crucial corrections

Barack Obama Might Still Think He Could Be Governor Of New Jersey

RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male (?!), recorded a very flattering and pithy video message for President Obama, who, you’ll recall, famously lost New Jersey’s gubernatorial election last night. It’s very important that Moe Lane videotaped himself smugly intoning the words “No, you can’t” in what appears to be a sunken house boat because of so many reasons. [RedState]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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  1. MLHencken

    No, he can’t:

    – Get a date with a real live girl?
    – achieve climax without a picture of Palin?
    – leave the house wearing anything but grease-stained sweatpants?

  2. the problem child

    Not so sure it’s male. I could probably grow that much facial hair if I just let things slide for a few months. OTOH, most RedStaters are not female. Can we just call it an “it” until genital verification is done(in other words, forever).

  3. Udargo

    He’s right, you know. That’s two less Democratic votes in the House of Governors. There’s no way Obama can push through his agenda now.

  4. joezoo

    Can someone check, real quick: is his heart still beating?

    If so, the Twinkie Corporation and my attempts at telekinesis have both failed.

  5. hunter.blatherer

    There seems to be some confusion. This has nothing at all to do with politics; Mr. Lane is a victim of sexual harassment by legions of women who mistakenly believed he might be interested in them even though he’s a Republican. And this is his manifesto on why, as a gay man, the only honorable course of action is to lead a celibate life.

    Either that, or he’s a retard who doesn’t know how to wash his face.

  6. Larry McAwful

    Is this the new face of the Republican party? He reminds me of Doug Hoffman. Hint: leadership is not inspired by nerdy types who, ashamed of their nerdiness, try to compensate by mocking and beating up other nerds. If you do that, the jocks will beat the crap out of you, and the other nerds won’t feel sorry for you.

    I am one of those other nerds who knew a Moe Lane type in high school. He was a conservative then, he’s still a conservative now, and he’s also a 350-pound dance instructor who still can’t get a date with a girl. So I know what I’m talking about.

  7. binarian

    Moe – advice on living outside Mom’s basement. Get a shave. And an adult haircut. Part your hair on the other side, fella, looks gay parted on the right. No, YOUR right, stupid.

  8. hobospacejunkie

    [re=450167]MLHencken[/re]: Exactly. Clowns like this make it too easy. Surely he has some idea that people around the world are going to see this & think “he never gets laid.”

  9. FMA

    Jesus Christ, could you at least warn us when this shit is not safe for work?
    You know, because of the unrestrained Tourette’s-like swearing it prompts.

  10. binarian

    ….and the other vidios posted in the thread? Asia? Triumph? Stryper? Really? Is all of Red State 20-30 somethings living in the basement of their parents houses unable to get a date?

  11. Holybalheadedchrist

    Thanks–I was looking for something that I could use at some future time to delay ejaculation. Replaces, fat guy eating warm mayonnaise in the sun.

  12. gurukalehuru

    No, you can’t have peace, freedom, justice, prosperity, love and good health. We will stop you. We will always stop you. We hates peace, freedom, justice, prosperity, love and good health. Hates. Hates. Hates.

    I am Moe Lane and I approved this message.

  13. SomeNYGuy

    “Moe Lane” is the French word for “windmill.”

    The fellow in the video appears to be wearing a great deal of Moe Lane Rouge.

  14. One Yield Regular

    [re=450177]hunter.blatherer[/re]: Maybe I’m just a simple Luddite, but I just don’t get why: a) anyone would post video of themselves on YouTube, and b) if they insist on doing it, they wouldn’t bother to clean themselves up a bit first.

    (Also, what up with that ad for Meg Whitman on RedState?)

  15. freakishlystrong

    Maybe all these fat wingdouches say “no” all the time because that’s all they ever hear from their wimmin folk.

  16. El Pinche

    [re=450196]One Yield Regular[/re]: He should have name the video “Two Chins, One Ass Crack”

    [re=450197]ph7[/re]: Wow, that’s very very sad.

