It sure would be funny if the Washington Times went out of business, except for the poor local reporters and stuff, and Liz Glover, who would be sent to live with Barbara Bush and the Reverend Moon in Paraguay. (The food is shit, a “top-level Pentagon official” tells us.) We assume that the Times IS going out of business, even though that’s not even a rumor… until now? Tell everyone you know!
Mike Calderone summarizes the war and death erupting in that gloomy monstrosity on New York Ave. NE, right outside of which are FREAKING HIGHWAY SPEED CAMERAS that lie constantly about everything:
There’s still a lot of confusion in the Washington Times newsroom, two days after the removal of three top business-side executives and high-ranking members of the Unification Church.
Executive Editor John Solomon hasn’t been in the office for several days, and it’s unclear whether he’ll return. When acting Publisher and President Jonathan Slevin addressed staff Monday, he didn’t mention the paper’s top editor or take questions. (Solomon hasn’t returned numerous calls and e-mails since Sunday night.)
But things are getting stranger. Talking Points Memo reported yesterday that there have been armed guards spotted on the third floor, where management works. The floor, it was reported, has now been closed to the rank-and-file.
What does this even mean?
And this morning, Managing Editor David Jones informed staff that they have to contact him if they need special access to enter the paper’s parking lot, which was abruptly closed this week.
Among those losing their parking spaces was John Solomon himself, who remains locked in his secret masturbatorium, questioning things.
Security amped up at WashTimes [Michael Calderone]
Solomon loses parking space at Washington Times [Washington City Paper]
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Looks like they’re setting up for a Moonie mass divorce (for once!) in the parking lot.
The remaining staff there is so nervous they just had a MASS WETTING!
lol.
I’d love to hear from Liz about what’s going on but they’ve probably threatened to marry her off to a South Korean squid merchant if she says anything.
Please come back, Liz!
Shadowy mega-cult is shadowy.
So, the temple of Solomon is a masturbatorium?
At last, Orthodox Judaism makes sense.
The Moonies just need to have another awkward ceremony featuring members of Congress and everything will be back to normal.
I think this kind of high drama is what I miss most being a hobo. The last three companies I worked for crashed and burned. Watching the big bosses walk the plank is is such a high — until their golden parachutes open, then you hate them as much as ever.
Liz, whatever you do, DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID.
Oh, sorry. Wrong shadowy mega-cult. *hat tip to [re=456023]Dr. Spaceman[/re]:*
Aww — it’s like they’ve suddenly developed an aversion to losing millions of dollars a year. Anyway, TPM’s all over this story and says it’s about a dispute between the two heirs-apparent to the Moon dynasty (not that the immortal Sun Myung is going to die — more like he’s going to ride to heaven in a fiery chariot).
Anyway, if the Times shuts down it’ll be a sad day for subsidized bastions of fiscal conservatism.
That cake on the far left has one of the worst frosting jobs that I’ve ever seen. What’s it supposed to be, an iceberg surrounded by dead elephant seals, or something?
However, I do like the chopsticks stuck in the middle cake. I wonder if it’s chocolate Lab.
Hey! I just heard that the Washington Times is closing. Anyone else heard this?
Here’s a business model for improving the bottom line of your money-losing enterprise:
–Fire the President.
–Fire the Publisher.
–Fire the Chairman.
–Fire the Chief Financial Officer, who’s been at the paper for at least 20 years, possibly longer.
–Restrict access to the main parking lot–which is located in front of the main building and is where most employees park their cars.
–Post armed guards outside of management offices that overlook the newsroom.
–Restrict employees’ access around the building where they work.
–Post an armed guard at the front entrance.
–Refuse to comment to local media and refer calls to a p.r. firm–which is clueless and has no idea what the hell is going on.
–Refuse to clearly explain who has the authority to just come in one day and fire the president, publisher, chairman and chief financial officer of a company.
–Refuse to clearly note that this is all a power cluster f by Moon’s three wayward sons, who obviously can’t stand each other, can’t stand their father, have no people skills, have no business skills, have no social skills, and have zero journalistic skills.
–Realize that you’re owned and subsidized by a cult church and that you’ve just fired several high-ranking members of said cult church—which isn’t going to do much for post-firings cult-church public relations, marketing, media relations, community spirit, morale and standing in the greater cult-church community.
Could the entire stinking pile of manure be any more stupid?
At least Tony Blankley has his TV gigs to fall back on. Must be the Paul Sorvino look!
I heard a rumor that people still read the Washington Times.
[re=456035]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well of course the good Rev. Moon is not going to die. All this crazy preparation is because, now that He is in a state in which a mortal would be dying, the Apocalypse must be coming soon, since it must happen during His lifetime.
You would think that when you run The Messiah’s newspaper the fucking thing would do a little better. SAVE US OVERLORD MOOOOOOOOON.
I already saw this movie. It premiered in Tegucigalpa a couple months ago.
So…the Washington Times is being run by Daniel Snyder?
Restricting access to offices says serious graft was going on and they want to preserve evidence. Restricting access to parking lots says that’s where the bodies are buried.
[re=456036]Extemporanus[/re]: Racists like you make want to howl. Or barf.
“But Slevin left without taking any questions from staff who packed into the paper’s ballroom…”
I told them to skip the Dom for those gala black-tie working lunches in favor of that cheap Spanish stuff, but did they listen?
[re=456041]problemwithcaring[/re]: LIES
[re=456036]Extemporanus[/re]: However, I do like the chopsticks stuck in the middle cake.
