Wonkette
BIG NEWS: The President Barack Obama was so bored yesterday that he just cold started nominatin’ folks. If you look somewhat far down the Official White House List of Nominations here, you will see the greatest news in history: Peggy Noonan, a columnist famous to children, is now President of Ronald Reagan. This is True.
President Obama will also appoint the following individuals to serve on the Ronald Reagan Centennial Commission:
Peggy Noonan, Member, Ronald Reagan Centennial Commission
Peggy Noonan is a columnist for The Wall Street Journal and the bestselling author of eight books on American politics, history and culture. Her work has been featured in TIME, Newsweek and The Washington Post, among other publications. She provides frequent political commentary on television. Ms. Noonan previously served as a Special Assistant to President Ronald Regan from 1984 to 1986. In 1988, she was chief speechwriter on the Presidential campaign of George H.W. Bush. Ms. Noonan has written on the Reagan Presidency, authoring When Character Was King: A Story of Ronald Reagan, as well as publishing Patriotic Grace, John Paul the Great: Remembering a Spiritual Father, A Heart, a Cross and A Flag, and What I Saw at the Revolution.
Doth thine President moveth too fast?
President Obama Announces More Key Administration Posts, 11/9/09 [White House]
Maybe this’ll shut her up.
HA! The White House misspelled Ronnie’s last name!!!!
It’s all about keepin’ them off the streets, people.
Man she’s been sucking on that lollipop a long time.
V572625694: In her deepest secret soul she was hoping the President would throw used condoms on her lawn.
I haven’t heard any updates lately on her class at Harvard - that still working out for the fortunate students?
Peggy Noonan on the Ronaldus Rectum Magnus Committee? Break out the Vicodin and Tanqueray!
Is this the commission to decide whether or not we have to keep fucking hearing about Ronnie Raygun for ANOTHER hundred years?
She’s not going to have to shake hands with or otherwise tough any Negroes, is she? Because, I mean, really!
“High five, fraudbot!”
“Noonan couldn’t be reached for comment as she was in a state of perpetual orgasm from the good news.”
None of this will seem so funny when they erect Ronnie’s statue in the fucking Capitol Rotunda along side statues of Elvis, Sacagawea, Trig, and Lady Gaga. The Ronnie statue is actually a real thing that will really happen.
Barry should’ve called Peggster the new Reagan Czar, just to watch wingnut heads spin.
They forgot to mention her authoritative treatise titled “Cocktails You Can Make at Noon, in One Batch, That Last All Day.”
“President and Chief Executive Officer of POLITICO newspaper and Politico.com [Frederick J.] Ryan served as Chief of Staff to former President Reagan from 1989 to 1995″
Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t know that before but I am certainly not surprised. It’s like the ending of a M Night Shyamalan movie where the big twist ending is the obvious shit someone yelled out loud after the first 5 minutes.
There was a hurricane in her panties today, I tell you.
SomeNYGuy: That was supposed to be “touch,” not “tough.”
memzilla: Vicodin and Tanqueray!
Yum-yum! A Gin Fizzle!
Peggington’s house-boy, Raul, had to rouse her from her Ronnie Raygun sheeted four poster bed during her afternoon whiskey and Nembutal jag to let her know. At which she slurred some racist stuff at Raul, hurled her whiskey dram and passed out again. But, Noonington will be suitably stoked in the evening when she gets up for cocktails.
The starts alighneth at the bright news of the day! We must celebrate henceforth this raging insanity of is. We will muster the bread and mayo the salad. Oh sweet, sweet sense! What thine eyes have failed to see!
She doth spied it with her eye-piece and then fainted from the vapors.
Lush Limpballs has a jealous sad.
This is a direct insult to the boys of Pointe du Hoc, has Maobama no shame?
La Grande Dame just got a tiny, belated homage. No doubt she will be gracious, very gracious.
I’ve been nominated to the FEMA Camp Director of Operations and ACORN Liaison position.
