No One On Television Has Ever Smoked Marijuana, It Is True

  loco lou dobbs

You may have seen this already, but goodness gracious, marijuana is the devil’s weed and no one on CNN (or Barney Frank) has ever spent a nickel on it! This is very similar to how Washington pundits condemn anyone for ever having sex — including David Letterman, and he’s in New York City! — unless it is fully clothed and for the purpose of procreation. [YouTube]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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57 comments

  1. JMP

    I am shocked, shocked I tell you! Shocked that Dobbs managed to speak for 22 seconds without saying something racist against Mexicans.

  2. V572625694

    What did Orangeman Gerber Baby Dobbs have to think so hard about the answer? Was he getting a text message from his attorney at the same time?

  3. slavojzizek

    Dobbs: A mariju-ana? That’s them plants that have been crossing our borders, stealing our jobs! Of course I’d recognize one!

  4. MLHencken

    [re=455245]rmontcal[/re]: omg yes. They are like some soft of evil chopping machine, connected to an asshole.

  5. Tundra Grifter

    Robert “The Chief” Parrish was the oldest player in the NBA when he got busted for having some weed. Clearly smoking that stuff is bad for you. Otherwise, how could he have still been playing?

  6. OReillysVibrator

    It was even more cringeworthy when my law school class (that’s people in their 20′s, folks) had this same sort of laughter at the suggestion someone would know about smoking pot.

  7. Mustang

    [re=455245]rmontcal[/re]: They are what my dentist called “chiclet teeth” when discussing whitening options.

  8. Starrigavan

    So now that the law has changed and the USA is letting in people with AIDS, Lou Dobbs, defender of the border, is going after the homos? About something that happened two years ago? That’s probably not even illegal today? Okay. Sure. After all, nothing really important going on right now, right? I can’t wait for 2011 when Lou tells us about the Ft Hood massacre…

  9. coolcatdaddy

    Can we, like, force all members of Congress to have random drug, vd and intelligence tests to be eligible to remain in office?

  10. JMP

    [re=455276]OReillysVibrator[/re]: At least the CNN guys were just giggling about the story; I expected some sort of “please think of the children!” moral panic. Maybe having three presidents in a row who have at least sort-of admitted to smoking up has dampened that down?

  11. Katydid

    To be fair to old Barney, my mom is a few years older than he is, and not only wouldn’t she recognize a pot plant, she wouldn’t recognize a joint if I lit one up in front of her.

    My brother used to come home from college beyond high, eyes bright red, and she’d happily cook him a 3-course meal at midnight, never suspecting a thing. Old Jews don’t usually know from pot.

  12. KilgoreTrout_XL

    Mom I already told you. I have no idea why a four-stage blue graffix w/a steal your face on the main chamber and a green rubber band around the hitter (screen out) is hidden under the basement stairs in a tupperware container with max creek stickers on it. LAY OFF I’M NOT OUTDOORSY, MOM.

    Shit. That might have worked.

  13. chascates

    Dobbs is a ’67 grad of Harvard (yet he rails against Ivy Leaguers) so he might recall the smell of pot wafting across Harvard Yard.

  14. Crank Tango

    [re=455280]Mustang[/re]: maybe that’s why he hates messicans! I bet he crossed the border once and thought all the kids were criticizing his teeth, when really they were trying to sell him gum…

  15. Mr Blifil

    [re=455300]chascates[/re]: He also did not serve in Vietnam, presumably because he had other priorities, like getting stoned.

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    Considering Dobbs is usually hammered on the Tee Vee, this should come at no surprise. Drunks HATE potheads.

  17. plowman

    That’s because Barney only smokes cocks… And dammit, Hurricane Ida has really messed up my pot patch!

  18. P Drizzle

    [re=455321]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: They’re just jealous cause there’s no such thing as “too stoned to f**k”

  19. Prommie

    [re=455256]SomeNYGuy[/re]: Ah, you have brought back something I had completely forgotten, the realm of teenage pothead projection, the belief among the young and stoned that secretly, everyone else was stoned, too, that Nixon was high, that Walter Cronkite was high when he was doing the news, that the founding fathers were major potheads, and planned the revolution while high, for the purpose of ensuring their freedom to plant and smoke hemp.

    Ah, what a time, what a joyful naive time, before the weight of the world shattered our dreams, oh, and yet, if you told me to come see, I would go, hoping it would be so.

  20. I-man

    Freaking potheads the lot of em. I know what a Marijuana plant looks and smells like and I have never nor will I ever smoke one, but these assholes in the news media with their years of experience all of a sudden become shrinking daisies when pot is brought up? To hell with them and their cutesy skirting of a harmless question. They are not politicians so stop acting like one, kudos to the asshole Dobbs for at least acknowledging that he knows what everyone else knows some of the time.

  21. Godot

    Y’know, there’s a site out there that puts out videos of people having sex fully clothed.

    It’s pretty fucking hot tbqh.

  22. Robophobia

    He might deny being an outdoorsman, but I’ll bet Barney, at some time, has said to his partner, “what is that smell coming thru the backdoor!”

  23. OReillysVibrator

    [re=455297]JMP[/re]: Isn’t giggling nearly as bad? You don’t need the details to know marijuana is wholly acceptable among sane people and legalization is a legitimate issue, possibly a serious necessity to discuss.

    I guess this is another example of the media being dumbass children, that shouldn’t be news or surprising enough to be disappointing at this point.

  24. Gumboz1953

    [re=455408]Barry White Zombie[/re]: Who is Jim Stafford again? Was he the “spiders & snakes” guy?

    Damn. It’s back in my head. Fuck. After 30 years, I had just gotten it out, too.

  25. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=455317]Mr Blifil[/re]: That, or didn’t go because he got “the sad”, in the worlds of the founder of The Great Orange Satan.

  26. Barry White Zombie

    [re=455573]Gumboz1953[/re]: Eh, I’ll admit I really only know the song because Les Claypool likes to cover it.

  27. Vermonster

    They’re giggling and laughing because everyone in TV news either smokes weed or knows about prominent colleagues who do. I have seen relatively famous on-air newspeople smoke weed. He got it from his producer. What else you going to do after reporting in Iraq for a month?

    BTW Dobbs is an asshole, but he didn’t duck. Also, how many people who have never seen a pot plant know what a pot leaf looks like? How about everyone with a TV. Still hard to pick out in the woods though, so I believe Barney. He’s not a bullshitter.

  28. Tundra Grifter

    “In 1914, newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst mounted a yellow-journalism crusade to demonize the entire genus of cannabis plants. Why? To sell newspapers, of course, but also because he was so heavily invested in woodpulp newsprint, and he wanted to shut down competition from paper made from hemp – a species of cannabis that is a distant cousin to marijuana but produces no high. Hearst simply lumped hemp and marijuana together as the devil’s own product, and he was not subtle about generating public fear of all things cannabis. As reported in the August [2009?] issue of Mother Jones magazine, Hearst’s papers ran articles about ‘reefer-crazed blacks raping white women and playing “voodoo satanic” jazz music.’” – Hightower Lowdown November 2009.

    - So on top of that Spanish American War thing this is also William Randolph Heart’s fault?

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