Questions Surround Lou Dobbs’ ‘The Taco-Eaters Shot My Wife’ Story

  the battle for the soul of this country

Juicy targetRacist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident!

Lou Dobbs and his wife live deep within the Magical Forests of New Jersey, where carnivorous nomadic tribes still live from meal to meal:

Interviews with the New Jersey State Police yielded a rather different assessment of the events described by Dobbs. In a phone interview conducted yesterday, Sgt. Stephen Jones, a NJ State Police spokesperson, chuckled out loud after he heard about Dobbs’ account of the gunfire incident. Jones commented that he “wouldn’t classify it [the gunfire incident] as very unusual.” He also confirmed that there are hunters in the area, and stated that, “at this time of year hunter [shooting] complaints go up.”

[...]

Another New Jersey State Police spokesperson, Sgt. Julian Castellanos, noted that “it’s a wide open area and there are hunters in the area.” Castellanos explained that the bullet had hit the house in vicinity of the attic; it “hit the vinyl siding and fell to the ground” without penetrating the vinyl, he said.

 
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[...]

When asked to comment for this story, Dobbs disputed the New Jersey State Police’s account, saying in an email that “there was no hunting season underway three weeks ago.” However, an official at the NJ Division of Fish and Wildlife Bureau of Law Enforcement confirmed in a phone interview that state hunting seasons were underway at the time of the gunfire incident three weeks ago.

Who knows, but the hunting explanation would make sense — if we were hunting in the forests of New Jersey and, after miles of wilderness and a case of Busch Light, came across Lou Dobbs’ stupid mansion, the obvious reaction would be “Ha ha let’s shoot at fucking Lou Dobbs’ fucking mansion, which we know to be Lou Dobbs’, because it’s so fucking stupid looking.”

But if Lou Dobbs’ version is accurate? Sonia Sotomayor should resign within two weeks, symbolically.

NJ Law Enforcement Appear to Contradict Dobbs’ Version of Gunfire Incident [HuffPo]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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94 comments

  1. Terry

    “Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again,”

    Because, really, it’s the liberals who show up at events with guns and all.

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Fess up, Lou you orange skinned freak. You really wanted to scapegoat Moonbeam the librul and Paco the illegal, not Chubs Skeeter the shit faced hunter.

  3. Lascauxcaveman

    Sorry, Lou; my bad.

    I thought I was shooting at Limbaugh’s house. (I should never ask directions from a guy with a heavy Messican accent.)

  4. freakishlystrong

    Isn’t “taco” another word for “putang”? If so this could be the best Wonkett headline eva. Picture is not bad either.

  5. germansteel

    Only in Obama’s ‘murica does a spent bullet bounce off cheap vinyl siding and John Law – or should I call them “gendarmes”? – write it off to an innocent huntin’ incident.

  6. JMP

    I hadn’t known that Dobbs lived in New Jersey; no wonder he’s such a douchebag.

    It would be poetic justice if, one day, Dobbs comes home early to find his wife fucking their neighbors’ Mexican gardener.

  7. Terry

    “Questions Surround Lou Dobbs’ ‘The Taco-Eaters Shot My Wife’ Story”

    Isn’t Lou Dobb’s wife Hispanic, strangely enough?

  8. geminisunmars

    Now if Dobbsy’s wife had on tape the “ai-ai-ai-ai-ai” yells that accompanied the shooting, that would be definitive proof.

  9. mookworthjwilson

    If you ask Bob Griese, he’ll tell you Juan Pablo Montoya is somehow behind this…him and his fucking tacos…

  10. V572625694

    [re=447373]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yeah, really: the expressions “mansion” and “vinyl siding” rarely appear in the same paragraph. Do you suppose The Dobbs Mansion has aluminum slider windows too?

    And how about those ballistic experts of the New Jersey State Police, able to discern the exact point of impact where that a bullet from a hunting rifle hit the indestructible vinyl siding, and then find the slug on the ground amid all the leaves!

  11. P Drizzle

    Duh, the New Jersey Minutemen just saw this tubby fuck’s Messican wife and followed the “shoot first, ask for proof of citizenship later” policy.

