ALSO A NAZI  12:43 pm October 28, 2009

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Modernist

by Jim Newell

It’s like a veto, but with a half-cryptic message! Schwarzenegger’s office responds that this is just a “weird coincidence,” kind of like that time when foreign actor Arnold Schwarzenegger somehow became Governor of California. And yet! The bill he was rejecting in this letter was one dealing with financing for San Francisco ports, sponsored by San Francisco assemblyman Tommy Ammiano, who apparently shouted “kiss my gay ass” at the governor at an event earlier this month. Meanwhile, California is still broke. [SF Chronicle]

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Big Liver October 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm

I lost all my money in the stock market, but this made me laugh.

Lazy Media October 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Million to one shot, doc.

Can O Whoopass October 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Who figured this out, FOX Newt News?

Mad Brahms October 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Arnold to legislature: STICK AROUND.

Or perhaps “If it bleeds, I can veto it”. Also, and seriously, how is financing a major seaport not an issue worthy of attention? I’d understand this better if he was vetoing a bill for a new performing arts center or something…

shadowMark October 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm

A caustic acrostic.

memzilla October 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm

The birth of a new legislative meme.

You know, if you give an infinite number of interns an infinite number of typewriters…

Boondock Saint October 28, 2009 at 12:52 pm

This is the end of innocense.

Whitey Did Katrina October 28, 2009 at 12:52 pm

I lost my decoder ring so I can’t figure out what “FUCK YOU” means in American. Little help?

SayItWithWookies October 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Well this is unprecedented. Not the obscenity — Republican writing with subtext.

SenatePage October 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm

It wuz the Freemasons!

petehammer October 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=445363]Mad Brahms[/re]: What? Ventura said “If it bleeds, I can kill it!” Re-watch predator!

The telling sign that this is not a “weird coincidence” is the phrase “kicking the can down the alley” which is so awkward and out of place. Also, a telling sign is that it spells out F You.

Bowdoin October 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm

It’s good material for Pox Noise, being a dig at a gay stronghold, but how will they explain any arrangement of letters to their nation of illiterates?

“See, if you start at the left, as you’re sposeta, and instead of going right, like you should, you go down, like they do, and you only pick the big letters?”

Actually, this gambit was first employed, I believe in a campus newspaper, sometime in the sixties by a writer who went on to other notable enterprise.

The bill itself would apparently have helped create #70 in a row of dreary North Beach tourist traps.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Ammiano: “Kiss my gay ass”
Ahnuld: No, no, “I fuck you.”

SEXYTIME! Californication, here we cum!

norbizness October 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm

He then knocked out his press secretary and said “YOU’LL HAVE TO EXCUSE MY FRIEND HE’S DEAD TIRED”

WadISay October 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm

To the Honorable Joe Lieberman:


Unfortunately, I
Can no longer
Keep up
My contributions to
You campaign.
Do not hesitate to call if
Can assist in the future.

Kindest regards,


Crank Tango October 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=445377]petehammer[/re]: I know! I had to say “keeking dee cann down dee aahhlee” out loud and it just didn’t seem right. Also wtf does it mean?

pattycake October 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm

to be fair, it actually reads, “I fuck you.” Which is true, if only metaphorically.

norbizness October 28, 2009 at 1:00 pm

[re=445384]Crank Tango[/re]: I think it was a game they had in Austria, except it was a Jewish kid and not a can.

Balls! October 28, 2009 at 1:01 pm

[re=445374]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Since they think of Arnold as a RINO and mostly hate his guts it’s probably an anomaly and not indicative of the True Republican Party.

american mutt October 28, 2009 at 1:01 pm


Whitey Did Katrina October 28, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=445380]norbizness[/re]: Then he impaled an assemblyman on his boner, getting it all bloody in the process. Arnold monotoned, “Check out my redwood.”