Will she be in charge of the GhostReagan that follows Sarah Palin around? The really sad thing about GhostReagan is that he doesn’t know the difference between being undead and the last 2/3 of his term in office.
The Reagan corpse-humping commission should include the following good foreign recipients of his aid: Manuel Noriega, Saddam Hussein, Ferdinand Marcos, the Ayatolla Khomeni, Osama bin Laden, P.W. Botha; all owe a great debt to his legacy.
Some people (rottenart, Mr Blifil, Jim, probably) don’t think that Ronald Reagan was The Greatest Human Who Ever Lived…but I remember. I remember.
And Sean Hannity was named the official Ronald Reagan Centennial Commission Fluffer. For Life!
I liked him better when he dithered.
How’s that old saying go? Keep your friends close, and your upper-class twit columnists hopped up on goofballs and gin closer.
Ms. Noonan has written on the Reagan Presidency, authoring When Character Was King: A Story of Ronald Reagan
What the fuck does Ronald Reagan have to do with ‘character’? Jesus.
digibal235: She’s probably got a Reagan-shaped vibrator called “the gipper”.
rottenart: No, it’s the commission that’s in charge of figuring out some sort of voodoo ritual to bring his dead body to life.
Reagan/Bachmann in ‘12!
magic titty: He played a bunch of them?
chascates: On top of that, they’ve utterly failed to put the words “In Ronald Reagan We Trust” on U.S. coins.
JMP: “Is it twue how they say your President is…gifted? . . . Oh, it’s twue, it’s twue…”
shortsshortsshorts: Ha! I’ll bet she does eat a glob of mayo on her wedge of iceberg (hold the bacon bits!). Plenty of restaurants on the Upper East Side still sell that. But be advised she never gets a speck of it on her St. John suit — no matter how bad her hand is trembling.
Did you know that Peggy Noonan was a speech writer for Reagan?
SmutBoffin: Add Hillz to your list. And boy, some English wanker is PISSED!
Lascauxcaveman: Hello Carlo…
Is she the new Reagan Czar?
#46
shadowMark: She sooo wants to be the Lily Von Shtupp to his Sheriff Bart. Believe me I know!!!
magic titty: Well, there you go again. He was an actor, you know; he had at least one character.
When a Character Actor was King (fixed)
Please just tell her she is the new Pilot for the Air Force One parked at the Reagan Library.
V572625694: Man, wonkeratti-with-impossible-screen name, you got to everyone’s comment first. You win the day, v67469841218752
Aflac Shrugged: Had I scrolled all the way down I would have seen that someone beat me to my snarky Madeline Kahn reference. Oh well great minds think alike, or some such thing.
“Ms. Noonan has written on the Reagan Presidency, authoring ….. and What I Saw at the Revolution.”
And what revolution would that be you old bat? American? French?
A suitable memorial might be a gigantic bronze of a standing Reagan, staring heroically into the distance. Noonan, Romney, Palin and Hannity would be kneeling in the foreground, competitively bobbing for wang. Reagan would hold a lasso, the loop wrapped around the neck of an elephant, which is being pulled inexorably toward a giant pit. Gathered around would be a cheering throng of robed Klansmen, bible bearing televangelists with great hair, businessmen lighting cigars with $100 bills and tea-baggers with signs saying “Where’s the birth certificate?”.
Gopherit: Ida hit it!
DustBowlBlues: My friends call me V###. Thanks!
True story: V572625694 is really the password to my Victoria’s Secret account.
Member Noonan will read for the commission from her tome, What I Saw at the Revolution, about the “…many things that confused and appalled me: blackamoors turning the divinely ordained social order upside down; young people sniggering when I described the golden lights that flickered around President Ronald I wanted to bear his children, but the trashy B-actress cockblocked me Reagan’s leonine head; and Mexicans–those beautiful, dusky Mexicans, who scurried out of my reach, but had I civilized one of them, would have brought me my liquid nostrums on a silver platter, just as was once done, and I’m confident still ought to be done, because it is our traditions that make this country a shining beacon to the sun-burnished races. And, I’m not sure what the Mexicans have to do with President Reagan except that they must, because how, indeed, could these beautiful creatures not love what I so ardently adore.”