  12. Snarkalicious

    Fuck sakes, Lou. If you were stabbed, face to face, in broad daylight, by a nekkid Christopher Lloyd, you’d have a manhunt out looking for a short, fat messican in a sombrero and serape combo.

  13. Servo

    Sarah Palin is a shitty shot in turbulence.
    [re=447373]Jukesgrrl[/re]:
    LOL. He must have kevlar laminate siding, y’know, to defend the soul of the country.

  14. bureaucrap

    [re=447373]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Usually mansions with vinyl siding are preceded by the word “Mc”.

  15. hockeymom

    [re=447383]V572625694[/re]: Well, the words “New Jersey” also appeared in the paragraph, so that makes it a little less odd.

  16. bureaucrap

    Srsly, the “bounced off the vinyl” just means it was probably shot from a great distance, probably 1 mile or more. Proving that the would be assassins are arrogantly self confident in their aim or just moronic as their “intended” target.

  17. Texan Bulldoggette

    If this fuckstick is so worried about the brown people, why doesn’t he join up with the Minute Men & personally patrol the border with his little sidearm or at least buy a fancy, vinyl-sided mansion in El Paso or Brownsville. Then he can take them out as they cross the fence. Instead he bitches from fucking New Jersey. What a prick!

  18. PickneyPinchback

    Hey, the trooper they quote is named Sgt. Julian Castellanos. Sounds like a Mexican conspiracy to me, and the New Jersey State Troopers are in the tank for the Mexicans who want to take over New Jersey. Forget about Swine Flu, New Jersey, the Mexicans are spreading leprosy in the Garden State and Lou Dobbs is your only hope!

  19. Terry

    [re=447383]V572625694[/re]:

    I’m starting to think the Dobbs mansion may really be in Elizabeth, NJ. Dobbs’ long term presence could explain the smell.

  20. kewlguy42069

    [re=447382]Humpback[/re]: or shot from a very great distance. like a stray bullet. from a hunter. lmao.

  21. Zorg

    The motto of real snipers is “If you run, you just die tired.” Methinks old Lou has caught a dose of whatever did in another great American, Tailgunner Joe.

  22. P Drizzle

    I got money on CNN trading Lou to Fox in the off-season for Shep Smith and two unnamed black commentators.

  23. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=447374]JMP[/re]: It would be poetic justice if, one day, Dobbs comes home early to find his wife fucking their neighbors’ Mexican gardener.

    Maybe he already has. It would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

  24. PlanetWingnuta

    I’m gonna say something that we’re all thinking…

    WHARE IZ THE BULET’Z BIRTH CERTIFATE!!!!1!!1!!!

  25. Lazy Media

    I need some more info here. What kind of bullet was it? If it was a pistol, then it might have been fired from the road and failed to penetrate the siding. If it was a hunting rifle, it had to be more than 1,000 yards away to not penetrate. The stray bullet theory is looking awfully strong if it were the latter.

    Welcome to life in the sticks, Lou. I’ve heard several bullets zipping through the undergrowth, because flatlander hunters like to shoot at sound in the woods.

  26. Extemporanus

    Have the authorities contacted Chris Christie?

    His favorite meal is a big McMansion, large fries, and diet Coke.

  27. JMP

    [re=447451]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: True, it would; especially since he didn’t seem to hate Mexicans so much before his jump from PBS to CNN. Something must have happened to set him off.

  28. clydedog

    Maybe if he were to get Glen Beck to teach him how o cry on cue, it would make him sound more believable.

  29. PoignancySelz

    I once had a BB shot at my wife’s minivan. WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot is this country coming too? Sheeeszz

  30. Atheist Nun

    [re=447445]tacodaemon[/re]: Put Dobbs’ ‘Country Estate’ with this quote:
    “Castellanos explained that the bullet had hit the house in vicinity of the attic; it “hit the vinyl siding and fell to the ground” without penetrating the vinyl, he said.”

    Lou Dobbs actually had vinyl siding installed on his mansion, on his massive estate, that he owns for being a TeeVee racist.

