Wonkette
It took us so long to check it out, but we finally did, and guess what? Mitt Romney’s “Free and Strong America PAC” website has any number of funnies! There are all these videos of him yelling at Obama for doing things that Mitt Romney did like 20 times when he was governor of Massachusetts. And then he always asks for money to support whatever he needs money for. (The best is probably the one where he goes nuts about cap-and-trade supposedly costing every person $1,700 dollars, after which he requests $5,000 donations.) But let’s check out this dongle he links to at Human Events, an op-ed by Mittens himself: “Iran: Biggest Threat Since Soviets.”
Thanks to Mormon Magic, the publication of Mittens’ horrifying war article just happened to coincide with his speech at an AIPAC conference last week. Prepare to be die from fear of dying:
The Iranian leadership is the greatest immediate threat to the world since the fall of the Soviet Union, and before that, Nazi Germany.
Ha ha ha that’s the first sentence! BOOM! Some sentences just deserve their own blockquotes. But anyway, back to the Iranian Nazi Holocaust toy chest:
I will happily agree that the U.N. has done some good in its history. But I will also insist that it has also done terrible damage to the causes it claims to uphold. And on no issue has it been more irresponsible and morally reckless than when considering the fate of Israel.
The Iranian regime threatens not only Israel, but also every other nation in the region, and ultimately the world. It is a repressive regime… an intractable enemy of liberty and human rights… the world’s leading sponsor of terrorism and subversive war. The threat it poses to the world would take on an entirely new dimension if Iran were allowed to become a nuclear power.
Later, he proposes his options: “withering sanctions” — everybody loves sanctions, except the people of Iran, who starve, and hate the imposer of the sanctions! — to be followed the next day by war.
And the military option must remain on the table — and that threat needs to be credible. Unfortunately — for reasons that are unfathomable to me — our government has signaled that the military option is effectively off the table. How can that be countenanced when an ally of the United States faces an existential threat?
Yeah, didn’t the “Harvard Law Academy of Columbia” ever teach Barack Obama to properly countenance an existential threat? Usually you learn this during mandatory CPR training sessions.
Iran: Biggest Threat Since Soviets [Human Events]
Seeing as Cheney’s popularity rating is not zero (but still less than 10), hardcore GOP activists in Texas (the ones who keep calling for the gold standard to be reinstated and child labor laws abolished in the party platform) would about account for his vestigial popularity.
This might be a back-handed way to help Perry. Joe Lieberman I can see ‘helping’ her. Bush has got to endorse Perry.
If Hutchison does go through and resign her seat who’ll Perry appoint? Smokey Joe Barton says he’s up for the job but Perry would want someone with more gravitas. Tom DeLay?
You know who ELSE endorsed über-right-wing electoral candidates… ?
I’m shittin’ on the Dick and the Kay, wastin’ time.
Try as you might, you are not going to make me feel sorry for KBH.
Finally, photographic evidence linking Cheney to Abu Ghraib. But he should be careful, with his heart, gyrating in such a poorly ventilated costume. Or should he?
I thought January was the last throes, if you will, of Dick Cheney. Now my belief is he will, in fact, be greeted as a liberator.
Surely K.Thnx.Bai didn’t agree to this?
I’ll take evil lying douchesacks begetting evil lying douchesacks for $300, Alex.
chascates: Of course it’s designed to help Perry; even in a Texas GOP primary the Sith Lord can only hurt more than he helps. Besides, you know that Cheney’s got to be with the platform of executing the innocent, scandal cover-ups, and firing all who are not fully obedient.
Good. I hope he spews some really hateful shit, as per his usual, and that there’s at least some good state-level coverage of it. I want the entire party to be a big hot mess.
All his X’s live in Texas
Have I mentioned that Cheney is a DICK?
Hutchison is just a mindless robot - I don’t think she has an original thought in that coiffed head of hers.
Yes, I think this means he has actually endorsed Rick Perry, and will campaign on Rick Perry’s behalf by campaigning on Sen. Hutchison’s behalf. Who has been to the secret lair and who has not?
Holy Shit! Romney has figured out how to hijack a threat to his own evil means!!
