Wonkette
NICE TRY bored irony thrill-seekers in all major U.S. cities, Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue book tour is characteristically going rogue and will be avoiding the large urban areas of New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, Philadelphia, and others like them. According to this extremely patronizing CNN story—in which Jacksonville, FL. and Rochester, NY are essentially characterized as nothing more than some dirt paths strewn with human bones, maybe six trailer homes and a Starbucks—the GR Tour will instead be hitting mid-size cities in more traditionally conservative parts of the country. Oh but despair not, cosmopolites! Very decent chance that the Nation and Slate all-stars of Going Rouge will be incidentally touring Whole Foods or some party in Park Slope or whatever. [CNN]
An interesting strategy, but one that could lead to freshly minted, 90%-discounted copies of her ghostwritten tome being burned in one of the many revival events in those townships.
Going Rogue– in the cities where I predict I will be well received.
Ironically, she’s going to areas with severe tooth decay, a plurality of trucknutz and a hankering for Moon Pies. Such is the syphilitic, Beck-crazed base.
The book tour is only a secondary event — she’s actually touring the meth labs of middle America.
Oh heck, guess she won’t be touring anywhere in Alaska, then.
We picked up the human bones here in Rochester… they get stuck in the snow plows and it’s a mess.
norbizness: I’m sure the book must be good for something. In case of a toilet paper shortage for example.
This is guaranteed to be the kind of book that could only be admired by people who are illiterate; thus she has formed the brilliant strategy of marketing it most heavily in the most illiterate areas of the country. They should just check the sales data for Billy Big-Mouth Bass, and wherever that sold heavily, thats where she should go. Its pretty simple.
We should convince Michelle Malkin that if the route of Palin’s book tour is traced over a map of US Murica, it makes the shape of a muslin crescent. Should keep her busy until the next pallet of ping-pong balls arrives.
Thank goodness for that. I was dreading the traffic if most of the population of Spokane rolled in Seattle for a book-signin’.
But lots of book burnings.
HAHA a CNN commenter called Vee Robillard called her the William Hung of Politics!
She’s gonna put the cunt in cross-country tour.
This isn’t the courage we’d expect from a governor who’d resign rather than face ethics probes and will only be interviewed by lightweights or fellow conservatives.
I’ll bet Nashville’s on the tour. Hank Jr.’s probably wetting his pants at the prospect.
Going Rouge Book Tour = Smell The Glove US America Tour 82
It will end with Palin being listed below the headlining Puppet Show on Marque in Buttfuck Alabama.
Next stops:
Nov 19 - Jebediah’s Hardware and Beefjerky shop, Luling,TX
Nov 23 - Berdoll’s Pecans for Jesus, Buttfuck, TX
Nov 27 - Megaplexxx Books/Baptist Church, Dinkley, OK
Birmingham? BIRMINGHAM? What, were there not enough functional retards in Mississippi or Louisiana for you, Snowbilly?
JMP: Hahaha, nice
Only the kind of people who enjoy burning books would be interested in reading her book.
The choice of Michigan to begin her cross-country blitz may be no accident: Palin publicly disagreed with the McCain campaign’s decision to pull its resources out of that key battleground state a month before the election
But Sarah’s not vindictive and doesn’t hold grudges and isn’t going to dance on John’s grave when he dies because he fucked up and didn’t become president for her and he made her go back to that shit hole Wasilla with her fucked up family (for just a bit). Sarah Palin is sweet, not vindictive. And she would never call Trig a retard. Even if he is one of those.
AnnieGetYourFun: Outta gas by Ellensburg. It’s pricey to take a custom van over the pass.
Juli’s last sentence was so pleasing, she just won an autographed hunk of SkoalRebel’s chew.
Pavement Reunion is Real!
ForTheTurnstiles: Ha! I guess it’s too much to hope that they wouldn’t get as far as Moses Lake.
Maybe she’ll get an STD from one of those disgusting sleazy olds when she visits The Villages.
PrairiePossum: “Only the kind of people who enjoy burning books would be interested in
reading her book.“having her book read to them./fixed
Read? whatta ya mean read? I have the great misfortune to be related to some of these used to be republican, now “independents”, they may buy “books” by Glen Beck et al but they most certainly do not read them, or anything else for that matter. The book shelves of my artist friends are often messy and filled with well used volumes,my “independent” relatives book shelves are tidy and have a handful of shiny dust covered books that have never been opened. They are assholes and their children hate them.
Prommie: Okay, I’ll just set this straight right now. No one reads and writes everything or knows how to spell in common, everyday speech. Their literacy is just different from yours, and you’re being bigoted when you say things like that. Linguistic bigotry is a tool that the upper classes have used to keep lower classes from achieving upward mobility. (It’s easier to say, “I didn’t hire him because he didn’t know how to read or write” than to say, “I didn’t hire him because he was from poor, rural family.”
