Comical naked person Levi Johnston went on the CBS program this morning but really, don’t even watch the clip, we just needed some art to go with the text: “There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.”

Blah blah blah Levi, you massive slut. Just be an adult here and name your damn price. Or don’t! Hold out for a little while longer. We imagine his “endgame” preference is to reveal these things in a ghostwritten New Yorker “Talk of the Town” two-pager, alongside a comic of him shootin’ bunnies while takin’ a dump.

Levi: I’m Hiding “Huge” Things About Palin [CBS News]

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  • chascates

    “There are some things that I have that are huge.”

    Don’t go there.

  • petehammer

    (edited for clarity)
    “There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t used them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.”


  • newhampsha

    “There are some things that I have that are huge.”

    We shall find out soon…

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Dear Oprah,
    who art in Chicago,
    please be ALL OVER THIS SHIT
    when you interview Snowbilly TrailerTrash
    on November 16.

  • CaiteeCruelle

    [re=445623]chascates[/re]: Already did.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    are.those.pimples.on.his.forehead? Is CBS cutting back on make-up techs this year?

  • jokahmon
  • Colander

    [re=445623]chascates[/re]: Yeah, I thought he was gonna jump the shark right there, I got scared.

    The boy really needs to date, like, an ex-Real World cast member or something. Sarah Palin Is A Bitch stories can only go so far.

  • SmutBoffin

    Please, Levi, don’t hurt ’em.

  • memzilla

    “So, were you lying to us then, or are you lying to us now?”

    Bad defense. BAAAD defense. Go sit in the corner.

  • slappypaddy

    if these things are illegal his coyness could cost him. has he retained counsel? just wonderin…

  • user-of-owls

    Oh my gog…do you realize what’s happening here?!

    First came Joe the Monkey Wrench, who milked his baseless fame successfully, but briefly.

    Now we have Levi, who has learned to milk his baseless fame far more effectively by holding tantalizing bits of his story back.

    They are EVOLVING, people!

  • One Yield Regular

    Who is this gentleman’s PR agent? I’m hiring.

  • trondant

    Dwpwoa? That makes no sense.

  • Larry McAwful

    Levi Johnston was later quoted saying, “And the good news is… here I am, ladies!”

  • Holden Caulfield

    I clicked on the link, but then I saw that it was 7 minutes 29 seconds. That’s just too huge for me.


  • ph7

    I wonder how those custody visits are going.

  • Great Old Ones Party

    When does Levi’s “Sell-By” date expire?

  • tiger

    is he on extube yet? i’m waiting.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=445640]trondant[/re]: Sorry, no acrostic meant. I was channeling my inner Presbyterian prayer cadence.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    I think I saw somewhere that he meant how Sarah had referred to the baby as a retard on several occasions or some such. But since there’s no sexual innuendo in that I’ll leave the thread to your fantasizing now.

  • Colander

    [re=445638]user-of-owls[/re]: I would argue that Levi realizes where his strengths are (in his pantst), and knows where his place is (in pictures). Joe the Bro thinks he’s the Right’s Al Sharpton or something.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    How did you find out about the comic Levi and I did?

  • the problem child

    [re=445637]slappypaddy[/re]: Yes.
    [re=445639]One Yield Regular[/re]: Tank Jones.
    [re=445623]chascates[/re]: Impossible. The kid is already a walking dick.

  • Noodle Salad

    It’s gotta be related to Snowbilly’s “quitting to win” tactic. Please just tell us, Levi, we promise that we’ll keep paying attention after you’ve finally purged yourself completely. Because then you’ll be one of those empty shell celebrities that ends up getting filled with Scientology or AIDS or something.

  • chascates

    He should be servicing Meghan McCain. He might get more than he can handle:

    “# I love being on the road and traveling and hotel rooms but once in a while I wish there was someone to cuddle with me when the day is over!about 16 hours ago from web ”

    She means someone to fuck her silly. Eat your moose meat, boy.

  • JMP

    Andrew Sullivan was right about Trigger? More Sarah-in-a-towel stories? Meth labs? They were pissed at Letterman because Willow really was impregnated by A-Rod? C’mon man, don’t just tease; Enquiring minds want to know!

