literally her oyster

Oh So About Sarah Palin’s Weird Dessert Espionage PR Firm?

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The news of Sarah Palin’s literary fortunes—both fiscal and fictive—also brought a smaller bit of news about a secret mystery company owned by Palin. “In April, while still governor, she founded what she describes as a “marketing” business, called ‘Pie Spy.’ Palin lists herself as the owner of the limited liability company, which was incorporated in March by her spokeswoman, Meghan Stapleton, who listed Palin’s lawyer, Thomas Van Flien, as its agent.” Extensive journalism Googling by Ben Smith also reveals that the dessert-based marketing company has something to do with helping disabled people, possibly old disabled people, by spying on them. Um, and corollary sub-revelation: of course Meg Stapleton is essentially also her de facto lawyer. [Ben Smith]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner


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  • El Kabong

    pie spy russia from my house!

  • Serolf Divad

    Pie Spy… is that sorta like Celebrity Skin magazine?

  • FreshCliches

    I haven’t read about wide open beavers since “Breakfast Of Champions”.

  • PoignancySelz

    I am so sick of being insulted by this grifter.
    She should be in jail.
    Reminds of this homeless guy in SF who had these small paintings and he was like, “what, my art isn’t, good enough for you, look at me all confrontational and shit, walking by me on the sidewalk in your Allen-Edmonds.” Arrgghhh

  • SmutBoffin

    Actual article isn’t much, but the comments are nice.

    “Still going over her past records? LOL. You might try digging in the lady’s garbage for some updated “news”. Your lefty circle jerkers that post their hate here would love to know what tampons Sarah use seeing as they spend a good portion of their time talking about her private parts.”

    “Hey “|” at 10:20 AM. If you would take the time to actually read the article (you can read, can’t you?), you would see that it is a company that “provides services to the elderly or to people with disabilities.”. Why do liberals hate the elderly and people with disabilities? You Palin haters are sick, twisted, morally degenerate morons. But it is fun to watch your veins pop out of your neck every time someone mentions Sarah Palin.”

    [emph. added]

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    Speaking of Sarah Pie, where is the First Dude been hiding???

  • yankee

    What do little ‘tards and geezers have in common? They both love pie.

    Sarah’s going to deliver pie in a variety of flavors across the interwebs. V1 will have whole pies only. But Pie Spy will have individual slices of pie.

    Like Bush, she’ll make the pie higher.

  • Snarkalicious

    I spy with my little pie something ‘huge’.

  • JMP

    Knowing Palin’s ethics, it’s probably just set up to raise money for disabled children. That is, a disabled child. And lots of lobbyists will be encouraged to donate money to it in excess of their contributions to the Palin 2012 campaign.

  • Terry

    Honestly. I’d like to hear all you guys who were lusting after this woman to recant.

  • Crank Tango

    tartes for tards? tardtartes? retartes?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Sarah Palin is a talking Pie? It explains so much.

  • yankee

    [re=445696]SmutBoffin[/re]: we don’t hate the elderly or retards. Or retarded old folks like Joe the Lieberman, Orin Hatch, or Poppy Bush.

    We don’t hate Palin, either. We think she’s a cynical twat, a lazy person who seeks to take unfair advantage of people who don’t know any better than to nod approvingly when she winks and says, “you betcha.”

    actually, I can only speak for myself here. Others may hate her. I think she’s simply a crass opportunist.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I prefer her Nail’n Palin doppelganger.

    Any lust died the first time she opened her mouth.

  • dr.giraud

    “of course Meg Stapleton is also her lawyer AND DENTIST.”


  • Come here a minute

    My research tells me this company spies on the old and disabled, catching them in the act when they take a bite of the pie that I left cooling there in the pantry, I said don’t touch that pie, you old cripple.

  • yankee

    Manchu, did you see that strokeflick about Sarah Palin? I saw the stills and honestly, I didn’t see much erotic appeal. I think bristol, however, could have a very viable career in the direct-to-web cinema verite. Her mommy’s too, I dunno, coarse. Know what I mean?

    Bristol is legal, right?

  • Extemporanus

    Apparently “Crotch Watch”, “Cunt Hunt”, and “Cooze Viewz” were already taken.

  • couchbound

    Oyster? Blech.

    Pie Spy is like the Death Panel version of Meals on Wheels.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow, Sarah knows how to rhyme. That coherence thing still eludes her, however.

  • Mahousu

    Sarah Palin creates Pie Spy in March. Pie-in-the-face comedian Soupy Sales dies in October. Coincidence?

  • bago

    Are the tales about Sarah’s oyster literally huge? Time will tell.

