jonah goldberg is also not a parody

Jonah Goldberg Discovers Funniest Story On Entire Internet

Ha ha ha ha ha hahha ahah, so good, but wait, where’s the… oh…OHHHH! The story itself is the punchline! And yet, what could the specific comedic mechanism be here? Maybe that it’s silly for the U.N. to do this when America is the richest and freest country in the world so obviously there couldn’t be any problems like this. DUH. More likely, though, Jonah just thinks the term “special rapporteur” is French and gay and made up. But it’s… the term they use? For these positions? Oh Jonah. One time he wrote a book about how American liberals are really Nazis! [The Corner via Gawker]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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60 comments

  1. Bagglio Ordonez

    Jonah is gonna’ be pissed once he discovers the U.N. is also sending a special analrapist to analyze and provide therapy to those who can’t afford housing in NYC.

  2. Paul Tardy

    Well, in NYC the UN is actually a large, important, and prestigious local business. Maybe the UN should be concerned about economic inputs like cheap labor, affordable housing, and season tickets. For New Yorkers that do not like that, there are places where the local business is strip mining. Tink abaht it mon.

  3. Whitey Did Katrina

    If Jonah Goldberg choked to death whilst eating a bag of dicks, I would be sad.

    For the many bagged dicks that remained uneaten, that is.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    At a town hall meeting last night in Morningside Heights, residents wept and shouted at Ms. Rolnik. They complained about deteriorating public housing, the lack of housing subsidies for AIDS patients, landlord harassment and many other issues, large and small.

    Jonah thinks it’s the best story because he likes to see poor, sick, dispossessed people weeping and crying — suffering the righteous wrath of The LORD for their wickedness.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    And they wondered why “This Half Hour Hour” failed so miserably.

    I’ll bet that Jonah wet himself laughing when he saw “The Killing Fields.”

  6. Sharkey

    They’re figuring out which ones to send to Detroit – plenty of low cost housing there. (Pssst, Jonah, you’re gonna be the first…)

  7. Great Old Ones Party

    “We send off letters to governments to ask, ‘Is this true? What’s going on?’ and to please intervene.”

    “Aw, c’mon guyz! Please? Please intervene? C’mon. ILL SUK YUR DIK!!”

  8. Lascauxcaveman

    Heh. Jonah’s right, that is pretty hilarious.

    I laughteured* so hard I very nearly pissoired* in my very stylish gay French pantalons* and nearly spilled my champagne* on my transvestiteur* mistress.

    *May or may not be actual French words; I’m winging it sans dictionary.

  9. Sharkey

    [re=444026]glamourdammerung[/re]: You know who else forgot to put on “Liberal Fascism”, and is also not parody?

  10. Crank Tango

    Not a parody. Because a parody would actually be funny. And not just something fat geeky douchebags laugh at because the world is actually laughing at them.

  11. pampl

    Jonah’s a fat moron but he’s actually more informed here than Jim Newell is. The majority of the UN HCR is governments that regularly disappear or openly punish dissidents; this is like Inuits criticizing NY for being too cold.

  12. petehammer

    What if “poor person” meant “fetus” and “adequate housing” meant “womb”? Methinks Joanuh would favor such a UN investigation.

  13. Crank Tango

    [re=444047]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
    I rigolé* so hard I very nearly pissé in my very stylish gay French pantalons* and nearly spilled my champagne* on my travesti* mistress.
    /francisé

  14. LowerdPeninsula

    This is the difference between liberals and conservatives. The former laugh at grossly overcompensated business executives when they get pay cuts and whine about losing a vacation home in La Jolla; the latter laugh at poor folks being kicked out of their homes or living in squalor.

    That said, while I totally despised John Bolton, the UN is basically the place where the entire world even gets the chance to air its greivances against the United States. Not that we’re not often deserving of the attention and the criticism, to say the least, but a great deal of the world would blame us if the weather rained on their respective national holidays.

  15. hobospacejunkie

    [re=444053]pampl[/re]: You’re right. If someone criticizes someone for something they are also guilty of then it’s totally OK to do it! Fuck over those poor people New York, any criticism of you from hypocritical govts is invalid, pampers said so.

