gross

Mark Halperin Currently Making Out With Copy Of ‘Going Rogue’

Ooh la la! TIME magazine’s president of sadness, Mark Halperin, appears to be having the whack of his life right now, reading Sarah Palin’s book. Or at least someone Photoshopped to look like Mark Halperin is! (Fred Thompson??) What is the fake masturbating Mark Halperin/Fred Thompson computer robot discovering?

Based on discussions with various sources who have seen or been briefed on the book’s contents, here’s what you can expect from “Going Rogue”:

* just five chapters—but they are very, very long.

* some score settling with McCain aides she believes ill-served her (names will be named).

* a hearty bashing of the national media.

* an account of how her upbringing shaped her maverick sensibilities.

* a testimonial to the importance of faith in her life.

* a warm and personal tone, written in Palin’s own voice, despite the involvement of a collaborator.

Two things not in the book:

* Don’t look for hefty policy prescriptions.

* Once source who has seen “Going Rogue” says it does not include an index. That would give Palin a subtle revenge on the party’s Washington establishment, whose members tend to flip to the back pages and scan for their own names. If they want to know what Sarah Palin has to say about them, they will have to buy the book—and read the whole thing.

Well everything here falls under the “no shit” category, so congratulations with the mischievous click bait, TIME PR lady.

What’s in Sarah Palin’s book [The Page]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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77 comments

  1. Crank Tango

    Looks like somebody needs to watch the “you suck at photoshop” series of instructional videos.

  2. rafflesinc

    “If they want to know what Sarah Palin has to say about them, they will have to buy the book—and read the whole thing.”

    Or buy the ebook and use the search function . . .

  3. Aflac Shrugged

    If Sarah’s command of names is anything like her command of policy, the index would probably be devoted mostly to “This one guy” or “Katie something-or-other.”

  4. vladster

    Its hard to index a random assortment of shit, jibes, idiotic brain farts and everybody that Sarah wants to die.

  5. Dilaceratus

    I’m guessing the sweatered gentleman holding the mask over his face in that very Eyes Wide Shut pose to be none other than A. Sullivan, and what is mistakenly thought to be a state of Arousal is, in fact, an uncomfortably malpositioned Pocket, Day-by-Day Guide to Pregnancy.”

  6. Johnny Zhivago

    What about recipes??? I’ll buy the book, but only if it has some new ideas for mooseburgers or wolf stew.

  7. SmutBoffin

    Excerpts NOW plz…even made-up is OK.

    Haha, the lack of an index also contributes to the overall “non-book” character of this important book. The book also doesn’t have:

    1) page numbers (they’re elitist and, like a Burroughs story you can just start reading anywhere)
    2) paragraphs (it’s written like she thinks!)
    3) a point and/or medium-to-long-term relevance to American politics

  8. WadISay

    Predictions:

    1. Within 24 hours after Going Rogue hits the bookshelves, somebody will come out with an iPhone app for finding stuff in it, so you don’t have to read the thing.

    2. When the above happens, the most searched terms will be: “self-abuse”, “retard”, and “how I aced nuclear physics at Northwestern Idaho State Ag”.

  9. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=456076]vladster[/re]: No kidding. Either that or Sarah couldn’t find an indexer/librarian-type that she could pay enough money to read it.

  10. CycloneArmageddon

    * a warm and personal tone, written in Palin’s own voice, despite the involvement of a collaborator.

    “Well gosh darn it, I’d just pert lipstick on and that McCain feller started making piggy noises and when I says, “You betcha hot dog!” all he says is “HENGHHHHHHH.”

  11. Lawndarts

    This book sounds delightful! I will surely send my manservant Pedro out to purchase this as soon as it become available at the book repository.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    [re=456070]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Newspaper editors are going to be disappointed when they turn to the back and there’s no entry for “All of them.”

  13. Click

    [re=456080]Extemporanus[/re]: That book actually looks like a Thesaurus, in which case the title should be “Palin Comparison,” and the first entry should be ‘stupid cunt.’

  14. shadowMark

    [re=456086]WadISay[/re]: Amazon sez there will be a Kindle edition. Does the Kindle machine have a search feature?

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Also not found:
    *intelligent thoughts
    *thoughts beyond “You betchya!” or “I’m hungry.”

    The reason it did not have an index was because Sarah Palin didn’t know what that was and was shocked to find it was some how associated with Ayres, Bill ( a known terrorist) that she demanded that it be taken out

  16. chascates

    There will be no footnotes, endnotes, or acknowledgments either. I’m betting God or Jesus is mentioned at least 5 times in any preface.

  17. vespula maculata

    Well, Levi’s not even 25, right? He’s been working out, and unless there’s serious things wrong with that body -which we would have heard about before now- he ought to be able to steal the spotlight back again from almost-mommy-in-law. But hurry up.

  18. slappers

    Is he wearing a snuggie? That should be the next attempt to sell this book – a 90% discount plus free leopard print snuggie!

  19. DP

    Not Fred Thompson or surely those little hands would be covered in liver spots and other signs of decrepitude…I’m gonna guess Bill Kristol.