  • chascates

    Jump ahead 40 years and envision Palin’s kids and how well they’ll look after her.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=445724]Mahousu[/re]: I say not!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=445711]dr.giraud[/re]: And Real Estate Agent.

  • shadowMark

    I’m not sure what this can mean, but in season one, episode eight, of ICarly, “ISpy a Mean Teacher” Freddie bought a spy camera called the Pie Spy video camera, which was a video camera “hidden” inside a big plastic piece of pie. They were going to use it to spy on one of their teachers are school.

    Now we might say Sarah is a big plastic pie but I never pictured her refering to herself that way.

    Is Bristol (or Willow?) a big fan of ICarly and this is their way of personalizing their work?

    Or does Sarah watch girls play basketball and watch sexy tween girls on TV?

    Sarah? Pie spy?!

  • Gorillionaire

    A service for the elderly and disabled? Sounds to me like a giant siphon hose attached to a limitless tank of taxpayer dollars. One of those “private” industries whose only customer is the US Treasury, and the very second that someone asks “hey what are getting paid all of that money for?” they shreik back “hey we’re helping OLD PEOPLE over here back off!” and then walk out the door for a six month Caribbean vacation.

  • populucious

    PIE – a baked food having a filling of fruit, meat, pudding, etc., prepared in a pastry-lined pan or dish and often topped with a pastry crust: apple pie; meat pie.

    SPY – a person who keeps close and secret watch on the actions and words of another or others.

    PIE SPY – a company that “provides services to the elderly or to people with disabilities” and has NOTHING to do with PIE or SPIES, you stupid liberals!

    Would it be possible to have her arrested and tried for rape of the English language?

  • StoneAge

    [re=445703]Terry[/re]: I think I can speak for most men when I say that we do not need to find a woman personally, intellectually or morally attractive to want to sleep with her. So while I would never in a million years vote for her and find her hate filled speeches repulsive, I still want to bang her. I am not proud of this.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Yes. I have seen clips for, ahem, research purposes.

  • yankee

    [re=445766]StoneAge[/re]: stoneage, i concur that the former gov would be a refreshing fuck’n’chuck.

    Like all men, however,I wonder about the overall quality of the front door in this instance. I expect it’s had to ensure some rather, uh, grizzly treatment from the Toddmaster General over the years, and it got stretched beyond male comprehension four times, maybe more. Accordingly, for reasons of both male pleasure and sensible gene-retention, Mrs. Palin’s lower digestive system is the preferred location for joyful friction.

    Alternative views are welcome, of course. But that’s how I see it from here.

  • yankee

    [re=445770]ManchuCandidate[/re]: In the interest of science, I’ll need to hear your views on the my recent posting on the preferred destination for the Manchu seed.

  • loquaciousmusic

    [re=445711]dr.giraud[/re]: I thought Orly Taitz was her dentist.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=445703]Terry[/re]: Sorry, Terry. I’d like to fuck Michelle Malkin, too. I’m a pig. I know.

  • A Better American Than You!

    How prescient were The Doors, envisioning the birth and life of Levi Johnston in their lyric: “I am a pie/spy in the house of love.” Levi, more than any outsider, knows “our deepest, secret fear.” She crept into his garret room on many a cold Alaska night.

  • yankee

    Three way with michelle malkin and mrs. palin?


    Actually, I’d like to swap out palin for megan mccain. wax her first, please. and maybe starve her for a few days and then fill her with powerbars for the video shoot.

    damn, I’m gonna be rich!

  • gurukalehuru

    Better’n Cake Snake. I like Pie. I like it fine. 3.14159.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=445811]yankee[/re]: “Tonight on Fox News: 2 Republicans, 1 cup!”

  • Jim89048

    [re=445779]yankee[/re]: Oral, obvs. Only way to shut her the hell up.

  • Bassweasel

    What a brilliant business plan, during this great jobless recovery!

    Whenever a freshly baked pie is placed on a windowsill somewhere in the US it is tracked by RFID tag and a tweet is sent to the i-phone of the nearest hobo, who is then able to stealthily purloin the pie from said windowsill as in a 1930s comic strip.

    Hunger in America is solved by Sarah Palin and Pie-Spy, with no government interference!

  • Pithaughn

    Maybe PIE is short for something else? Like IBM is short for International Bizzness Machines (That cost like a fucktillion to keep running). So PIE translates to:
    Palin’s Incredible Enrichment
    Protecting Indigent and Elderly

    or ?

  • Bebe Loves You

    Am I the only one who believes that Sarah Palin’s title should be Governess?