  16. grevillea

    Slumdog Wingnuts, Reality, PG. This week: With winter on the way, Team NRO is confident their high BMI will give them the edge in survival in their unheated studio. And will Ann or Michelle win the tranny hooker free clinic immunity challenge?

  17. chascates

    Jonah is happy that the U.S. always vetoes any attempt to criticize Israel for murdering the people living in its own country. Or, the people who lived in part of their own country before Israel invaded it.

  18. pampl

    [re=444063]hobospacejunkie[/re]:
    Ah OK, it’s fine that liberal reformers are being tortured for criticizing their government because they’re furrners. Better to support dictators than to dare think lower-middle class of NYC aren’t the most wretched and oppressed people in the world.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    [re=444053]pampl[/re]: The point is that J-Go contributes no actual thought to the post. He says it’s the story of the day, cuts-and-pastes a huge chunk of it, and then doesn’t even bother to offer a shred of analysis, a quip, anything. We might then infer that if Mr. Goldberg invests this level of intellectual rigor in his daily posts, it might be indicative of the intellectual honesty in such notable works as Liberal Fascism, his most striking contribution to the study of conservative retrohistorical pathology. It should give his supporters pause — were they intellectually curious enough to consider it.

  20. S.Luggo

    [re=444053]pampl[/re]: “The majority of the UN HCR is governments that regularly disappear or openly punish dissidents”

    Thank you for explaing the problem of affordable housing for trogs in NYC. Solution noted.

  21. Mr Blifil

    Someone send a rapportuer to Jonah’s brother’s campaign headquarters and discover why he turned purple.

  22. CapnFatback

    No, no, I totally get it. This is like the right-wing version of “The Aristocrats” joke, where the punchline is always the same; only the set-up changes. Only Jonah led off with the punchline.

    Try it this way for clarification:

    This is the best story of the day! Rumors that New York City’s lack of affordable housing violates human rights has the Human Rights Council of a certain international organization troubled–deeply, deeply troubled–to the point that it is dispatching “a special rapporteur on the right to adequate housing.” Guess which organization is so vexed? THE U.N.!

    Get it?

  23. CapnFatback

    [re=444074]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It should give his supporters pause

    . . . to devour yet one more package of Suzy-Qs.

  24. CaiteeCruelle

    “Ha ha ha! Look at the poor people crying about AIDS and no money! What pussies. Get a job, losers! What? Well, get ANOTHER job, losers!!

    Why would anybody think people being poor is like, a problem to be solved! And then!!! THEN!!! HAHAHAH!! These Franche-types investigate it! And.. and.. Oh this is killing me!! They try to solve it!! Hahahahahahaa!!”

    Hell, it’s 1am. Best I can do. Now I’m going to shower, curse Reagan for having wrought the utter destruction of the notion of social responsibility, and go to bed.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    [re=444083]CaiteeCruelle[/re]: Hey, the rich can solve their own problems — why can’t the poor?
    Laziness.

  26. obfuscator

    [re=444074]SayItWithWookies[/re]: he’s basically saying “here’s this thing i don’t agree with! like-minded people, read it and join me in my disdain! i’ll throw in a retarded comment of my own to serve as a profoundly half-assed attempt at witty observation. let’s all stand over it and jerk off on it like it’s ronald reagan’s withered corpse!(insert feverish fapping sound here)”

  27. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Yo yo yo yo so hear me now–
    This is RR the special rapporteur
    U.N. is kickin’ it live on the ground
    Right now
    MC Rolnik in the place to be,
    Uh, Brooklyn in the NYC
    Eminent domain is a stain I got to see
    People are sayin they want me to intervene
    I got a lot for the Gen Assembly
    Already
    It ain’t heady
    Some people lookin’ for a place to pee
    That’s steady
    Excuse me Mr. Goldberg
    You’re not inclined to think
    That these are real people
    And not just the stink
    In “your” subway
    ?

