Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident!
Lou Dobbs and his wife live deep within the Magical Forests of New Jersey, where carnivorous nomadic tribes still live from meal to meal:
Interviews with the New Jersey State Police yielded a rather different assessment of the events described by Dobbs. In a phone interview conducted yesterday, Sgt. Stephen Jones, a NJ State Police spokesperson, chuckled out loud after he heard about Dobbs’ account of the gunfire incident. Jones commented that he “wouldn’t classify it [the gunfire incident] as very unusual.” He also confirmed that there are hunters in the area, and stated that, “at this time of year hunter [shooting] complaints go up.”
Another New Jersey State Police spokesperson, Sgt. Julian Castellanos, noted that “it’s a wide open area and there are hunters in the area.” Castellanos explained that the bullet had hit the house in vicinity of the attic; it “hit the vinyl siding and fell to the ground” without penetrating the vinyl, he said.
When asked to comment for this story, Dobbs disputed the New Jersey State Police’s account, saying in an email that “there was no hunting season underway three weeks ago.” However, an official at the NJ Division of Fish and Wildlife Bureau of Law Enforcement confirmed in a phone interview that state hunting seasons were underway at the time of the gunfire incident three weeks ago.
Who knows, but the hunting explanation would make sense — if we were hunting in the forests of New Jersey and, after miles of wilderness and a case of Busch Light, came across Lou Dobbs’ stupid mansion, the obvious reaction would be “Ha ha let’s shoot at fucking Lou Dobbs’ fucking mansion, which we know to be Lou Dobbs’, because it’s so fucking stupid looking.”
But if Lou Dobbs’ version is accurate? Sonia Sotomayor should resign within two weeks, symbolically.