I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons to make fun of them without propagating further bigotry.
I think “Mouth-Breathers In The Mist” would’ve been a better title.
JMP: Hahahaha! And you were gentle to the original author in your response. Good for you!
JMP: no propagating further bigotry? Hell, that’s no fun. You just go right ahead and fuck ‘em, Prommie.
JMP: Rich people don’t give a shit how they speak, because they don’t have to. This is why GWB was able to seamlessly transition from Yale dipshit to east-Texas redneck: there was no linguistic transition. Poor people don’t give a shit because nothing changes however you talk. There are no consequences if you call it a “crick” or a “creek.”
It only matters to middle-class people who have something to gain or lose by how not-redneck they seem. Neurosis. &c.
JMP: Stalker!
JMP: You know, I was just discussing this with my 4-year old granddaughter and she said, “No one reads and writes everything or knows how to spell in common, everyday speech. Their literacy is just different from yours, and you’re being bigoted when you say things like that. Linguistic bigotry is a tool that the upper classes have used to keep lower classes from achieving upward mobility.” Wow, huh? Mouths of babes and all that.
So - LEAVE SARAH ALONE!!!
JMP: How do you spell in speech, anyway? And who would want to “read and write everything?”
Sarah knows that Real Americans only live in places under 1.0 million in population That’s why the NYC Marathon winner was called only “technically” American.
All these nice things being said about my hometown of Jacksonville, Florida aside, as a resident of the 13th largest city in the United States (Just a few thousand less than San Francisco) I was wondering if we have the option of telling her “Thanks for thinking of us, that was real nice and all, but we have prior obligations that day” **
**Which is southern for “Jeezbus F-in Criminie, why us?!?!?”
ForTheTurnstiles: Yuh. Me am rich. MMe laff when poor not talk ryt. Me laff an laff cuz them dum an poor not rich lyk me. Me keep them down.. Ah HA. But Me not like you tell that. Me need keep poor down. Me rich, yoo bad yoo stop now.
AnnieGetYourFun: Probably pulled over in Ritzville.
ForTheTurnstiles: It was just a reference to this javascript:reply(’451243′,%20′AnSnarkist’); . Damn, hate having to explain a joke.
Prommie: D’oh; knew there was something I missed changing there. Ah well.
I grew up in Rochester, NY. I should go and have her sign a bible and meanwhile tell her I’m an episcopalian so she’ll throw the bible away and scream “it burnssssses”.
Fuck, since Iowa didn’t vote for WALNUTS we don’t get a visit from the royal snowtard? I was willing to drive deep into the heart of Steve King’s district for a chance to heckle her or at least ask her to sign my book with the sum of 2+2.
That blingee should be in a blingee hall of fame.
JMP: Why do you hate the troops?
“in which Jacksonville, FL. and Rochester, NY are essentially characterized as nothing more than some dirt paths strewn with human bones, maybe six trailer homes and a Starbucks”
I can’t speak for Rochester, but that pretty much describes all of Florida, Jacksonville included. People would be less confused if we simply changed our name to “South Alabama.”
I might get to see her. I do live in a “Real America” State (Kansas. But the town I live in is very educated, liberal and always votes Democrat (Lawrence).
Sarah will ride her customized Book Mobile back into the hearts of Real Americans.
Trig, however, will now have to walk.
Don’t the poor people of rural America have enough to misery in their lives?
ManchuCandidate: It’s no big deal. Boston’s not a big book town.
According to this extremely patronizing CNN story—in which Jacksonville, FL. and Rochester, NY are essentially characterized as nothing more than some dirt paths strewn with human bones, maybe six trailer homes and a Starbucks
In fairness, they also have alligators in Jacksonville.
My impression of Rochester (or more specifically, people who come out here from Rochester) is that it’s full of engineers and other types of techy people who might be geniuses when it comes to computers and shit but everything else, not so much.
Since there are no bookstores in these places, will it be at Wal-Mart or the Pump-N-Munch?
El Pinche: I heard that Jebediah’s opened another branch in Schulenberg.
Simba B: My in-laws live there.. (Yes, my father-in-law is a programmer). The area has been in economic decline for awhile. We always end up going to Ontario when we visit.
“Going rogue” is British slang for unprotected anal sex, don’t forget.
holy shit sticks. count me in for the rochester, ny appearance.