  31. McDuff

    The bullet “hit the vinyl siding and fell to the ground without penetrating the vinyl.”

    The last time I heard about a patriotic American being hit with a spent bullet, he said it would have been better if it had killed him.* Why can’t Lou be a patriotic American and take one in chest for his country?

    *During the attack on Pearl Harbor, as U.S. Fleet Commander Admiral Kimmel watched the disaster from his office window, a spent .50 caliber machine gun bullet crashed through the glass. It brushed the admiral before it clanged to the floor. It cut his white jacket and raised a welt on his chest. “It would have been merciful had it killed me,” Kimmel is said to have murmured. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Husband_E._Kimmel

  32. montyburns4prez

    The only battle going on here is the battle for the most tackiest mansion and given its in New Jersey, Dobbs has stiff competition.

  33. vladster

    Castellanos explained that the bullet had hit the house in vicinity of the attic; it “hit the vinyl siding and fell to the ground” without penetrating the vinyl, he said.

    Better put the K-9 unit on it.

  34. doxastic

    But you see, this is how Lou knows it was a liberal mexican–s/he both can’t shoot a gun for shit and were too lazy to finish the job!

  35. Carrie_Okie

    When gunslinging mexicans are outlawed who is gonna mow Lou Dobbs lawn (euphemism for DO MRS DOBBS)?

  36. PoignancySelz

    Maybe they were just shooting at cockroaches or something, like celebrating their 2nd Amendment rights

  37. riverside68

    Wait a gall dern minute there, where were the Cheneys? They been known to loose their bullets in the wrong places and try to disappear. I dont need no stinkin K9 units!

  38. vladster

    Gee Dobbs, who else but you and your whacko followers would take a shot at a messican lawn jockey?

  39. WIDTAP

    Lou has proof! Here is a transcript of the voices he heard outside just before the shooting:
    Voice 1: “Wabbit season!”
    Voice 2: “Dobbs season!”
    Voice 1: “Wabbit season!”
    Voice 2: “Wabbit season!”
    Voice 1: “Dobbs season! Fire!”
    BANG

  40. rocktonsammy

    Vinyl?
    If its in Jersey and vinyl ain’t it a double wide trailer?
    Dobbs, you elite bastard!

  41. Neilist

    Damnit, Jim, what KIND of “bullet”?

    5.56 mm? .22 cal. short? .460 Ruger Magnum? .177 cal. pellet? Black Talon teflon coated “cop killers”?

    You ALWAYS leave out the INTERESTING stuff.

    (Oh, and Benazir Bhutto is still dead. Along with an ever-increasing number of other Pakis. Although we’re killing them with Hellfire missiles, not “bullets.”

    Pity. No one respects subtlety nowadays.)

  42. WIDTAP

    [re=447599]Neilist[/re]: Actually kind of interesting if it were a bullet of the type used in mussel loaded guns, as that would explain why it didn’t make it through the vinyl and would correspond to the NJ Mussle-loaded small game season.

    Either that or Gerardo has been doing his Civil War Reenactment shtick outside of Lou’s house again.

  43. Atheist Nun

    [re=447578]WadISay[/re]: Maybe we should go full-on Erick Erickson and collectively send Dobbs some concrete statuettes for his Estate: ‘Lawn Donkeys Painted Like Zebras,’ ‘Lawn Children Selling Chiclets At The Border,’ and ‘Illegal Alien Mowing The Lawn.’

  44. Neilist

    [re=447607]WIDTAP[/re]: “Mussle loading guns”?

    You mean, “Clam Cannons”? “Bi-valve Bazookas”? “Oyster Ossault Rifles”?

    You Wonkies are so cute when you try the NRA-type talk . . . .

  45. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=447607]WIDTAP[/re]: I would think a mussel loaded gun would get all gooey and the range would be for shit. A muzzle loaded gun, on the other hand, …

  46. TVarmy

    I am being 100% serious when I say this: I am a New Jersey resident. This morning, I read about Lou Dobs house being shot in the Star Ledger (it was featured in a blurb leading to the full article on the front page). I didn’t know he lived in New Jersey, but I felt bad for him even though no real damage was done. I thought that he must be really scared and nervous, and that even though I didn’t agree with him politically, it’d be nice to send him a note to let him know he would be in my thoughts and that nobody should have to go through that just because of what they say.

