Here is one of the straight-up most unethical things ever, in journalism: Newsweek has been circulating this invitation to a forum on climate change and energy policy. The objective news magazine will co-sponsor and co-host this event with the actual manifestation of Big Oil, the American Petroleum Institute. In the Capitol! GOODNESS. [Sexy Oil Party Invite!]
AMERICA'S FLOURISHING NEWSWEEKLY SECTOR 1:12 pm November 4, 2009
Newsweek, Whore Of Babylon
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{ 36 comments }
The Whore of Babylon is offended by your implication that she would ever do something like this, and is demanding an apology.
Something’s wrong. Jack Gerard doesn’t appear to weight 700lbs, does not have large, pointy warts growing out of his face nor does 666 appear anywhere on his visible skin. Like that fat Exxon guy. I thought pretty much all petroleum whores looked like ol’ Crooked Teeth McGee.
I imagine that the board of API is comprised exclusively of corpulent, muttonchopped, waistcoat-wearing dudes with big cigars, right out of a Nast cartoon. They speak in captions, saying things like “LORD ALMIGHTY but this OIL is good for the constitution, what?”
What form of tortured, oil-slicked waterfowl will be served at the complimentary buffet?
My hope for additional panelists:
Crazy Eyes Bachmann
Crazy Eyes Granny (aka Bachmann Sr.)
John Boner
Barney Frank (to satisfy the “only one homosexual permitted” rule)
Anthony Weiner (to satisfy the “only one smart person permitted” rule)
This fits in perfectly with the Mark Sanford book report on Ayn Rand and the “You’re on your own” philosophy. It’s all about personal responsibility. It’s up to you to go to this if you don’t want to see $40.00/gallon gas because of government meddling in energy policy.
Well, now, wait a minute. We don’t know that. Wikipedia says re: API: “An application programming interface (API) is an interface that a software program implements in order to allow other software to interact with it; much in the same way that software might implement a user interface in order to allow humans to interact with it.”
So that nice pudgy white man might just be a kindly interface bot that is currently working with the Newsweek to make Earth’s submission to the Petroleum Overlords as easy and efficient as possible.
[re=450226]MLHencken[/re]: Joe Barton!
This is no worse than the time US News & World Report co-sponsored and co-hosted a forum on responsible parenting with Shawn Kemp.
Spokespeople for the NRDC, Sierra Club, etc. have been invited to participate by listening to the proceedings via a closed circuit television monitor, which will be located in a small tarpaper shack at an undisclosed location in the Mojave desert.
Isn’t Newsweek still owned by the WaPo? Nuff said.
Newsweek Executive Forum: Be there, or be ethical.
Hey, isn’t Newsweek owned by WaPo? I guess this means that WaPo decided to outsource their corporate whoring.
I like that the sentence “Additional panelists will include members of Congress” appears at the bottom right in small print.
You’ve got Newsweek there for the sales pitch, and API there to answer the technical questions, and your Senator will be handing out hot towels and cologne in the men’s room.
Ah Newsweek, the magazine that sucks (in a non cornering way) even more than People Magazine: Time Edition.
Judging by the title of this little confab, I’m guessing that it will focus how to find a rental truck that has both working A/C and gets good gas mileage.
Hey, all those boxes of lightly-salted poison reporter dicks ain’t gonna move themselves, right?
Any excuse to take a hop in the company Gulfstream G650.
[re=450226]MLHencken[/re]: James Inhofe will definitely be there — unless that’s his day to have his panel called “Climate Change: Fraud, or Just an Honest Mistake by Atheist Liberal Scientists Who Don’t Realize that God Has Everything under Control?”
Are you SURE API stands for American Petroleum Institute? I mean it could be American Political Institution or Awkward Pauses Incorporated. I mean, the petroleum organization would never host a climate change forum or anything else so head-smackingly obvious, like paying for commercials where people say they think cars with better gas mileage are a BAD idea cause it will obviously mean higher taxes and then they won’t be able to afford to drive at all. Nope, never.
[re=450252]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Until you’ve got blood and frogs raining down from a sackcloth sky, it’s just a little warm or a little cool or it’s just about right out here in Oklahoma.
Can’t wait to see the lede on the Newsweek story they’ll write afterwards: “Last week, at an off-the-record discussion in the Capitol, Congressional leaders agreed that there was no credible scientific evidence or public support for climate change legislation, and that no action would be taken for the remainder of the 111th Congress.”
Say “Thank You” to Newsweek, kids.
climate and energy policy: moving?
moving MY BOWELS, amirite?
Wouldn’t that catchy “drill baby drill” be more appropriate?
[re=450255]Redhead[/re]: Hello, I am an electric car. I can’t go fast or very far. And if you drive me, people will think you are gay.
I realize that I am not the smartest person in the world, but can someone explain the title of this little vent to me?
Climate and Energy Policy: MOVING??!?!?!!11111111one
What does this mean?
I picked up a copy of Newsweek recently, hadn’t read it in years. I hardly recognized it. It seemed like it was 80 percent “special sections,” aka advertising.
[re=450257]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Latest weather report: There’s a blood-and-frogs front moving south from Kansas.
Sitting here at the local addiction clinic waiting to perform the ritual in exchange for suboxone, and there’s a woman here shaking uncontrollably, which is extremely unnerving. How this relates to petroleum I don’t know, but she looks like maybe she’s been huffing petroleum product.
[re=450274]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: meaning, “is it moving on the Hill?” Will there be legislation in the near future. when you put a lobbyist together with (presumably) like-minded politicians, guess what the answer is. And it’s the kind of answer that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When Pareene dragooned me into this “Blogger of the Year” scam, the reception was jointly sponsored by motherfucking Chevron and Phillip Morris. It was literally impossible to be there without becoming at least temporarily evil. Food was great, though!
This also means that it’s time for a blogger ethics panel(TM Atrios).
Oil lobbyists and climate change remind me of Frank Drebbin in Police Squad! advising us that “there’s nothing to see here… move along” as a fireworks factory exploded in the background.
[re=450229]blinky_twinkie[/re]: The convergence of acronyms is no coincidence. APIs allow functionality to be completely controlled by autonomous outside agents.
[re=450274]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It isn’t you. You are perfectly smart. It’s just that reading that title makes you feel – and indeed, may actually make you physically – dumber.
I love “WITH MEMBERS OF CONGRESS!!!!!111″, as yet undisclosed (hint: Boehner).
[re=450344]norbizness[/re]: And here’s a fireworks factory exploding in the background:
http://www.nceas.ucsb.edu/GlobalMarine
Still, it’s just the world’s oceans. Human activity can’t *possibly* also be having an impact on the atmosphere.
I glad to see Fineman has finally settled on a toupee.
What do you expect from “News” media that can no longer tell the difference between reporting and a press release?
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