Wonkette
Unless you are “really into Jesus,” you will be celebrating the annual pagan bacchanal Hell-o-ween in just three days! We hear that “Mother-daugher slutty nurse combo paxxx” have been selling out at all drug stores nationwide, so what should you wear instead? How about a “political costume,” since you all love politics so much. You can be a famous politician like Joe Lieberman (with a knife in the back of the skull, for a nice touch?), or you can go as a concept, like, “Death Panels.” (Or just dress as nothing and watch teevee all night, who gives a shit?) But if you do have a “political costume” this year, please send us your sexy photos through the rest of the week, and we will convert them into easy posts and give you “iPhones.” TIPS@WONKETTE.COM.
Let’s have photos of the Wonkette staff all dressed up. And a picture of SKS’s Little Trucknutz in suitable Halloween attire (Trig costume?).
In 2004, my husband actually allowed me to put him in a big diaper and bib with a giant pacifier around his neck. He carried a bottle. He was a Republican, obvs.
I wore a blue and white cheerleader outfit. Carried blue and white pom-poms. The front of the top said “KERRY 2004.”
I’ll never live that one down.
I’ll be in downtown San Diego for Halloween.
I’ll be wearing just a regular sport-coat, a button-up shirt and jeans.
I’ll have a few teabags in the coat-pocket.
My eye-shadow will be running and I’ll have a backwards ‘B’ on one cheek.
I’m going as Glenn Beck!
i will go as myself
but with my cock showing!
Somehow Balloon Boy Sr. in a Minneapolis airport bathroom stall makes sense to me. Not sure how that is a costume, though.
I’m not as much into Jesus as I am into his brother Xavier. Yowza!
I’ve bought a Zsa Zsa Gabor costume and have photocopied my birth certificate. I’m going as Orly Taitz.
No streetlights, no kids in the area, just another naked walkabout, here…
Dammit, Jim. I had already had my teabagger costume all set out — my poster board even arrived today. Now I’m going to look like I’m just trying to be cool
Wear uncomfortable clothes in order to wait longer for a drink…no thanks.
Boo humbug!
My house already scares the kids so much that only a few brave older ones ever venture up. So I was thinking of putting up a tacky colonnades, a perimeter fence, white paint, an organic garden, and a rose garden and renaming it the White House. My “secret service” officers will cavity search anyone who tries to come in, so I really will have achieved Helloween nirvana, at last. All your kitkats are belonging to me!
Hey, editors…u r fascists! First you tell us what we CANNOT wear http://wonkette.com/411851/please-no-one-do-a-hilarious-topical-political-costume-and-dress-up-as-hamid-karzais-cia-informant-brother , then tell us what we SHOULD wear and that we have to send you PICTURES of our physical selves.
You know who ELSE took pictures of those who were about to be annihilated??
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuol_Sleng_Genocide_Museum
Um, I’m going to take my sedatives now.
I’m smearing my face with shoe polish and going as….
John Boehner.
Gotcha.
ALT-TXT WIN!
now do one for douchehat.
I’m going as Cheney.
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or maybe a wabbit.
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(=’.'=)
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Dear God that’s a woman?!
bhosp: I take it it’s spiderwoman’s costume, though whatever that is, it’s genitals are covered in flab. Read the alt-text for a scintillating clue as to our masked gyro’s identity!
If any of ya’ll come ’round my parts ith a Michael Steele costume, I will have my way with you and he give you the poverbial razor blade apple
user-of-owls: There is one costume you can only wear at the risk of your life….Moe Ha Med….they would Jihad your ass.
Who would Hitler go as?
Prince Harry?
Wanna see a snowbilly pooper?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUriWHPnjeU
Oh and any furry who show up on my doorstop gets shot like a Jaspanese teenager in Alabama
Wife & I & friends dressed as clowns several years running. Nothing more amusing than 20 clowns showing up at a Halloween party all at once. But dressing as Rock Bottom the Clown loses its charm after a while, as did Halloween. Never did like kids.
I think its that vatican washing machine K-Lo.
I’m going as NEWELL, drunk, and making up lame contests.
Hitler by Barry Manilow
Oh Hitler
Well you came & you gave without takin’
And I sent you away
Oh Hitler
You kissed me & stopped me from shakin’
And I need you today
Oh Hitler
Am I going to have to be the real merkin around here and go as the pubic option?
I’m gonna be orly taitz. sitll havent gotten my outfit though.
I’m being lazy this year. I’m just taking last year’s costume,“Big Baby McCain In A Diaper,” changing the hair and makeup and renaming it “David Vitter Sex Party.”
Is it too late for backwards-B girl?
We have an interesting dynamic going on in our house this Hallow’s Eve. My eldest (13) decided she was going to be the Statue of Liberty this year, which is good, as all we have to make costumes from is old sheets and cardboard. Anyway, do-able.
