spot and Pot Shot

  33. Terry

    Fox better pick him up or maybe talk radio. Otherwise, Lou will spend his days ranting to people in line at the drug store or the post office.

  34. El Pinche

    Doesn’t contribute “to the national conversation” mean posin’ fer Playboy. Ew! Who wants to see old man balls?

  35. Robophobia

    [re=456529]Terry[/re]: Yup, funny story: I was in CVS one time and some old guy started yelling at these two Asian pharmacists, “I said, ‘Chapsticks’, not ‘chopsticks’”.

  36. betterDeadThanRed

    I think that Jonathan Klein was just afraid Obama would send 40,000 troops to invade CNN like he did to Fox.

  37. Sharkey

    Awwww, thanks Uncle Lou! Such a heartfelt goodbye. Sniff.

    There’s a few more dicks left in this bag I was eating, you want some?

    They’re really tasty, just grab a handful. Don’t forget, tomorrow’s a new day. Tastes good, doesn’t it?

    Uh oh, what’s that… there’s blood coming out of… OK seriously I didn’t know there were any thumbtacks in there… no, Officer, we were just having a conversation…

  38. betterDeadThanRed

    He should have signed off “Good night and good luck.” Goodness knows with folks like Lou around we’ll need it.

  39. El Pinche

    All you ivy league “liberales” aren’t happy until there isn’t one racist left on TV. Then it will be one single echo chamber free of hate and bigotry. Tonight the mescans took a shit on our GOD GIVEN first Amendment rights.

  40. Extemporanus

    [re=456459]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: “Mexican Halloween” was the first single off of Piñata del Blanco by La Policía de Fronteras, right?

    [re=456468]Fred Wertham Jr.[/re]: Kitty Pilgrim will no doubt progress from this world to that which is to come.

    [re=456470]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: Are those the tapes on which Lou Dobbs chupas an underage cabra?

    [re=456471]wheelie[/re]: “Megatwatt Smile” is my new band name.

    [re=456481]AxmxZ[/re]: Exactly. What they do is, if they need that extra push over the cliff, you know what they do? Put it up to eleven.

    [re=456503]user-of-owls[/re]: Hey, lo siento if any undocumented illegals ruffled your feathers, usuario-de-los búhos, but that’s just cómo funcionan las cosas in the smug trafficking business.

    By mentioning the previous thread, I assumed that anyone interested in tracking down where they came from could easily do so. And, mi amigo, until you’ve worked-off your “relocation” expenses—which include the cost of two inner tubes, you talon-happy raptor rapist, you—I’d suggest that you swivel those omnidirectional eyeballs aft-ward, and keep the hootin’ & hollerin’ to a minimum.

  41. Larry McAwful

    Wha–? He didn’t say when he was starting his contract with FoxNews. Lou Dobbs could be Fox’s most effective weapon in their war against Hispanics. And Univision.

  42. S.Luggo

    Poor old Lou. So behind the times.

    The sexy sexy news is no longer about illegal dagos using their finned manos to swim across our river borders, then creating taco stands and stealing our white wimmiz and the Welfare checks. And owning guns. And putting the hate on Americans and Presbyterians.

    No. As Hannity points out, it‘s about homegrown Islamos, creating falafel stands and stealing our white wimmiz and the Welfare checks. And owning guns. And putting the hate on Americans and Presbyterians.

  43. chascates

    I see a Lou Dobbs & Pat Buchanan tag team, like Evans & Novak. Each week the two will take some supposedly outrageous example of political correctness or affirmative action and lament the loss of EuroChristian white hegemony. Dobbs will probably sell DVDs & books of his rants along with Buchanan’s Nazi apologist BS.

  44. Robophobia

    [re=456545]mumblyjoe[/re]: GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!
    Traductor Pronto!!! Creo que usted ha ganado un iPhone!
    Lou Dobbs, vaya con dios, payaso.

  45. S.Luggo

    Lou is moving to the Nature Channel.

    In a gesture of defiance, Dobbs will toss his used condoms onto Nancy Grace’s front lawn. She will add them to her collection.

  46. chascates

    [re=456506]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Maybe the illegalz can keep your web site up! I realize you live on a boat so your server must have been carried off by a pelican or something.

