douchebags

Sarah Palin: Which Black President Destroyed Our Jesus Coins?

No one was allowed to record or write anything about Sarah Palin’s big speech Friday night, but guess what, that didn’t matter. Politico‘s Jonathan Martin “snuck in” and reported blood and heads rolling, everywhere, an actual depiction of Hell. At some point, Sarah Palin started complaining about some mysterious Negro force that might be ruining that form of American currency, the coin.

In addition to the suggestion that government officials would consider hastening the death of the infirm or handicapped, she began her remarks with a puzzling commentary on the design of newly minted dollar coins.

Noting that there had been a lot of “change” of late, Palin recalled a recent conversation with a friend about how the phrase “In God We Trust” had been moved to the edge of the new coins.

“Who calls a shot like that?” she demanded. “Who makes a decision like that?”

She added: “It’s a disturbing trend.”

Apparently George W. Bush called the shot like that, in 2005. We blame Africa anyway!

Palin sees conspiracy in new dollar coins [RawStory]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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115 comments

  1. germansteel

    What about this, Sarah? In my basketball playing days, it was the point guard who “called the shots.” What about that? HENGGGHH? HENGGGH? HENGGGH?

  2. Spike

    Also, bitching from the right wing has already moved the phrase back to the face of the coin. So now, in addition to being religiously offensive, its also aesthetically offensive.

  3. Formerly Preferred

    [re=453816]NoWireHangers[/re]: Sarah Palin is the one person who could find the corner of a round coin.

  4. TGY

    Leave it to the moose woman to find the paranoid handle on the issues of the day. She firmly grasps the wing of the nut, as it were.

  5. JMP

    Never mind the coin conspiracy theory, it looks like the snowbilly has been trying to learn how the kids are talking today by taking lessons from Bill & Ted and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

    “Palin had remarks prepared but frequently wandered off-script to make a point, offering audience members a casual “awesome” or “bogus” in discussing otherwise weighty topics,”

    Totally rad speech there, dudette!

  6. nbawriter

    I thought moving the phrase was just to honor Jeebus for sunrises, since they come from the edge of the planet, which is flat.

  7. chascates

    Sens. Sam Brownback (R-KS) and Robert Byrd (D-WV) sponsored legislation to move the motto back to the front face of the coins.

    “It is important that our national motto, ‘In God We Trust,’ is prominently displayed on all of our currency,” Brownback said. “We should not relegate our heritage to the side.”

    Slavery had a longer run in America than putting ‘In God We Trust’ on coins so that should be on there as well.

  8. finallyhappy

    Is the best you have, Wonkette? How is it news that Palin is a moran? How about something on Mark Sanford or the new hero of the Democratic party, Congressman Cao? I would accept an update on Bo who is a much smarter being than most Republicans and some Democrats that I actually gave money to in the last election.

  9. bitchincamaro

    Our national motto is “In God We Trust”? What happened to “Big Sale on TruckNutz”? Who’s in charge here?

  10. Tundra Grifter

    ‘Politico says they bought three tickets to Palin’s Wisconsin speech and then penned a write-up. Their review was somewhat grim, taking aim at Palin’s frequent use of the words ‘bogus’ and ‘awesome’…”

    I’m astonished they couldn’t work in “ludicrous.”

    The supplied link is to RawStory who got it from ThinkProgress who got it from Politico? Is this the new daisy chain of news?

  11. WIDTAP

    [re=453831]bitchincamaro[/re]: We couldn’t find one guy to blame for the motto. Turns out there were many. Who knew?

  12. JMP

    [re=453827]chascates[/re]: Sad that these throwback Senators, in their lofty position, don’t even know what our country’s national motto is. Hint: it’s on the other side of the coins, and in a foreign language (so no wonder Brownback hates it).

  13. mephistopheles jefferson

    Why the fuck do we have ‘In God We Trust’ on our money? Can anyone explain what the fuck that is supposed to mean? Perhaps it’s a justification of fiat currency?

  14. snideinplainsight

    Please, everybody, just read the internets. Our national motto is officially “E Pluribus Unum” which translates to “Seize the bus”. More loosely it can be interpeted as “Mission Accomplished”

  15. Aurelio

    For those who, like myself, were ignorant of this important relocation of our national motto and tribute to theism, it happened on the new George Washingmachine dollar coins. You can see sinister examples of them here.