  28. Potater

    [re=444042]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Lordy, Canucki, get the name right. It was “The Half-Hour News Hour.” I won’t deny that they blatantly ripped off “This Hour Has 22 Minutes,” but they are distinctly different. One is a giant joke, and the other is This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

  29. Potater

    [re=444056]petehammer[/re]:
    But while it’s inside her
    It must remain intact
    And it cannot be murdered till it’s born

    It’s like a Bitternut haiku.

  30. hobospacejunkie

    [re=444068]pampl[/re]: You don’t have to be the most wretched & oppressed to deserve a fair shake, no matter who makes the point.

  31. S.Luggo

    [re=444040]AnSnarkist[/re]: What? The dispossessed are human? They have legs. They can always walk back the other way. Particularly the kids. Frisky.

  32. gurukalehuru

    Hahaha, Jonah Goldberg, we’re going to get health care reform with a public option, and you’re stupid and fat.
    Not a parody.

  33. S.Luggo

    One day, Jonah ben-Bergdorf, aka Prince Mishkin, discovered that the household dusky poors had not folded his silk panties and push-up bras the correct way within his perfumed abattoir. “Drat”, he sniffed, and ordered his Cossack retinue to mount revenge. The wild Rus knifed with sharp neocon critique the UN observation of the poors’ reliance on Amana refrigerator-boxes as homes above Manhattan steam grates. Lady Noonington saw a Mexican on Lexington and 65th. Reagan appeared. The special doctor was called.

    Thus it has been said, thus has it been written.

    Home, Jeeves. A hot bath. No salts. Phone off the hook.

    A parody.

  34. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=444097]S.Luggo[/re]: Did the jellybeans for the middle class poor trickle down the grates?

  35. hobospacejunkie

    “And say I to you, go forth and kill the poors. But first make them toil. And suffer. For that shall greatly amuse me. For I am fat, stupid and venal,” said Jonah, as he removed his formerly tumescent penis from the Twinkie, having filled it.

  36. 4tehlulz

    Remember that one time in Oliver twist when the poor asked for seconds and hammered by a ladle? THAT WAS THE BEST. Dickens was the best comedy writer eva!!!

  37. Way Cool Larry

    The story is not un-amusing, but of course consrvatards think the UN is basically a huge joke– so the combination here is for them, comedy gold. OF COURSE he can’t comprehend that there is a serious issue here.

  38. finallyhappy

    The UN HRC is a stupid joke. Honor killings, womens rights(or total lack thereof), child prostitution, children soldiers, slavery, genocide- all of that is way too hard for them or too politically difficult(not really but you get my drift). The UN is good for one thing- the various employees spend a lot of money in NYC(but frequently money that should be used in the very poor countries the delegates and staff come from)

  39. BlueStateLibtard

    I started chuckling at just the mention of Jonah Goldberg’s name, I didn’t even have to read the story! So, there, Jonah, you are even more super funny than even you think!

  40. PsycGirl

    [re=444112]4tehlulz[/re]: No, no, the Russian roulette (French word!) scene in The Deerhunter was the best comedy scene ever. That Oliver Twist scene is a close second, though.

  41. Larry McAwful

    If Jonah Goldberg needs some more useful French phrases, I suggest he learn “Je ne suis qu’un suceur des pipis des chiens, et une poupée bête de la droite.” That means, “I’m nothing but a sucker of dogs’ balls and a stupid puppet of the right wing.” He would find lots of uses for that one.

  42. mumblyjoe

    Umm, I’m pretty sure Jonah Goldberg *is* a parody. At least, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I hadn’t convinced myself of such.

  43. Crow T. Robot

    & remember as well–Jonah can spell.

    He’s proud of that fact!

    Never forget–Jonah Goldberg: competent speller.

  44. P Drizzle

    Somebody needs to point out the inefficiency and frequent hypocrisy of the HRC, but that person is definitely not fat-ass McRetard here. I see where he wants to go with this joke but he draws in very broad, doughy circles.

  45. norbizness

    Water being wet is more of a story than Jonah being dumb; I wish we’d stop elevating this twunt with constant links.

  46. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, Goldberg is not a parody? No way. There is no way anyone could actually be that dumb and not be institutionalized.

Comments are closed.