  • el donaldo


  • rev_matt_y

    Oh crap, I saw this while I was waiting for my car at the shop this morning. The interviewer specifically asked if he was claiming she’d done illegal things and he wouldn’t give a straight answer, but largely implied yes. Of course, this relies on Levi actually knowing whether or not something is illegal…

  • nbawriter

    I don’t know why, but I get this feeling that “hirsute vagina” is the adjective-noun combo on the tip of his tongue. OK, not really. He doesn’t know what those words mean … but synonyms.

  • nbawriter

    [re=445655]chascates[/re]: I don’t own enough Whore Diamonds to state what I would pay for that porno.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Levi and Sarah Palin should get trailers next door to each other and bicker about how one’s lawn gnomes are encroaching on the other’s yard and such. Or “ecksetera,” in keeping with the white trash flavor.

  • shadowMark

    When Howard Roark needed money he got a job in a quarry breaking rocks. I’m just saying.

  • Jim89048

    [re=445655]chascates[/re]: Kathy Griffin is preferrable.

  • PoignancySelz

    As sure as the earth is spheroid, Spalin is not the biological mother of Trig.
    Is that huge?
    Watch Spalin in some of the stock footage, she is completely disregards the kid with one chromosome too many.
    Really, what’s the difference between a pitbull and a hockeymom?
    Pitbulls don’t commit fraud.

  • Flanders

    [re=445640]trondant[/re]: Dude with penis will orgasm artfully?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=445664]nbawriter[/re]: “Swarthy Peen Cave”? “Wooly Portal”? “Bearded Crevasse”?

  • the problem child

    [re=445661]rev_matt_y[/re]: Levi probably doesn’t have a clue about whether something Snowbilly did is illegal, unethical, or just really embarrassing. But his lawyer should know. And the lawyer doesn’t want his meal ticket to be an accessory after the fact.

  • JesusButter

    Hurt ME, Levi, hurt ME.

  • the problem child

    [re=445664]nbawriter[/re]: Fuzzy puzzy?

  • PrairiePossum

    He is trolling for a book deal after he heard about the Moosebilly’s 1.25 million dollar advance.

  • drrty martini

    I refuse to click the linky because I don’t want to hear his voice. But damnit: just flash that peen and let us get on with our lives, OK?

  • JMP

    [re=445638]user-of-owls[/re]: Evolving? I think the good ex-governor would have to call you a heretic for using that word, you anti-christian science-lover!

  • chascates

    [re=445670]Jim89048[/re]: You’re right. He might not be in shape to be playing any hockey afterwards.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=445664]nbawriter[/re]: you might be on to something. I mean what with all the shaved pussy these days, a 70’s bush like sarah’s would prolly leave most dudes speechless.

    ps. bristol! I love you!

  • Little Miss Baltimore

    When he talks like that I get so hot.

    Levi + nipple clamps + a nice glass of white zinfandel and I’m ready to go.

  • chascates

    Among other things, Johnston said Palin joked about her son Trig’s Down Syndrome, calling him her “retarded baby.”
    “I was just in shock the first time I heard it,” he said, when host Maggie Rodriguez expressed disbelief. He also said Bristol took care of the baby much more than her mother: “Sarah was never home.”

    ‘tard baby. ‘tard baby. ‘tard baby. ‘tard baby. ‘tard baby. ‘tard baby.

  • nbawriter

    [re=445692]chascates[/re]: That’s odd … chromosomes.

  • stew

    If he doesn’t have a huge johnston, his 15 minutes will REALLY be up.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    He needs to get naked soon, before I decide he’s really not all that hot. Straight-boy-next-door porn is scarcely a novelty these days.

  • Come here a minute

    [re=445692]chascates[/re]: HEY just because Sarah calls her tard baby a tard baby, it doesn’t mean YOU get to call her tard baby a tard baby. That would just be mean. It’s not like she says she wants to deathpanel her tard baby. (The democrat congress and white house want to death panel tard babies and granny.)

  • MARCdMan

    Why hasn’t this clown mysteriously slid off of an icy road yet?

  • chascates

    [re=445708]Come here a minute[/re]: I guess I’m still pissed that after the campaign ended Palin had her youngest (Piper? Salmon? Butterchurn?) carry Trig up and down all those jet boarding stairs. I kept expecting the little girl to fall and wondered if maybe Palin planned for that.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    I guess we all know where Sarah’s $1.25M advance is going now.