Okay, whiskey tango foxtrot’s going on around here?
Prepare to be die from fear of dying:
Grammar Fail.
Uh oh…
Wonkette has gone wonko.
This aint no Texas/Cheney/KayBai story nohow.
memzilla: Pat Buchanan?
yeah. the THREAT to Israel.
As in “hasn’t happened yet.”
THAT must be the UN’s worst mistake evar.
Cuz 800,000+ dead Rwandans wasn’t a big enough fuck up.
Just sayin’
repost: Blingeed Mittens
http://bln.gs/b/1n5d7w
Mizz Wonkette has seduced Jim and taken over at Wonkette Central!!
Mitt Romney Presents His Nuanced Take On Middle East Geopolitics
“Bomb Them”
Wait. Is this another spell Mittens is casting using his magic undies?
Thank you Mitt Romney. And I hope neocons keep making idiotic speeches like this so we can be continually reminded of the small-minded belligerent drivel we voted against and why. But next time could you also throw in something about tax cuts and marriage being between one man and one woman? Thanks.
Humpback: Now we are all experiencing the true terrifying powers of Sarah Palin’s Pie Spy technology.
Sarah Palin is walking up onto teh Wonkette like Douglas MacArthur walked up onto some beach to take possession of wherever he did that.
I figured the military option was off the table because somebody already put it on some other table in Iraq six and a half years ago. Because hey, even Republicans aren’t dumb enough to try and half-ass their way through THREE wars at a time.
“The Iranian leadership is the greatest immediate threat to the world since the fall of the Soviet Union …”
So I take it Mittens is nostalgic for the USSR?
Number of ICBMs
US America 1000, Iran 0
Number of Nuclear Warheads
US America 1000s, Iran 0-1
Number of Carrier Battle Groups
US America 12, Iran 0
Number of Submarines
US America 50+, Iran 3-5
Arms production
US America Number 1, Iran middle of the pack
Yeah, Mittens. That’s some threat…
From the comments on that H.E. page:
“Can the HUMEVE Photoshop artist adjust his CS2 MAC setting for less edge detail and higher luminance in the facial area?
Mr. Romney’s eyes are too dark and he looks like a soulless ghoul.”
(Joke?)
SayItWithWookies: didn’t I hear that the Russians agreed to supply Iran with nuclear stuff for energy, and that the UN inspectors were in Iran right now, as Romney speaks?
and this with the Iranian bad guys instead of the Iranian green good guys in power
ManchuCandidate: They may be ahead of us in caves in rocky desolate areas, tho.
sati demise: Yes, but that’s actually a ratcheting down of the tension. Iran was going to try to refine the nuclear fuel itself — the agreement on the table (which Iran is going to say yes or no to tomorrow) is that they’ll now send the fuel to Russia for refinement, so international authorities can monitor the process.
And as for Ahmedinejad stealing the election, 1) we need to make sure the nuke fuel is being processed for peaceful uses only regardless of who’s in power, and 2) Moussavi probably wouldn’t be much better than Ahmedinejad anyway — he was one of the candidates the Revolutionary Council allowed to run, as opposed to all the others who were too secular.
The fact that the mullahs disrespected what little democracy they nominally allowed is still a disgrace — but we’d be dealing with a theocracy regardless.
The Soviet Union died in 1991, can’t Mitt just baptize it posthumously and let go? Also, if Iran is the “Biggest threat since the Soviets” how come it’s only coming in #2 on the “Mitt Romney on the Issues” to-do list?
Mitt leschmersz is probably a bit fuzzy on the geography: Iranistan? Saudi Arabica? wtf, it’s close to Roosia ya’ say, Shee-it, must be commie unbelievers. Nuke ‘em!
ManchuCandidate: Where have i seen this before…….Oh yeah!
Number of ICBMs
US America 1000, Iraq 0
Number of Nuclear Warheads
US America 1000s, Iraq 0
Number of Carrier Battle Groups
US America 12, Iraq 0
Number of Submarines
US America 50+, Iraq 0
Arms production
US America Number 1, Iraq, ? Certainly no d-day force waiting to attack
He misspelled that word…it’s NU-KA-LUR
chascates: I’ll believe he’s doing it to help Perry when I see him let Perry pet him. NObody touches Mittens’ hair…
Really? “military option is effectively off the table” ?
