BORED OLD MEN  9:53 am November 5, 2009

George W. Bush And Bill Clinton Are Not Going To Debate If People Are Going To Get All Excited About It

by Juli Weiner

Hot on the heels of yesterday’s impossibly exciting news of the opportunity to pay at least $70 to hear Presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton sitting in adjacent armchairs and mumble talking points in a vaguely conversational rhythm: a cancellation of that exact thing! Apparently everyone was too into it, and this is why it had to end before it began. According to some Clinton spokesperson: “This event … was supposed to be a discussion between the two former presidents, and has been cancelled because it was not being billed as such by an overeager promoter.” How dare the promoter describe the event in such a way as to attempt to convince people to attend?  [New York Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 59 comments }

TGY November 5, 2009 at 9:57 am

Let this be a lesson to us all. We shouldn’t expect even mild disagreement in a debate. For sham! Er, I mean ‘shame’.

ManchuCandidate November 5, 2009 at 9:59 am

“In the corner, weighing in at 220 pounds! Bubbha Clintstone, the receiver of the most famous and expensive blow job in HISTORY!”

“In the corner, weighing in at 200 pounds! Preznit Dumbya Bunnypants, the owner of the military biggest blunder in US America HISTORY!’

“LET’S GET READY TO… debate”

That just doesn’t work guys.

norbizness November 5, 2009 at 10:01 am

“It’s not GW in a stockade with people lining up to paddle/kick him in the ass? FUNK DAT.”

Mild Midwesterner November 5, 2009 at 10:03 am

Well there goes my chance to see two powerful men engaged in some hard core master debating.

Monsieur Grumpe November 5, 2009 at 10:04 am

Maybe the Smirk Verse the Adulterous Jerk was a little over the top.

Terry November 5, 2009 at 10:05 am

The cancellation couldn’t have been related to all the laughing that occurred as soon as a “debate” between Clinton and Dubya was announced. Clinton is a horndog, but a smart one. Dubya, well, he’s great at clearing brush for photo ops.

Advocatus_Diaboli November 5, 2009 at 10:07 am

watching the big dawg debate that dumbass would be about as entertaining as watching the yankees take on the local tee-ball team.

On second thought, in the latter, I’d probably start to feel sorry for the kids. I will never feel sorry for anything bad that ever befalls w.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 5, 2009 at 10:08 am

Quoth the Post: the promoter overhyped it as a death-match faceoff between the men

Oh yes please. It’ll be like the Pon farr, only with far less sexytime and embedded homoeroticism.

Serolf Divad November 5, 2009 at 10:12 am

It’s cool. I’ve got a partial transcript of the show:

Bush: I kick yo bitch ass, Clinton
Clinton: Bring it awwwn, beyotch. Bring it.
Bush: Don’t temp me Billy boy, I might jus come over there and do it.
Cliton: Watcha waitin’ fo, pussy?
Bush: I will, too.
Clinton: Well then DO IT.
Buch: I WILL.
Clinton: Do it already.
Bush: I’m just getting started. I’ll come soon enough.
Clinton: That’s what yo momma said last night while I was sucking on her titties.
[free for all meelee, chairs fly, Clinton and Bush fist fighting. Enter security detail to pull both ex-presidents apart]
Maury Povich: well that’s all we have time for now, thanks for watching everyone!

vespula maculata November 5, 2009 at 10:14 am

How do we get this promoter to work for Palin…?

magic titty November 5, 2009 at 10:14 am

So will they schedule one of them professional rasslin’ events in its place?

nappyduggs November 5, 2009 at 10:15 am

That whole Biff to McFly “what’s that on your shirt” bit is very 1985.

thefrontpage November 5, 2009 at 10:21 am

Scheduled in place of the Clinton-Bush Smackdown:

Washington Post Style Section Wrestling and Boxing Matches!

Terry November 5, 2009 at 10:22 am

[re=450886]Serolf Divad[/re]:

You missed the part where Dubya keeps talking trash, while Cheney sneaks up on Clinton from behind and kneecaps him.

Prommie November 5, 2009 at 10:26 am

Clinton’s constant sucking up to the Bush family is, like, is it getting through to anyone yet? That Clinton is the same? That Clinton presided over Gramm Leach Bliley, breaking down the Glass-Steagle division between finance, insurance, and banking? That Clinton enthusiastically rammed through Poppy Bush’s NAFTA and was all for “free trade” and globalism, and when they closed all the factories and there was no work for any americans he just said “we need training so you can all work paving the information superhighways of the future?”

In other words, that he is an evil shitbag?

Prommie November 5, 2009 at 10:28 am

[re=450872]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Why would they debate? They have few disagreements.

Mr Blifil November 5, 2009 at 10:33 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Hilarious! More pleeze.

