George W. Bush And Bill Clinton Are Not Going To Debate If People Are Going To Get All Excited About It

  bored old men

Hot on the heels of yesterday’s impossibly exciting news of the opportunity to pay at least $70 to hear Presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton sitting in adjacent armchairs and mumble talking points in a vaguely conversational rhythm: a cancellation of that exact thing! Apparently everyone was too into it, and this is why it had to end before it began. According to some Clinton spokesperson: “This event … was supposed to be a discussion between the two former presidents, and has been cancelled because it was not being billed as such by an overeager promoter.” How dare the promoter describe the event in such a way as to attempt to convince people to attend?  [New York Post]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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59 comments

  1. TGY

    Let this be a lesson to us all. We shouldn’t expect even mild disagreement in a debate. For sham! Er, I mean ‘shame’.

  2. ManchuCandidate

    “In the corner, weighing in at 220 pounds! Bubbha Clintstone, the receiver of the most famous and expensive blow job in HISTORY!”

    “In the corner, weighing in at 200 pounds! Preznit Dumbya Bunnypants, the owner of the military biggest blunder in US America HISTORY!’

    “LET’S GET READY TO… debate”

    That just doesn’t work guys.

  3. Mild Midwesterner

    Well there goes my chance to see two powerful men engaged in some hard core master debating.

  4. Terry

    The cancellation couldn’t have been related to all the laughing that occurred as soon as a “debate” between Clinton and Dubya was announced. Clinton is a horndog, but a smart one. Dubya, well, he’s great at clearing brush for photo ops.

  5. Advocatus_Diaboli

    watching the big dawg debate that dumbass would be about as entertaining as watching the yankees take on the local tee-ball team.

    On second thought, in the latter, I’d probably start to feel sorry for the kids. I will never feel sorry for anything bad that ever befalls w.

  6. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Quoth the Post: the promoter overhyped it as a death-match faceoff between the men

    Oh yes please. It’ll be like the Pon farr, only with far less sexytime and embedded homoeroticism.

  7. Serolf Divad

    It’s cool. I’ve got a partial transcript of the show:

    Bush: I kick yo bitch ass, Clinton
    Clinton: Bring it awwwn, beyotch. Bring it.
    Bush: Don’t temp me Billy boy, I might jus come over there and do it.
    Cliton: Watcha waitin’ fo, pussy?
    Bush: I will, too.
    Clinton: Well then DO IT.
    Buch: I WILL.
    Clinton: Do it already.
    Bush: I’m just getting started. I’ll come soon enough.
    Clinton: That’s what yo momma said last night while I was sucking on her titties.
    [free for all meelee, chairs fly, Clinton and Bush fist fighting. Enter security detail to pull both ex-presidents apart]
    Maury Povich: well that’s all we have time for now, thanks for watching everyone!

  8. thefrontpage

    Scheduled in place of the Clinton-Bush Smackdown:

    Washington Post Style Section Wrestling and Boxing Matches!

  9. Terry

    [re=450886]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    You missed the part where Dubya keeps talking trash, while Cheney sneaks up on Clinton from behind and kneecaps him.

  10. Prommie

    Clinton’s constant sucking up to the Bush family is, like, is it getting through to anyone yet? That Clinton is the same? That Clinton presided over Gramm Leach Bliley, breaking down the Glass-Steagle division between finance, insurance, and banking? That Clinton enthusiastically rammed through Poppy Bush’s NAFTA and was all for “free trade” and globalism, and when they closed all the factories and there was no work for any americans he just said “we need training so you can all work paving the information superhighways of the future?”

    In other words, that he is an evil shitbag?

  11. AfghanVet

    I think Bill channeled another presidential perv, Ben Franklin and realized one should never argue with a fool because people might not know the difference.

  12. thefrontpage

    They cancelled this after Clinton said he was going to “go rogue” on Bush, but Bush knows the real meaning of “going rogue” (unprotected anal sex), and he took offense at that, and then Clinton prank-called Bush and said he understood that Bush was upset about the Maine marriage vote, and that it was “too soon” for Bush to debate, and that Bush doesn’t have the ability to participate in a real debate anyways, and that Clinton had better things to do, like watch “Twilight Zone” marathons in his Snuggie in his den up in New York with his 21-year-old Asian nannie.

  13. AfghanVet

    [re=450897]Prommie[/re]: So…not passing judgment on your judgments…but, WHO would you have be President?

  14. Flanders

    [re=450892]Terry[/re]: You missed the part where Dubya keeps talking trash, while Cheney walks up to Clinton and shoots him in the face. /fixed

  15. slithytoves

    [re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Was that too subtle? Should I have just said, “Blow it out your ass”?

  16. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=450897]Prommie[/re]: Illegal wars started: Bush 2, Clinton 0.

    Yeah, they’re exactly the same!

  17. rikitikitavi

    What’s the point of having a debate between the ultimate policy wonk and some frat boy who sat in a fancy chair for eight years?

  18. comicbookguy

    Ticketholders will instead be invited to an event where Bill Clinton and George W. Bush hold a 3 hour discussion of ontological empiricism.

  19. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=450880]Terry[/re]: Remember how Bush kept saying he wasn’t going to debate Al Gore and then when he did actually “debate” Gore, the media jizzed all over the place saying that he had “won just by showing up”?

    I figured that this was just going to be a recap of that.