So my youngest (9) decides she’s going to be the Statue of Liberty, too. The oldest doesn’t like that, and vetoes it, so I say, “Hey, how about a really scary Ghost?” (Sheets, cardboard. Do-able)
Naw, she did that last year, so it’s a non-starter. I jokingly say, “How about we paint your face white, fake blood, and not dye the sheets green, leave; ‘em white and you can be the Ghost of Liberty?” Awesome! Now that’s what she wants to do.
So maybe we’ll stick a Ron Paul sign on her back to make it a political statement and see how far away the other kids and parents stay.
I’m going as Levi Johnston…I already have the costume.
Latest statement from the Palin compound ” Trig is our blessed retarded campaign prop and Levi Johnston is the Anti-Christ.” so for me, it was a no brainer.
I’m going to be a totally hot stud. No wait, that’s what I am every day. Um … Nasty plaid shirt, blue jeans, shave my head, stick a plunger on it and viola! Joe the Plunger Jockey.
I’m still building it, but I’m going as a giant pair of yellow trucknutz. I’m fine tuning the nut lean. It’s just not easy as slapping two giant balloons together and lathering on the paper mache. Last year, I had a more sophisticated get up. I was Neil Cavuto.
loquaciousmusic: that’s beautiful! Pictures please!
El Pinche: I had thoughts as continuing my FoxNews motif and going as my foxrebel hero Shep Smith. Bless his heart, but he’s so fired soon.
I’m considering going as Che Guevara with a bunch of obama buttons (working title: Che’s ghost come back to support Obama’s socialist revolution) but I’m worried it’s too political insidery/not funny…
Lascauxcaveman: My 12 year old wanted to get dressed up in hunting garb and smear his face with blood. He said he’d be the “guy Cheney shot in the face”. Um, no. Not in this neighborhood. Instead, he’s doing the silver mylar balloon thing and going as Balloon Boy.
The 9 year old says she either wants to be a hippie or Work-Out Barbie.
Kind of opposite ends of the spectrum, with that one.
Hunger Tallest Palin: Sorry, but Joe the Plumber’s 15 minutes are over! Thank Gawd/Allah/Ronald McDonald or the return of some semblance of common sense!
hockeymom: Ha! Can I betrothemy 7 year old daughter to your 12 year old son? At least the moms would get along!
Texan Bulldoggette: oops ‘betroth my’ etc…
El Pinche: I thought, for sure, you were going as
dildo-manCheney, Rove, Liz Cheney, Gingrich, Delay, etc. blah, blah ad nauseum. Where is that pic again?Texan Bulldoggette: can I get a pig or cow as part of the dowry? But there won’t be a church wedding because he’s an atheist. Which he announced tonight at confirmation.
Oy.
hockeymom: How about a bulldog? But we are non-believing heathens as well…but I feel your pain. At least he didn’t say ‘my mom & dad like to drink a lot’ to a bunch of annoying do gooders.
hockeymom: What a smart young man.
As long as you understand that a poll was done and they asked fathers what was the last tihng they would accept their son-in-law be: gay, drug-addict, ex-con, stupid, handicapped, or atheist. Guess what consistently scored at the bottom?
PoignancySelz: Oh, being Liz Cheney would be fun. It would be easy. All you’d need is a trashy blonde wig, an outfit from Talbot’s or Steinmart and from time to time scream at the top of your lungs , “Waaaaaaaaaaaah ! Please don’t send my daddy to the Hague!!!”
hockeymom: You have a little atheist? That’s so cool! I never bothered to mention it to my folks — they’re non-practicing Catholics so I just figured they wouldn’t care one way or the other. When the subject finally came up — boy, was I ever wrong.
My engineer father, who got me a book on evolution as a child and who loves cosmology and quantum physics, suggested that since we don’t know how the universe began, there must be a god. Mom provided a syllogism that a) If there wasn’t a god, then we wouldn’t meet our loved ones in heaven; b) We are meeting our loved ones in heaven; therefore c) there must be a god. I was a little incredulous. Hell, if I’d known they were gonna have that kind of reaction, I’d have told them years earlier.
El Pinche: I wonder if they have good Cardiologists there,….Yeah he would have to deal with another failed socialist health care system….Kharma police, arrest this mind.
I can’t find that pic of Rove.
hockeymom: tonight at confirmation
Ha! That’s such a great, understated story. I can imagine the look on your clergy’s face.
We didn’t talk about god in our family, and stopped attending the very laid back neighborhood methodist church when swimming took over my life. I refuse to go to midnight xmas service now w/the family. I have many horrible & disgusting faults, but I’d prefer not to add hypocrite or whatever thay would make me, to the list. Even when I was a kid I found it very discomfiting attending church just that one time of the year.
PoignancySelz: HE’S GOT NUCULEAR HEART IMPLANTED BY LOCHHEED MARTEN.
This pic?
http://3.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kpp0t8sotr1qzywcto1_400.png
Man, that’s a work of engineering and very Escheresque. Even his chin are balls and his head is ..a head.