Here are some of the towns on the Sarah Wingnut Moran Palin Book Tour:
1. Stupidville, Iowa.
2. Morontown, Idaho.
3. Bizarro Town, Montana.
4. Idiotsville, Wyoming.
5. Straight To Hell, Pennsylvania.
6. Rogues’ Gallery, Alabama.
7. Margaritaville, Florida.
8. Gun World Emporium City, Colorado.
9. Wingnuts, Utah.
10. The Twilight Zone, North Dakota.
I object to and feel very offended by your bigoted and insensitive rip on the kind people of the Park Slope prefecture. Your snark could never possibly convey how very very hard we suck. Thank you and have a nice day.
PoignancySelz: LMAO nice. Because she’s a woman.
Simba B: True, but the lands outside Rochester are rich with Birthers, Birchers and wingnuts of all flavors. NY state’s own road to nowhere, I-390, which runs south from Rochester to NY 17 at . . . Kanona? Avoca? I can’t quite remember . . . will be the pilgrim’s path to Palin.
thefrontpage: You forgot Nohomos, OK and Thebaby Jesustown, TX.
thefrontpage: Reality is even better, i.e.: Cut n Shoot, Texas.
Who’s in one of these cities? This guy! I will be your Johnny-On-The-Spot for her appearance at one of our 3 bookstores (I hope it’s the Books-A-Million beside the K-Mart, across from K&W Cafeteria, and I bet I’m right).
I guess I should mention that I live in the heart of Roanoke, Va.
kewlguy42069: Actually, because my contempt for her knows no bounds.
ManchuCandidate: You know what that means, don’t you?? JAZZ ODYSSEY!!
As a resident of Rochester, I can say there are many repulitards living too close for comfort. And the suburbs are filled with engineers who all believe they are John Galt sharing their wisdom with the rest of poor ignorant masses.
I am planning on a trip to see the snowbilly, and I would appreciate any creative suggestions on the appropriate sign message I should bring to picket.
Yessiree, I”ll jess wander down the dirt road to see Sarah at the Tea Lounge…
–Park Slope trailer trash
I”m sorry, to see John Hodgman….
Gorillionaire: I’m disappointed–I thought we agreed that all blingees of SP *had* to include the dancing penises enshrined here: http://tinyurl.com/itsatwunt
And no, TinyUrl did not randomly generate itsatwunt, but that would’ve been freakin’ awesome….
PabaBritannica: OMG I know that Books a Million. Roanoke may not show up to see her, but Vinton, Troutville, etc sure will.
I hope SP can be convinced to come to Madison for a reading at ‘A Room of Ones Own,’book store.
That would be rougey and mavericky.
rocktonsammy: And lesbiany.
My first threesome was back in college with these two chicks I met at Room while doing research on the local drag queen/king scene for a story I was writing for the Badger Herald. There’s nothing like a pair of self-empowered, open-minded, sexuality-exploring 18-year old girls to kick-off your second semester in style.
**sigh**
The Villages, Florida? Is that the place that uber-Papist dude (and King of Shitty Delivery Pizza) built so there would be no more abortions ever? I was always hoping that would catch on. We could all go back to unprotected sex* and pulling out**, raising white families of fat people, and eating shitty pizza except on Fridays during lent?
*assuming becoming morbidly obese on terrible pizza means you can still have sex.
**or not
I am 30 minutes from Rochester. My neighbor has a “FUBO” sign in his yard. Its an hysterical little inside joke propagated by a local radio jock. It stands for F U Barack Obama. Ha ha Ha Aren’t the baggers adorable? The winger radio host has a reputation for going to Utah, marrying a virgin, then dumping her before he comes back. He’s on wife #3,4,or,5.
I am so looking forward to the Snowbilly visiting. I really want to show her my snow machine.
i was going to comment earlier, but i got stuck on the jammakin - bible spice gif.
seven hours ago.
As a City of Heroes player, I’m pissed at Palin for stealing the next expansion title for her book.
An Outhouse: Is that one of those “except for family” Utah virgins?
Sarah’s most loyal fans in the greater Rochester area live outside Monroe County and won’t venture any closer to the urban vortex than the mall off 390 in Henrietta. That place is in an overdeveloped commercial zone that’s usually crawling with city riff-raff, Brighton elitists, smart-ass college students, and other people who don’t hesitate to snicker derisvely at the vans sporting trucknutz. As we know, people who don’t respect trucknutz don’t respect America. This will require careful siting.
SayItWithWookies: Some people tour wine country. Others tour meth country.
proudgrampa:
Thanks, grampa. I’m glad to see you’re proud of me. Now I feel bad that Barack Obama is going to have you euthanized :(.
ManchuCandidate:
Hey! Don’t be insulting. We may be stupid but we’ve got feelings also.
I think Syracuse would be far more fitting a destination than Rochester - far far more bitterz, especially if you don’t count the zone around the U.