CRUCIAL CORRECTIONS  12:34 pm November 4, 2009

Barack Obama Might Still Think He Could Be Governor Of New Jersey

by Juli Weiner

RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male (?!), recorded a very flattering and pithy video message for President Obama, who, you’ll recall, famously lost New Jersey’s gubernatorial election last night. It’s very important that Moe Lane videotaped himself smugly intoning the words “No, you can’t” in what appears to be a sunken house boat because of so many reasons. [RedState]

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norbizness November 4, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Was this site surreptitiously bought out by RedState when nobody was looking (i.e. the weekend)?

coastingdownhill November 4, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Me first. No me lost for words.

Mo’ Lame.

BeWoot November 4, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Altman and Kurosawa are dead, so who directed this masterpiece?

SayItWithWookies November 4, 2009 at 12:40 pm

There it is — conservatives’ message of hope.

MLHencken November 4, 2009 at 12:41 pm

No, he can’t:

- Get a date with a real live girl?
- achieve climax without a picture of Palin?
- leave the house wearing anything but grease-stained sweatpants?

davesnothere November 4, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Skoal Rebel, part dieux – the northern fucktard.

proudgrampa November 4, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Moe B. Dick

mookworthjwilson November 4, 2009 at 12:45 pm

And Sarah Palin can’t be a congressman from upstate New York…what’s his point?

the problem child November 4, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Not so sure it’s male. I could probably grow that much facial hair if I just let things slide for a few months. OTOH, most RedStaters are not female. Can we just call it an “it” until genital verification is done(in other words, forever).

Udargo November 4, 2009 at 12:46 pm

He’s right, you know. That’s two less Democratic votes in the House of Governors. There’s no way Obama can push through his agenda now.

joezoo November 4, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Can someone check, real quick: is his heart still beating?

If so, the Twinkie Corporation and my attempts at telekinesis have both failed.

hunter.blatherer November 4, 2009 at 12:47 pm

There seems to be some confusion. This has nothing at all to do with politics; Mr. Lane is a victim of sexual harassment by legions of women who mistakenly believed he might be interested in them even though he’s a Republican. And this is his manifesto on why, as a gay man, the only honorable course of action is to lead a celibate life.

Either that, or he’s a retard who doesn’t know how to wash his face.

watershed November 4, 2009 at 12:47 pm

“Neener neener neener” is so damn inspirational.

Larry McAwful November 4, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Is this the new face of the Republican party? He reminds me of Doug Hoffman. Hint: leadership is not inspired by nerdy types who, ashamed of their nerdiness, try to compensate by mocking and beating up other nerds. If you do that, the jocks will beat the crap out of you, and the other nerds won’t feel sorry for you.

I am one of those other nerds who knew a Moe Lane type in high school. He was a conservative then, he’s still a conservative now, and he’s also a 350-pound dance instructor who still can’t get a date with a girl. So I know what I’m talking about.

Come here a minute November 4, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Moe Lane? More like, SLOW Lane. BURN!!!!1!!

binarian November 4, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Moe – advice on living outside Mom’s basement. Get a shave. And an adult haircut. Part your hair on the other side, fella, looks gay parted on the right. No, YOUR right, stupid.

hobospacejunkie November 4, 2009 at 12:49 pm

[re=450167]MLHencken[/re]: Exactly. Clowns like this make it too easy. Surely he has some idea that people around the world are going to see this & think “he never gets laid.”

FMA November 4, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Jesus Christ, could you at least warn us when this shit is not safe for work?
You know, because of the unrestrained Tourette’s-like swearing it prompts.

comicbookguy November 4, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Is redstate under contract to provide wonkette with a regular supply of comedy material? Bravo!

binarian November 4, 2009 at 12:53 pm

….and the other vidios posted in the thread? Asia? Triumph? Stryper? Really? Is all of Red State 20-30 somethings living in the basement of their parents houses unable to get a date?

WendyK November 4, 2009 at 12:54 pm

He needs to have his estrogen levels checked. For real.

Holybalheadedchrist November 4, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Thanks–I was looking for something that I could use at some future time to delay ejaculation. Replaces, fat guy eating warm mayonnaise in the sun.

kewlguy42069 November 4, 2009 at 12:55 pm

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! n0bama you just got owned son!

gurukalehuru November 4, 2009 at 12:56 pm

No, you can’t have peace, freedom, justice, prosperity, love and good health. We will stop you. We will always stop you. We hates peace, freedom, justice, prosperity, love and good health. Hates. Hates. Hates.