  20. ThePuckStopsHere

    I don’t want to break this down like the goofballs who spend their lives areguing that the shawdows fall the wrong way in the b@w’s of LHO holding his rifle and commie newspaper before he shot JFK and on the so-called “pictures” from the moon, but who the hell holds a book by cupping it in their arm instead of grasping it with their oppasable thumb? Clearly “Halperin”–if that’s even his real name–is copping a feel off the cover picture with his left hand while he holds the book with his (what?)wrist. And his right hand looks, like, totally gay. And it he was really reading Bible Spice’s book, wouldn’t his sweater be covered in wretch? Also.

  21. ella

    [re=456069]rafflesinc[/re]: Or just wait for somebody to call, saying, “Holy fuck! Do you know what Palin said about you?”

  22. Mr Blifil

    So wait…rather than take a picture of Mark Halperin reading a copy of her book, they take a stock photo of some dude reading and then hire a college freshman/someone’s kid to badly Photoshop not only the Palin book (as if it were an august leather-bound serious tome) and it’s cover, but they had to Photoshop in Halperin’s freakin’ head too?

    Who signed off on that monstrosity? If you can look at that photo and think it looks either convincing or funny, you suck balls dipped gently in a cup of hot tea.

  23. snideinplainsight

    We can’t kill all the Palins. So we wanna win as many hearts and minds of good moderately retarded Palins as we can.

  24. Click

    [re=456124]JMP[/re]: “the retard baby.” Um, we don’t refer to them in that way, the proper term is “toddler.”

  25. Jukesgrrl

    Hey, she was only a journalism UNDERgraduate. They don’t get to that indexing stuff until graduate school.

  26. YellowKid

    [re=456089]CycloneArmageddon[/re]: Thanks….I hadn’t heard a good ‘HENGHHHHH’ in months. Takes me back to a simpler time…..

  27. S.Luggo

    [re=456127]Click[/re]: And is that a raincoat on Marky’s lap? If so, what’s the giant summit in the middle?

  28. Monsieur Grumpe

    When the audio book comes out, do you suppose they’re going to get Palin to read it?
    Good god, what an ear ache that would be.

  29. CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    That is Mark Halperin’s head photoshopped onto McCain’s body, which has also, too, been photoshopped holding Sarah’s fake book, too, also, you betcha!

  30. TubeCity

    I like that Palin’s cover has been photo-shopped onto some old book, and Palin’s cover itself contains photo-shop of hair scarf and hair hoodie, in an infinite regress of fake.

  31. JMP

    [re=456185]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: Just like many of us did with papers in college, Palin’s upped the page count by writing in 16-point Courier New.

  32. JMP

    [re=456191]TubeCity[/re]: From the spine, the original looks to be a legal textbook published by WestLaw; ironic, as Palin’s knowledge of the law is limited to moose-hunting regulations.

  33. S.Luggo

    [re=456160]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “When the audio book comes out, do you suppose they’re going to get Palin to read it?”

    It could be her first time.

  34. predilectrix

    [re=456186]El Pinche[/re]: For shame, iconoclast!!11!

    The TIME pic is nearly bad enough for http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/
    Halperin’s head is perched a few couple to the right of his spine, the swarthy face is paired with lily white hands, and it looks like someone is pleasuring him under a khaki comforter.

  35. Gorillionaire

    Is it just me or is Kathy Bates looking kinda evil and hot in that new SyFy movie thingy? It’s just me? Well dammit I just don’t care I am enjoying my wank quite nicely thank you very much. Oh this isn’t the comments section about wanking? Or it is? I’m confused.

  36. FlownOver

    [re=456122]DP[/re]: I’m pretty sure it’s Halperin holding up the Halperin mask. Who else would risk being mistaken for him?

  37. El Pinche

    [re=456217]predilectrix[/re]: I was going to use Extemporanus’ “Trig needs more cowbell” version of Trig’s head, but I thought that was a bit too highbrow.

  38. assistant/atlas

    I’m pretty sure I can’t express in words how much I hate Mark Halperin. The best I’ve got is “fuck off and die you fucking fuckface hack so I can dance and piss all over your grave and then unbury your corpse and shit all over that because you are the worst fake journalist in the history of TIME magazine.” Hmmm…still not there….needs more bile.

  39. DDD

    Woo hoo…just bought GoingRogueIndex.com (it was still available!).

    Step 2…figure out how to make back at least my $20 with it!

  40. Extemporanus

    [re=456175]trondant[/re]: Snatchner?

    “KHUUUNNNTTT!”

    [re=456254]El Pinche[/re]: Good choice.

    You can put eyebrows on a cowbell, but it’s still just…oh wait, you said “highbrow”?

    Nevermind.

  41. TVarmy

    No index, eh? What’s to stop one from feeding the book through a book scanner, and then searching through it with OCR software?

    This lack of foresight is disturbing from someone who may be elected to put her finger on the button circa 2013.

  42. rocktonsammy

    I blame the Todd.

    Hes out on that snow machine 6 months out of the year and not controlling his woman.

  43. El Pinche

    [re=456215]Extemporanus[/re]: Over time, I fused mine shut.

    [re=456443]Norbert[/re]: I hope he does it in Shaggy’s voice for the people!

  44. depraved indifference engine

    Halperin is on Morning Joe at this moment, and unless Chris Licht is doin’ some wicked live After Effects, Halperin ACTUALLY looks like that.

  45. smitallica

    Only five chapters? Her other tome, “Colleges I Attended to Earn a Fucking Bachelor’s Degree,” had six.

Comments are closed.