Zadig October 28, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=445385]pattycake[/re]: Well if we’re being all semantical about it, it’s “Ti Fuck Yousa” which indicates the intern that wrote this has been possessed by the spirit of Vulgar Jar-Jar Binks.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 28, 2009 at 1:07 pm


bago October 28, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I for one approve of politicians metaphorically and cryptically fucking me instead of the standard ass-rape that they usually provide.

mardam422 October 28, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I have to give props to anyone who uses a method found in a Simpson’s episode in real life.

RoscoePColtraine October 28, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Of course I believe it’s a hilarious coincidence. If you write enough memos your bound to come up with one cryptic FUCK YOU written to a rival or adversary. It’s just a matter of random chance, people. Statistics, probability and whatnot. Another example: The Torah and Moby Dick tell us when the world will end.

How many points you want to give the brainiac who deciphered the message?

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=445396]Zadig[/re]: The only thing I hate more than Mr. Binks is Jar-Jar Lierberman.

petehammer October 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=445396]Zadig[/re]: Ti Fuck Yousa was the cheaper, Mexican equivalent of John Philip Sousa. Arnold is calling the guy derivative and unoriginal.

Car Ramrod October 28, 2009 at 1:10 pm

I will now spend the remainder of my afternoon drafting a memo that cryptically reads GET IN THE CHOPPAH.

binarian October 28, 2009 at 1:12 pm

[re=445404]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: So….if 100 monkeys sat at 100 keyboards and typed for 100 hours…..aaaahhhh never mind.

takes12no1 October 28, 2009 at 1:12 pm

oh the lucky lowly intern in every California State office, newspaper, news agency, etc. that now will have to go back through all of the Governor’s past memos. Wonkette might want to get on this as well….Rileyyyy!!!!

AxmxZ October 28, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Wow. Ahnuld just put Wonkette out of business by using up all the snark.

Uncle Joe October 28, 2009 at 1:15 pm

His best work since Total Recall.

RoscoePColtraine October 28, 2009 at 1:16 pm

The memo is worded funny, if you read it straight, and imagine it coming from Arnold. I might just have to rethink my earlier post, where I stated my belief that the FUCK YOU was random.

bitchincamaro October 28, 2009 at 1:16 pm

It’s a doubly-delicious “fuck you” because he failed to sign the “fuck you” memo regarding the failure to sign the other thing. This is great.

Scarab October 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=445414]Uncle Joe[/re]: [ standing, clapping }

Scruffy_The_Janitor October 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Fine, if you people are
under so much pressure to
cruise the nets just so you can
kick someone when they are down, then
You are not the type
of people I want to associate when I’m
Why anyone would come to this site
once in a while and
not be nice, well then i don’t
everyone I know is
telling me to stop visiting
this site and to join
everyone else who is jumping on the GOP bandwagon.

Crank Tango October 28, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=445404]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I think the torah just prooves the joos did 911. where is that pyramid paster when ya need him? He really would have eaten this shit up.

proudgrampa October 28, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=445415]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: You know, stuff like this seems intentional. I don’t believe in coincidences…

shortsshortsshorts October 28, 2009 at 1:21 pm

No, Arnold. Fuck you.

guerilla-nation October 28, 2009 at 1:26 pm

I am reminded of the time – decades ago – when i was 17 and got my first car. I convinced the State of Texas I was president of a group called United Catholic Kids for America’s Youth and was granted the personalized license plate UCKFAY. It lasted about a month until someone turned me in and they sent me new, generic plates.

RoscoePColtraine October 28, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Scruffy_The_Janitor October 28, 2009 at 1:32 pm

[re=445435]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Please put a warning on those pics.
Nearly got me fired when my boss walked in as I was clicking on your link.

greatgooglymoogly October 28, 2009 at 1:33 pm

… The Memo:

In which much hilarity and scrutinization ensued based on a cryptic, marginalized maybe-insult, until it was followed by another memo that actually said, in boldface: “Oh, I almost forgot, Fuck You.”

P.S. – the margins on John Kerry’s memos spell the entire contents of War and Peace.