Hooray For Anything: And all of a sudden, just like that, his ghost is showing up at Palin speeches? She knew she’d get the call even BEFORE SHE GOT THE CALL!!! Lady Noonington hath been blessed with the second sight!
jetjaguar: Are you sure? I don’t think I’ve ever heard her mention that.
Riddle me this — if Hopey hates white people as much as Murdoch and Beck say he does, then why didn’t he appoint Maxine Waters, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Major Hasan to this Reagan Commission?
rottenart: Man, how dare Hillary commemorate a historic event and refuse to give credit to someone who had absolutely nothing to do with it!
Ms. Noonan has written on the Reagan Presidency, authoring “The Father I Never Had: How he Touched Me and How Often”, as well as publishing “I Once Saw a Dirty Little Mexican on Park Avenue” and “A Mixologist’s Guide to the Physician’s Desk Reference”.
Has Reagan really been dead for 100 years? Time sure flies! Perhaps it’s finally time to consider renaming our valiant nation the United Republic of Ronald Reagan!
JMP: Not to mention what he did for the image of Alzheimer’s victims nationally, by proving you could be completely done in by the disease and still be president. That’s the thing I can’t believe about the dickwads who worship that sad sack of winger poo. He’s out of office for a couple of weeks, gets 1 million for a speech in Japan, his last public appearance because as soon as the check clears, they announce his dementia is so advanced he can’t ever appear again anywhere.
Only wingnuts could buy a lie of this magnitude. The only case of Alz in the history that wasn’t progressive. Just hit the old guy like a case of the flu that he never recovered from.
POTUS worship gone wild. Celebrate his election not his birth. How about a film festival on TNN, after each film and a commercial George Will and Lady Noonan can back fill with some banter until the next commercial and the next film starts.
They will commission a statue of Reaganus Magnum, standing triumphantly with one foot on the dead Soviet bear, and a dirty hippie in a headlock.
Wait till she finds out the “Centennial” occurs 100 years after Reagan died, not 100 years after his birth.
DustBowlBlues: Hell, watch old Saturday Night Lives and it’s obvious that Phil Hartmann, at least, realized the man had Alzheimer’s well before he left office. Because of his dementia, he’s probably the only person to give “I don’t recall” testimony and actually be believable.
V572625694: I was guessing social security number. VS will do. Mind sharing your user name?
Huh?, I thought Peggy Noonan had been entombed with Reagan.
rottenart: Gud lawd! That chap is CRANKY!
“Hillary Clinton would do well to learn from Margaret Thatcher…who understands that evil must be confronted and defeated, and a true leader who believes in the greatness of America as a force for good on the world stage.”
LOOK OUT ENGLUND PEEPUL THE WINGNUT IS CATCHING!
comicbookguy: …and cold smokin’ a Chesterfield.
Terrific. This should pave the way for a giant statue of St. Ronald that’s akin to Volgograd”s “The Motherland Calls”.
rottenart: I think it works kind of like the Death Eater’s Dark Mark. Right now he’s trying to come back to life and everytime he rolls in his grave, the mark goes off on their arms. Then, when Wormtail Noonington uses this commission to bring him back to life, she’ll light the Dark Mark in the sky so all the other Reageanites will know the Dark Lord is back and gather to beat back the evil half-blood Kenyan.
rottenart: I’m pissed, too, that she didn’t mention Reagan’s contribution. No, not that the speech he read that the dickwads credit with cold causing the Wall to fall in. They never mention his real contribution, turning the US into a debtor nation in an insatiable arms race that spent the Russians into ruin. By the time Gobachev (sp?) was he control, he took one look at the accounts payable ledger and said, “Fuck. It’s over.”
