Ooh la la! TIME magazine’s president of sadness, Mark Halperin, appears to be having the whack of his life right now, reading Sarah Palin’s book. Or at least someone Photoshopped to look like Mark Halperin is! (Fred Thompson??) What is the fake masturbating Mark Halperin/Fred Thompson computer robot discovering?

Based on discussions with various sources who have seen or been briefed on the book’s contents, here’s what you can expect from “Going Rogue”:

* just five chapters—but they are very, very long.

* some score settling with McCain aides she believes ill-served her (names will be named).

* a hearty bashing of the national media.

* an account of how her upbringing shaped her maverick sensibilities.

* a testimonial to the importance of faith in her life.

* a warm and personal tone, written in Palin’s own voice, despite the involvement of a collaborator.

Two things not in the book:

* Don’t look for hefty policy prescriptions.

* Once source who has seen “Going Rogue” says it does not include an index. That would give Palin a subtle revenge on the party’s Washington establishment, whose members tend to flip to the back pages and scan for their own names. If they want to know what Sarah Palin has to say about them, they will have to buy the book—and read the whole thing.

Well everything here falls under the “no shit” category, so congratulations with the mischievous click bait, TIME PR lady.

What’s in Sarah Palin’s book [The Page]

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  1. “If they want to know what Sarah Palin has to say about them, they will have to buy the book—and read the whole thing.”

    Or buy the ebook and use the search function . . .

  2. If Sarah’s command of names is anything like her command of policy, the index would probably be devoted mostly to “This one guy” or “Katie something-or-other.”

  3. I’m guessing the sweatered gentleman holding the mask over his face in that very Eyes Wide Shut pose to be none other than A. Sullivan, and what is mistakenly thought to be a state of Arousal is, in fact, an uncomfortably malpositioned Pocket, Day-by-Day Guide to Pregnancy.”

  4. Excerpts NOW plz…even made-up is OK.

    Haha, the lack of an index also contributes to the overall “non-book” character of this important book. The book also doesn’t have:

    1) page numbers (they’re elitist and, like a Burroughs story you can just start reading anywhere)
    2) paragraphs (it’s written like she thinks!)
    3) a point and/or medium-to-long-term relevance to American politics

  5. Predictions:

    1. Within 24 hours after Going Rogue hits the bookshelves, somebody will come out with an iPhone app for finding stuff in it, so you don’t have to read the thing.

    2. When the above happens, the most searched terms will be: “self-abuse”, “retard”, and “how I aced nuclear physics at Northwestern Idaho State Ag”.

  6. [re=456076]vladster[/re]: No kidding. Either that or Sarah couldn’t find an indexer/librarian-type that she could pay enough money to read it.

  7. * a warm and personal tone, written in Palin’s own voice, despite the involvement of a collaborator.

    “Well gosh darn it, I’d just pert lipstick on and that McCain feller started making piggy noises and when I says, “You betcha hot dog!” all he says is “HENGHHHHHHH.”

  8. [re=456070]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Newspaper editors are going to be disappointed when they turn to the back and there’s no entry for “All of them.”

  9. [re=456080]Extemporanus[/re]: That book actually looks like a Thesaurus, in which case the title should be “Palin Comparison,” and the first entry should be ‘stupid cunt.’

  10. Also not found:
    *intelligent thoughts
    *thoughts beyond “You betchya!” or “I’m hungry.”

    The reason it did not have an index was because Sarah Palin didn’t know what that was and was shocked to find it was some how associated with Ayres, Bill ( a known terrorist) that she demanded that it be taken out

  11. Well, Levi’s not even 25, right? He’s been working out, and unless there’s serious things wrong with that body -which we would have heard about before now- he ought to be able to steal the spotlight back again from almost-mommy-in-law. But hurry up.

  12. I don’t want to break this down like the goofballs who spend their lives areguing that the shawdows fall the wrong way in the b@w’s of LHO holding his rifle and commie newspaper before he shot JFK and on the so-called “pictures” from the moon, but who the hell holds a book by cupping it in their arm instead of grasping it with their oppasable thumb? Clearly “Halperin”–if that’s even his real name–is copping a feel off the cover picture with his left hand while he holds the book with his (what?)wrist. And his right hand looks, like, totally gay. And it he was really reading Bible Spice’s book, wouldn’t his sweater be covered in wretch? Also.

  13. So wait…rather than take a picture of Mark Halperin reading a copy of her book, they take a stock photo of some dude reading and then hire a college freshman/someone’s kid to badly Photoshop not only the Palin book (as if it were an august leather-bound serious tome) and it’s cover, but they had to Photoshop in Halperin’s freakin’ head too?

    Who signed off on that monstrosity? If you can look at that photo and think it looks either convincing or funny, you suck balls dipped gently in a cup of hot tea.

  14. That is Mark Halperin’s head photoshopped onto McCain’s body, which has also, too, been photoshopped holding Sarah’s fake book, too, also, you betcha!

  15. I like that Palin’s cover has been photo-shopped onto some old book, and Palin’s cover itself contains photo-shop of hair scarf and hair hoodie, in an infinite regress of fake.

  16. [re=456185]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: Just like many of us did with papers in college, Palin’s upped the page count by writing in 16-point Courier New.

  17. [re=456191]TubeCity[/re]: From the spine, the original looks to be a legal textbook published by WestLaw; ironic, as Palin’s knowledge of the law is limited to moose-hunting regulations.

  18. [re=456160]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “When the audio book comes out, do you suppose they’re going to get Palin to read it?”

    It could be her first time.

  19. Is it just me or is Kathy Bates looking kinda evil and hot in that new SyFy movie thingy? It’s just me? Well dammit I just don’t care I am enjoying my wank quite nicely thank you very much. Oh this isn’t the comments section about wanking? Or it is? I’m confused.

  20. [re=456217]predilectrix[/re]: I was going to use Extemporanus’ “Trig needs more cowbell” version of Trig’s head, but I thought that was a bit too highbrow.

  21. I’m pretty sure I can’t express in words how much I hate Mark Halperin. The best I’ve got is “fuck off and die you fucking fuckface hack so I can dance and piss all over your grave and then unbury your corpse and shit all over that because you are the worst fake journalist in the history of TIME magazine.” Hmmm…still not there….needs more bile.

  22. [re=456175]trondant[/re]: Snatchner?


    [re=456254]El Pinche[/re]: Good choice.

    You can put eyebrows on a cowbell, but it’s still just…oh wait, you said “highbrow”?


  23. No index, eh? What’s to stop one from feeding the book through a book scanner, and then searching through it with OCR software?

    This lack of foresight is disturbing from someone who may be elected to put her finger on the button circa 2013.

  24. Halperin is on Morning Joe at this moment, and unless Chris Licht is doin’ some wicked live After Effects, Halperin ACTUALLY looks like that.

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