  20. DC Hates Me

    NO! I was looking forward to this event ever since they cancelled the Buju Banton concerts. Chi chi men no debate. Too busy kissing.

  21. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Thank you for mentioning Glass-Steagall. All of my friends in college were economics policy wonks who happened to have very conservative professors and thus, rather than thinking for themselves, said everything that the professors wanted to hear. One of these things was that the Glass-Steagall act needed to be repealed.

    Given that a bunch of them went on to work for Bear Stearns, I’ll just assume it was really bad judgement overall.

    And yes, Clinton is a snake. He’s not a liberal. But he can form a coherent sentence, and you have to admit, that gets liberals very excited.

  22. katrina

    See, I picture it more like Poppy Bush giving his buddy Bill a little ringy dingy and begging him not to go thru with it, then breaking down in tears over it. Waaaaaaaa!
    Also, threatening to sic Bar on him.

  23. shadowMark

    Clinton backed out because he had to go to Tokyo for a date with a teenage Japanese girl he’s been seeing.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    The problem with debating an idiot like Dubya is that he speaks with great certitude about a little tiny empirically unprovable world that only he knows exists. It’s inhabited by good guys on glistening white chargers and bad guys who wear masks and have a hideout over a warehouse by the docks.

    The good guys can do no wrong, because even if they’re beating puppies to death and then burning down a house to cover their tracks, it’s in the service of Good, and we’re America and We Don’t Act That Way. And the bad guys can do no right, because even if they’re giving food to widows and education to poor children, they’re abetting terrorists and must be Brought to Justice.

    It’s a tiny little world, roughly the cirumference of a boil on a flea’s ass, with all the moral ambiguity of a motivational poster. If it were a movie script, even Sylvester Stallone would say it lacks nuance. There is no debating such a person — not in any worthwhile manner.

  25. ManchuCandidate

    [re=450920]slithytoves[/re]:
    I gotta defend my friend here.

    In terms of Foreign Affairs, Clintstone was way way way way better than Bunnypants as Preznit. His wars were limited and mostly successful. So yes, you have a valid point.

    In terms of economicalz regulashunz that Prommie pointed out? Not so much. Bub was a degree or two better than W thanks in large to the DLC dickheads he ran with (some of whom are in Obama’s preznit team.)

    Of course, the problem as AfghanVet pointed out is that there aren’t too many celibate progressive wonk liberals with the morals of a saint entering politics these days.

  26. Aflac Shrugged

    [re=450896]Prommie[/re]: I guess it’s less about subjective evil than objective incompetence for me.

  27. hobospacejunkie

    @AnnieGetYourFun: yeah I remember those dark ages. Unfortunately Media Matters won’t let us forget. Seems every time I looked during election season 2008 they were reminding us how the msm elected W by continually trashing Gore. Good times.

  28. Prommie

    [re=450906]AfghanVet[/re]: A democrat would be nice, there aren’t any, anymore. Certainly not the founder of the DLC, Bill Clinton.

  29. Prommie

    [re=450956]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He did not “run with” the DLC, he founded it. In the grand history of america, selling the country out to the finance industry and systematically dismantling and exporting our manufacturing capacity and jobs in the name of “globalization” will be what brought us down, not Bush’s spastic overreaction to 9-11. And Clinton did not just tolerate the globalization agenda of Poppy Bush, he embraced and championed it.

  30. thefrontpage

    Prommie: Your daily meds are there in the kitchen, on the counter. It appears that you forgot to take them today.

  31. earnestcivilservant

    [re=450886]Serolf Divad[/re]: Eewww! How am I going to get rid of the visual image of Bubba with Barbara? It burns us.

  32. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Now a good round of Shin Kicking between Clinton and Bush! That’s what America would pay to see. Also, the House of Representatives in a traditional Cheese Rolling.

  33. smitallica

    [re=450956]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Good points.
    The problem with this event also is that one of them is an intelligent, well-informed, articulate statesman and the other one is a chimp-brained numbnuts (that would be W.).

  34. Gumboz1953

    Doesn’t that picture at the top look like a person with two heads? Can you imagine the fights over who gets the toothbrush first? Laura and Hillary would not be amused, either.

    Hell, they probably aren’t amused anyway with what they got.

  35. Gumboz1953

    [re=450938]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and have a hideout over a warehouse by the docks.

    Nah. Osama can only wish he had such a place.

  36. Heywood Jablome

    [re=450956]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I dunno, with all due respect to you, Manchu, and the estimable Afganvet (good to see you here – missed your comments) I understood Prommie to mean something like: Yeah, if my choice is between a shit taco and a shit taco with shards of glass in it, well I’ll eat the shit taco. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it and not long for some real, nourishing food. Let alone pretend it’s anyting other than a shit taco.

    Yeah, being of Germanic heritage, my word pictures tend towards the scat.

  37. thefrontpage

    What would people pay to see Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter wrestle naked in chocolate pudding?

  38. LowerdPeninsula

    [re=450896]Prommie[/re]: Self-righteous much? Really, just fuck you, you bitter.

    Glass-Steagall was not a Clinton bill, it was a bill crafted by the resurgent Republicans who’d have overridden a veto. Clinton left much to be desired as far as the economy was concerned, but to pretend he was some kind of DINO, or that he was working a Democratically controlled Congress and Supreme Court is just being blatantly dishonest. I’ve really had enough of your shit on here, agian and again.

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