    Real men are governors; hockey moms are governesses.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    It’s only the tip of the piesberg. John McCain’t will introduce legislation authorizing a DHS Pie Eye in the Sky satellite that will detect meringue as small as a half-teaspoon. Cheney will announce that diabetes is actually a molasses-based Chinese plot to overthrow America; Bachmann will call for sugar to be listed as a controlled substance, and Dunkin’ Donuts will be revealed by Coulter as a Taliban front. Malkin will link pies to a liberal effort to force socialized medicine on America. Ben and Jerry will be tried as spies and convicted of treason. Steele will have to resign from the GOP because of charges that he is an Oreo. The late Jackie Gleason’s patriotism will be questioned because of his slogan of “how sweet it is!” Celebrities who have pitched desserts will be sweetlisted in Hollywood, and the DEA will raid clandestine saccharine labs.

  • ShiningMathPath

    [re=445851]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: and your true identity will be revealed as lawrenceofthedessert?

  • Bassweasel

    I chanced to see both “The Man In The Iron Mask” on TV and Judy Tenuta’s Sarah Palin video today and it suddenly dawned on me there can be no other course of action.

    Friends, we must kidnap Sarah Palin, and after we imprison her and lock her head in some sort of spittoon with a couple of holes in it, we REPLACE SARAH PALIN WITH JUDY TENUTA.

    We then run Judy/Sarah for president, and we’ll finally see a government accordion subsidy. Hey, it could happen!

  • PsycGirl

    I made a forced trip to Wal Mart tonight and I SWEAR I thought I saw a sign advertising a “Sarah Palin” line of women’s clothing.
    Then I realized I was really seeing into the future.

  • Bucky Katt

    [re=445801]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yes – angry, hateful sex is somehow the most titillating. I would totally get off on it.

  • Bucky Katt

    “Pie Spy” sounds like she just concealed a miniature camera under her skirt. Though I’m sure there’s a lot of seniors who would pay dearly for such a service.

  • Neoyorquino

    Wasn’t Sarah spying pie just a few days ago at the high school girls basketball game?

  • chascates

    [re=445850]Bebe Loves You[/re]: a la Jewess, Negress, and Editrix?

  • Bruno

    I bet she thinks that now that she is an “author” she can do a sequel called American Pie: the Grifter. Levi will be the baddie in the movie

  • BeWoot

    [re=445703]Terry[/re]: You never heard of grudge fucking? Lust, like beauty, knows no pain.

  • joezoo

    Waitaminute, waitaminute… Palin’s lawyer is Captain Beefheart??


    You liberals- quaking in your boots because a powerful woman is finally making all the right moves. There’s no question that come 2012, when American’s are drowning in debt from Obama’s war and

    Pie Spy? WTF?

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=445883]PsycGirl[/re]: I can see it: fake fur sewn around all the edges.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=445779]yankee[/re]: “Accordingly, for reasons of both male pleasure and sensible gene-retention, Mrs. Palin’s lower digestive system is the preferred location for joyful friction.”

    I’ve heard it collequially called many things, but the “lower digestive situation” is an epic win.

  • hobospacejunkie

    System, situation, whatever. Actually I prefer lower digestive situation better. Well done!

  • barbara789

    Love this
    camper hire

  • barbara789

    Love this
    camper hire

  • stolichnayaaa

    Ladies and gentlemen
    you can’t imagine
    the rapture in store,
    just inside of this door!
    There, you’ll sample
    Mrs. Palin’s meat pies.
    savory and sweet pies,
    as you’ll see.
    You who eat pies
    Mrs. Palin’s meat pies
    conjure up the treat
    pies used to be!

  • villageatrois

    Juli, there’s editing to be done! It’s not “Pie Spy”, it’s “pisspy”. The born-too-oftens need euphemisms for when they feel totally de-urinated, cause Jesus would cry if they said it aloud.

    Sarah is pisspy about Jawacaine, and the teevees that asked mean questions, and Joe the Plumber (because he never returned her calls even after she threw her wedding ring in the lake). She’s pisspy about what Levi is going to say on teevee about her lady bits, she’s pisspy about having to change colleges every time she had an abortion, and she’s pisspy about Obama giving free healthcare to girls who won’t even pay for their rape kits.

  • disgustedcitizen

    [re=445697]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: under Greta van Susteren.

  • Deacon Frank Orris

    [re=446020]stolichnayaaa[/re]: Sweeney Palin ftw!

  • edwards

    Anyone wanting to post info on Sarah Six Pack, sell Palin goodies or raise money for the former Gov can buy the domain (web address) at

  • stolichnayaaa

    [re=446027]villageatrois[/re]: “Jawacaine” – a topical analgesic designed to relieve the pain of the loss of your droids.

    Man, it’s a good thing this is on the third page.