AfghanVet November 5, 2009 at 10:35 am

I think Bill channeled another presidential perv, Ben Franklin and realized one should never argue with a fool because people might not know the difference.

thefrontpage November 5, 2009 at 10:35 am

They cancelled this after Clinton said he was going to “go rogue” on Bush, but Bush knows the real meaning of “going rogue” (unprotected anal sex), and he took offense at that, and then Clinton prank-called Bush and said he understood that Bush was upset about the Maine marriage vote, and that it was “too soon” for Bush to debate, and that Bush doesn’t have the ability to participate in a real debate anyways, and that Clinton had better things to do, like watch “Twilight Zone” marathons in his Snuggie in his den up in New York with his 21-year-old Asian nannie.

Katydid November 5, 2009 at 10:36 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Ayup.

AfghanVet November 5, 2009 at 10:37 am

[re=450897]Prommie[/re]: So…not passing judgment on your judgments…but, WHO would you have be President?

Mr Blifil November 5, 2009 at 10:42 am

[re=450897]Prommie[/re]: TRENCHANT!

AggieDemocrat November 5, 2009 at 10:45 am

[re=450902]AfghanVet[/re]: Too bad Ben Franklin was never president.

Flanders November 5, 2009 at 10:45 am

[re=450892]Terry[/re]: You missed the part where Dubya keeps talking trash, while Cheney walks up to Clinton and shoots him in the face. /fixed

proudgrampa November 5, 2009 at 10:47 am

Declaring an event over before it’s really started. Hmmmm. Mission Accomplished?

Jerri November 5, 2009 at 10:48 am

A Foxy Boxing event will be held instead, as stipulated in Clinton’s contract.

slithytoves November 5, 2009 at 10:48 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Oh yeah, sure. Not microfilament of difference.

slithytoves November 5, 2009 at 10:51 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Was that too subtle? Should I have just said, “Blow it out your ass”?

Advocatus_Diaboli November 5, 2009 at 10:55 am

[re=450897]Prommie[/re]: Illegal wars started: Bush 2, Clinton 0.

Yeah, they’re exactly the same!

rikitikitavi November 5, 2009 at 10:55 am

What’s the point of having a debate between the ultimate policy wonk and some frat boy who sat in a fancy chair for eight years?

comicbookguy November 5, 2009 at 10:58 am

Ticketholders will instead be invited to an event where Bill Clinton and George W. Bush hold a 3 hour discussion of ontological empiricism.

AnnieGetYourFun November 5, 2009 at 11:00 am

[re=450880]Terry[/re]: Remember how Bush kept saying he wasn’t going to debate Al Gore and then when he did actually “debate” Gore, the media jizzed all over the place saying that he had “won just by showing up”?

I figured that this was just going to be a recap of that.

DC Hates Me November 5, 2009 at 11:04 am

NO! I was looking forward to this event ever since they cancelled the Buju Banton concerts. Chi chi men no debate. Too busy kissing.

AnnieGetYourFun November 5, 2009 at 11:04 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Thank you for mentioning Glass-Steagall. All of my friends in college were economics policy wonks who happened to have very conservative professors and thus, rather than thinking for themselves, said everything that the professors wanted to hear. One of these things was that the Glass-Steagall act needed to be repealed.

Given that a bunch of them went on to work for Bear Stearns, I’ll just assume it was really bad judgement overall.

And yes, Clinton is a snake. He’s not a liberal. But he can form a coherent sentence, and you have to admit, that gets liberals very excited.

katrina November 5, 2009 at 11:05 am

See, I picture it more like Poppy Bush giving his buddy Bill a little ringy dingy and begging him not to go thru with it, then breaking down in tears over it. Waaaaaaaa!
Also, threatening to sic Bar on him.

Terry November 5, 2009 at 11:06 am

[re=450914]Flanders[/re]:

Good correction, you are absolutely right.

shadowMark November 5, 2009 at 11:07 am

Clinton backed out because he had to go to Tokyo for a date with a teenage Japanese girl he’s been seeing.

S.Luggo November 5, 2009 at 11:10 am

No Rockettes. No Rockettes. Shit.

SayItWithWookies November 5, 2009 at 11:13 am

The problem with debating an idiot like Dubya is that he speaks with great certitude about a little tiny empirically unprovable world that only he knows exists. It’s inhabited by good guys on glistening white chargers and bad guys who wear masks and have a hideout over a warehouse by the docks.

The good guys can do no wrong, because even if they’re beating puppies to death and then burning down a house to cover their tracks, it’s in the service of Good, and we’re America and We Don’t Act That Way. And the bad guys can do no right, because even if they’re giving food to widows and education to poor children, they’re abetting terrorists and must be Brought to Justice.