  • ella

    No matter how big he is, Levi’s at 14 minutes and tick-tock.

  • proudgrampa

    Goddam, his 15 minutes just seem to go on forever…

  • Crankenstank

    He’s talking about his Alaskan Grizzly Bear, if ya know what I mean.

  • Atheist Nun

    Meh. Someone call Levi, offer him 20 minutes of primetime TV, shoot him up with scopolamine during a commercial break, and then we’ll see what he has to say. Also: Tard Baby.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    im sure levi’s dick pics will be all over whent hey are finally exposed. Also. Penis

  • Cheney Guevara

    Palin was offered Levi’s penis to nowhere and she said thanks but no thanks

  • PlanetWingnuta

    did i say whent???? moran ! i meant to say when.

  • Cheney Guevara

    levi offered palin his penis to nowhere and she said thanks but no thanks

  • Dangerous

    Hmmm. I wonder what he could be hiding.

    Could it be SP is not Trig’s mother, and anyone with open eyes and any sense already figured out? That would explain why MSM never reported it.

    What could possibly be more damaging to the Palins, the GOP and the MSM than that revelation with proof?

    Would someone just ask him already!! And ask her to prove she’s the birth mother of the “retard”.

  • Cheney Guevara

    [re=445742]Cheney Guevara[/re]: what kind of douche posts twice? talk about tards

  • Doris Ziffel

    Why is everyone dumping on Levi? He’s a huge thorn in Palin’s side. His article in Vanity Fair was excellent, made Palin look crummier than the worst person you ever met.

    And the thing is, you believe everything he says about her, because he doesn’t come across as an angry person. Like how she spends almost all her time at home alone in her room, and has virtually no interactions with her kids. How she barely talks to the First Dude except when they’re fighting. How the First Dude just vanishes for days at a time, and not because he’s working. How neither parent ever cooks, so the kids just get takeout from Taco Bell a lot.

  • AxmxZ

    He should hold onto these “huge things” he has with both hands and be careful not to shoot his load until she’s directly in his sights.


  • greatgooglymoogly

    Possible “hurtful” secrets:

    Sarah Palin doesn’t change the roll after she’s used all the toilet paper.
    Sarah Palin has chronic halitosis.
    Sarah Palin is a big mean stinky who tattles on everyone.
    Sarah Palin has poor table manners.
    Sarah Palin worships at midnight before the alter of Satan while gratefully accepting repeated, deep plunging thrusts from huge devil-phalli and drinking children’s blood in exchange for the continuation of her madly driven lust for more – ever more – power and attention.
    Sarah Palin cheats at Scrabble.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=445774]Doris Ziffel[/re]: Well, perhaps the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but the douche-bag of another douche-bag is still a douche-bag.

  • Bassweasel

    What a brilliant business plan, during this great jobless recovery!

    Whenever a freshly baked pie is placed on a windowsill somewhere in the US it is tracked by RFID tag and a tweet is sent to the i-phone of the nearest hobo, who is then able to stealthily purloin the pie from said windowsill as in a 1930s comic strip.

    Hunger in America is solved by Sarah Palin and Pie-Spy, with no government interference!

  • AnSnarkist

    Sarah Palin made a joke about Trig.
    Only liberals make jokes about Trig.
    Therefore, Sarah Palin is a liberal.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=445774]Doris Ziffel[/re]: “crummier than the worst person you ever met.”

    i dunno bout that. i can see that person every time i look in the mirror.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Jesus H. Christ, my Levi crush knows no bounds. His leg hairs are as spun golden thread to me.

  • shadowMark

    [re=445897]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Well if you like him so much why don’t you MARRY him?! Oh, right, yeah, sorry about that. Never mind.

  • Below the Beltway

    Kathy Griffin’s baby daddy has at least another 4 minutes of D list on his agenda. If he has a huge, erm, Alaskan Palin-snaking trouser monster, he may have another 4 minutes in him and/or her.

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=445678]PrairiePossum[/re]: Correct. Levi has a similar m.o. to Snow Silly. If he has enough on her, as it were, he’s sure to pop up on Letterman with his own advance to boot. How long before he’s on the campaign trail? I think he’d make a great mayor o’Wasilla.

    And yes, Oprah’s questioning will likely mark the best squirming this side of B-Boy Daddy.