I am Moe Lane and I approved this message.

SomeNYGuy November 4, 2009 at 12:56 pm

“Moe Lane” is the French word for “windmill.”

The fellow in the video appears to be wearing a great deal of Moe Lane Rouge.

One Yield Regular November 4, 2009 at 1:00 pm

[re=450177]hunter.blatherer[/re]: Maybe I’m just a simple Luddite, but I just don’t get why: a) anyone would post video of themselves on YouTube, and b) if they insist on doing it, they wouldn’t bother to clean themselves up a bit first.

(Also, what up with that ad for Meg Whitman on RedState?)

ph7 November 4, 2009 at 1:03 pm
jetjaguar November 4, 2009 at 1:03 pm

that’s so trenchant

freakishlystrong November 4, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Maybe all these fat wingdouches say “no” all the time because that’s all they ever hear from their wimmin folk.

SomeNYGuy November 4, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=450199]jetjaguar[/re]: “Trenchant” is French for “smells like an open trench.”

El Pinche November 4, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=450196]One Yield Regular[/re]: He should have name the video “Two Chins, One Ass Crack”

[re=450197]ph7[/re]: Wow, that’s very very sad.

Moe has bummed me out. How do adults become this way?

bitchincamaro November 4, 2009 at 1:12 pm


You cunt.

(Hey, somebody had to.)

MissM November 4, 2009 at 1:15 pm

[re=450194]gurukalehuru[/re]: Well put.

As for Nathan Lane meets Rush Limbaugh – how many times do you think he practiced that in front of his mommy’s bathroom mirror before feverishly running downstairs to his basement lair to record it?

Second question: how many Real Dolls™ does he likely own?

Mine November 4, 2009 at 1:15 pm


Gross, also.

finallyhappy November 4, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=450195]SomeNYGuy[/re]: Freedom fries, Freedom Fries! No frenchy talk here.

bluetom00 November 4, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Way to play up the “chubby unshorn dude in his mother’s basement” blogger stereotype.

el_chupacabra November 4, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=450161]norbizness[/re]: yeah. enough with the Red State links already. Fuck those guys.

ph7 November 4, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Moe, with zero self-awareness, just updated his blog as follows:

“White House rises to the level of junior high in wake of NYC elections.”

Neoyorquino November 4, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Do I see neckbeard?

Prommie November 4, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Looks like a rugged individualist, to me.

Will' November 4, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Here’s a flash, Mo’ Better Blues-State: the prez is too busy to give a flying f*ck that you think he can’t. Moron.

hobospacejunkie November 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm

[re=450197]ph7[/re]: Wow. A stereotype come to life. Who knew they actually existed?

Extemporanus November 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm

[re=450212]bitchincamaro[/re]: I was just about to, you cunt.

In Moe’s defense, he is pretty good as the coroner on True Blood.

However, I wasn’t a fan of his work as “Dr. Phlox” on Star Trek: Enterprise—too much of a smug, Lizard People vibe for my taste.

forgracie November 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Son, fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life…

Monsieur Grumpe November 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm

He has that look that people get when they’ve been addicted to Cheese Whiz for several years. Get help Moe. Get off the Whiz.

nbawriter November 4, 2009 at 1:35 pm

The Philly ABC affiliate teased its noon news with this: “Chris Christie gets a stunning win in New Jersey.”

Huh? The guy had been ahead in nearly every poll for six months. The only way there would have been a stunning result is if Daggett had gotten 20 percent of the vote and allowed Corzine to back his way into reelection.

It is un-fucking-real how the media and slapdicks like Jonny Web Cam up there can ignore everything that’s obvious and create some alternative universe where this was somehow shocking and a kick in Obama’s groin.

I’m so frustrated … I’m going to binge buy some Truck Nutz.

AnnieGetYourFun November 4, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=450192]Holybalheadedchrist[/re]: Wow. That might have just cured me of the need to have sex. Ever.

queeraselvis v 2.0 November 4, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=450188]binarian[/re]: All those metal bands are Moe’s reminder of the last time he had a date. And that was with his hand and a bottle of Jergen’s. And yes.

TVarmy November 4, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Why is Phillip Seymore Hoffman signing on this caliber of script? He could do way better than this drivel.

Extemporanus November 4, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=450241]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Come on and ease on down, ease on down the Moe.