    However, as soon as I sat down at the computer to look up his email address, I googled his name. One of the first results was the Media Matters transcript of him freaking out on his radio show and martyring himself as a victim of illegal immigration because a bullet bounced off his home’s vinyl siding, and how there’s a liberal bias because we all know if a bullet bounced off of Rachael Maddow’s house, it would have made the front page of the NY Times. Never mind that this tiny incident made the front page of the Star Ledger, the state paper of NJ, which does tend to swing a bit to the left.

    At that point, I decided I would not send him a note. If he were really scared, he would not be using a scary personal incident like this to rally up his listeners. He would be keeping it out of his work. Instead, he’s using it as a wedge to rally up his fans.

    Hallmark does not make a card that says “I’m sorry a crazy guy scared the crap out of you, but you should also eat a bucket of dicks for martyring yourself to put down immigrants,” so I unfortunately will not be contacting Dobs.

    FWIW, the State Trooper interviewed for the article said that it looked like a bullet fired from a “long rifle from a distance.” As I’m not a gun nut, I have no idea what kind of girl’s gun shoots bullets that bounce off of VINYL SIDING.

  47. Jim89048

    All I can say is it’s a real drag that Keeeth is on vacation right now. He’d wet himself over this one.

  48. BlueStateLibtard

    Oh please, I live here and there are plenty of asshole shithole hunters here who routinely make the news every hunting season by accidentally killing their kids and friends. They’re half-blind and drunk, but insist they have a “right” to be a danger to everyone around them. What a crybaby baby Dobbs is; go run off to your Palm Beach mansion if you can’t take it Lou.

  49. Neilist

    [re=447708]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Hey, if you think it’s easy to take down a vicious, fast-moving, enraged razor clam with a single shot mussel loader, you try it.

    Dobbs is lucky the shooter wasn’t using a fried claim load. Those things are LETHAL.

  50. NYNYNY

    It hit the vinyl and fell down without penetrating the vinyl. Geesh, sounds like my first marriage.

  51. Jukesgrrl

    [re=447587]dougbob[/re]: There’s a store?! You mean we can’t just steal it and send it out as an online spooky card with the tagline, “Halloween greetings from somewhere near the Mexican border”?

  52. Starrigavan

    OMFG! I so feel for Dobbs! The other day some right-wing, homophobic bigot let the air out of my tire while I was at work! I aired it up on the way home and you KNOW WHAT??? The very NEXT DAY some OTHER right-wing-homophobic bigot let the air out AGAIN! Who else could it have been? I’m gay. HOLY SH*T it could have been ERICK ERICKSON! He’s a righty-tighty! I don’t think it was Rush Limbaugh, I can’t imagine he could bend over enough to let the air out of a tire, but maybe it was Glen Beck? No, no, didn’t find any evidence of vicks vapo-rub on the tire. SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN ERICK ERICKSON! What am I going to do??? What if he uses the inner-tubes to find out where I live? Heck he’s on the inner-tubes every day! What if he comes here tonight? How will I be able to tell him from trick-or-treaters? I better just go get the shot-gun right now…

  53. seted

    [re=447383]V572625694[/re]: The report read that the bullet struck up in the attic area and they were able to discern this because Dobbs wife had picked the bullet from off the ground below the point of ‘ impact ‘ .

  54. zhubajie

    Is Dobbs one of those Americans who is descended from an English criminal/convict? If so, send him back. Hanging at Tyburn could be the media spectacle of his life.

  55. zhubajie

    [re=447474]JMP[/re]: Money. He says what his bosses and their audiences want to hear. If that fits with his own half-witted notions, so much the better. But I’ve no doubt he’d campaign for the Chiapas Zapatistas, if paid enough.

  56. NebraskashireGentry

    it’s so painfully obvious who shot Lou Dobbs’ vinyl-covered mansion three weeks ago: his “trusty” sidekick Kitty Pilgrim.

Comments are closed.