![Former Missouri House Speaker (R) Beats Up, Chokes Mistress During Sex [UPDATE]](http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/jetton.jpg "Former Missouri House Speaker (R) Beats Up, Chokes Mistress During Sex [UPDATE]")
Wonkette
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), a vestigial structure in the American political apparatus dating back to old times when people “stopped working” at a certain age and lived off of pensions (nowadays it’s more common to work forever, after Wall Street loots your life savings from the 401(k) it pushed you into), will supposedly be endorsing the super-communist House health care bill. Your death warrant’s signed, Granny! This is great news in that it gives us an excuse to link to this comical AARP article about old people sexting each other. “‘The next thing you know, you’ll get a picture of a breast,’ he says with a hearty laugh.” [AP, AARP]
To pay for this socialist health care the retirement age will soon be raised to 75. Not that anyone can find a job now but there it is.
Yea. These are my homies. We Depends© upon each other for socialist support.
How cute — they explain the etymology of sexting. Now they have to tackle Dirty Sanchexting.
The government is going to give all those old people free Viagra, so must of them will have a stiffy in their coffins.
Between Olds having sex and K-Overfed mouth sex, you guys want to kill my libido permanently, don’t you?
Best get on this train before it leaves the station, grampa. Soylent Green’s made from Republicans.
Dude, that old man just texted me “cunt”.
Delta echo alpha tango hotel
papa alpha november echo lima sierra.
So now that hot young cheerleader I’m sexting might turn out to not just be a dude, but an OLD dude? (Shudder.)
Maobama bought ‘em off with that $250 thing that Republicans are calling a BRIBE. (But if a Republican was in the once WHITE HOUSE they’d call it an “economy stimulating tax break” and named it after Ronald Reagan, may peace be upon him.)
SayItWithWookies: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves:
Buttsext comes first, then text-to-mouth, then Dirty Sanchexting.
I thought the graphic on top was saying “CUNT 2NITE” like teh old’s getting lucky later.
I think a lot of those old dudettes supplement their social security by selling phone sex. (Voice only; let’s be realistic.)
>>”teens continually get themselves in sticky situations”
Har, har.
Noonan: Did your cunt reply?
Does not compute: I thought Barry wanted to kill off the olds?
I think the AARP just understands that death is the only replacement for retirement.
in supporting death panels, olds are putting themselves in a “sticky situation” similar to that of youngs “text + sexing”.
I thought olds were ground into food for the young. And I’m certain that those few who escape this terrible fate do not have sex, and nothing you say or do can dissuade me otherwise.
“If you’re sitting in a restaurant waiting for your food, you can just talk dirty to someone, and no one knows what you’re doing,” Jill says, in a slow Southern drawl.
Remind me to avoid the dinner rush from 4-5 pm now that I know what Jill is doing with her cell phone at the table. Thnx!
The olds are getting more sex than me, virtual and otherwise…god speed…death panels.
well, fortunately, according to hero confederate senator Jim DeMint: ‘Army Of Americans’ Will Fight For Conservatives Next Year. So gramps better get the sexting done before the johnny rebs get to town.
No, really.
ShamWow: yeah wow, that’s when it started getting gross for me. the idea that they are doing it near me and getting all, well, less dry in public makes me a little queezy…
‘The next thing you know, you’ll get a picture of a breast,’
Correction: Old people do not say ‘breast.’ They say ‘bazoongas.’ Here is what the old man actually said: “Don’t you know I just click on this-here do-dad, and up pops a gal’s bazoongas. I didn’t even have to tip her a dime or nothing.”
anywhooo–where’s the carrie prejean sextape thread?
Old age looks less terrifying now, though.
Is it the AARP, or is it the Zombie Apocalypse? I can’t tell, because they both move so damn slowly.
hobospacejunkie: The Olds are not so insistant on their abortion rights, either.
Skwerl Nutz: I’m sure you meant to say, “more sex than I.” Chicks dig grammar nerds.
Lard help the rest of us when they learn to tweet. Meg McCabe’s breasts won’t get a moment’s rest.
“‘The next thing you know, you’ll get a picture of a breast,’ he says with a hearty laugh”
Modern cameras are not equipped with lenses that long.
Maybe he just got a sexting from a certain VIRGINIA FOXX — Grrrrrr….
Whoa, AARP on board with the Great Helmsman? Folks, what we have here is the Great Shuffle Forward!
Extemporanus: There you go, flapping your lips again.
What’s all this nonsense about Viagra? After age 50 Americans having an orgasm ejaculate dust.
I’ve got no problem with gay sex. People can bugger each other, lick each other, do whatever they want. But I do have a problem with old people having sex. And I have a problem with people who reference old people having sex, like the fucking perverts all over this board.
Fuck you people! You’re making me sick!!!
user-of-owls: Extemporanus: Or thinking outside the box!
ShamWow: You have to wait on food at Golden Corral?
PoignancySelz: Enough with the cliches, you make me want to slit my throat, gash myself or stick a gooey fork in my eye.
Dolmance: You know what? Drivers licenses expire, and it makes sure that people who drive are still legally competent at driving.
What strikes me as a good idea is to outlaw divorce and instead add expirations to marriage licenses. That way, we no longer have to deal with expensive or non-biblical divorces. Married couples who want to be single again can just wait for the license to lapse. And we just make the marriage test be in really fine print so that the olds can’t stay married.
And I’m sure some rednecks could come up with questions they think no gay person could solve, ending gay marriage as far as they know. Then, the gays show their innate intelligence by passing the test with flying colors (no pun intended), destroying the stereotypes. Everybody wins.
Jitterbug phones have picture messaging now?
user-of-owls: You’re as right as a triangle, it’s just something smells fishy with these olds and quitters. Really, did Sullenberger give up because there was no landing strip?, did Ken Coochienella worry about ACORNZ yesterday? Washington and the cherry tree? Even Dr. Taint, esq. persists. Chute, it’s like punching an eclair, so I say to these pussies, cum-on, strap it on and don’t be afraid to rustle a few bushes.
PoignancySelz: Maybe he just got a sexting from a certain VIRGINIA FOXX —
Grrrrrr…*horrrk*Fixed it for you.
stop the death panels, I love these old fuckers.
Aflac Shrugged: Tx. I would think these TeaBaggers, they
gag*horrrk* alot too, amirite?I read you loud and clear, shadowMark. Over and out, asshole!
Extemporanus: PoignancySelz: Um, little help here Extem?
Hey Wonk-offs the “American Association of Retired Persons” does not exist any more. It is just AARP and AARP does not stand for anything in particular and can represent anything and anyone, no need to be specific you know. Best to call it the organization formerly known as the “American Association of Retired Persons”.
user-of-owls: No worry Mr. Owl, you won the evening with your tender story of Eva’s furry friend, Blondi. I am internally grateful for this piece of history. No doubt the carpets matched the drapes in das bunker.
This sounds like a threat, to me. Obama probably gave the ultimatum that the old people could willfully step before the death panels, or they’d be forced before the death panels, and then subsequently waterboarded, and finally sold by the pond to McDonald’s to make their delicious (read: disgusting) hamburgers.
Great, now when I’m out riding the bike, I can worry about a half-blind octogenarian who is using his limited vision to read his Blackberry instead of desperately looking for the yellow line on the highway because he can’t see down the block. It’s a new phenomena, “distracted dementia.”
C*U*2nite: Cock-ring
Experience counts for a lot.
TGY: Word. And don’t ask me how I know. But I do.
BFD.
AARP gets on the bandwagon now when the battle is over. It couldn’t be that AARP sells billion$ of health insurance to its members?
Its endorsement early on might have been helpful, not so much now.