It’s a tiny little world, roughly the cirumference of a boil on a flea’s ass, with all the moral ambiguity of a motivational poster. If it were a movie script, even Sylvester Stallone would say it lacks nuance. There is no debating such a person — not in any worthwhile manner.

ManchuCandidate November 5, 2009 at 11:23 am

[re=450920]slithytoves[/re]:
I gotta defend my friend here.

In terms of Foreign Affairs, Clintstone was way way way way better than Bunnypants as Preznit. His wars were limited and mostly successful. So yes, you have a valid point.

In terms of economicalz regulashunz that Prommie pointed out? Not so much. Bub was a degree or two better than W thanks in large to the DLC dickheads he ran with (some of whom are in Obama’s preznit team.)

Of course, the problem as AfghanVet pointed out is that there aren’t too many celibate progressive wonk liberals with the morals of a saint entering politics these days.

geminisunmars November 5, 2009 at 11:23 am

[re=450915]proudgrampa[/re]: Veddy good.

Aflac Shrugged November 5, 2009 at 11:23 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: I guess it’s less about subjective evil than objective incompetence for me.

the problem child November 5, 2009 at 11:24 am

Instead of backing out, wouldn’t make more sense to fire the publicist?

hobospacejunkie November 5, 2009 at 11:27 am

@AnnieGetYourFun: yeah I remember those dark ages. Unfortunately Media Matters won’t let us forget. Seems every time I looked during election season 2008 they were reminding us how the msm elected W by continually trashing Gore. Good times.

katrina November 5, 2009 at 11:32 am

Upon further reflection, it was probs just that they wouldn’t let Bushie bring Ruggie.

Prommie November 5, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=450906]AfghanVet[/re]: A democrat would be nice, there aren’t any, anymore. Certainly not the founder of the DLC, Bill Clinton.

Prommie November 5, 2009 at 11:40 am

[re=450956]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He did not “run with” the DLC, he founded it. In the grand history of america, selling the country out to the finance industry and systematically dismantling and exporting our manufacturing capacity and jobs in the name of “globalization” will be what brought us down, not Bush’s spastic overreaction to 9-11. And Clinton did not just tolerate the globalization agenda of Poppy Bush, he embraced and championed it.

friendlyskies November 5, 2009 at 11:51 am

What a bore. I’d pay $70 to see Condi and Hillary debate, though.

thefrontpage November 5, 2009 at 12:03 pm

Prommie: Your daily meds are there in the kitchen, on the counter. It appears that you forgot to take them today.

earnestcivilservant November 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=450886]Serolf Divad[/re]: Eewww! How am I going to get rid of the visual image of Bubba with Barbara? It burns us.

What Fresh Hell is This? November 5, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Now a good round of Shin Kicking between Clinton and Bush! That’s what America would pay to see. Also, the House of Representatives in a traditional Cheese Rolling.

proudgrampa November 5, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=450988]friendlyskies[/re]: Cat fight!

smitallica November 5, 2009 at 12:52 pm

[re=450956]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Good points.
The problem with this event also is that one of them is an intelligent, well-informed, articulate statesman and the other one is a chimp-brained numbnuts (that would be W.).

thesheriffisnear November 5, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Oh yeah that would be competitve, like the Patriots and the London Silly Nannies

Gumboz1953 November 5, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Doesn’t that picture at the top look like a person with two heads? Can you imagine the fights over who gets the toothbrush first? Laura and Hillary would not be amused, either.

Hell, they probably aren’t amused anyway with what they got.

Gumboz1953 November 5, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=450938]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and have a hideout over a warehouse by the docks.

Nah. Osama can only wish he had such a place.

Heywood Jablome November 5, 2009 at 3:47 pm

[re=450956]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I dunno, with all due respect to you, Manchu, and the estimable Afganvet (good to see you here – missed your comments) I understood Prommie to mean something like: Yeah, if my choice is between a shit taco and a shit taco with shards of glass in it, well I’ll eat the shit taco. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it and not long for some real, nourishing food. Let alone pretend it’s anyting other than a shit taco.

Yeah, being of Germanic heritage, my word pictures tend towards the scat.

thefrontpage November 5, 2009 at 4:18 pm

What would people pay to see Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter wrestle naked in chocolate pudding?

LowerdPeninsula November 6, 2009 at 1:56 am

[re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Self-righteous much? Really, just fuck you, you bitter.

Glass-Steagall was not a Clinton bill, it was a bill crafted by the resurgent Republicans who’d have overridden a veto. Clinton left much to be desired as far as the economy was concerned, but to pretend he was some kind of DINO, or that he was working a Democratically controlled Congress and Supreme Court is just being blatantly dishonest. I’ve really had enough of your shit on here, agian and again.

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