What about those aircraft carrier groups in the water, the water that laps up against the shores of Iran? Or, all those subs with nuke tipped missles and cruise missles that can fly right to the middle of your typical prayer rug, any where within a few thousand miles? Those are not military “options”?
What may be off the table is knee jerk saber rattling, so your golfing buddies can make fucktillions of profits off of arms sales.
“How can that be countenanced when an ally of the United States faces an existential threat?”
oh no, not Sartre and Kierkegaard again.
This guy has become such a discredited cynical old hack, he ought to go into selling pies to old people. Oh wait, someone else just decided to do that.
WTF???
Where is Bibleman when you need him?
SmutBoffin: “Mr. Romney’s eyes are too dark and he looks like a soulless ghoul.”
Looks like?
So Mitt wants to be the 2012 warmonger candidate. Color me unimpressed. I’ve got as much of a chance of winning the GOP nomination.
“Who allowed those dogs to get out…woof, woof, woof, woof…,” Romney ventured to ask.
I’ll not be happy until his shame is so great he opts for permanent reclusion.
America, the greatest and free-est and most powerfulest country given by Mormon Jesus to the whole world, is in great danger, because of Iran.
I miss the Soviet Union.
They were an honest to God existential threat. Divisions of well equipped leg infantry, formations of armored infantry reinforced with heavy tanks, artillery out the ass, missile batteries, an air force they didn’t buy from radio shack…you could be afraid of them without secretly suspecting you’re a paranoid twelve year old girl.
Iraq, Iran, Texas…yeah, they all have more nuts than your average snickers bar, but they mostly are just a danger to themselves.
Maybe we could bring the USSR back, the contards haven’t been the same since they folded.
i might just be drunk but this post is the funniest post of all the posts… god bless you Mizz Wonektt
The 2012 Republican debates should be depressing:
Huckabee: Bomb Iran.
Palin: Bomb them more.
Pawlenty: I would bomb them sooner.
Gingrich: I would bomb them pre-emptively, on January 20.
Romney: I would drop manly bombs on them in a manly way.
“The Iranian leadership is the greatest immediate threat to the world since the fall of the Soviet Union, and before that, Nazi Germany.”
Armored Iranian donkey-carts are poised to invade Poland. Motto among donkey-cart commanders, “In four years, Crakow!” This is how it all starts.
Damn that Neville Chamberlain.
A yes, “greatest immediate threat to the world since the fall of the Soviet Union,” there’s a crowded field. I guess Iran managed to beat “asteroid strike” and “invasion by space aliens”
D’y'all remember when Barry was campaigning, and he said something like the following:
“If you’re serious about finding illegal immigrants, why don’t you look in Mitt Romney’s yard?”
I thought it was one of the funniest things a politician had ever said.
couchbound: This was something that happened! Also!
pampl: Don’t forget Granada — those shifty bastards were up to something, I’m almost sure of it.
WadISay:
“Romney: I would drop manly bombs on them in a manly way” so long as neither I nor my 5 manly-mam adult [non-enlistee] sons are not harned.
The US troops on the ground in the Middle East once the bombs drop? Pftt. They know that is this price to paid for protecting my Republican freedoms to count my millions.
The Iranian leadership is the greatest immediate threat to the world since the fall of the Soviet Union, and before that, Nazi Germany.
Is there a totally wrong choice of word, here? I’m seriously not getting what that was supposed to mean. Is he arguing that the fall of the Soviet Union was more dangerous than the Soviet Union, itself? Surely, by this reasoning he is also aruging that the fall of Nazi Germany was more dangerous than Nazi Germany, itself?
O Que? Tambien, also.
LowerdPeninsula: I think you have sighted the great nebula that lies at the center of nost politicians, particularly republican presidential aspirants.
The real question is how Iran stacks up to Attila the Hun in terms of being a threat to Western civilization.