  • Scooter

    Levi sure seems to wear alot of moose in his hair.

  • Bruno

    Hairy pussy? This is all about pits, man, those german, german pits

  • chascates

    Palin: Levi Johnston ‘Mean-Spirited,’ ‘Malicious,’ Selling ‘Body for Money’
    Trig is our ‘blessed little angel’ who knows it and is lovingly called that every day of his life. Even the thought that anyone would refer to Trig by any disparaging name is sickening and sad.

  • skutre

    I would hit the one with the layer of scum on her

  • Capricatony

    Why the hostility toward the arctic hillbilly/evil genius? This is America. Sarah Palin is no dumber than W and he got elected twice. It could happen don’t think it can’t. Levi is a national hero.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=445750]Dangerous[/re]: Could it be SP is not Trig’s mother, and anyone with open eyes and any sense already figured out? That would explain why MSM never reported it.

    That shit has been as bad as truthers and birthers, and it really bothers me to see fellow liberals continuing to go down that road. Just cut it out.

    Levi’s a whore (correct usage of t he word), period. He will say (and has said) anything for money. I never understood how anyone could find more value in the leech of a leech than the leech (Sarah Palin), itself.

  • WesternCorrespondent

    [re=445948]chascates[/re]: When Palin struck back at Levi today, saying he was selling his body for money, she conveniently forgot that’s what SHE did ‘way back when she entered those skimpy swimsuit beauty pageants that offered cash prizes.

    [re=445985]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: It’s too bad you can’t handle the truth. The deeper we’ve dug in to this Palin baby birther/truther mystery, the worse the coverup and the implications have gotten.

    People investigating this have had their livelihoods, their families, and and their lives threatened to the point two were scared off the investigation — how likely would that be if we were totally wrong and off base? The threateners instead would have merely ignored us, or tried to disparage our findings.

    They can’t do that because their ONE picture is seen to be a lie when lined up to all the eye-opening pictorial proof.

  • get real

    Who is the top, Levi or Todd?

    My money’s on the younger.

    Of course no Tard Baby came from the Majestic Hirsute Loins of Thy Iconic Saint Sarah of Wasilla. The days of maleness crossing the Saintly Threshold are long past.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=445985]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Not gonna cut it out till we get some answers, dammit. In the “Vagina of Steel” incident, I want to hear from flight attendants, gate agents, her obstetrician and the nurses in attendance, Bristol’s high school teachers and classmates, etc…
    In the incident of 9/11, I would like to hear from Dick and George, separately, under oath, as well as Don, Larry, Marvin, Rudi, Bernie and a few others interrogated by the trickiest motherfucking prosecuting attorney ever dreamed up by a TV court drama writer.
    In the incident of “George Bush hammered out of his mind at the Beijing Olympics” I would like to see at least one MSM outlet print those photos, or get a good explanation as to why the hell not.
    In the incident of “Dead Alien Corpses Secretly Held at Area 51, Somewhere Near Roswell, NM” I’m satisfied that the Discovery Channel has done their job.
    And I’m tired of people telling me that they’re tired of hearing about it.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=446007]WesternCorrespondent[/re]: You are so fucking crazy.

  • bopumofu

    LOL just imagine having a nemesis like this whose only hope of anything other than inheriting his mom’s meth lab is trashing you on national TV.

  • jennx

    [re=445985]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Ya, I know. Seems birtherish. But it’s really not. I was very, very skeptical, and now I’m really, really not. Pictures of Palin taken on March 28th clearly show her not pregnant. Pictures of Palin taken on April 13th show her gigantically hugely pregnant. Actually the “coverup” was really amateurish. It’ll come out eventually.

  • get real

    Snark off.

    Sarah Palin was absolutely and categorically NOT pregnant in 2008 and is NOT the birth mother of Trig Palin.

    Anyone who says otherwise is blowing smoke out of their ass and sucks at the Teet of Saint Sarah.

  • MissM

    Blah blah blah, Levi, too much talking, not enough lack of pants.

  • rmjag

    His huge secret . drool . Levi , just stuff it in a tight speedo and pose like crazy …

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=446119]jennx[/re]: [re=446327]get real[/re]: yeah, that’s right; look at these two fucking insane loons, folks. “Where’s Trigg’s long-form birth certificate, henngghh?”

    Get fucking real, indeed. lol

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