NYNYNY November 4, 2009 at 1:41 pm

I thot Ken Lane always wore sunglasses and was a liberal

BeWoot November 4, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Anybody else remember that long-ago website, The Loser Upstairs ? I always figured that guy looked like this guy. But with the gravy stains visible on camera.

whatever_dc November 4, 2009 at 1:45 pm

do you mean to tell me i turned off the drug-addled head of the republican party radio talkshow comedian rush limbaugh for that silliness???? sheesh!

webothlikesoup November 4, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Why do I feel like he shops at Chico’s?

Scarab November 4, 2009 at 1:50 pm

To be fair this was a video of Moe’s response to my question, “Do you think I can find a more smug, self-satisfied asshole than you?”

WendyK November 4, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Are those tambourines up on the wall?

Min November 4, 2009 at 1:53 pm

This has been completely misunderstood. He’s just repeating the words of the last three women he propositioned.

Extemporanus November 4, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=450237]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh my. He didn’t just play a Lizard Person—he is one!

“Apparently, I don’t get to watch V tonight.

I don’t have cable, and my digital converter can’t find ABC. And it’s apparently not being simulcast, or whatever the term is. Dammit, I’ll happily sit through the commercials if I could just watch the blessed thing.


MLHencken November 4, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=450223]ph7[/re]: Dude needs to STFU about the NY mayoral race as he clearly has no idea. In the words of my late, sainted Irish Mother: “Moe, go fuck yourself.

[re=450262]webothlikesoup[/re]: maybe Lane Bryant?

Jim89048 November 4, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Fuckface up there is being very spare in using up his 15 minutes.

kewlguy42069 November 4, 2009 at 2:00 pm

hahahahahaa the slowly growing smug grin at the end. i want his life

pearl clutcher November 4, 2009 at 2:00 pm


You beat me to it. One of those wall hangings on is clearly a tambourine.

TedTheLightBulbSalesman November 4, 2009 at 2:08 pm

****3/4 video

An Outhouse November 4, 2009 at 2:10 pm

That’s not a “sunken house boat”. That’s his mother’s house. She was out shopping so he snuck up from the basement.

Bearbloke November 4, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Douchtard says what?

Mr Blifil November 4, 2009 at 2:32 pm

The offers from the womyn will be forthcoming herewith.

Bearbloke November 4, 2009 at 2:38 pm

“RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male[sic]“

A male what?

twoeightnine November 4, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Why’d he black out his chins?

comicbookguy November 4, 2009 at 2:40 pm

This guy gives 34 year old virgins who still live with their parents a bad name!

binarian November 4, 2009 at 2:40 pm

[re=450197]ph7[/re]: Oh, really Moe? “The director’s desire to make an action movie about his 3 or 4 favorite actions figures as a kid.”? How witty and urbane. And borderline disdainful (is that a word?). Unfortunately….dumbass… made a reference to a 90′s era cartoon GI-Joe-ism a few posts down in the page….”Knowing is half the battle”. Get out of the basement, boy.

Lets Go Vertigo November 4, 2009 at 2:43 pm

The video’s about how “Twilight” fans have ruined San Diego Comicon, right?

blader November 4, 2009 at 2:44 pm

he looks like he’s signing off after a 2hr pornfest at

Egregious November 4, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Mo is such a bottom.

BobTheBuilder November 4, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Wow. Diana could do a lot better.

Zadig November 4, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=450215]MissM[/re]: Second Question? He’s got the whole collection.

Mad Brahms November 4, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=450278]kewlguy42069[/re]: I want to *end* his life for that smirk.

“Sunken houseboat” was both comical and surprisingly accurate, too.

seriesoftubescleaner November 4, 2009 at 3:48 pm

House boat? I’d say log cabin.

Carrie_Okie November 4, 2009 at 3:52 pm

In what respect, Moe?

Buzz Feedback November 4, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Fat guys in dimly lit rooms inhabit the intertubez? Shocked.

Rosemaryrules November 4, 2009 at 6:00 pm

I wouldn’t tap Larry Craig’s shoe at that, and I’m not very descriminating.

imissopus November 4, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=450270]Extemporanus[/re]: Well of course he’s anxious to watch V. He’s a Lizard Person and thinks it’s a documentary.

Rupert Pupkin November 5, 2009 at 10:58 am

Maaa! Shut up, would ya? I’m trying to make a video down here!

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