About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hola wonkerados.

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  1. freakishlystrong

    Fer fucks sake, I’m a straight woman and I’m considering a sex change so I can be a gay man…

  2. SayItWithWookies

    He’s right, anything can happen. In fact, around midnight I’ll probably be turning into a bar.

    [re=447636]Tommmcatt[/re]: Don’t be mean to Gay Donny Osmond.

  3. Atheist Nun

    1. David Bowie looks weird in this… I mean, Tim Curry looks like a cross between Peter Murphy and Colonel Sanders in this.
    2. The 80’s really fucking sucked.

  4. rocktonsammy

    Halloween has always been an excuse for a gay pride parade in the fall.

    Except, I love the Snickers.

  5. Extemporanus

    [re=447636]Tommmcatt[/re]: He’s a bat out of hellooo, Dolly!

    [re=447638]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Don’t be redundant.

  6. Extemporanus

    [re=447648]SayItWithWookies[/re]: There’s an Osmond Family Saying: “Any Mormon in a storm.”

    Or is that “Any port in a Mormon”? I can never remember…

  7. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Ah, Halloween. The one day of the year when wearing fursuits is socially acceptable.

  8. nyhfrog

    Who pitched this? And why didn’t they use more Cocaine in shoot and post?…I mean it was the eighties for Chrissake! It would have only helped.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    [re=447654]Extemporanus[/re]: You can’t put port in a Mormon — they have rules against that. Caffeine, too.

  10. Car Ramrod

    Ah yes. I remember this movie. It was like an early Harry Potter, but with a production budget of $3.82. I watched the shit out of it when I was a kid. Now I’m a gay vampire (I-CT), too.

  11. user-of-owls

    [re=447654]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=447683]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Any S’more in La Petit Mort-mon?

  12. user-of-owls

    They (the dogs) looked pretty happy, on the whole.

    Someone must have gone to the event dressed as a Virginia Dept. of Corrections officer.

  13. Potater

    This used to be one of my favorite songs of the season when I was a child.

    Years later I would go on to suck dick. Total coincidence, I’m sure.

  14. ifthethunderdontgetya"

    [re=447692]user-of-owls[/re]: No, peeples in Ohio are just naturally fat. I should know, I moved here from skinny NYC.

    (Realizing I’m not actually responding to your point, and just whinging, etc.)


  15. Mad Brahms

    [re=447703]Jim89048[/re]: It’s the war on the… opposite of Christmas! Next thing you know they’ll start calling them “holiday pumpkins”, I swear.

  16. SayItWithWookies

    [re=447689]user-of-owls[/re]: Hm, that might be a bit of a reach. Like when the Rastafarian who played reggae in obscurity for years suddenly got a hit, with his first check he went to buy a sportscar and said, “Any Porsche in the store, mon.”

  17. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=447782]El Pinche[/re]: Now I’m craving virgin blood. What have you turned me into, Pinchy?

  18. iolanthe

    [re=447733]Mad Brahms[/re]: Uberchristians already call them “harvest pumpkins”, and call the day “Harvest Festival”, apparently not realizing that “Hallowe’en” is *already* the Christianized name for the day.

    End the War on Hallowe’en!

  19. Jim89048

    Only had one crack baby come begging, so I loaded him up with a shitload of candy and turned out the lights. I hope his parents have fun tying him down tonight.

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