That would make it an offering to the dead.
“I’m the newspaper on the tracks – Moon, Moon!”
Anyway, if the Times shuts down it’ll be a sad day for subsidized bastions of fiscal conservatism.
Epitaphstic!
[re=456048]the problem child[/re]: Restricting access to parking lots says that’s where the bodies are buried
I was thinking more along the lines of an emergency helipad ala Saigon.
For once we’ll have a mass shooting done properly, by assigned security guards instructed by management to take out the snotty filthy disgusting complaining rabble who perform the menial functions of floor mopping, toilet cleaning and column writing. GIT ER DUNN.
[re=456040]Magnus Maximus[/re]: Oh God, I forgot about Tony Baloney. Oh, what a joy to imagine him suffering in any form. Piles of disingenuous shit deserve as much suffering as Fate can dole out.
Ah…the life of a reporter. Sometimes I’m glad I teach community college–several places.
These bloodthirsty Moonies are Horrible Cannibals HC’s are another little understood subspecies of Asian teabagger.
From now on only Kim Chee will be served in the lunchroom. That will drive out all the remaining non-Korean employees.
[re=456093]Ducksworthy[/re]: Speak for yourself; I’m at least one white guy who finds kimchee delicious.
The free market has spoken, and it sayeth: STFU
I’m thinking a Jonestown-style massacre is around the corner
I escorted a family from my home state to meet with their Congressional delegation; The Moonie Times was the only paper on display in Mitch McConnell’s office. If the Times folds, I predict he’ll switch to the Epoch Times, or maybe Politico.
I hope Monica Crowley shows up for the final solution.
Fear not, Liz, the food in Paraguay is just fine. German-influenced, ’cause of all them ex-Nazis.
The food in Bolivia, however, is shit.
Liz Glover, come home. All is forgiven.
“But things are getting stranger. Talking Points Memo reported yesterday that there have been armed guards spotted on the third floor, where management works. The floor, it was reported, has now been closed to the rank-and-file.”
It’s truly frightening when cults are mixed with weapons.
Oh, it’s always an awkward day when the shadowy cult that owns one’s business but one pretends for the sake of dignity doesn’t actually exist arrives and demands its 70 virgins.
[re=456172]Terry[/re]: It’s truly frightening when cults are mixed with weapons.
Ah…but the bitterz knoweth no other way.
[re=456020]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Love it! Got any more?
Should we be passing the hat for Liz?
Without the “Times” to prod it how will the “Post” be inspired to maintain its standard of journalistic excel…NEVER MIND!!!
[re=456093]Ducksworthy[/re]: Ditto. Waiter at a “Chinese” restaurant brought a *heap* of it on a platter once, in retaliation (I’m quite certain) for our table pointing out that the neighboring tables (of Asians) were getting kimchee just for sitting down. By the time he returned to take the order, we’d eaten it all. He was only a little stunned. Looking around the table to see where we’d stashed it even. Heh heh.
“What does this even mean?”
I’ll tell you what it means, a bunch of damned, dirty Moonies hanging out at Ronald Wilson Reagan National Airport.
[re=456021]chascates[/re]: Maybe to the squid. Tentacle hentai, anyone?
[re=456035]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Dollars to doughnuts, I know the “winner” of this Moonie showdown:
Kahr Arms is an American small arms manufacturer founded by Kook Jin “Justin” Moon (son of Unification Church founder Sun Myung Moon), who currently serves as CEO and President. It is owned by the Saeilo Corporation (pronounced say-low), a subsidiary of the Unification Church International holding company.[1]
plus…
In 1999, Kahr Arms bought Auto-Ordnance Corp., the maker of Thompson submachine guns.
9mm/.40 cal small-frame autos and classic long arms…and most people thought they had only cornered the sushi-grade seafood market!
So the Times building is going to be a gun manufacturing plant?
If you see the electric fans you’ll know it’s about over
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death
[re=456058]Mr Blifil[/re]: Well, Rev. Moon, is a native of NORTH Korea!
How much longer will the invisible hand have to fist WashTimes before it gets the hint?
So Wash Times is Washed-up Times?
[re=456030]montyburns4prez[/re]: I’ve been really surprised the professional fighting fundies haven’t jumped on this like flies on sh*t.
[re=456055]One Yield Regular[/re]: Ha. Got it.
[re=456043]JMP[/re]: He will go into hiding, like the Hidden Imam.
[re=456075]Crow T. Robot[/re]: Yeah, and I though working for the Journal Register Company was horrid. At least they were true to their small-minded avarice. Moonie, Inc. is just plain bizarre.
[re=456075]Crow T. Robot[/re]: I teach English in China for similar reasons.
[re=456111]JMP[/re]: Can you get good kimchee in DC? Anyway, like everything important in East Asia, it was invented in China, where it is called la baicai (spicy cabbage).
Dong Joon Moon even got fired. How does someones named Dong Joon Moon get fired from the Times? It’s like Sally Post getting fired from the New York Post.
[re=456039]thefrontpage[/re]: It worked for GM.
[re=456322]schvitzatura[/re]: Hm…his name is very similar to Justin “Kook” Moonberg, CEO of American Police Force.
Liz, If you need a place to crash, you can stay with me. I am sure that I could find you a job at the yoga studio I go to and I am not part of a secretive Asian right wing cult.
Perhaps Scientology is looking to buy a newspaper.
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