Wonkette
It has been some time since we used to liveblog election results every single Tuesday for months at a time, so let’s do it tonight, on “Election Day 2009,” which has brought about as much excitement and suspense as the May 3, 2008 Democratic primary in Guam. The powers-that-be, like dicks, have constructed a system in which Virginia polls close at 7:00, New Jersey polls close at 8:00, and New York polls close at 9:00. We will start here at 6:45ish and just cold motherfuckin’ type all night long. CNN has definitely issued a release promising NINE MILLION ANALYSTS for its panel tonight, and you cannot miss any of them! Now go stock up on alcohol & guns and return for ridiculous insanity-typing that, we promise, will only be tangentially related to politics.
I only watch hologram-hosted programs on election night.
Drinking game! Drinking game! Drinking game!
Don’t forget gay marriage in Maine!
Jim live blogging again! geeze, just like old times … maybe SKS and Ken will join. I thought you’d just have Intern Riley do it.
qwerty42: Ken and Sara will be busy in New York volunteering for the Hoffman campaign, as they have been for months. You believed that “baby” and “book deal” crap?
(Juli will hypothetically be here!)
Sweet, this means several hours of Shouty Keith on MSNBC, instead of the usual one.
Hoffman/Christie 2016!
hobospacejunkie: True. He also likes to get good and liquored up. That should be fun when the Obama obituaries start coming in.
Make sure to “put” every eleventh “word” in quote marks, “Jim.”
I live outside Philly, the Jersey election determines where I am going to spend my
“Jersey Shore Vacation Fund”.
Like they used to say about “Filmed before a live studio audience,” I now say about “live-blogging”, what kind of freaky zombie thing would be the alternative?
I went as the “May 3, 2008 Democratic primary in Guam” for Halloween. no one got it.
The election for Governor of the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands will take place on Saturday (Friday on teh Mainland). Will you be liveblogging it?
Suds McKenzie: You should have gone as the “sexy May 3, 2008 Democratic primary in Guam”.
Apparently a flaming liberal is set to win Ellen Tauscher’s former seat in CA-10. This is the first I’ve heard of this — apparently a liberal Democrat winning is not newsworthy, whereas a teabagging freak being a contender in the NY boonies is. Go figure.
qwerty42: Intern Riley will be “live blogging” with Michelle Malkin. Although, he didn’t link to her last week. Are they on the outs?
iwillsavethispatient: needed fish net stockings, … lesson learned.
iwillsavethispatient: Then he could have hooked up with the *sexy* “Sara B”
Can we drink everytime someone asks ‘is this a referendum on Obama’? I’d already be snockered…
Wake me if any Kenyans get gay married.
SayItWithWookies: Garamendi is too pragmatic to be considered a flaming liberal, but I’ve always liked the guy. Best insurance commissioner CA ever had…
SayItWithWookies: http://wonkette.com/411953/
If you’re just going to be typing all night long, I have some notes that need transcribing.
Jim, let us know if McDonnell has sold any liquor stores yet because the beltway is a mess. Tx.
I won’t be able to bring you any news on the super-exciting gay rights ordinance in Kalamazoo, as I will be in bed with the swine flu. If you don’t hear from me again, either I died from that or my marriage has been destroyed by gay people using public restrooms.
Humpback: See, the thing is that Dick Van Dyke is totally method. Diagnosis Murder was shot primarily with large piles of blankly staring corpses just off-camera.
Wonkette needs a couple more interns to report from “on the ground” on exciting nights like these.
Come here a minute: By “on the ground”, you mean “drunkenly collapsed on the floor of one’s kitchen”, yes? Because I can do that.
Tonight: CNN on the muthafuckin tube, Busch lite cold chillin in my gotdamn hand, Skoal Apple dip can straight up ready, and hopin for Campbell Brown’s naked hologram to appear tween my legs. Let’s go
Oh oh! Looks like this will be a Republican sweep. Not for the reason you think. The Republicans will win because the balance of good and evil must be maintained in the universe.
SayItWithWookies: Garamendi a flaming liberal? Um, no. That Think Progress writer has no idea what he’s talking about. Garamendi only took all those liberal positions because it was a super-competitive Democratic primary and he was perceived as the most conservative candidate. Also, Garamendi is a hardcore political player, with a long track record in elective office and is the current Lt. Gov. The guy he’s up against is basically Just Some Dude. We could’ve held this seat easily and Garamendi could’ve run against the Republican who represents the place he actually does live (the 3rd) and probably won that seat. Instead, like the pussy he is, he chose to run for the much easier seat.
So if Garamendi does manage to lose, I will laugh and laugh because really, fuck you carpetbagger, I liked Anthony Woods. It’s likely that Garamendi will be only slightly more liberal than a Blue Dog.
/serious
Poop!
Suds McKenzie: Maybe Riley’s spurned the Devilish Malkin and is moving in on Dame Noonington. Sniffing around the boss’s territory! Her Highness could have the royal head turned by a younger gentleman with a top hat and a sure command of the Queen’s English. Oooh, we’ve got the makings of a Wonk-opera here.
Meanwhile, I will be “liveblogging” the Philly transit strike. By that, I mean that I will be drinking and not going to work. Although there will not be actual blogging, it’s the same spirit, right?
CumaeanSibyl: I wasn’t aware of this kzoo ordinance, how ridiculous. Maybe it’ll be a repeat of common sense prevailing like last year’s stem cell vote.
El Pinche: Yo Pinche, don’t forget the sweet Blingee!
WIDTAP: I love how people who are concerned FOR THE CHILLUNS never actually do anything for actual kids. Like, you’d think that a judge who felt that children of interracial marriages were discriminated against might DO something to help such children. But no, he tries to prevent them from being born.
“It’s a damn shame these poor special needs kids get teased at school. Abort yer tards! So’s they don’t have to suffer!”
El Pinche: Flavored dip is gay as hell — inpeach Obama!
Jukesgrrl: I thinketh her lofty perch would give him a nose bleed.
AnnieGetYourFun: Don’t worry, scrote. There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick-ass lives. My first wife was ‘tarded. She’s a pilot now.
I am in New Jersey, to my eternal shame. I voted at 7:30 am.
Oh, I can’t stand the suspense!!
assistant/atlas: Hey, he may be a calculating bitch, but at least he’s our calculating bitch. For now.
dropoutPolitician: Our city commission passed versions of it twice, but the conservatives threw such a fit it had to go to a vote. I hope this means people will shut up about it now (hahaha).