Jim89048 October 28, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=445433]guerilla-nation[/re]: And I got reamed for MY plate, which reads “Iā™„HEAD”. Over 25 years, no official action taken…

problemwithcaring October 28, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=445384]Crank Tango[/re]: Not commenting on the deliberative nature on the wording, sadly the “Kicking the can down the ____” metaphor is a favorite of our esteemed actor/governor/his speechwriters. Original reference was probably to Cali’s credit addiction.

RoscoePColtraine October 28, 2009 at 1:34 pm

[re=445436]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: ‘Specially when you got a wife and family, amirite?

Texan Bulldoggette October 28, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Does anyone really think Arnold is smart enough to have pulled this off deliberately; I’m leaning towards the ‘coincidence’ alibi.

ChernobylSoup v2 October 28, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Arnold’s spokesman, Bob Griese, went on to explain that he couldn’t follow up because “the Governor is out eating schnitzel with noodles.”

Monsieur Grumpe October 28, 2009 at 1:35 pm

I approve of that message.

Scruffy_The_Janitor October 28, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=445440]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Specially the family.
7 kids going to stay at your house while I’m on the unemployment line?

Crank Tango October 28, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=445441]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yeah no way in hell is he smart enough to do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s a coincidence. Maybe some day it will come out how he wanted his writer to throw in a quote from one of his movies, and was advised that “fuck you, asshole” was a bit much.

Coincidence, my ass. It’s the same phenomenon that has made Babble Spass’ facebook updates all coherent and shit.

RoscoePColtraine October 28, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=445446]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: I was thinking of the story that goes: why’d you get fired honey? Oh, they caught you looking at noody pics of men posing and flexing.

(Sorry I exposed you to that danger.)

Scruffy_The_Janitor October 28, 2009 at 1:47 pm

[re=445450]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I was thinking of just saying that I got caught looking at pictures of my governor and my boss is a godamn liberal.

stratonike October 28, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=445384]Crank Tango[/re]: Arnold actually learned English from Daddy Warbucks.

proudgrampa October 28, 2009 at 1:49 pm

According to some bloggers on HuffPo, the odds of this being coincidence are something like 1 in 10 billion or more…

ForTheTurnstiles October 28, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=445462]proudgrampa[/re]: Yes. He did it on purpose. And it’s fucking great. This is the sanest thing he’s done as Governator.

Crank Tango October 28, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=445457]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: well scruffy, I’m not gonna tell you how to hold the mop, but maybe a janitor shouldn’t be surfing the tubes when there is prolly swine-flu puke puddling on the floor somewhere.

ElRat October 28, 2009 at 1:58 pm

After very little forethought and consideration I take it to read: T (Tommy) I Fuck You.

JMP October 28, 2009 at 2:00 pm

The SF Chronicle refers to this as “the X-rated evidence”. Um, no, you prudes, X-rated is porn, “fuck you” is merely R-rated; or possibly even less, since you can still get PG-13 if there’s only one “fuck”.

Zorg October 28, 2009 at 2:11 pm

This is the stuff political legends are made of! And, we vass were there, Charlie!

Johnny Zhivago October 28, 2009 at 2:18 pm

“dat which does not keel me makes me stronger…”

teebob2000 October 28, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Seems to me not so much an insult as an offer to the ASSemblyman what’s got the gay in response to HIS initial request for a rim-job.

dijetlo October 28, 2009 at 2:21 pm

I think the deciding factor here is that
1: The author of the bill told him he could kiss his ass.
2: The author of the bill has teh gehz.
3: The bill is for San Francisco, so it’s no doubt crawling with teh gehz.
4: His wife is on some kind of BS “Empowering Women” tour so what the hell else does he have to do but dream this shit up? He’s probably sitting in his office giggling right now.

BobTheBuilder October 28, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Does anyone seriously believe the Governator wrote this himself?

In real life, it’s so much more pathetic: Arnold goes to his secretary and says, “See, I vant you to come up vit a veto message but schpell out ze vurds in my veto message so zat zey say ‘fuck you.’ Doo it naaoow!”