When I was 13, there was nothing I wanted to really ‘be’, so as a last ditched effort I decided to dress myself up in my dad’s hunting gear and be some kind of GI Camo Girl or whatever. It failed miserably– house after house I was asked if I was supposed to be Sylvia Seegrist.
El Pinche: Tx. Those are fuckin TruckNutz on his chin.
Now THAT’s Liz Cheney. Running around saying, “those Hague Socialist Cardiologists don’t know shit about my abhorrent father’s F-22 heart.”
bago: Yeah, go as the Public Option. You can easily make a vending machine from an appliance box, lighting it from within with flashlights. The top should have a slot for nickels, and the bottom a change drawer for dollars. There should be various buttons for free procedures and to which partiers press their body parts (which you can palpate from inside the box). The buttons should buzz or flash when touched, and yield fortune-cookie-lab-results: “you one sick mutha”, “volunteer for Iraq before it’s too late”, “jog more, save nickels”, “avoid doctors, lessen worry”, “get deadly flu shot”, “yeooow! fuck my ex.”
SayItWithWookies: Black Catholics? My dad and his family were Catholic, and they were definitely a rarity.
My girlfriend needed an idea for a Halloween costume…I told her to dress up as a “robust public option”…she didn’t really know how to pull that off…I said “by dressing like a fat whore”…you see people, I give and give and give, and that’s why I have such a long history of successful relationships.
hockeymom: Several years ago I went as the guy Cheney shot. I had buckshot-like things on my face but some people thought I was being a plague victim- same difference I guess
The costumes for Trucknutz and Teabaggers are very much alike, aren’t they?
“…and we will convert them into easy posts and give you “iPhones.” ”
Why is that in quotations? Iphones, I mean. For decoration or is the “winner” going to “end up” with a “wireless” football “phone”?
Every day is Halloween in my life, and I always feel silly in my costume.
I need to figure out how to make “stimulus package” a costume, and yes it needs to be sexual. Go!
I was gonna go as a tin of flavored dip, but this fuckin’ Obama…BANNED THAT SHIT.
Something roughly based on this cartoon:
http://www.marriedtothesea.com/102909/washington-dc-a-look-back.gif
hockeymom: My three, 16, 12, and 10, are missionanic athiests. Very popular here in the Bible belt. My oldest, when in 5th grade, sat down during the religious songs at the elementary school choir’s public performances. The teacher was pretty pissed and threatened to kick him off the choir. I suggested that she not, lol. They should have expected it; he lodged a formal complaint via the Principal in 2nd grade when his teacher read The Legend of the Candy Cane to the class. My ten year old asked one of her classmates why she felt Jesus was “necessary,” and I got yet another call from the school. It’s our fault really: we talk to them.
IgnatiusReilly: Nice handle.
hobospacejunkie: I have many horrible & disgusting faults, but I’d prefer not to add hypocrite
Ha, that’s kinda how I felt too, but never had the guts to put it that way to my (rather Catholic) family. Instead, I just tell them “It would be pretty un-Christian of me to take a seat in an overcrowded, standing-room-only church at Christmas, when someone who wants to be there could have it, instead.
SayItWithWookies: My parents have been through so much with me as I stumbled through religious understanding that when I finally settled on atheism, they were like, “Sure. OK. Just stick with this one?”
LowerdPeninsula: I’m pretty sure Wookies parents aren’t black.
Man, all you parents with your atheist kids make me want to have little non-believers of my own. Should I stop getting all these abortions?
hobospacejunkie: Incidentally, Christmas was the only time of year that I enjoyed church as a kid, because that’s the only service where we had a full choir, and sang like a bunch of happy Baptists.
Catholic, natch.
hockeymom: This makes me chuckle. Ah, the memories……
When I was 17, during a Lent service, I quietly told one of the priests that I didn’t think I believed in “God” anymore.
(I had been reading alot of Emerson, Thoreau, Asmimov, Huxley, Orwell, etc.) I did this quietly because in 3rd grade when
I raised my hand and stood up and questioned God’s smiting that didn’t seem all that ‘godly’ to me, I was uncerimoniously
told to sit down and sthu. By a nun, natch.
So, anyhoo, the priest (who was hawt, I might add) was cool, and told me to keep searching.
A couple years later he left the church to get married to one of the nuns.
Good times.
I am going to wear a little poofy skirt, a white frilly button-up, pearls, an apron, and I am going to carry a baby, a whisk, and a McDonnell for Governor sign! I am so excited! If I have time I am going to make recipe cards that quote his thesis so I can pass them out. You know how us housewives love a good recipe exchange.
(Oh, I wish I could say I came up with this on my own but I borowed the idea from a theme party I heard about from awhile back.)
loquaciousmusic: Win
I’m dressing as an “iPhone.”
A Teabagger Love Story:
http://pics.livejournal.com/mzflux/gallery/0017b95g
CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO ENLARGE.