RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male (?!), recorded a very flattering and pithy video message for President Obama, who, you’ll recall, famously lost New Jersey’s gubernatorial election last night. It’s very important that Moe Lane videotaped himself smugly intoning the words “No, you can’t” in what appears to be a sunken house boat because of so many reasons. [RedState]

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  1. No, he can’t:

    – Get a date with a real live girl?
    – achieve climax without a picture of Palin?
    – leave the house wearing anything but grease-stained sweatpants?

  2. Not so sure it’s male. I could probably grow that much facial hair if I just let things slide for a few months. OTOH, most RedStaters are not female. Can we just call it an “it” until genital verification is done(in other words, forever).

  3. There seems to be some confusion. This has nothing at all to do with politics; Mr. Lane is a victim of sexual harassment by legions of women who mistakenly believed he might be interested in them even though he’s a Republican. And this is his manifesto on why, as a gay man, the only honorable course of action is to lead a celibate life.

    Either that, or he’s a retard who doesn’t know how to wash his face.

  4. Is this the new face of the Republican party? He reminds me of Doug Hoffman. Hint: leadership is not inspired by nerdy types who, ashamed of their nerdiness, try to compensate by mocking and beating up other nerds. If you do that, the jocks will beat the crap out of you, and the other nerds won’t feel sorry for you.

    I am one of those other nerds who knew a Moe Lane type in high school. He was a conservative then, he’s still a conservative now, and he’s also a 350-pound dance instructor who still can’t get a date with a girl. So I know what I’m talking about.

  5. Moe – advice on living outside Mom’s basement. Get a shave. And an adult haircut. Part your hair on the other side, fella, looks gay parted on the right. No, YOUR right, stupid.

  6. [re=450167]MLHencken[/re]: Exactly. Clowns like this make it too easy. Surely he has some idea that people around the world are going to see this & think “he never gets laid.”

  7. ….and the other vidios posted in the thread? Asia? Triumph? Stryper? Really? Is all of Red State 20-30 somethings living in the basement of their parents houses unable to get a date?

  8. Thanks–I was looking for something that I could use at some future time to delay ejaculation. Replaces, fat guy eating warm mayonnaise in the sun.

  9. No, you can’t have peace, freedom, justice, prosperity, love and good health. We will stop you. We will always stop you. We hates peace, freedom, justice, prosperity, love and good health. Hates. Hates. Hates.

    I am Moe Lane and I approved this message.

  10. [re=450177]hunter.blatherer[/re]: Maybe I’m just a simple Luddite, but I just don’t get why: a) anyone would post video of themselves on YouTube, and b) if they insist on doing it, they wouldn’t bother to clean themselves up a bit first.

    (Also, what up with that ad for Meg Whitman on RedState?)

  11. [re=450196]One Yield Regular[/re]: He should have name the video “Two Chins, One Ass Crack”

    [re=450197]ph7[/re]: Wow, that’s very very sad.

    Moe has bummed me out. How do adults become this way?

  12. [re=450194]gurukalehuru[/re]: Well put.

    As for Nathan Lane meets Rush Limbaugh – how many times do you think he practiced that in front of his mommy’s bathroom mirror before feverishly running downstairs to his basement lair to record it?

    Second question: how many Real Dolls™ does he likely own?

  13. The Philly ABC affiliate teased its noon news with this: “Chris Christie gets a stunning win in New Jersey.”

    Huh? The guy had been ahead in nearly every poll for six months. The only way there would have been a stunning result is if Daggett had gotten 20 percent of the vote and allowed Corzine to back his way into reelection.

    It is un-fucking-real how the media and slapdicks like Jonny Web Cam up there can ignore everything that’s obvious and create some alternative universe where this was somehow shocking and a kick in Obama’s groin.

    I’m so frustrated … I’m going to binge buy some Truck Nutz.

  14. [re=450188]binarian[/re]: All those metal bands are Moe’s reminder of the last time he had a date. And that was with his hand and a bottle of Jergen’s. And yes.

  15. Anybody else remember that long-ago website, The Loser Upstairs ? I always figured that guy looked like this guy. But with the gravy stains visible on camera.

  16. do you mean to tell me i turned off the drug-addled head of the republican party radio talkshow comedian rush limbaugh for that silliness???? sheesh!

  17. [re=450237]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh my. He didn’t just play a Lizard Person—he is one!

    “Apparently, I don’t get to watch V tonight.

    I don’t have cable, and my digital converter can’t find ABC. And it’s apparently not being simulcast, or whatever the term is. Dammit, I’ll happily sit through the commercials if I could just watch the blessed thing.


  18. [re=450223]ph7[/re]: Dude needs to STFU about the NY mayoral race as he clearly has no idea. In the words of my late, sainted Irish Mother: “Moe, go fuck yourself.

    [re=450262]webothlikesoup[/re]: maybe Lane Bryant?

  19. [re=450197]ph7[/re]: Oh, really Moe? “The director’s desire to make an action movie about his 3 or 4 favorite actions figures as a kid.”? How witty and urbane. And borderline disdainful (is that a word?). Unfortunately….dumbass… made a reference to a 90’s era cartoon GI-Joe-ism a few posts down in the page….”Knowing is half the battle”. Get out of the basement, boy.

  20. [re=450278]kewlguy42069[/re]: I want to *end* his life for that smirk.

    “Sunken houseboat” was both comical and surprisingly accurate, too.

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