Yeah–the Democrats never mention that, do they? (And why not, Idiots?). Come to think of it, neither do the morans on the right.
JMP: But the mentioned the fucking Pope, so isn’t that enough for the wingers?
Hooray For Anything: Would that mean Dick Armey is Lucius Malfoy? And Freadomworks is a cover for Death Eaters?
DustBowlBlues: Taking credit for defeating an adversary by engaging it in a nuclear arms race as a superior strategic choice always struck me as a peculiar vanity as there would be no possiblity of discussing its merit were it to fail. If the Soviets, say, had responded rationally to the introduction of short range missiles in Germany—that potentially allowed a clean, decapitating first strike by the U.S.—then this discussion would have to be taking place in an alternate universe.
DustBowlBlues: Phil Hartmann’s death gave me Lulzheimer’s.
Any fans of the liberal elitist television program Mad Men here? If so, I figured it out a few weeks ago. Betty Draper IS Our Lady Pegginton come to life on the small screen. Think about it.
DustBowlBlues: Nah; while the old asshole was with them in hating the Reds, the wommens and the gayz, he had some sympathy for the poors and offered lukewarm opposition to wars of aggression, so not conservative enough. Now, Pope Palpatine is pure wignut and satifies them immensely.
Jukesgrrl: If the lettuce is really crisp and cold, and the glob is real blue cheese dressing, this can be OK.
red sky: Don’t know about Armey or Freedomworks but I’m pretty sure Sarah Palin is Bellatrix Lestrange
DustBowlBlues: Ha ha ha. It’s Mitt_Romney. Or maybe Pat_Robertson. Or was it Skoal_rebel. Yeah, that was it!
Hooray For Anything: No no, that would imply that Sarah has brains and cunning (”I quit” is the new Avada Kedavra? I think NOT). To me, Sarah is more along the lines of Bernie Bott’s vomit flavored jelly beans. You think you’re getting an innocuous, short-lived unpleasantness when in reality, the vomit taste just lingers long after you’ve spit it out.
Did she ever write a book about how to bask in the glory of dead white crypto-fascists for fun and profit? Cause I’d totally read that.
How very boorish of him. Will this make her not lean toward him but lean away from him, no matter what the merits of the commission.
As Noonington would say, FAPPE, FAPPE, FAPPE.
How dare Hilary go to Europe and flatter the Europeans with praise and NOT make it all about America! Communist tramp!
How I would love to read the thank-you note Pegs is no doubt composing to Barry: Dear President Obama, pardon the gin stains on the envelope…
Hooray For Anything: I think this is a pretty sound theory. Disrobe thy self, Noonington of Upper East Sidetia!!! Wait… no, on second thought, don’t.
DustBowlBlues: Ab-so-tootly. Although you have to admit: winning the Cold War based on an ever increasing and totally unsustainable line of credit is as American as apple pie. Maybe we should just look into carving a Visa Platinum card on Mt. Rushmore.
Maybe this will give her something else to do and she will STFU.
Heheh.
Had you there for a second, didn’t I?
magic titty: Well, to be fair, Reagan did *play* a human once, in that ‘Bedtime for Bonzo’ moving picture. That counts as a character, doesn’t it?
Nice that Dame Peggy got a title but how about this one, a bit further up in the White House announcement:
Eileen Chamberlain Donahoe, Representative of the United States Representative to the United Nations Human Rights Council, with rank of Ambassador
Representative to the Representative–Ms. Donahoe really broke through the glass ceiling with that appointment.
Hooray For Anything: “No, it’s the commission that’s in charge of figuring out some sort of voodoo ritual to bring his dead body to life.
Indeed. Surely, this is the founding of an Americanesque Thule Society to resurrect, bodily, Saint Ronnie so that he can once again take over the world.
Does this mean she’s now the Gipper Czar? Because that sounds like an abuse of NOBAMA’S constitutional powers. We don’t know what she does, we didn’t elect her…