  16. Gorillionaire

    [re=453829]finallyhappy[/re]: Nice wood paneling you have there in your mom’s basement, finallyhappy.

  17. mephistopheles jefferson

    [re=453846]O_o[/re]: Or the kind of night that leaves you with a sore ass and a pocket full of nickles.

  18. PsycGirl

    I particularly liked “It is so bogus that society is sending a message right now and has been for probably the last 40 years that a woman isn’t strong enough or smart enough to be able to pursue an education, a career and her rights and still let her baby live.”

    Seriously, WTF?

  19. JMP

    [re=453841]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: It means that, since we know god’s on our side here, America can just go blundering its way into wars without proper planning, or considering if there’s any reason for the war, and be guaranteed to win it.

  20. user-of-owls

    [re=453822]JMP[/re]: At this rate, by 2015 she’ll be pulling her shirt up over the back of her head and shouting “Cornholio!”

  21. PerhapsSo

    [re=453828]Terry[/re]: But she reads all the coins! All of them, every morning! Even if she can’t name any of them.

  22. CycloneArmageddon

    [re=453866]PsycGirl[/re]: If I ever saw a woman who made me think that message was right, it’s Sarah Palin.

  23. you cannot be serious

    [re=453840]JMP[/re]: And why that numbnuts Akin left out the word indivisible from the Pledge of Allegiance. Unum.

  24. the problem child

    Calling Susan B. Anthony a “foremother” is a bit of a stretch, considering that she was not a breeder.

  25. chascates

    [re=453862]snideinplainsight[/re]: Looks like Socialism to me. And I don’t see our Creator on that ‘funny money.’

  26. malo-ji

    [re=453889]Scarab[/re]:

    “Are you trying to seduce me Mrs Palin?”, asked Levi Johnston.

    <img src=”http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/06/16/fondue_graduate_wideweb__430x396.jpg” width=”430″ height=”396″

  27. DoctorCulturae

    So much easy comedy. Me brain hurt. Srsly, printing “in God We Trust” on our idol of true worship is one big irony. Brain hurt again.

  28. shadowMark

    Go, Sarah, go. Coins today. Black helicopters tomorrow. And, Sarah, don’t forget, those naughty Jews are fucking with everything!

  29. Next Great Pwndit

    “Who calls a shot like that?”

    Shot caller: The person responsible for calling out the final cum shot on a porn shoot. (Urban Dictionary)

  30. comicbookguy

    And Lo, Jesus told the multitudes, “Render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar’s, but make sure you give me props on that coin. If you don’t, you’re a godless communist who pals around with terrorists taking away our freedoms and guns!”

  31. S.Luggo

    Thanks to that Marxist Hispanic Dutchie, Franklin Delanez Roosevelt (hmmm, or should that actually be ‘Rosenfeld?’), “Since 1938, all coins have borne the motto [In God We Trust].” [Wiki]

    Anyway, I’d prefer, “Jimmy Crack Corn And I Don’t Care.”

  32. Extemporanus

    [re=453816]NoWireHangers[/re]: Johnny Castle’s ghost digs the way you move.

    [re=453874]user-of-owls[/re]: “Coinholio”?

  33. Dashboard_Buddha

    Dear Lord, who moveth the heavens and Earth…if it doth please thee, please let Sarah get the Repuglican nomination come 2012. Amen”

  34. Gorillionaire

    This is the same “Sarah Palin” that maintained a teenager fuck room for her daughter in the house they lived in, no?

  35. TeddyS

    And BEHOLD, the Sarah, daughter of Esau who was begat by Linus who was begat by Arnold Perlstein, is one crazy and stupid bee-otch. Did she quit halfway through the speech?

  36. Long Form Def Certificate

    There is no truth to the rumor that Palin threw Trig down the Giant Slide while screaming, “Make this end!”

    /state fair grounded

  37. the problem child

    [re=453951]Bowdoin[/re]: Well, maybe. There are two continuous corners along the edge, because otherwise coins would not be three dimensional. But, I’m not quite sure how to describe it in mathematical terms.

  38. Bowdoin

    [re=453841]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: Phonetic for “In God We’d Rust,” like the Mohamedans after the 11th Century and Spain and Portugal after the 14th and the Catholics after the Inquisiton – whenever that ends.