  47. DoctorCulturae

    “Empirical reasoning” is what gets you into deep doodoo Lou. Critical reasoning is what you need to acquire please.

  48. ivenson

    [re=456534]melvin[/re]: Yup, he seems a genuine curmudgeon. Everytime he has a segment, I expect it to end with him saying “get that fucking camera off me and pour me a goddamn scotch and water, Sally Boy!”

  49. ivenson

    Dear Lou,
    You are the best pudgy, orange, man sized baby a fan could ever hope for.

    Your deranged, and possibly manufactured, rage at our beige neighbors to the South has been a delight to watch…purely for entertainment purposes, you understand.

    However…dude…have I got this twisted or do you think that people will maybe vote for you in, like, elections and stuff? YOU ARE SO HIGH RIGHT NOW. Man, I promise you…you know I’m your friend and I only want the best for you and all. YOU GOT TO SLEEP ON THIS MAN. YOU ARE SO HIGH RIGHT NOW. When you wake up, this whole day will seem like a fever dream. Granted, you will still have severed your relationship with CNN (jesus must they be happy!)…but you should just take the morning and treat YOU real nice. Go to starbucks and get one of those breakfast wrap thingies. Maybe a latte…fuck your trainer. Fire his homo ass and have a g-d d–n latte, G.

    Now, you need to reconsider this “national conversaton” bullshit.

    You’re just high right now, dude. Simmer.

    All is copacetic.

  50. Mr Blifil

    Lou owns a considerable portion of CNN, he’s been a top executive since before he decided long ago to give himself his own show. So he’ll be fine, in case you were worried.

  51. ivenson

    [re=456573]Mr Blifil[/re]: Wasn’t, but OK. I was hoping he had thrown caution to the wind and was going to survive by maxing out his credit cards and bilking donations from stupid, scared white people. But if you say he’s got a good thing going, finance-wise, that’s super. Good on ya, Man-baby.

  52. zhubajie

    [re=456574]ivenson[/re]: The real home for that is Short Wave Radio. Will Lou be hawking over-priced gold coins, colloidal silver and ionized water now?

  53. Robophobia

    Y’all, what’s with the timing here, remember yesterday when he was all street about the 411 on the sweet chronic? Ya think, maybe, the old fuck is growin’ and choppin’ on his 300 acres? Maybe those messicuns were gunnin’ for turf? Maybe Ol’ Lou likes the Sativa Goo. Maybe he’s just nervioso about protektin his harvest. Ain’t no weirder than Palin running for POTUS.

  54. LowerdPeninsula

    What?! Fat Bastard / Head-of-Chucky quit his racist screed masquerading as a cable news show?

    Well, bitch is going straight to Fox News, praise Allah.

  55. shortsshortsshorts

    Nobody comes with the obvious?

    Bye shithead. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. UNLESS HE IS SPEAKING IRONICALLY AGAINST THE MESSICANS, in which case he should let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.

    Thanks for the fun times, shitfuck!
    R.I.P. Lou Dobbs— portions of the 1990s, with limited but ecclesiastical fame in the semi-late 2000s. Your fellow illegalz will miss you for the last time.

  56. BMK

    [re=456562]S.Luggo[/re]: Possible, if were on death row and my life depended on it. Now excuse me while I go vomit.

  57. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Today, we are all Mexicans.

    Plus “…the lack of true representation …” ? I mean, how many black muslins can we elect? Oh, you mean of rich old white dudes. Yep, they really do lack for representation.

  58. lulzmonger

    FOX NEWS my eye.

    He’s going to change his first name to Bob & announce that he is in fact the One True Messiah of the SubGenius tribe, then camp out in the Mojave Desert with them to await the impending arrival of the Venusian Pleasure-Ships … yeah, okay, I got nada.

    Today America’s average collective IQ went up by 3 points. If this keeps up, it’s going to soar right up into the three-digit range any decade now!

  59. LowerdPeninsula

    Alas, who will implore us REAL American Pro Americans to “Remember the Alamo!”, nao? Surely, this is the end of Western Civilization as we know it. If they can oust Lou Dobbs, who amongst the white Christo-fascist males is safe? Won’t someone think of the Christo-fascists white men; won’t anyone think of the Christo-fascists white men? I simply don’t know what to believe, anymore.

