Wonkette
Michael Steele was so enraged by RNC Chairman Michael Steele’s original endorsement of Scuzzlebutt, the Maoist “moderate Republican” candidate in the NY-23 special election, that he has killed that Michael Steele and invented a new Michael Steele to dress up and run around on television as. This Michael Steele despises any semblance of moderation and promises to go Stalin on those moderate motherfuckers he’d already selected to run in various 2010 races. Moo moo, baby, motherfuckin’ cow on the tracks, can’t catch me, I’m on fire…
“[C]andidates who live in moderate to slightly liberal districts have got to walk a little bit carefully here, because you do not want to put yourself in a position where you’re crossing that line on conservative principles, fiscal principles, because we’ll come after you,” Steele told ABC’s Top Line in response to a question about Republicans who support the White House’s stimulus and health care plans.
“You’re gonna find yourself in a very tough hole if you’re arguing for the president’s stimulus plan or Nancy Pelosi’s health plan. There’s no justification for growing the size of government the way this administration and this Congress wants to do it.”
Remember when he picked Charlie Crist to be the next Senator from Florida? Well “what up?” now, baby?
Steele to moderates: We’ll come after you [Ben Smith]
How many ways must Mikey Steele go?
The answer my friend is teabagging WITH the wind.
The answer is teabagging with the wind.
We now know what a “very tough hole” feels like, having seen the kind of double-ended dildo action that takes place on the Truth Truck.
Curse this tragic scourge of Steele-on-Steele violence.
I wouldn’t be surprised if someone wakes up one of these days
with a severed horse’s head in their bed.
*cue Godfather music*
Steele to Moderates: We’ll come after you. In white hoods.
Will the old Michael Steele bottom for the new one?
AbstinenceOnly Ed: I’m gonna git you sucka!
Someday in the far future (after the Rand Paul presidency and Great Moon War), Michael Steele will sit down to write his memoirs. It will not be easy, having to justify every flip-flop he made in his entire life. In the end, he will just write “Yeah, I said all those inconsistent things just to keep my goddamn job.”
Steele was later quoted saying “tricksy Democratses, stealing my House seat.. my precious…”
Michael Steele’s having a fierce internal battle — as though the chocolaty cookies were at war with the creamy center.
I’m beginning to understand what they had so much trouble with that website - he probably kept throwing contradictory specs at the coders every ten minutes.
So, Steele’s plan for returning the Republican party to power is to go after all moderate Republicans, drive them out of their races, and replace them with dyed-in-the-wool Conservatives, who will then lose to their Democratic opponents?
Cunning. Truly cunning.
Scruffy_The_Janitor: Yes, with a splash of “The GOP Must be Crazy!”
I love a good ol’ fashioned purging.
Scruffy_The_Janitor:
No, he’s a Republican, it will be an underaged boy.
OT: shootout at Fort Hood. Several dead, more wounded. One shooter in custody, the other on the run.
AnnieGetYourFun: Now I have to go scrub my eyeballs with bleach. And maybe stab myself repeatedly with a well sharpened #2 pencil.
Soon Michael Steel found himself in a swirling downward spiral of booze, pills, and Republican sex. By 2010 he had pawned the Truth Truck, foreclosed on SteeleyLand, and finally checked himself in to the L. Ron Hubbard Spiritual Wellness Center. The RNC would break up without him six months later, briefly reforming in the spring of 2011 as Ronnie’s Spacelight Delites.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: Will his head bob from side to side with a snap of the fingers at the end?
x111e7thst: Hey, I didn’t paint the truck. I would have, though, if they had asked me to.
Moo moo, baby, motherfuckin’ cow on the tracks, can’t catch me, I’m on fire…
Grill, baby, grill!
Formerly Preferred: Suddenly it dawns on me: Michael Steele is obviously a deep-undercover Democratic mole. A Manchurian Candidate.
That’s the only way any of this makes sense.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: “You must have big ‘Rats if you need Hattori Hanzo, Steele.”
Or remember how, approximately 72 hours ago, he defended Olympia Snowe by saying “She’s from Maine, not honky-tonk deep South and we like that about her and it’s ok to be reflect the part of the country you actually represent and still have an R next to your name and baby moo cow juice-spoiler, beep bop booop.”?
BobTheBuilder: You know, that’s gotta be the answer. Otherwise, the cognitive dissonance would kill him…
SmutBoffin: I don’t know, that sounds suspiciously like honesty to me. I just don’t see that coming from a Republican.
SmutBoffin: Instead of “Rand Paul presidency,” I thought you wrote “Ru Paul presidency.”
RU PAUL / STEELE ‘12!!!!
Ben Vereen looks LIKE SHIT
I couldn’t help but think of a nonexistent video montage wherein Michael Steele is discovered as a young pod racer by Ronald Reagan, has his hand chopped off in a lightsaber duel in Maryland, and then tells Barack Obama that he is his father - all before tossing Rush Limbaugh into the fiery heart of a gigantic orbital battle station stuffed full of 12-year-old Thai prostitutes of both sexes.
George Lucas, get on this.
Moo moo, baby, motherfuckin’ cow on the tracks, can’t catch me, I’m on fire
I think I just shat myself laughing at that one. You owe me new undies!
I’m not gonna let you spoil my juice, man!
The way the RNCies keep interpreting what happened in NY-23 as a “victory” makes me so very dizzy. YES, Jam Master Steele, you are SO RIGHT…Republicans in moderate and liberal districts should SO make sure they only nominate the most righty of the right wings they can find…even if they have to ship them in from other places! That way, you guys will just keep on WIN WIN WINNING…By LOSING.
loquaciousmusic: President Ru Paul, now that would be a “fierce advocate” …. do you think the Paultards would support her with gobs of money anyway, just thinking it must be another one of Ron Paul’s kooky kids? Because that would be awesome.
Scruffy_The_Janitor: Sadly, no. Michael Steele has angrily broken his own neck for being too soft on “moderates,” and called himself a n*****-lover after sending his Momma a birthday card.
What if you just want to kill all the babies and let everyone gay marry, but aren’t crossing the line on economic priciples?
gossipgirl: According to teabagger wingnut commenter on Politico, that’s A-OK!
Fortunately for Mic Master Mike, his hole is extraordinarily soft and supple.
Somehow, I think he will still end up apologizing to Rush for this.
Very tough hole indeed!
I’m absolutely convinced this guy is a mole, or something. I know being a party chairman in American politics means saying a lot of stupid shit that you don’t want to say (Tim Kane is not, and has not been, immune), but the RNC, quite literally, would be better off ran by a robocaller.
BTW, tell me I’m wrong, but when Michael Steele was actually in the business of politics — for now he is nothing more than a highly-paid professional clown — didn’t he portray himself as relatively moderate? Sarah Palin was also considerably less insane (at least in tone) before she started running for vice president. Seriously, what kind of dark force is at the RNC that forces these folks to go full/peak wingnut as soon as they decide they want to be national-level politicians?