  39. coolcatdaddy

    [re=453957]Gopherit[/re]: If Obama had anything with changing the mottoz on the coinz they would readz “In Hopes we Trusts!”

  40. What Fresh Hell is This?

    We all have free choice to be either awesome or bogus — two sides (and an edge) of the same coin.

  41. J. Robert Oppenheiner

    Sarah reads any wingnut email given to her, all of them. Also, since the God-less coins came out in 2007, shouldn’t the blame be placed on .. oh, hell, facts disrupt the narrative.

  42. comicbookguy

    Obviously this means every Republican who held office in 2007 is far too liberal. Sarah Palin and redstate need to endorse an out of district “conservative” Glenn Beck fan to oppose each and every one in 2010. With rock salt. Also.

  43. NYNYNY

    [re=453866]PsycGirl[/re]: yeah the last 40 years have really been a low point for women’s rights in America. Also, someone should invent the dirigible. Then write Jesus Reloveution on it.

  44. thefrontpage

    All of our coins should have neon-colored skull heads, with snakes slitering through the skull eyes, surrouend by bright red roses, with the words, “In the Dead We Trust” on the front, and “Keep On Truckin’” on the back, with that funny R. Crumb person walking, with the one foot out front–all in crazy weird flowing psychedelic colors!!

    That’s what should be on our coins–and our paper bills.

  45. thefrontpage

    “Going rogue” is British slang for unprotected anal sex, don’t forget!

    Someone needs to tell this to Palin’s publishing company, and soon!

  46. Darkness

    [re=453838]PrairiePossum[/re]: I.e. Ditto.

    [re=453825]wallythepug[/re]: May the CoinNutz bless you with its shiny golden appendages…

  47. President Beeblebrox

    I’ve never seen one of those Commie Nazi godless Preznit coins. At least the Post Office used to hand out the radical lesbian Feminiazi Susan B. Anthony and Sacajawea dollar coins, even though the latter looked and felt like play money, especially after the copper plating rubbed off.

    [re=453866]PsycGirl[/re]: That sentence makes me think that the world of “Idiocracy” has arrived 500 years early.

  48. gurukalehuru

    [re=453992]jimmynail[/re]: That’s not a penis – that’s Scandinavia. (thank you for giving me the opportunity to write that line.)

  49. depraved indifference engine

    [re=453964]the problem child[/re]: Right circular cylinder (albeit a short one). If coins were shaped more like Junior Mints, we could do away with the corners completely.

  50. JMP

    [re=453992]jimmynail[/re]: Aw, Europe’s penis is much bigger than America’s (Florida). Now I has a sad.

  51. SayItWithWookies

    I like having the “In Fake Deity We Trust” thing on the side of the coin. First of all, you can barely see it, and second of all, the angle grinder doesn’t scrape any of the other features off when I’m removing it.

  52. thesheriffisnear

    “It is so bogus that society is sending a message right now and has been for probably the last 40 years that a woman isn’t strong enough or smart enough to be able to pursue an education, a career and her rights and still let her baby live…”

    Sarah Palin 2009

    “What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place ’cause it was bogus; so if we don’t get some cool rules ourselves – pronto – we’ll just be bogus too! Get it…”

    Jeff Spicoli 1982

    I think that, if you take the time to review the entire texts you might be sitting on top of a plagiarism scandal, or some such thing.

  53. Violenza

    [re=453841]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: Somebody left out the L? Ron Paul would concur. Or maybe he wouldn’t, isn’t he some more vague form of Jesus Goblin? Still I think gold wins.

    Also, Sam Brownback is such a huge piece of shit, but sponsoring that bill is really the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. As a former KS resident, I just wrote him a letter about what a dickbag and fake Christian he is.

  54. inedalo

    the reason US coins need the phrase IN GOD WE TRUST printed on them is because since we went off the gold standard some years back, our currency is only as good as the support it gets from the Deity. they ain’t no more gold behind it, backing its the true value.

  55. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=453866]PsycGirl[/re]: It is well known that infanticide is one of those essential stepping stones for women in corporate America.

  56. Snarkalicious

    [re=453827]chascates[/re]: I would say this amounts to a very tough compromise for Brownback. What he wanted the inscription to say, orgianlly, was “Whites Only”.