    Quickly, get the underwater electric fences, ready. The Messicans have breeched the mighty Hudson and Potomac!

  60. digibal235

    They should give his timeslot to Fareed Zakaria. That would drive Lou nuts. Because they’re all Mexican to Lou.

  61. hoosiermama

    I just find it interesting that the wingtards are being marginalized to two mediums — FOX and AM radio where, ostensibly, Dobbs will be able to blather endlessly about Bammers’ citizenship and no one will care? I don’t have a point.

  62. LowerdPeninsula

    Does anyone here do a passable Mexican Hat Dance? I can think of nothing more appropriate than to have someone dance a traditional Mexican dance on his show’s grave, O Que?

  63. friendlyskies

    LOL poor little Palin, she failed to master public speaking and now Wall Street and the military-industrial complex have found a charismatic new frontman for their continued rape and pillage of the taxpayers.

    Thus begins the longest, most irritating, presidential campaign in US history.

  64. x111e7thst

    Maybe Lou will find time to stake out a position in the Colon Cleanse controversy. This issue crys out for his leadership.

  65. Gumboz1953

    [re=456577]zhubajie[/re]: Yeah, if you think Fox News is out there, you should hear THOSE loons. It would be funny if they weren’t broadcasting that shortwave shit literally around the world.

    Fortunately, it doesn’t escape the atmosphere, so we don’t look like total assholes to the rest of the Galactic Federation. But still.

  66. DangerousLiberal

    [re=456477]freppish[/re]: I’m thinking that, with O’Reilly, Hannity, Dobbs, Dr Whora, and Glen Becccchhh, there should be a whole separate radio band; we’d then have AM, FM, and AH, for Ass Hat nonmodulation. Stations could run up to 100k watts, but can only set up in states where political officials have explained away bathroom liaisons, hooked up with boys, drunkenly driven boats onto rocks, or freaked out over muslin infiltrators, also.

  67. jodyleek

    But, what are they going to do with the cheesecloth that they’ve been using to fuzz the focus on Lou all these years? Make Queso Fresco?

  68. red sky

    [re=456606]digibal235[/re]: Absolutely, I think Fareed Zakaria should have got the Meet the Press Job (different station, but I’m sure they could have got him) instead of the Entertainment Tonight fill in they put behind the desk. What a great smack in the face that would be to Lou, putting Fareed in his spot, and yes most of ‘Merica probably thinks he’s messican, or arab, and they’re both wrong.

  69. KilgoreTrout_XL

    A source tells me that installing a howitzer on the 2nd floor of his house to blow away the brownish people shooting at his mansion would nave violated his contract with CNN.

  70. Flanders

    [re=456571]ivenson[/re]: Sounds like you’ve given similar advice before. You would be good to have around next time I eat a handful of mushrooms gently plucked from the cowpies in the field outside my bedroom window.

  71. lawrenceofthedesert

    Definitely hitting Consuelo’s for tortilla soup today in honor of Dippety Dobbs’ demise. Vaya con Dios, Rey de Cacahuelo!

  72. thesheriffisnear

    Undoubtedly he wants to, uh, spend more time with la familia. His family, NOT the notorious drug gang.

  73. Magnus Maximus

    Remember when Lou was on Democracy Now? God that was awesome. He was such a dick. At one point, he interrupted Juan Gonzalez with a sneering, “Just WHAT are you blathering about??”

    If you haven’t heard it, do yourself a favor and find it, on the internet. So awesome.

  74. WeHaveNun

    Lou will sneak across the border and retire to a little 6,000 square foot hacienda in Guadalajara. He’ll pay the rent by taking jobs from hard working messicans—things like scrubbing bathrooms, picking the rotting fruit that will be sent to ‘merican grocery stores, and sucking the dicks of local pool boys.

    Just wanted you all to know.

  75. DavidBenAriel

    God bless Lou Dobbs for having the courage to condemn those who aid and abet illegal aliens and that fraud and foreigner, the president usurper who has failed to prove he is a natural born citizen and it’s impossible since he is clearly not born to two American parents, as our Constitution requires.

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