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Saddest Huckabee Headline Ever

Yes Mike, we know, that’s fine. [Ben Smith]


12:30 PM on Mon November 9 2009
By Jim Newell
1976 Views

  1. MLHencken says at 12:32 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “C’mon guys. For reals I am so serious.”

  2. proudgrampa says at 12:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Deja vu. All over again. And again.

  3. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    In a related story, Politico claims to be serious, too.

  4. Aflac Shrugged says at 12:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Don’t worry, Mike. Soon the Republican Party will realize the all-you-can-eat buffet of ideas they’ve got in you.

  5. nbawriter says at 12:35 pm, November 9th, 2009

    -ly obese”

  6. I’m so serious I even have the endorsement of CHUCK FREAKIN NORRIS XD Now listen to this sweet song I wrote about how even Jesus struggled to resist the temptation of fast food

  7. Humpback says at 12:36 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Well, it’s about time! Enough fooling around, I say.

  8. comicbookguy says at 12:36 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I’m super cereal guys! And no one believes even when I say I’m super cereal!

  9. Sussemilch says at 12:37 pm, November 9th, 2009

    What, no more fat jokes?

  10. Jim Demintia says at 12:37 pm, November 9th, 2009

    That is the tragedy of bearing a striking resemblance to Gomer Pyle.

  11. Wait, I thought he was a character on a cereal box. You know some sort of talking honey bee.

  12. HomoPolitico says at 12:39 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Mike Huckabee is serious business.

  13. shadowMark says at 12:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Where does Huckabee stand on the Coin Conspiracy?

  14. memzilla says at 12:41 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Huckabee “…began polishing [his showbiz side] as a teenage disc jockey in Hope, Ark.”

    No f***ing way is this country gonna elect two presidents who came from this Ozark Podunk.

    And you know who else polished his showbiz side… ?

  15. Country Club Jihadi says at 12:42 pm, November 9th, 2009

    SRSLY U GUYS.

  16. Serolf Divad says at 12:45 pm, November 9th, 2009

    No, dude I’m like… totally serious this time.

  17. hockeymom says at 12:46 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Then how does he explain those striped shirts in the family Christmas card?

  18. PsycGirl says at 12:48 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Somehow that line puts me in mind of those kid magazines like “Tiger Beat” where one member of every band is the serious one

  19. Cape Clod says at 12:49 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I’m serious so take me seriously, goddamnit. Now let me take goofy picture with my fat family wearing ridiculous matching clothing.

  20. you cannot be serious says at 12:49 pm, November 9th, 2009

    I’m serious about happy hour at KFC. Seriously.

  21. Country Club Jihadi says at 12:49 pm, November 9th, 2009

    hockeymom: As Seriously Hideous.

  22. octupletsmom says at 12:51 pm, November 9th, 2009

    No more striped shirts for me EVAR.

  23. Fox n Fiends says at 12:52 pm, November 9th, 2009

    my fave “Mike Moment” was during his RNC speech when he claimed that Obama’s European PR Tour meant that he would bring those “European Values” back to America with him. You know, like 8 weeks vacation, affordable health care, drinking wine during lunch, etc…

  24. octupletsmom says at 12:54 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Isn’t the dude in a banjo band?

  25. germansteel says at 12:54 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Well. So long as he says “very,” I guess we have to take him at his word.

  26. chascates says at 12:56 pm, November 9th, 2009

    From his web site:

    Please Join
    Governor Mike and Janet Huckabee
    Drs. Tim and Beverly LaHaye
    Pat and Shirley Boone
    Mat and Anita Staver
    Congressman Bob and Liz McEwen
    on a TOUR of the HOLY LAND

    Here are some Special Events that you will enjoy:

    International Town Hall Meeting with Gov. Huckabee and numerous Israeli Officials at the Southern Steps
    Guided Tours of the most historic places in the Middle East
    Service at the Garden Tomb
    Service with Gov. Huckabee on the Sea of Galilee
    Dinner with Gov. Huckabee
    Mat Staver of Liberty Counsel and Former Congressman Bob McEwen

    $3999.00 Double Occupancy; $3999.00 + $800 Single Occupancy

  27. Okay, Mike.

  28. Long Form Def Certificate says at 1:00 pm, November 9th, 2009

    memzilla: You know who else polished his showbiz side?

    Rock Hudson?

  29. Nothing spells gravitas quite like whining and stomping your feet about it.

  30. Aww, cmon Mike. Why so serious?

  31. bitchincamaro says at 1:04 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Serious as in “ready to grovel and whore for whoever, whatever is willing to finance my guaranteed to fail attempt at becoming the Washington insider I so clearly crave to be”?

  32. vladster says at 1:04 pm, November 9th, 2009

    ph7: The walk leads to…a tomatoe eating contest!

    He is in rapture.