    Moe has bummed me out. How do adults become this way?

  17. MissM

    [re=450194]gurukalehuru[/re]: Well put.

    As for Nathan Lane meets Rush Limbaugh – how many times do you think he practiced that in front of his mommy’s bathroom mirror before feverishly running downstairs to his basement lair to record it?

    Second question: how many Real Dolls™ does he likely own?

  18. ph7

    Moe, with zero self-awareness, just updated his blog as follows:

    “White House rises to the level of junior high in wake of NYC elections.”

  19. Will'

    Here’s a flash, Mo’ Better Blues-State: the prez is too busy to give a flying f*ck that you think he can’t. Moron.

  20. Monsieur Grumpe

    He has that look that people get when they’ve been addicted to Cheese Whiz for several years. Get help Moe. Get off the Whiz.

  21. nbawriter

    The Philly ABC affiliate teased its noon news with this: “Chris Christie gets a stunning win in New Jersey.”

    Huh? The guy had been ahead in nearly every poll for six months. The only way there would have been a stunning result is if Daggett had gotten 20 percent of the vote and allowed Corzine to back his way into reelection.

    It is un-fucking-real how the media and slapdicks like Jonny Web Cam up there can ignore everything that’s obvious and create some alternative universe where this was somehow shocking and a kick in Obama’s groin.

    I’m so frustrated … I’m going to binge buy some Truck Nutz.

  22. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=450192]Holybalheadedchrist[/re]: Wow. That might have just cured me of the need to have sex. Ever.

  23. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=450188]binarian[/re]: All those metal bands are Moe’s reminder of the last time he had a date. And that was with his hand and a bottle of Jergen’s. And yes.

  24. TVarmy

    Why is Phillip Seymore Hoffman signing on this caliber of script? He could do way better than this drivel.

  25. BeWoot

    Anybody else remember that long-ago website, The Loser Upstairs ? I always figured that guy looked like this guy. But with the gravy stains visible on camera.

  26. whatever_dc

    do you mean to tell me i turned off the drug-addled head of the republican party radio talkshow comedian rush limbaugh for that silliness???? sheesh!

  27. Scarab

    To be fair this was a video of Moe’s response to my question, “Do you think I can find a more smug, self-satisfied asshole than you?”

  28. Min

    This has been completely misunderstood. He’s just repeating the words of the last three women he propositioned.

  29. Extemporanus

    [re=450237]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh my. He didn’t just play a Lizard Person—he is one!

    “Apparently, I don’t get to watch V tonight.

    I don’t have cable, and my digital converter can’t find ABC. And it’s apparently not being simulcast, or whatever the term is. Dammit, I’ll happily sit through the commercials if I could just watch the blessed thing.


  30. MLHencken

    [re=450223]ph7[/re]: Dude needs to STFU about the NY mayoral race as he clearly has no idea. In the words of my late, sainted Irish Mother: “Moe, go fuck yourself.

    [re=450262]webothlikesoup[/re]: maybe Lane Bryant?

  31. pearl clutcher


    You beat me to it. One of those wall hangings on is clearly a tambourine.

  32. An Outhouse

    That’s not a “sunken house boat”. That’s his mother’s house. She was out shopping so he snuck up from the basement.

  33. binarian

    [re=450197]ph7[/re]: Oh, really Moe? “The director’s desire to make an action movie about his 3 or 4 favorite actions figures as a kid.”? How witty and urbane. And borderline disdainful (is that a word?). Unfortunately….dumbass… made a reference to a 90’s era cartoon GI-Joe-ism a few posts down in the page….”Knowing is half the battle”. Get out of the basement, boy.

  34. Mad Brahms

    [re=450278]kewlguy42069[/re]: I want to *end* his life for that smirk.

    “Sunken houseboat” was both comical and surprisingly accurate, too.

  35. imissopus

    [re=450270]Extemporanus[/re]: Well of course he’s anxious to watch V. He’s a Lizard Person and thinks it’s a documentary.

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