And the secretary obliges, so that she can keep her shitty job.

Reefpilot October 28, 2009 at 2:41 pm

This is awesome.

Let Me Wet My Beak October 28, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=445414]Uncle Joe[/re]: I have to agree.

widget09 October 28, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Coincidense my ass!!!

stew October 28, 2009 at 2:53 pm

It actualy reads “I fuck you”–an interesting response to “kiss myh gay ass”.

Aloysius October 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm

I don’t care who you are, that shit’s funny.

DustBowlBlues October 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Sen. Tom Coburn:

Every year, I watch your brave fight.
Again, godless liberals challenge our morality.
Today, what is the great threat to Oklahoma?
Sodomites! Perverts! DEMOCRATS!
In the book of Revelation, the path is shown.
The Rapture is upon us while the
Anti-Christ claims the heat is Global Warming.
Nowhere is the Beast roaming as he is in Washington D.C.
Democracy, Capitalism and God’s own plan are under attack.

Doom must be averted.
If the Teabagging Patriots hold fast and show us the way we have hope.
End the reign of Satan, please, Doktor Tom.

Signed, a loyal Oklahoma Christian.

nbawriter October 28, 2009 at 3:01 pm

I once started an article where the first letter of each word to opening it spelled (FUCK YOU *NAME OF DECEASED PUBLISHER WITHHELD*).

It happens, and I’m damn proud to see it continue to happen.

nbawriter October 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm

… and I should proofread my Wonkette posts, but fuck it. Call my editor.

DustBowlBlues October 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=445433]guerilla-nation[/re]: Seriously? That is clever on so many levels.

Extemporanus October 28, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Governor nader_paul_kucinich_gravel deserves to be banhammered.

Accordion-o-rama October 28, 2009 at 3:06 pm

[re=445497]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Also, “dat which does not fuck me, makes me hornier”.

DustBowlBlues October 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm

[re=445485]Zorg[/re]: Has anyone checked to see if is on the case yet?

Come here a minute October 28, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Arnold, it takes a tough man to make a tender veto message. Keep fucking that chicken.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 28, 2009 at 3:16 pm

The Italian Futurist and Fascist movements were closely aligned in 1920′s & 30′s Italy, so that’s all the proof I need to say Schwarzenegger=Fascist. That and his well-documented frolics with Kurt Waldheim on the rolling, verdant, jew-free fields of the Austrian Tyrol.

the problem child October 28, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=445567]nbawriter[/re]: Was that publisher a flightless water fowl? Because if it was, someone stole your thunder and is busily exploiting cute animals as we speak.

Crank Tango October 28, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=445599]the problem child[/re]: keep fucking that penguin!

nbawriter October 28, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=445599]the problem child[/re]: Interesting, but no. This was a specific sub-human on whom I wished death … and was granted that wish.

Hint: Newspaper biz.

One Yield Regular October 28, 2009 at 3:55 pm

If Annie Leibovitz could get a photo of Arnie in bed with Tom Ammiano, like she did way back when with Arnie and Lou Ferrigno, her financial troubles would be over.

FreshCliches October 28, 2009 at 4:16 pm

And you all laughed at The Bible Code.

Citizen Kang October 28, 2009 at 4:26 pm

I never figured Rainier Wolfcastle as the subtle type.

yargisbargis October 28, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=445433]guerilla-nation[/re]: Brilliant. I stand in awe.

lawrenceofthedesert October 28, 2009 at 6:33 pm

It’s amazing what Maria can come up with as she texts her way down I-5.

Wonderman October 28, 2009 at 7:05 pm

We have such a clever Governor. Hey everybody, come to California and watch while we fellate ourselves into oblivion. Bring the kids.

Unlearned Hand October 29, 2009 at 5:39 am

This acrostic, she is weak. Check out this 32-line masterpiece (with classical references!) from 1939:

Incidentally, I find this totally appropriate from someone who’s related to Joe Kennedy, Sr.

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