  33. x111e7thst says at 1:05 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Serious the way a genital discharge which is accompanied by itching and burning sensations is serious?

  34. tiny mexican says at 1:09 pm, November 9th, 2009

    You know what he hasn’t done for a while? Gratuitously insult Mittens. I’m just sayin’!

  35. the problem child says at 1:09 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “Huckabee reads everything written about him and asks his daughter to explain attacks on the obscurest blogs.”

    Everyone be nice, Huckabee’s daughter is going to have to wade through all our obscure shit, trying to explain it to him.

  36. Extemporanus says at 1:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    But he’s not “dour”.

    Also from the article: ““I’m glad she’s getting the props — I know I’m not nearly as attractive,” he said with a guileless grin.”

    Huhk’s recipe for deepfried guile on a stick is absolutely delicious.

  37. Extemporanus says at 1:16 pm, November 9th, 2009

    comicbookguy: Why so cereal?

  38. trondant says at 1:17 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Guys, don’t make Mike take off his belt and come after us - he might get a heart attack chasing us around.

  39. user-of-owls says at 1:19 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Extemporanus: But he’s not “dour”.

    So his slogan’s gonna be, “Vote Huckabee! The Anti-Gordon Brown!”

    Or maybe given his proclivities, it would be more Alton, than Gordon.

  40. President Beeblebrox says at 1:19 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Oh, if someone could only make a Y SO SRS image macro for the world’s best political family photo, EVAR…

  41. trondant says at 1:21 pm, November 9th, 2009

    x111e7thst: If your candidacy lasts for more than three days, please see your doctor.

  42. user-of-owls says at 1:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    the problem child: Well, there we go. Henceforth, the rotund one shall be known as, Serial auto-googler Mike Huckabee.

  43. Come here a minute says at 1:26 pm, November 9th, 2009

    the problem child: What the Huck?

    [annotation: The 'joke' here, such as it is, is that Huck rhymes with Fuck. You're welcome Mike.]

  44. SayItWithWookies says at 1:27 pm, November 9th, 2009

    As serious as a talk-show host who plays bass in a band that does absolutely the whitest version of “Take Me to the River” could be.

  45. the problem child says at 1:28 pm, November 9th, 2009
  46. El Pinche says at 1:31 pm, November 9th, 2009

    trondant: I doubt Huckabee wears belts. Belt sizes only go to size 50.

  47. lawrenceofthedesert says at 1:34 pm, November 9th, 2009

    But seriously, Mike, how about those Republicans? Their political philosophy is so old, we call it Palintology! I love this crowd! Hey, there’s O’Reilly, he’s a serious journalist! (and I’ve got a Brooklyn Bridge I’d like ta sellya…) And how about Larry Craig — he was serious, but wouldn’t admit it! You’re killin’ me!! But seriously, Mike…

  48. El Pinche says at 1:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    the problem child: *wipes tears* I’ll never forget the commenter who said those elbow pads were blueberry pie stains. Hahaha…oh, the mammaries (or man-maries).

  49. The sad thing is, he’s no less serious than any of the other likely 2012 Republicans.

    chascates: Tim LaHaye? Ugh; what does it say about the GOP when their potential leaders are pallin’ around with nutjobs. Israelis, remember the guy only supports you because he thinks you have an important part to play in bringing about the end of the world, when you’ll all die horribly; he ain’t your friend.

  50. user-of-owls says at 1:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    El Pinche: I doubt Huckabee wears belts.

    He does too. He even has a favorite brand: Conveyor.

  51. thesheriffisnear says at 1:44 pm, November 9th, 2009

    It won’t work. Its like Hee Haw trying to be serious.

  52. Srsly, u guys!

    U guys, srsly.

  53. forgracie says at 1:46 pm, November 9th, 2009

    vladster: Mr. Quayle?

  54. phineas_bounderby says at 2:02 pm, November 9th, 2009

    My favorite Mike Huckabee quote is “Congratulations Canada on preserving your National Igloo”. Of course watching “Talking to Americans” invariably caused me to be proud to be from the States.

  55. Mr Blifil says at 2:03 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Fuck-a-bee/Christie 2012!

  56. Suds McKenzie says at 2:03 pm, November 9th, 2009

    He’s to big to fail.

  57. Suds McKenzie says at 2:04 pm, November 9th, 2009

    “too” big, … sorry, I’m sober.

  58. user-of-owls says at 2:07 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Suds McKenzie: I lived through his Reign of Terror here in Ozarkistan. You’ve got it backwards: “His fail is too big.”

  59. hobospacejunkie says at 2:08 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Huckabee is talking seriously, of course, about Manbearpig: half man, half bear & half pig.

  60. the problem child says at 2:11 pm, November 9th, 2009

    phineas_bounderby: Yeah, Canada went for some long-hanging fruit with that show. On the other hand, you all weren’t doing anything with it.