  57. Larry McAwful

    This is only the first step. We’ve moved “In God we trust” to the edge, for now. Next we move it to the interior of the coin, stamped between layers of metal, where no one will ever see it, just like God himself.

  58. NotthatLC

    I’m trying to figure out how she decided to even put that into her speech. Did one of her handlers mention it to her for whatever reason, and she was all, “Hey, what IS up with that?” And instead of being a good and professional politician and double-checking, she just went full Sarah with it. If

    Another reason to hate her – now she’s making me feel sorry for her dumb ass.

  59. Starrigavan

    Poor Sarah, she gets her mottos all confused! Our license plates up here used to say, “The Last Frontier” until Sarah got all confused and thought Star Trek was a teevee show about a beautiful Alaska lady who likes to hunt and fish. Then she got all worked up over teabagging, both before and after finding out about the whole, “testicles in the mouth” bit.

    But who is going to tell her that “Going Rogue” is the lady’s equivalent of “Going Commando?”

  60. Gumboz1953

    [re=454166]Starrigavan[/re]: Maybe that’s how she means it. Maybe the joke’s on us for thinking she IS wearing underwear.

  61. Dangerous

    Just like the current economic environment, anything that happens now it Obama’s fault (never his triumph), just like anything that happened on Bush’s watch is his to own …

    Except, of course: 9/11, torture, gigantic deficits and debt growth, Wall Street malfeasance, Dick Cheney, shrinking economy, Hurricane Katrina, global warming, and so on.

    Facts and cause/effect mean nothing to these people. Spin is everything, and winning elections — which is automatically a mandate for their policies — is their only goal.

  62. QueenOfTheDamned

    [re=454160]NotthatLC[/re]: No, no, I’m sure it was carefully planned as part of the speech. Furthermore, I’m sure it’s been the subject of several sermons across the nation. You may recognize it for the total nonsense it is, but the Base lives for that kind of trivial crap. These are the “important issues” that they use for deciding how to vote.

    Remember, these are the people who decided governor’s races in two states based on outrage at changing the state flags. In Georgia, they bought lock, stock, and barrel the fantasy that Sonny Perdue was going to “let them vote”. Well, they’ve been waiting eight years. He’s no mental giant, but he’s not dumb enough to preside over bringing back the stars and bars, and make the whole state look like a backwoods, Klan hole. Arguably, it may be one, but he’s not going to make it look that way.

    So this is just good politicking(sp?)on somebody’s part. Never misunderestimate the depths of their gullibility. I know; I walk among them.

  63. Bearbloke

    [re=454006]thefrontpage[/re]: I’d rather they didn’t, but instead sent Bible-Spice on a big book tour all over the “British”-speaking world… and make sure she’s always wearing a fanny-pack in public…

  64. WesternCorrespondent

    [re=454040]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Palin’s already been caught plagiarizing Newt Gingrich and Ronald Reagan — two of her speeches echoed two of theirs — but do you think the “evil librul media” (which we libruls know isn’t librul at all, it’s run by neocon megacorporate capitalists) paid any attention at all to that? Or to the hundred or so other illegal, immoral or unethical things Sarah Palin has been found to have done during her political career?

  65. QueenOfTheDamned

    [re=454240]Bearbloke[/re]: Not entirely, but Early does remind me of the former mayor of a town I used to visit. Except he wore overalls. To all the events at which he presided.

  66. CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    Well thank God Baby Jebus The Black Preznit hasn’t touched our whore diamonds yet!!!!1

  67. CapnFatback

    “Before Sarah goes on, pit your hands together for one excellent warm-up act–the one . . . the only . . . Wyld Stallyns!”

  68. Red Zeppelin

    Have they blamed Obama for the deer that got eaten by lions at the zoo today? If not, it won’t be long.

  69. MGBYG

    Shouldn’t that be ‘In G-d We Trust’ so you don’t get some smite when you buy smokes, cognac, and that “manual release” massage with US currency?

  70. CanadianBacon

    I think “Going Rogue” refers to the Republican plan for the American people in a British kind of way. Palin/Bachman 2012 with Beck as secretary of defence,Coulter as secretary of state.Not sure what Rush will get.The dream team.

  71. artpepper

    No, wait. That’s absurd. Why would Obama care what it says on the coins, when he’s already scheming to adopt the new international currency? Palin should ask Bachmann to explain it to her.

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