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LEVI JOHNSON IS HAVING MORE FUN THAN EVERYONE YOU KNOW COMBINED: “‘He’s pumped! He’s ready to shock the world. The hell with fifteen minutes,’ [Levi's publicist Tank] Jones told Us over the phone. ‘As a matter of fact, when I picked him up, he came out the house naked. I said ‘not now!’ Johnston himself took the phone for a moment to chime in, telling Us: ‘I just get naked. That’s what I do.’” That’s what “sex” means, right? Being naked? If not, Levi Johnson has some questions. [Daily Intel]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner

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0 comments

  1. memzilla

    “Famous For Being Naked.” Nice epitaph for the tombstone for eternity, Levi. I mean other than being named for half of a pair of pants.

    And “naked” may not be the best way to jump the shark, either.

  2. FlownOver

    Certainly more fun than those of us who get to keep reading/hearing about the whole inbred lot from Wasilla Holler.

  3. norbizness

    Isn’t the word “Intel” trying to get a restraining order against that magazine and its preferred subject matter? And I’m ashamed of myself for even being on this thread, so you can only imagine what I think of people who were happy to see such a post.

  4. Terry

    [re=444276]Potater[/re]:

    Yeah, that shotgun marriage…about that….another thing Palin didn’t follow through on.

  5. queeraselvis v 2.0

    No Juli, it’s not “Tank Jones, Levi’s Publicist.” It’s “Tank Jones, Levi’s Handler.” And we all know what that means.

  6. steve

    I wonder if Sarah ever had the talk with Bristol about raising her standards? “Look at me! I waited for a professional snowmobiler! What were thinking hanging around with an amateur hockey player? You could have at least gotten a student government vice president!”

  7. freakishlystrong

    *Sigh*..thank you yet again WALNUTS, for helping to raise the national discourse, and foisting these hillbillies upon us…

  8. WadISay

    I wonder if Levi still has the “Bristol” tattoo on his ring finger, or if he had it removed (by amputating the finger).

  9. Capricatony

    Yeah yeah 15 minutes jump the shark whatever. Just so as nobody tells him playgirl is for gays. NOBODY SAY A WORD. He can go be obscure after the shoot.

  10. lawrenceofthedesert

    The heck with 15 minutes, indeed — that’s way beyond Levi’s attention span. Try for three.

  11. Norbert

    Hey, he’s got a bit of the Fred Thompson ‘stache. Maybe they should do a “twins” pictorial spread.

  12. Nigerian Business Executive

    No, Levi. There is a lot more to sex than just taking your clothes off. Here, let me show you …

  13. Snarkalicious

    This renob has a better line on a future career than Sarah Palin. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

  14. Bruno

    That is such a lie. Any self respecting PR guy would have taken a bunch of photos of him walking out of the house nak’id and had them accidently fall into the hands of the paparazzi. Then they would have obscured his willie like so much disappointing japanese porn

  15. AnSnarkist

    Levi Johnston was the one that wrote that “how is babby formed” question on Yahoo Answers, wasn’t he? If only Sarah Palin had given him a better answer…

  16. bureaucrap

    Not that I really give that much of a s**t, but Juli, are you misspelling Levi’s last name wrong, for humor (“Johnson”, get it? Because he’s showing his)? If he were reading this, he’d be insulted. Fortunately for everyone, he’s illiterate.

  17. Scruffy_The_Janitor

    What if in a Bizzaro world Sarah Palin is president….
    What would Levi be doing right now????

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Great — now Michael Steele will have to appear naked to preserve his cred. This is going to get ugly before it’s over, I can tell.

  19. hockeymom

    Apologies to those who hate the Twitter machine, but for those who Twit, you MUST sign up for Levi’s Twits.
    They are a hilarious/horrifying combination of “Hey, what movie should I see this weekend?”, “Hey, to all my brothers out there, KFC is giving away free chicken” and stuff like “Palin Sucks”, “We need a public option”.
    All of which reminds you that Levi is
    a. Dumb
    b. Still a teenager
    c. Clueless
    d. Not really into the whole republican thing.

  20. PickneyPinchback

    Wait, doesn’t someone have to ask permission from Olympia Snowe before Levi can do this? I thought she had to approve everything. Ad I hear she’s not in favor of the pubic option.

  21. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    You would think that growing up in Alaska would prevent the whole “wandering out of the house nude” sort of habit.

  22. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Not really into the whole republican thing.

    Yeah, I don’t think political party affiliation is high on a teenage boy’s list of “what matters to me about potential sex partners”.

  23. Gumboz1953

    [re=444326]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: Playing golf, no doubt. It seems to be the thing to do. Not good with the putter, at least according to Bristol.

  24. Mad Brahms

    [re=444274]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Oh please oh please oh please let this happen. Not because it sounds particularly sexy, but because the fury from Stapleton would be absolutely priceless.

    [re=444303]Capricatony[/re]: I think he’s pretty aware of it. He’s ok with the gays as far as the press indicates, so hey, good for him. He’s an equal opportunity publicity whore! And possibly actual whore, also.

    [re=444328]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “Nailin’ Palin 3: Buns of Steele”? We’ve got a headstart on the script idea. Let’s get to work.