  61. Snarkalicious says at 2:13 pm, November 9th, 2009

    memzilla: John Voight?

  62. why isn’t their family doggie wearing boy stripes or girly red?

  63. Jim89048 says at 2:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Hey, I’m serious too! I guess it doesn’t mean as much, not being a fat bastard piece of shit fuck.

  64. Suds McKenzie says at 2:23 pm, November 9th, 2009

    user-of-owls: How about “Too big to fall”? Like a Weeble.

  65. Gumboz1953 says at 2:25 pm, November 9th, 2009

    PsycGirl: Mike Nesmith.

    . . . Okay, maybe a bit too ancient for this crowd.

  66. Snarkalicious says at 2:33 pm, November 9th, 2009

    El Pinche: You laguh now, but when you have 300+ pounds of angry evangelist bearing down on you, nekkid, and snapping a wet, rolled mumu at you like a towel, you’ll wish they came a few inches longer.

  67. PsycGirl says at 2:33 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Gumboz1953: The Monkee fans might protest comparing him to Mike Huckabee. Maybe the guitarist for Hanson or any member of Air Supply?

  68. Snarkalicious says at 2:40 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Snarkalicious: How, precisely does one ‘laguh’? Fuckwit.

  69. snideinplainsight says at 2:43 pm, November 9th, 2009

    LEAVE AIR SUPPLY ALONE!

  70. SayItWithWookies says at 2:44 pm, November 9th, 2009

    inedalo: The Huckabees don’t anthropmorphize their pets — it just makes it harder to cook and eat them. They had to use a really heavy Stroganoff sauce just to get their last cocker spaniel down.

  71. user-of-owls says at 3:02 pm, November 9th, 2009

    PsycGirl: Gumboz1953: That was exactly what I thought when I read the original comment. He of the idiotic green snow cap.

  72. user-of-owls says at 3:03 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Suds McKenzie: Hah! He certainly wobbles.

  73. Gumboz1953 says at 3:07 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Snarkalicious: Thanks a lot. I’ll have nightmares for a week with THAT visual.

  74. Gumboz1953 says at 3:13 pm, November 9th, 2009

    user-of-owls: Except that Mike Nesmith had talent — probably still does — and didn’t weigh 572 pounds. Even on earth.

    Okay, I know I brought him up, but let’s leave the Monkees alone now, or my 13-year-old self will come here from 1966 and beat us all over the head with a black South Central Bell rotary phone. I don’t want that to happen.

  75. user-of-owls says at 3:20 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Gumboz1953: So, I assume the Partridge Family is out of bounds, unless I want to get cuffed by a rotary.

  76. Gumboz1953 says at 3:22 pm, November 9th, 2009

    user-of-owls: Hell, no. I hated those fuckers.

  77. Gumboz1953 says at 3:32 pm, November 9th, 2009

    user-of-owls: Or this brand: the Outer Loop.

  78. PsycGirl says at 3:32 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Gumboz1953: What are your feelings on the Brady Bunch?

  79. user-of-owls says at 3:33 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Gumboz1953: You lie!

  80. Gumboz1953 says at 3:37 pm, November 9th, 2009

    PsycGirl: Was that the gun control group?

  81. You Anti-Gun Weenies can say what you like.

    But you will never convince me that, if the Fat, Dog-Hanging Huckabee son came up to you the proverbial dark alley, you wouldn’t want to be packin’ Serious HEAT.

    Just sayin’.

  82. CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us says at 4:27 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Very serious Huckabee is very serious.

  83. PsycGirl says at 4:29 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Neilist: I’d just want to be packing a cheesesteak. I could drop it on a surface and walk away untouched.

  84. PsycGirl: Maybe he meant packin’ serious Hot Pocket

  85. finallyhappy says at 4:41 pm, November 9th, 2009

    Gumboz1953: I finally met Peter Tork about 5 years ago. I was speechless but finally got his autograph- no chance of that in 1966. I was in NYC last month and Davy Jones was playing at some restaurant/club near Times Square. Mickey Dolenz was in Aida on Broadway sometime in the past 5-6 years. I think Mike is the only one who doesn’t perform anymore. I think this is all more important and serious than Huck

  86. LowerdPeninsula says at 11:02 pm, November 9th, 2009

    The Democrats are as spineless as ever, but watching this clusterfuck that is the Republican Party is just downright depressing. I’m actually one of those folks that think we need a healthy opposition, but the GOP is so far from ever being called “healthy” it’s not even funny.

  87. Barrelhse says at 11:48 pm, November 9th, 2009

    President Beeblebrox: “Lady, I’m TALKING to the DOG!”

  88. artpepper says at 12:57 am, November 10th, 2009

    Huckabee: “Don’t make me stop this car!”

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