  25. gurukalehuru

    Levi Johnston is like Billy Carter, only better. Before this is through, he will be more famous than anyone in Clan Palin, and America will be better off for it.

  26. coolcatdaddy

    [re=444344]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: People wander out of the house naked in Alaska all the time. The nearest neighbor is in the Soviet Union.

  27. Canuck13652

    Do they all have funny names in Alaska? I mean, I’ve never been, but it seems like there is a preponderance of goofy names up in Snowbillyland. Now we have Tank. Tank? Tank Trig Track . . .

  28. comicbookguy

    [re=444362]Mad Brahms[/re]: I have a first draft already!

    Palin: Ooh, being Governor sure was hard, you betcha. Now let’s clean out my old office. Levi, help me take my pictures down from the wall, I’ll reach for this one up in here.

    (knock knock) Pizza guy!

    (30 minutes of sex)

    Levi: I get naked. It’s what I do.

  29. PrairiePossum

    ‘I just get naked. That’s what I do.’

    Well, I guess that’s a step up from selling meth in Wasilla. God bless the American dream.

  30. Mr Blifil

    I just got naked in order that I might piss all over the picture of Levi’s face on my monitor. I probably should have unplugged my shit, because it turns out urine has excellent conductivity properties.

  31. proudgrampa

    [re=444405]Mr Blifil[/re]: Haven’t you ever heard what happens when you piss on an electric fence??

  32. RoscoePColtraine

    All you haters need to just shut the fuck up already. That we have Levi Johnston taking his clothes off is the sole reason we need to thank John McCain. And I’m quite sincere about this. I’m still hoping for a national gay-bar tour where he’ll autograph our butt cheeks.

  33. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=444431]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I’m still hoping for a national gay-bar tour where he’ll autograph our butt cheeks WITH HIS DICK.

    /fixed

  34. Extemporanus

    According to Mr. Tank, there’s a 90% chance of Levi peni. And if there isn’t a shot of him on a bearskin rug like the image I desecrated awhile back, I will eat my Photoshop.

    [re=444297]user-of-owls[/re]: Would that make Nancy Kerrigan cock-knee?

    “Whhhyyy? WHHHHYYYYY?!!”

  35. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Only in America can knocking up the daughter of an unknown Governor who can’t even finish one term in office give you your chance to become a media-whore.

    It brings a tear of joy to ones eye.

  36. PsycGirl

    [re=444349]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: “Naked Bunny with a Whip” is using the quotation marks “correctly” which not everyone can do, I “assure you”.

  37. whatever_dc

    [re=444294]El Pinche[/re]: ok thank you while i’m eating lunch which i’m somehow NO LONGER HUNGRY FOR NOW!!!

  38. chascates

    According to Weather.com the highs for Wasilla are in the 32-33 range and lows in the mid-20s. Guess that moose meat acts as good insulation.

  39. PlanetWingnuta

    can we hope for a Levi, Todd and Joe the plumber expose naked together? wrestling, oiling each other up?? what! dont look at me that way.

  40. thejesusandmarycheney

    [re=444623]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: How about Levi, Todd, and the one McCain son who didn’t inherit his chipmunk cheeks. Jet or Jord or whoever.

  41. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=444667]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: I’d get on the horn with the credit card company and ask them to raise my limit to pay for that. Walnuts was a looker, too, when he was a young’un.

  42. assistant/atlas

    [re=444344]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Yeah, it’s cold in the winter and stuff, but in the summer, it’s like 70 and sunny for months on end. And it’s Alaska, so it’s empty and desolate, and there’s no one around ever. I would guess that it’s one of the most nude-friendly states in the union…

  43. proudgrampa

    [re=444686]assistant/atlas[/re]: But the mosquitoes are the size of B52s. You would not want your skin exposed to such bombardment…

  44. PoignancySelz

    [re=444431]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: While I appreciate your prurient interest in our anti-hero, the whole thing makes me feel like a North Vietnamese kid. McCain dropped bombs, nay terrorized, innocent civilians, and he dropped this bomb of snowbilly moose shit on all of us.

    I would, however, preview the prOn of Biblical proportions Levi Doeth Sarah

  45. PlanetWingnuta

    [re=444667]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: maybe we can toss in Veep Biden’s son who went to Iraq in there for some bipartisianship.

  46. NopantsMcGee

    Oh, Levi. You’re super-studly-sexytime bod makes me all smushy.

    And Wonkette, try as you might…I defy you to find one NON_SEXY photo of Levi. Even the one with, what looks like a sweater-vest is so very very sexy penis-time.

    I so want to get a copy of this Playgirl, but do they even sell magazines made out of paper anymore?

  47. whatever_dc

    [re=444731]NopantsMcGee[/re]: playgirl is online only. you’ll have to pony up a prescription and not just try to cop a peek at your local 7-11

  48. LowerdPeninsula

    Anyone here hear Levi threaten Palin on national television, yesterday, saying that if she said anything else about him, he’d reveal things about her that’d be criminal? God, I hate this kid.

  49. Teeny

    I dunno, I am starting to wonder if Levi and Tank are gonna do a whole “gotcha!” with the playboy thing. Maybe the big reveal they are talking about isn’t his johnston.